Weekend Radar

Your most trusted-trusted source for all-things Oklahoma City is back with its weekly feature, TLO Weekend Radar, highlighting a few of the most promising happenings in the metro.

This weekend the weather is very Oklahoma-y. But let’s be honest, we’re used to it being weird in April. Check your warm clothes for spiders and head out to watch ninjas ninja, footballers football, and songwriters sing stuff they wrote.  

Paul Scott forced to apologize to Senate for playing childish prank on Carri Hicks…

Oklahoma lawmakers are still holding true to their immature, frat house ways.

We’ve learned via the Ogle Mole Network that our old pal Paul Scott – the embarrassing Republican State Senator from Duncan who cyberbullies his own constituents – was forced to issue a formal apology to the Senate for playing an immature, childish prank on brand-new Democratic Senate colleague Carri Hicks.

Here are the details…

One morning back in February, Paul Scott tippy-toed into the Senate before session and unscrewed a roller on Carri Hicks’s chair. He also hid her microphone. There’s no word on if he put tape under her mouse, or encased her stapler in Jell-O .

Later that morning, when Hicks arrived for work and attempted to take her seat, the chair gave way, causing Carri to fall to the floor. Startled, confused and hoping she didn’t just flash the world in her dress, she left the Senate chambers to compose herself like a Bachelor contestant who learned she didn’t receive a rose.

Usually, after playing a stupid prank like that, the culprit will come forward, help the victim laugh it off, and then everyone will go play on the big toy at recess. As least that’s how things worked when I was in elementary school.

Paul Scott, on the other hand, does things a little differently. As opposed to admitting that he committed the prank, or even (gasp!) apologizing, he went silent and didn’t fess up. Classy, huh?

As a result, the Senate launched a formal investigation and pulled video to see who removed the roller from the chair. Soon after, Scott admitted guilt, and issued this non-apology apology to Senate Chairman Jason Smalley:

Teachers are your Ogle Madness XII Champions!!!

After three weeks of voting, thousands of votes cast, and a few controversies, the winner of Ogle Madness XII has been declared – Teachers!

Yep, that’s right, those unsung heroes of the classroom actually won something in the state of Oklahoma. Considering they had the backing of their union, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised:

Perhaps this victory will translate to the Oklahoma Legislature, and teachers can get some more funding for classrooms? Haha. Just kidding. We know lawmakers won’t let that happen.

With all apologies to Steven Adams, we couldn’t be happier with the teachers who haven’t left the state yet for winning the Ogle Madness Crown. They have always been a loyal member of our viewing audience and account for many quality page views. Their journey through the bracket was as cool as getting to chose your own grade.

Teachers march through the bracket was perilous and came with many obstacles. They took down an idiot, food product, watermelon queen, severe weather babe and two Thunder hoopers:

Woman steals water truck from Sapulpa Walmart parking lot to outrun “zombies”

I’ve always been a fan of apocalyptic zombie movies. I remember being a teenager and watching Zombieland on the portable DVD player my cousin snuck into church camp.

For those of you who are uncultured swine and have never seen the movie, Zombieland is a post-apocalyptic movie in which Woody Harrelson and a group of teens travel across the U.S. of A. outrunning zombies and smoking dope with Bill Murray. In the lawless land of the film, the protagonists steal food, guns, and trucks in an effort to gather enough supplies to survive to safety. So I can understand where Tamanda Billings was coming from when she stole a truck during the recent Tulsa County-wide zombie infestation.

Via The Smoking Gun

7 Other Ways for Oklahoma Teachers to Defend Themselves

On Tuesday, the Oklahoma Senate approved a measure to make it easier for school faculty and personnel to carry firearms in public schools. I’m beginning to believe that lawmakers think they can shoot their way out of any situation. Lack of funding for schools? Give the faculty weapons. Traffic on the highway? Blow out a tire with a well-placed bullet. You get the idea.

Via The Oklahoman:

The bill presented by Republicans Sen. David Bullard and Rep. Sean Roberts would reduce training requirements for school staff to carry guns on campus by stipulating staffers with a valid Oklahoma Handgun License would be eligible to be armed at school.

In 2015, state lawmakers approved a bill to allow staff to carry a gun inside a school, essentially requiring the individual to complete the same training as an armed security guard or reserve peace officer.

Personally, nothing is more of a middle-finger to educators than giving them weapons rather than a raise. Instead, we decided to give these teachers some alternatives to defend themselves from possible assailants.

(1) Flamethrowers

The kids love ’em. Let those hoodlums feel the righteousness of Oklahoma heat. These weapons can be used as a sort of multi-tool kit. While teachers can roast the criminals affecting your classroom, they can also use the flames for various classes, or simply de-ice the parking lot. They could also burn their last shred of hope that the Oklahoma legislature is going to give a shit about anything else other than oil, football and Jesus.

(2) Throwing Axes

TLO Investigates: The Curious Case of the $1.1-million Capitol Crane

On a sunny day outside the Oklahoma capitol, a massive tower crane lifted a symbol of what some say is a true waste of taxpayer dollars – a portable toilet.

As it was hoisted to a new location amid the construction, onlookers snapped a photograph that would be shared throughout the capitol, causing lawmakers, elected officials and people who really need to go to the bathroom wonder why such an expensive piece of construction equipment was needed at all.

According to records from the Office of Management and Enterprise services, the crane is costing taxpayers $1.1-million. That includes the cost of the operator of the crane at $227,020.

However, any casual observer of the capitol construction would note the crane, when it isn’t lifting portable toilets, goes unused on most days.

It makes one wonder the purpose of the crane. Is it being kept around as a symbol of Oklahoma growth, or do lawmakers have it on stand by to assist in the construction of the next American Ninja Warrior obstacle course?

We asked Shelly Zumwalt, the spokesperson for OMES, to explain:

Oklahoma leads the way in copy and paste legislation…

Followers of this site won’t be shocked by the fact that special interest groups overwhelmingly control our state legislature. Whether lawmakers are defending oil overlords, the tobacco industry, huge beer corporations, or even their own colleagues who choose to leave public service for the noble pursuit of persuading the government to bow to corporate desires, we all figured that those who line the pockets write the laws.

Our worst fears have been confirmed. From News9: