Top 8 ways presidential candidates can pander to the average Oklahoman

Happy Monday, my fellow Oklahomans! We are approximately 400 days away from the next election for the President of the United States. Though we still have over a year until Oklahomans band together to try to prove to the rest of the country that we can’t put more thought behind a ballot than what it takes to mark the “straight party voting” option, candidates such as Beto O’Rourke, Corey Booker, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warran have already made stops to campaign in our state. But everyone knows that if you want to become president, it takes more than having a solid platform and actual plans to better our country to win the election. So here are 8 ways presidential candidates can pander to Oklahomans.

She’s Baaaaaaaaaaack!

Christmas has come a little early here at The Lost Ogle International Headquarters!

Earlier today, embattled former Oklahoma State School Superintendent Janet Barresi – a politician who was so universally loathed that she finished third in her re-election primary – announced today she is running for U.S. Congress.

From The Oklahoman:

Republican Janet Barresi, a former dentist who served one term as state school superintendent, joined a crowded primary field on Wednesday for the 5th District congressional seat held by Democratic Rep. Kendra Horn.

Barresi, 67, said she was running for the seat “because our values are under assault by radical Washington liberals.”

I have a question here. Are we talking “BMX  / Surfer / Ninja Turtle” radical, or just “Crazy Old Lady That Wants To Flunk A Lot Of Third Graders” radical. I think we already know what type Janet is.

I talked to one Ogle Mole about Janet’s decision to run. The Mole aptly described it as “incredibly stupid.” Just by looking at Janet’s past, that seems like an accurate assessment:

Oklahoma lawmakers don’t want to impeach Trump

We all know that Donald Trump is a cool guy. He’s got a great haircut. His suits always fit well and don’t look like they were made for three children standing on each other’s shoulders so they can get into an R-rated movie. And his Twitter account is as entertaining as any of our favorite comedians, using clever zingers and one-liners and a command of the English language that puts TLO to shame.

But apparently, there’s a push to get him out of office. I can’t fathom why, he is the president, after all. It’s an infallible position to be in, even if he didn’t win the popular vote. I’ve been reading all of his hilarious and informative tweets, and it’s pretty convincing that there is a witch hunt against him, because that’s the way he described it and he’s the president, so :shrugs: ? Like, the guy ran on a platform of ‘draining the swamp,’ so there is no possible way he is corrupt.

Thankfully, seemingly ever elected congressperson in Oklahoma agrees that it would be ridiculous to seek impeachment. Obviously, state Republicans want to see these allegations thrown out the window, as News On 6 reports:

Touch of Grey: Becoming a Middle-Aged Record Collector at Trolley Stop Record Shop

A couple of years ago, I used to dwell about a block or two from Guestroom Records; I didn’t know just how good I had it then, because I very rarely would ever walk there, the huffing and puffing far too strenuous on my engorged ticker. But now, living roughly half a mile from the Trolley Stop Record Shop, 1212 N. Penn Ave., it’s the replacement record store that I walk to at least once a week, typically at a medium pace, usually to the tune of “Shakedown Street” in my headphones.

Standing around the roomy shop, sifting through the voluminous bins of old albums, I’ve come to an aged realization: now, at 41, I’m officially in the process of becoming one of the “old” guys that hang out in used record stores for hours on end. While I don’t have long white hair or a tie-dye t-shirt—give it time, I tell myself—I do find myself interjecting years worth of useless musical knowledge into discussions about what session players were on Steely Dan’s Gaucho.

OU students ditch Pledge of Allegiance for the sake of wokeness

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America…”

You know the rest. It’s burned into our brains the minute we step into elementary school. We don’t think about the pledge much once we’re not required to recite it every morning. For some legislators-in-training, they never forgot. In the age of wokeness, they saw this as an opportunity that couldn’t be passed up.

Via OU Daily:

Local seafood restaurant shames woman for allegedly not paying her bill

We can go back and forth about whether or not internet outrage and shaming culture is a good thing. Personally, I think it does more good than bad, because if you’re not doing creepy/illegal/assholish things, there’s not much to worry about.

But sometimes there’s a situation where someone didn’t do anything wrong and catches the wrath of hundreds or thousands of people who aren’t connected to the situation. This recent incident falls into that, “Who fuckin’ knows?” grey area.

From KOCO:

A mother of two says she was publicly shamed when a metro-area restaurant posted a picture of her face and her receipt on Facebook, claiming she didn’t pay her bill.

Tiara Lee said she woke up Sunday morning to find the post by a seafood restaurant near Northwest 34th Street and Classen Boulevard.

“My heart dropped,” Lee said.

Lee told KOCO 5 that, because no one was at the register, she paid $100 to her server after having dinner with her two children.

“It was a $100 bill. I told him to keep the change because it would be $5.40. ‘Just keep the change,'” Lee said.

Who just hands $100 to a server at a seafood restaurant instead of waiting for the cashier?? Probably the type of person who thinks it’s cool to tip $5.40 on a $95 tab.

Here’s more:

Oklahoma Lawmaker Rants About “Silly” Women Wanting to Go Topless…

The guy pictured above is Oklahoma State Rep Jim Olsen. Like most evangelical Oklahoma Republicans, he’s a churchy, tough-on-crime lawmaker from Sallisaw who apparently spends his afternoons thinking about topless women.

We know this thanks to this Facebook post that’s been making the rounds in both the local left-wing and right-wing Oklahoma echo chambers. It reads like the world’s saddest “I can’t believe I’m writing this” Penthouse letter:

TLO Restaurant Review: Café Do Brasil

I recently had a successful brunch date at Café Do Brasil, 440 N.W. 11th—successful in that, when she excused herself to use the restroom, she didn’t make a run for it through the kitchen’s backdoor—and, even though I am, for the most part, against the aging hipster ritual of weekend brunch, it was a beautiful afternoon for it, even if the reservations I made (to impress her, natch) were mostly not necessary.

As we were led to our seats, I was strangely taken aback by how much space there is in the main dining room; for most of my visits to Café Do Brasil over the years, many of them had been upstairs, in their swank bar that overlooks Midtown which, at dusk, is something truly romantic to gaze at and even more so when you actually have someone to gaze at it with.

Or so I’ve been told.