8 sexiest buildings in Oklahoma

The lobster has been cracked, the steak’s been seared, and the creme brulee blow torched. The last glass of wine was served, and now Valentine’s Day is over. But the passion still rages in my turgid loins, and spills out onto everything I see.

This week, I feel the fetish that only the Lackmeyer’s of the world understand: I’m horny for buildings. That’s right, I’ve been opening up private browser tabs, scouring the darkest recesses of the internet for only the sexiest feats of engineering. I don’t look at Architectural Digest for the articles, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

I’ve compiled a list of the eight buildings in Oklahoma that turn me on the most. Make sure to let me know which ones I’ve left out:

1. The Nipple Church

This is the building that started the whole fascination for me. Like the soft and pale bosom of a reclining lover, it rises from the bottom of a hill on 36th street, coaxing passerby with its sweet slope.

Great, now Oklahoma politicians are coming after the judicial branch….

Even though they ruled against us in our open records lawsuits a few years ago, we still like to give it up to the Oklahoma judicial branch for being the last remaining source of semi-sanity in Oklahoma state government. Sure, the courts may have cozy relationships with law enforcement and some judges may pump their penis in court or dabble in pro wrestling, but for the most part, we can count on them to be a firewall that blocks all the discriminatory, unconstitutional laws our Derplahoman lawmakers and governor try to force down our throats.

Well, that is unless Mary Fallin and some of her pals in the Oklahoma legislature get their way. They’re both taking steps to try to bring the judicial branch down to their sad, ideological level…

Last week, Governor Mary selected Patrick Wyrick to serve on the Oklahoma Supreme Court. He’s a 35-year-old solicitor general for the Attorney’s General office. His big claim to legal fame is being called out for lying to the US Supreme Court, which is probably what helped secure the appointment.

Via NewsOK.com:

Henryetta bans Valentine’s Dance because dancing is bad…

In 1984, quite possibly the greatest American movie to ever perfectly champion this country’s indomitable human spirit in the face of unrivaled fascism, Footloose, was released to audiences, becoming one of the biggest films of all time and introducing the phrase “everybody cut, everybody cut, everybody cut footloose” to the American vernacular.

Footloose is the story of big league city boy Ren (Kevin Bacon), just your average cool dude that loves to practice highly-stylized Batman-level feats of rhythmic gymnastics in empty train-yards and grain silos every chance he gets, and the harsh opposition from the theocratic local government (led by John Lithgow) he is met with while attempting to put on a simple spring formal dance in the face of an archaic city ordinance forbidding dancing, and, more than likely, prancing as well.

Eventually, through Bible-quotations and booty-shaking, he is able to get the town to see the error of their non-Footloose ways and, by the end, Beaumont’s entire teen populace miraculously knows amazing amounts of choreography, including breakdancing and the Russian dance where you kick your feet up while clapping your hands.

Little did Hollywood or the rest of America know that this was actually based on a true story out of the small Okie town of Elmore City where dancing was outlawed for reals. The ban was eventually lifted and now, every year, the town has a city-wide Footloose celebration to celebrate those bygone days.

Sadly, just when we thought such archaic laws were a thing of the embarrassing past, there’s apparently one town in Oklahoma tonight where, on this, the most romantic night of nights, no one will be hearing it for the boy, dancing in the sheets or reaching almost paradise…

In what can only be described as a real-life re-imagining, the Oklahoma town of Henryetta has just upheld a similar city ordinance against a Valentine’s Day dance when a local biddy, Robbie Kinney, complained that the shindig violates a 1979 ordinance that forbids dancing within 500 feet of a church.

From NBC News:

Molded animal machines are returning to the OKC Zoo. You’re welcome.

Over the past three or four years, I’ve made it my personal mission to bring back Mold-A-Rama’s machines to the Oklahoma City Zoo. Remember them? They were those gigantic retro relics from a better past that would spit out wax mold figurines of various zoo creatures. They were amazing. Not only were they molded before your very eyes, giving you a fun, memorable collectible that would last forever if you didn’t leave it in a hot car, but their strong smell alerted all the other kids at the zoo to how cool you were and helped cover up the stench of the pachyderm exhibit.

I took the mission to bring back the Mold-A-Ramas very seriously. In fact, I even pressed Mayor Mick and Councilman Ed on the issue during our mayoral candidate Q&As back in 2014. This was Mayor Mick’s response.

Yeah, Mayor Cornett totally dodged the question and popped the Monkey Ship member berries. It sunk during the great zoo flood of 1984. There were no survivors.

Councilman Shadid took our question a bit more seriously:

Score one for Ed Shadid! Apparently he did very well! Thanks to our question, he went into action and pressed zoo leadership to bring back Mold-A-Rama. It worked.

Via NewsOK.com

7 Valentines for Okies we love…

We spend a lot of time on The Lost Ogle being snarky, cynical haters. But tomorrow is a special holiday for showing recognition to those whom you love. Instead of putting more negativity into the world, we decided to come out to our not-so-secret crushes and drop some Valentine’s Day cards into the white paper sacks on our loved one’s desks (did everyone else do that in elementary school?).

Pop open a box of those chalky candy hearts and peek inside these VD cards we made for some of the people in Oklahoma that we’ve got the hots for:

-Blind Date

To be fair, we didn’t really know you when we first went out with you. And on that initial blind date, we didn’t really hit it off. But when it’s meant to be, things work out in the end. We were shot through the heart by Cupid’s arrow, and ever since, our souls have soared like a free bird. This Valentine’s Day, we hope we can still call you Superman…

-Damon Lane

It doesn’t matter if sometimes your forecasts aren’t accurate. Every time you step in front of that green screen to show us the highs and lows, it makes my barometric pressure soar. When severe weather threatens and a rain shaft appears, I switch back and forth between you and Mike Morgan, fantasizing about a multiple-vortex event.