The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

The Oklahoma Gazette is desperate and thankful…

wayne coyne gazette

Back in October, we called out the Oklahoma Gazette for thinking Wayne Coyne is still cool and respected and for putting him on their front cover.

Here’s how I closed the post:

Is anyone else getting concerned about the Gazette? It used to be one of my favorite things to read, but over the past few years it’s really gone downhill. It’s totally lost its edge. It reminds of that cool older cousin we all had as kids. You know, the graphic designer who worked for an ad agency, lived downtown and had the awesome CD collection, but then went out and grew up, got married, had kids and is now so out of touch with the music scene that he or she thinks Wayne Coyne is still cool.

The Gazette took the jab pretty well. If anything, I bet they appreciated the heads up. “Wayne Coyne isn’t cool anymore? Who knew?!” They sent me this funny pic as a response, and then about a week later, the weekly’s staff writer, Ben Felder, sent me the following request:

I have been tasked with the cover for Thanksgiving. I am trying to avoid the standard “Thankful for OKC” stuff and have put together a small group of OKC residents who are each giving me a reason they are thankful to call Oklahoma City home, but the answers are meant to be more creative and quirky than the typical “I’m thankful for good people and cheap gas.” In fact, some of the answers are kind of backhanded complements to the city. I’d like to have you be one of the people we use in the story.
If you are open to it, here are two things we would need….
1) At some point I would interview you about your reason(s) you are thankful for OKC. Remember, anything goes and it would be expected that you are in full Lost Ogle form.
2) We are getting a photo of each person with something related to thanksgiving. I have a person eating a turkey leg, an artist with a crappy turkey painting, etc… For you, I’d like for you to wear a turkey costume we have, standing there with a deadpan look. If you’re game, that would be our cover. I think it would be funny and would help us tap into Thanksgiving without being too cliche. We have the costume and would shoot it here at our studio.

Yes, the Gazette wanted to run a non-cliché Thanksgiving story by having people share the reasons they are thankful to live in Oklahoma City. No cliché there! It’s about as original as a “Best Of” or “40 Under 40″ feature. Maybe in December they’ll have a few residents share their Christmas wishes for the city.

Actually, I was flattered by the Gazette’s request. It’s an honor that the local alternative weekly – in a sly, passive aggressive attempt to get even with me for my digs and criticism – wanted to dress me up in a turkey costume and make me look like a fool on their front cover. I agreed to participate and wear the costume, but on one table-turning condition…

I’ll do it… but only if I get to wear the Wayne Coyne Halloween Mask…

Here’s the deal. I’m a control freak, asshole, and protective of our weird little brand. If you’re going to make me the butt of a joke on your cover, you’re going to be part of it. I thought wearing the ridiculously out-of-touch mask would be a good, semi-funny comprise, and make light of the frenemy relationship / sibling rivalry with have the Gazette.

Surprisingly, Ben agreed:

Wearing the Coyne mask would actually be pretty funny. Do you have any time to come by the office Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning?

In all honesty, I was shocked. The Gazette really agreed to something like that? I thought they lost their sense of humor years ago. What’s next? Funny, snarky opinion columns? Food reviews that are actually critical? Bringing back the angry old man who wrote the movie reviews? Maybe times are changing.

The following Monday, I stopped by the Gazette offices on 36th and Shartel for the photoshoot. Ben Felder and the paper’s photographer, Mark Hancock, took me to a back room where a huge turkey costume was waiting. I looked around and didn’t notice the Wayne Coyne mask anywhere, so I asked:

“Did you all cut out a Wayne Coyne mask?”

There were a few seconds of awkward silence. Mark, the photographer, then nervously spoke up and said something like “Haha, yeah, we’ll have to do a couple of shots with that. That will be funny.”

I then replied with a “Well, I hope so, because I’m only doing this if I get to wear the Wayne Coyne Halloween mask.”

At that point, the look on Ben’s face kind of mimicked Munch’s Scream. He explained that he thought I was joking. He and Mark then spent a couple of minutes trying to convince me that appearing on the cover of a fledgling alternative weekly dressed up in a turkey costume would be funny and great publicity for the website. I wasn’t having any of it.I shook their hands, half apologized for the “mix-up,” and went home.

I’m telling you this drawn out, boring story because the Gazette’s “Non-Cliche” Thanksgiving issue came out today. Let’s see who they duped into dressing up in a turkey costume for the front cover. I bet it was either Wayne Coyne, Hipster Boo Boo or a ginger. Those people will do anything for attention and have no self-awareness.

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The Most Depressing Places to be in OKC for Thanksgiving…

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While it’s nowhere near as suicide-inducing as being alone on Christmas, it still sucks pretty hard to be alone on Thanksgiving. The nagging knowledge that, out there right now, people have forgotten all about you, cold and alone in your dark dwelling, routinely contemplating between popping a DVD or a full bottle of pills, nowhere to go and no one to love you.

I feel ya, kid. When I moved back to Oklahoma City from Colorado, I had all these grand designs in my head that, maybe after a decade away, my family had changed and we’d have these wonderful semi-Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving celebrations together, but here it is again, a few years back, and it hasn’t happened yet. It will probably never happen. So, of course, you learn to make due. You learn to create your own celebrations. You learn to live (or die) within that frame of reference.

Over the past couple years, however, in searching for an alternative Thanksgiving, I’ve only found even more pain and sadness out there. Truth be told, in Oklahoma City, it’s probably just best to keep your ass at home and let nature takes its course. Here are a few places to emotionally avoid on this magical holiday, all based on personal experiences, of course.

buyless

The Buy for Less at 23rd and Penn

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Samaje Perine got the Taiwanese Animators treatment…

If Saturday left any doubts, Samaje Perine has officially made it.

Yesterday, the Taiwanese Animators released a video recapping the OU running back’s record-setting day in Gaylord Oklahoma Memorial, or as OSU fans like to call it, The Big Gay.

The video is amazingly accurate in its storytelling. It shows stereotypical rain-soaked OU fans enjoying the game…

perine animation 2

Sterling Shepard using a toy he bought from Patricia’s (or the Hustler Store) to massage his groin…

perine animation 4

And KU defenders showcasing their tackling skills…

perine animation 3

Check out the entire video after the jump. You’ll probably want to watch it three or four times like I just did…

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People in Owasso have bad taste in Christmas decorations

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Just in case you were unaware, Thanksgiving is this week. After this week is the Christmas season. That’s when it’s totally kosher to start decorating for Christmas. I thought I would make that clear, because Walmart puts out Christmas shit in September. This throws off my Seasonal Affective Disorder, and makes me depressed while it’s still technically summer.

And some of you eager beavers are just as bad as Walmart, what with putting up decorations before you’ve even cooked your turkey–like Santa can fill those stockings before your dad takes a post-Thanksgiving nap while watching the football game. Then, some of you are just bad at decorating. Like people in Owasso, who have really bad taste in Christmas decorations. According to News9.com:

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10 Oklahoman Reporters, Now and Then…

grumpy catgrumpy cat

The buzzfeedification of NewsOK.com is not slowing down.

Over the weekend, the website published a list of “10 Famous Oklahomans, Then and Now.” Just like other recent clickbait attempts, such as the sappy “5 Things Only Oklahomans Would Understand” and incredibly boring “10 Facts About Oklahoma You Might Not Have Known,” the article has been plastered all over NewsOK.com and has received 40,000 views in the last 24 hours.

Since we also want to get a lot of page views, we decided to come up with a list of “10 Oklahoma Reporters, Now and Then.” It’s LOL adorable.

The post is part of our renewed commitment to ridicule and mock the The Oklahoman whenever possible. I think we’re going to do something like this as a response to all their awful clickbait, so next week when you see a post on here titled “10 Oklahoma Country Musicians Who Don’t Look Like Cats” or “You Won’t Believe What Happens When This Dog Reads a Jenni Carlson Column,” you’ll understand why.

Anyway, to the post. Here are 10 Oklahoman Reporters, Now and Then…

berry tramel before and after

10. Boomer (Berry) Tramel

According to sources, Boomer Tramel didn’t smoke a lot of pot in college. He’s just one of those guys who permanently looks, acts, thinks, and speaks like he just rolled a joint in a gas station bathroom.

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