I was running some errands yesterday in NW OKC and spotted this on the back of a Mercury Villager minivan.
When I noticed the sticker, I thought “Yeah right… there’s no way someone is driving around town with a porn site ad on the back of their minivan. It’s probably just a weird goth band or something.” So I grabbed my phone, went to GirlsChoke.com, and, well, yes way, someone is totally driving around town with a porn site sticker on the back of their minivan.
That may seem a little weird, tacky and gross, but at least there were not any stick figures having an orgy on the bottom right corner of the window. Also, the ad does provide a public service. Apparently there are some people out there who are not aware there’s an ample supply of free pornography on the internet. And of course, these people live in Lawton.
We know this thanks to Anthony Mercier. He was recently busted trying to steal $1,200 worth of “porn” from a Lawton video store.
A Lawton man is behind bars after he stole nearly $1,200 in pornography from Family Video.
Okay, let’s just stop it right there and address some questions…
1. Oklahoma video stores can sell porn? Unless our legislature recently changed some laws at the Blue House, the answer is “No.” Oklahoma retail outlets are only able to sell 3.2% porn. You know, stuff like “Red Shoe Diaries” or “Rochelle! Rochelle!”
2. Family Video has an adult video section? That may be the greatest oxymoron of all time. Before you know it, Mardel will start selling biblical erotica and Family Leisure will let swingers have sex in the showroom hot tubs.
3. Why was the guy stealing from Family Video? Isn’t this the same place that lets you rent 10 movies for $1 without any late fees? That would be like jacking a pizza from Cici’s. It’s about as stupid as paying for porn.
Here’s the rest of the story. Like most things in Lawton, it involves cigarette lighters and the smell of burning plastic:
As you may have heard, there is a “big to-do” about Obama and immigration. Many are not happy about the President’s “executive orders.” They are also unhappy about Obama passing over the rusted, broken bike chain that is Congress and making a decision. This intro is not about that.
What it is about is Patrick.
His middle name is “executive order.” Here at the Ogle Complex, Patrick, or as well call him, “Okie Nero,” rules the roost. If Patrick wants a Sonic Blackberry Pineapple Splash at 2 a.m., you get him a Sonic Blackberry Pineapple Splash at 2 a.m. How does he relay this information to us? We have one of those Bluetooth ear clips on 24/7.
One time he demanded a new combination lock at 3:45 in the morning. After I finished crying from the fright of his piercing scream into my ear canal while I was sleeping, I drove to Wal-Mart, bought the lock and sped to HQ as fast as possible. Yes, Patrick lives at TLO HQ. I handed him the lock, he smiled and said “Thanks,” threw the lock in garbage and said “but no thanks.” I cried again and began writing all of his posts that I do not get credit for.
It’s a hard life here at the complex, but I make do. He pays us in change and usually half of it is Canadian quarters. One day all this hard work will land me to my dream…..my own TLO South Park avatar. That’s when you know you made it.
(Editor’s Note: That was weird.)
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Every now and then, we like to take a look at some recent OKC Missed Connections posted to Craigslist. We do this to:
A) Feel better about ourselves
B) Live life vicariously through the minds of stalkers
C) Double check that we’re not listed in any of them
Anyway, with all the local criminals, idiots, media personalities, politicians, and Hipster Boo Boo’s apparently taking time off this week for an early Thanksgiving, I thought this would be a good time to see what sad, lonely, missed connections are out there.
Let’s take a look…
I know we live in Oklahoma and anything is possible, but I question the legitimacy of this post. The only part I really believe is that the guy was drunk, peed in the flowers and called someone a derogatory racist name, as opposed to a complimentary one.
Also, instead of setting up DUI checkpoints on random roads and inconveniencing law-abiding citizens, shouldn’t the Oklahoma County Sheriff just set up outside a Taco Bell or Jack In The Box on a Saturday night? They’ll catch so many intoxicated drivers that they’ll run out of room in the jail.
Isn’t this woman a little too picky to be meeting people on Craigslist? I’m pretty sure that 90% of the people who respond to these ads have eyes that point in opposite directions. It makes the bottom of the barrel look like a clean, well-lit place.
Also, I like how this “scholar” wants to have her first lesbian encounter be with a total stranger from the Internet, but she’s the one who wants to make sure the other person is not a psycho.
When 107.7 The Franchise launched last fall, their big hire was former Sooner great Tony Casillas. Matched up in the afternoon drive against Traber and Eschbach on The Sports Animal, he was going to bring a different style of sports talk to Oklahoma City radio. As billboards and bus benches around town told us, it was going to be some “Sports Talk with Balls.”
Unfortunately, someone forgot to put some air in those balls, because Tony Casillas was incredibly flat. He had the energy of a Koala and the vocabulary of a football player. His radio show was about as fun as wearing wet socks. If Regular Jim Traber is the radio equivalent to watching a train wreck, then Tony Casillas is like being stopped at a railroad crossing during rush hour in Edmond.
With Casillas now going back to living off the millions he made as a professional athlete, The Franchise has made some changes to their lineup and moved some people around. The most noticeable is promoting former Oklahoma State offensive lineman Sam Mayes to the coveted 3pm – 6pm slot.
Yes, you read that right, the flagship radio station for Sooner athletics is going to have an OSU homer lead their programming. As Mike Gundy would say, that makes me wanna puke.
Here is Sam’s tweet about the news:
The list of things that can kill you in Oklahoma continues to grow.
In addition to tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, wildfires, blizzards, heat, and mountain lions, now we have to worry about meteorites.
Need proof? Check out this YouTube video of what some guy claims is a meteor exploding in the sky over Edmond this morning.
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