Constance Johnson has filed an amendment that forces rapists to get vasectomies and financially provide for their offspring!
Well, it looks like Senator Constance Johnson is at it again!
Last week, we were the first “media outlet” to report on the failed “every sperm is sacred” amendment that Senator Johnson’s tried to attach to the Personhood Act. Now we’ve learned that she’s filed a more reasonable amendment to the bizarre pro-life legislation.
This one, we’ll call it the Rapist Vasectomy Amendment, will force rapists who impregnate their victims to receive a vasectomy and be financially responsible for the offspring until the age of 21.
Sounds cool, huh? Here is the language:
Popularity: 2% [?]
Is Chesapeake Energy about to go bankrupt?
There are certain rules you have to follow if you want to work in the Oklahoma City media. One of the most important is to never produce a story that criticizes or questions one of our local energy companies. News stories like that are simply not allowed. Instead, you have to write an article that highlights the wonders of CNG, how awesome fracking is, and all the good things corporations like Chesapeake do for our rowing community.
Fortunately for us, Forbes energy reporter Christopher Helman does not live in Oklahoma. That means the local media rules don’t apply to him. He gets to be an actual reporter and report on news we may want to know about, including the real scary stuff like how Chesapeake Energy is running out of cash and flirting with bankruptcy.
From a story on Forbes.com:
Popularity: 6% [?]
Okie fan fiction: Part 2
Okie fan fiction is what happens when Marisa is supposed to write a post, but wasn’t assigned a topic. She’s great at following directions, but when you leave her alone, she imagines that the world of Oklahoma media and politics is a world of intrigue, where only she can bring justice.
Everyone seemed to dissipate as B.J. Wexler emerged from the shadows. I could smell that buttery topping on his popcorn like it was his cologne. Hell, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was his cologne. It wasn’t hard to imagine him holding up the line at AMC for the butter dispenser as he dabbed it on his neck. I smiled at the idea.
“You won’t be smiling for long,” he said, as he led me into some old building.
I almost started to panic because I didn’t know where we were going or even where I was. As a suburban OKC metro girl, I never really know what’s going on in the city. And that went double for Downtown. But I followed him into the shadowy bowels of the building, taking staircases that wound ever deeper into what I assumed was the first level of Hell.
We stopped abruptly and I waited for B.J. to unlock a large metal door. Goosebumps danced their way up my arms and neck.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said, not even sure what it was he was doing. I wondered if I should run. But knowing Wexler, there were all manner of hungry OETA interns waiting in the shadows to pounce if I did. They all wanted a job after college, and they knew they could get one if the just pleased Wexler.
“Oh, I do have to,” he said pulling the door open. “After you.” He motioned me into a pitch-black room.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Nobody Believes in the Thunder
As the NBA season nears the mid-way point, the Oklahoma City Thunder enjoy the best record in the league. In racing out to that great start, the team has been buoyed by the leagues third best scorer (Kevin Durant), third best ball thief (Russell Westbrook), third best shot blocker (Serge Ibaka), and the consensus best bench player (James Harden). They have won when it was close (winning 4 out of 5 games decided by 3 points or less), they have won in blowouts (11-4 in games decided by ten points or more), they have beaten good teams (12-4 against teams that have better than .500 winning percentages), and most importantly, they’ve just won (22-6, 2 1/2 games better than anyone else in the Western Conference).
Yet for some reason, the national analysts are not impressed by the team. ESPN.com’s John Hollinger has the Thunder ranked sixth on his power rankings. Among the five teams with worse records than OKC he has in front of OKC is Portland whose record would not even get them in the playoffs if those started today. Similarly, the website’s Marc Stein only ranks Thunder as a fringe top-5. TNT’s Charles Barkley consistently downplays Oklahoma City’s legitimacy as a title contender by suggesting the team relies too much on only three scorers (Durant, Westbrook, and Harden score 65.6% of the teams points). Meanwhile, Barkley has no qualms about the Miami Heat’s chances despite their three stars accounting for 66.9% of their points.
The lack of respect is probably a good thing. How often to champions speak in the post-game celebration about how everyone believed in them even when the team had doubts about their abilities? I’ll tell you how often: never. Regardless of who wins, the team’s star always gives a shout out to those who doubted them. Thunder star Kevin Durant has already begun to bristle about nay-sayers.
In response to public euphoria about Blake Griffin’s dunk over Kendrick Perkins, Durant tried to downplay the event while griping about the perceived lack of respect the media gives the team.
Popularity: 4% [?]
Here’s our look at the “2012 Single in the City” participants
We’re going to stay in the Valentine’s spirit today by writing about the group of singles who are taking part in Oklahoma Magazine’s “2012 Single in the City” charity auction. Just like the last few years, the magazine will host an event in Tulsa (Feb 24th) and Oklahoma City (Feb. 25th). Tickets are $25 each and all proceeds benefit the Make-A-Wish foundation.
Ok, enough about that stuff. Let’s meet this year’s group of OKC singles! They’ll be auctioned next Saturday at Skkybar in Bricktown. I’ve included a picture and blurb about each person, along with my guesstimation of their auction value. In no particular order we have:
Kilmyn Graf, Teaching Assistant for the OU School of Dance
You know what they say, if she looks elvish, dresses elvish and has an elvish name, guess what, she’s probably elvish! Seriously, what’s going on here? Did Kilmyn just get done rehearsing for the Wizard of Oz or is she from the future? That photo is just depressing. It makes the Nothing look rich and colorful.
That being said, I’m sure Kilmyn is a fun girl. On her bio she mentions that her ideal first date would be “Watching the sunset on an Oklahoma River Cruise.” Eh…never mind.
Suggested Auction Bid: $714.45
Popularity: 8% [?]
Craigslist Missed Connections: Valentine’s Day Edition
Happy Valentimes Day. Yes, I say it and spell it, “Valentimes.” I’m not one to get worked up about this stupid, made-up holiday. Probably because I was a virgin until 32. Because I want the rest of you guys to know what love is, I’m going to go through the local Craigslist Missed Connections. I hope to connect these love birds and give them the fairytale romance they so desired when they posted on Craigslist. If any of these missed connections seem familiar, please don’t let love wither and die, get on Craigslist and find The One.
rt 4 bus – w4m (oc)
u: white man in his 40′s?? greyish hair & beautiful green eyes, wearing red hoody, hat and dirty blue jeans. you smelled like urine and wet dog. at first i wanted to throw up a little in my mouth but i loved our convo. what did we talk about? what did you ask me for and what did i give you?
Me: white chick and i was wearing a black skirt, black tights, black rain boots and pink sweater. i smelled like orchids. i should have got your # but didnt. if you dont see this, i will be back on the bus again mon and i hope to see you.
For the record the smell wasn’t “urine and wet dog,” it was actually CK One. Don’t black people usually say white people smell like “wet dogs”? I find your description of this white dude terribly racist. Also, get off your high horse; there is no way someone riding the bus smelled like orchids. And it sounds like he asked you for some spare change. You probably gave him chlamydia.
Popularity: 4% [?]
7 things for single people to do on Valentine’s Day
1. Score a free meal. Note: this activity should only be attempted by true thespians. To pull this shenanigan off, it’ll take a lot of restraint, a touch of desperation, and at least half of the symptoms present in people suffering from histrionic disorder.
Make a reservation at a fancy restaurant offering a special Valentine’s Day 4-course meal for two. Sit down alone, order a glass of wine, tell the waiter that your sweetie is running a few minutes late. Fiddle with your phone, finish your glass of wine, and allow at least twenty minutes to pass. Ask the waiter to go ahead and bring out the appetizer because your significant other is “pulling up to the parking lot,” and order yourself and your date a glass of wine. Polish off your second glass of wine, and nibble on your appetizer which craning your head towards the restaurant’s entrance. Sigh loudly, and begin sipping your “date’s” glass of wine. Allow at least another twenty minutes to pass before you break out the water works and stealthy head slams to the table.
At this point, enjoy the two filet mignons and chocolate mousse cake from the convenience of your own couch–after that SAG award-winning performance, your overpriced meal for two will surely be comped.
After the jump, find out six more ways to keep yourself entertained tonight.
Read more »
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Some lady is teaching kids how to fight bullies with words
When I was a 7th grader at Western Oaks, there was this mean scary kid in one of my classes named Cody. He was the typical middle school bully. He was bigger and older than everyone because he was stupid and flunked 4th grade. He smoked cigarettes and rode an old beat up bike. And every now and then before class started, he would randomly punch me or my friend Wes while we set in our desks and the teacher stood in the hallway.
Finally, one day Wes snapped and stood up to Cody. Wes, in a very angry 7th grade voice, said something like “I’m getting tired of you picking on us. You better stop…or else.” Surprisingly enough, Cody left us alone after that. Then, to make things better, a few days later he showed up to class crying because he learned he had to move away to live with his abusive father. It was awesome. I don’t know what happened to Cody, but I hope his life sucks and that he enjoys prison.
The reason I bring that up is because bullying is an inconvenient, yet somewhat necessary, part of growing up. Everyone has dealt with it in some form, and unless you’re really fragile or just weird, you learn from the experience and grow from it. For example, the Cody experience is a big reason why I only hangout with people who can protect me in a fight.
Anyway, now a Norman martial arts instructor is teaching kids how to deal with bullies with proper way…with karate!!! Wait, that’s not true. She’s teaching them something called “Verbal Judo.” From News 9:
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