The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Monday Afternoon Tweets: Happy Memorial Day edition

Well, it’s Monday, and you probably aren’t at work today. If you are, I’m sorry. Tell your boss to eat a box of dicks and walk the hell out. Or maybe don’t. It’s up to you. But you should seriously think about whether or not it’s worth having a job that makes you work on a holiday. Then again, it’s not like anyone is going to a lake this weekend since pretty much every lake is overflowing and full of the weird crap the flood waters have stolen from the good ol’ terra firma. So, you know, it’s basically just us enjoying the mosquitoes and the 100% humidity.

Well, today may not be the best holiday ever, but at least you get to read a holiday edition of Monday Morning Tweets. As always, check it out after the jump.

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Hot Girl Friday: 2015 Miss Rocklahoma Finalists

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As Adam mentioned earlier, The Rocklahoma Music Festival takes places this weekend in Pryor. This is the 8th consecutive year for the methfest. This year’s theme is sex, drugs and HPV.

The event is scheduled to go on rain or shine. This concerns local environmentalists, who are worried that a dangerous mix of viruses, bacteria and used syringes may find their way into the Oklahoma river system, threatening this year’s paddlefish caviar harvest.

The headliners for Rocklahoma include Godsmack, Linkin Park, Breaking Benjamin, Tesla, Queensryche, Papa Roach and many other bands you’ll likely hear at a Henry Hudson’s during Happy Hour. I’m not going to lie, I liked some of these bands in the late 1990s and early aughts. Of course, I also had a bleached frosty top and wore mandals, so my musical taste during this period shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

For this week’s Hot Girl Friday, I thought we’d analyze the finalists for Miss Rocklahoma. We do this every couple of years or so. Unlike in 2009, when Erin (pictured) ran away with the crown like a man caught cooking meth in a Walmart bathroom, this year’s competition figures to be close. Here are the five finalists for Miss Rocklahoma 2015. They are our Hot Girl Friday.

First we have Amy

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I like Amy. She reminds me of one of those Mustang girls who literally thinks a tractor is sexy. She’s also auditioned to be Hotel.com’s newest spokesperson, Captain Not So Obvious:

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TLO Restaurant Review: OnCue Express

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As Memorial Day weekend approaches, let’s be honest: you’re not gonna be eating in town. No, if you’re lucky enough to escape this wet, tornadic hellhole, if only for three days, chances are a new dining adventure awaits you someplace wonderful and dry.

But you gotta get gas and snacks before you leave town, right? And if the comments in the recent 7-11 piece are any indication, you’ll be doing all of your filling up at one of our wonderful local OnCues, correct?

Based out of Stillwater, the Metro’s answer to QuikTrip has ballooned to over 65 locations throughout the state, oftentimes featuring a larger selection of convenience foods and cleaner restrooms than 7-11, but your run-ins with angry homeless dudes, penis-flashing pervs and the occasional violent gang interaction may vary from store to store. (To be fair, however, if I am going to get stabbed while buying a Little Debbie Fudge Round and a Sugar-Free Rockstar, I do pray to God it’s on the cool, clean floors of an OnCue.)

When first walking into an OnCue, through those automated doors where a nice gust of air-condition greets you, it can be frustrating as where to start. I mean, you got frozen yogurt over here, roller grill items over there and soda fountains in-between. Let’s go ahead and break it down into sections so that, as you’re getting ready to head out on that holiday road known as I-35, you know what you’re getting into—and what’ll eventually be coming out of you.

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ROLLER GRILL ITEMS!

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Friday Night in the Big Town: Rocklahoma, Paseo Arts Festival and a march against Monsanto

In the insanely active merry-go-round that is late night talk show hosting duties, David Letterman signed off for the last time Wednesday night, packing in the “Late Show Top 10″ and picking up all the pens and pencils he tossed through the windows behind him. Along with Conan O’Brien, Letterman is the last of the great classic talk show hosts.

There are multiple measures we can take to demonstrate how funny Letterman is, but to keep it simple, name as many reoccurring segments from his show off the top of your head. Stupid Pet Tricks, Stupid Human Tricks, Top 10, Small Town News, Rupert Jee, Larry “Bud” Melman. Let’s try Leno. Headlines and Jaywalking. Well, if you count “safe jokes about how slow the DMV is” as a segment, then it’s three. Dave’s funnier and overall a better organism than Jay.

Letterman has reignited my confidence and I will reengage talks with Patrick about my late show idea, “Overnight Ogle,” with Marisa as host, me as band director, Spence as announcer and cue card guy Patrick. It’s either this or my cool ranch-flavored toothpaste idea, because I really need the income.

From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town…

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Visitor’s Guide for the Southern Republican Leadership Conference

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WINTER IS COMING!

Okay, we are not being invaded by frozen zombies, but it’s close enough.

As you probably know, Oklahoma City is hosting the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. The two-day event will feature a gamut of speeches and fundraisers for 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates. Here’s a little blurb from NewsOK.com:

The road to the White House goes through downtown Oklahoma City this week as hopefuls in the crowded Republican field audition on a stage ideally suited for their messages about military power, religious liberty and energy independence.

Eleven Republicans with presidential aspirations — including some who have not officially declared their candidacy — will speak at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference, which begins at the Cox Convention Center on Thursday and ends Saturday with the release of a straw poll…
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry and former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum are scheduled to speak on the first day.

On Friday, former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham, and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie are on the program, with U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz scheduled to speak at a party fundraiser that night.

Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina and neurosurgeon Ben Carson wrap up Saturday.

Let’s be honest, a herd of powerful Republicans should feel right at home in a state that’s redder than Spencer’s baby’s diaper rash, but they’re still from out of town. They’ll be looking for something to kill some time. So to give them a “Big Friendly” Oklahoma City welcome, Marisa and I thought I would provide some things to do for our visitors while they are in town…

7/2010-OKLAHOMA CITY-DAVID GREEN AT HOBBY LOBY HEADQUARTERS

Tour the Hobby Lobby Distribution Center

Nothing displays the dominance of America internationally like a warehouse in the heartland full of Chinese-made goods. Couple that with all the Bible verses craftily painted on decorative wall hangings and the fact that Hobby Lobby is a company that seemingly beat Obamacare, you have yourself a haven for Republicans.

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Stop by Sir John Michael’s School Bus

Just be sure to go when he’s not posing nude.

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