The Lost Ogle


Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Hot Girl Friday: Cute Hipster Chicks from BRONCHO Music Video

broncho

When I hopped in my car this morning to get my Red Bull from Walgreens, I had a couple of ideas in my head for Hot Girl Friday.

The first was to feature local media personality Jessi Stone. She was a DJ at Magic 104 for a while, and then moved over to KOKH Fox 25 about a year or so ago. Earlier today, I learned via the Ogle Mole Network that she’s replacing Lump on the Franchise. She starts on December 29th. Since attractive radio dj’s are a rarity, I figured she’d be a good, topical hot girl to profile.

My other idea was to feature Baphomet. VICE recently provided a photo update on the monument the Satanic Temple wants to install at the State Capitol, and once again, I thought that would be a good topical thing. Baphomet is like half woman / half man or something, and featuring him / her would be a good way to debunk this criticism of Hot Girl Friday by Kurt Hochenauer in his recent blog post “Ode to a Grecian Ogle.”

Sometimes, [The Lost Ogle] misses the mark or makes me cringe with its blatant, some would say sexist, “hot girl” material or its focus on goofy, stupid local television news “personalities” I could care less about, but The Lost Ogle has taken on a new significance lately with its enduring community presence and the tragic intellectual decline of the Oklahoma Gazette.

Yes, the man who forced me to read Naked Lunch when I was 22 is complaining about the sexist / blatant leanings of this website. I’m honestly not sure how those two facts connect, but it’s an easy way for me to humble brag that I read a weird book in college. Humble brags aside, yes, Dr. Hochenauer, HGF is very blatant, but sexist? I’m not so sure. I did consider featuring a goat this week. That’s only sexist if your job is to keep the grass down along the Hefner Canal. Plus, we’ve run an occasional Hot Guy Monday. Maybe objectifiable would be a better word?

Anyway, while I was debating in my mind the merits between a radio personality nobody has heard of and hermaphrodite goat idol, Broncho’s new song “Class Historian” played on the satellite radio. The Tulsa-based band is pretty popular in the indie music world right now, and their new video features a bunch of cute (I think) local hipster girls that you would see eating half a macaroni pony and a cheese curd before throwing it up in The Mule bathroom dancing and flirting with a guy who looks and sounds like he should be in a Strokes tribute band.

Check them out. They’re our Hot Girl Friday:

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Louis Fowler’s rebuttal: 10 worst Christmas movies ever

(Editor’s Note: We’re taking our parody of NewsOK.com to a new level.)

I noticed a few glaring omissions to Chelsea’s list of her top ten worst Christmas movies, so this is my rebuttal.

Here’s what I’m up against: When I first emailed Chelsea my movie list, she did not seem to recognize the scene at the end of Eyes Wide Shut when they have Illuminati-approved group sex in a mansion.

“Oh, I thought it was Sex and the City: The Movie,” she replied.

Let the rebutting begin…

eyes wide shut

10. EYES WIDE SHUT

Call me old fashioned, but one of the noblest marks of a holiday film should be that you can’t masturbate to it. Leave it to legendary cine-perv Stanley Kubrick to totally dispel that notion as a wanderlusting Tom Cruise wanders the streets looking to get his balls jingled by everyone from an underage Russian prostitute to masked women in a bizarre 1%ers masquerade orgy.

The_nightmare_before_christmas_poster

9. THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

What was once a great idea—mixing the dour hopelessness of a Clan of Xymox album cover with the festive spirit of a death-obsessed Teutonic Christmas—has instead become a 90-minute commercial for a line of extended-size hoodies from Hot Topic that no moderately employable person over 35 should wear, but still does.

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Friday Night in the Big Town: Nutcracking, Dog Adopting, Joan Crawford’s Christmas & and Snow Tubing.

Well, it’s over. One of the greatest shows ever ended. Last night Stephen Colbert signed off for the final time on “The Colbert Report.” A show that’s funnier than the Daily Show, and just as on point, led by a character unlike any other. The program’s “Colbert” was portrayed as selfish, egocentric and undying conservative while acting out our country’s flaws, yet made you proud to be an American. That’s talent.

I only hope Colbert transforms the network late-night landscape. He takes over “The Late Show” following David Letterman’s departure, a person who I believe is one of the funniest people ever, though his formula and antics have run its course.

Luckily Leno is gone and will never come back. His hour-long deluge of DMV and “how men and women are different” jokes could make you comatose. Jimmy Fallon is overrated. He has two jokes, “look at me do an impression of a musician,” and “watch me act like a 13-year-old girl meeting a celebrity at the beginning of every interview.”

Good luck Mr. Colbert. We need you.

Here’s your Friday Night in Big Town….

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We’re suing Colorado because they are smart and legalized weed…

faceplam

On behalf of all logical and reasonable Oklahomans, I’d like to apologize to the state of Colorado.

In case you haven’t heard, it was reported today that beloved Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt, along with our backwards friends from Nebraska, is suing Colorado because the state is forward thinking and decided to legalize recreational marijuana instead of fighting a racially biased, insane, unwinnable war to eliminate and ban its use.

From The Washington Post:

Amidst the dysfunction of Washington, an equal concern of Americans is the ever-expanding reach of federal agencies into their lives and businesses.

All too often, agencies ignore the laws on the books and take action to expand their authority to impose a political agenda. This undermines the rule of law and our system of representative government.

Federal agencies are turning to a new scheme — “sue and settle” — to further expand their reach and authority. The tactics call for federal agencies to settle, rather than fight, lawsuits filed by like-minded groups.

A consent decree is then reached behind closed doors and is later approved by the courts. Consent decrees are an appropriate avenue to settle a lawsuit but should not be used by federal agencies to regulate through litigation. That is precisely what’s happening, though, under sue and settle…

Let us not forget the states, serve an equally important role as a vertical check on the power of the federal government.

 

OOOPS! MY BAD. That’s from an editorial Scott Pruitt (or Devon Energy) wrote for the Washington Examiner back in May complaining about the “ever-expanding reach” of government into the lives and businesses of people…

On the count of three, let’s do it.

1…

2…

3…

Fuck you, you hypocritical asshole.

Seriously, what a joke. Even Mary Fallin has to be rolling her eyes on this one. Well, at least she would if she didn’t get all that plastic surgery. We know she’s all for state’s rights, so there’s no way she’ll support this lawsuit.

Here’s the Washington Post article:

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You won’t believe the mutant weather powers this stolen nuclear gauge can give to a meth head..

gary england painting

If shady hotels, horse show attendees and elderly drivers trying to find the Cracker Barrel wasn’t a good enough excuse to avoid the I-40 and Meridian area, here’s a better one.

On Tuesday, a gauge containing radioactive material was stolen from a hotel parking lot.

The KFOR Social Media Bandit has all the details:

The Oklahoma Department of Environmental Quality is asking for help locating a gauge that was stolen from a parking lot in Oklahoma City.

Authorities say the gauge contains radioactive material and was stolen from the parking lot of an Oklahoma City hotel, located near I-40 and Meridian.

The gauge was inside a construction trailer, which was also stolen.

The trailer has Kentucky license plate “624-274.”

The Humboldt Scientific 5001 EZ is used to measure physical properties of materials.

Organizers say it is a low threat of exposure as long as the gauge is not unlocked.

If it is unlocked, it could pose a risk to human health.

The owner is offering a $500 reward for the gauge’s return.

Uhm, doesn’t this sound a little too much like the plot to a really awesome Oklahoma comic book movie? I know I’d watch it. Here’s how it would work…

Some toothless meth addict–we’ll name him Darryl–steals a trailer containing nuclear meters, and while trying to unlock one of the devices in the his mobile home outside Mustang, an EF3 debarker tornado touches down and gobbles everything up. While under the high pressure and violent wind speeds of the tornado, the meters explode and contaminate Darryl, giving him superhuman strength and the ability to turn into a tornado.

After spending time in Little Sahara mastering his tornado skills, Darryl works with Mike Morgan to kidnap all the city’s TV meteorologists and storm chasers (except for the ones at Channel 25. They don’t matter). They promptly hide them deep inside Robber’s Cave. With the weather defenders captured, Darryl then begins to follow through with his plans to turn into an EF4 grinder, destroy our major cities and rule our state as Lord Commander. For his help and cooperation, he promises to name Mike Morgan the chief meteorologist of all Oklahoma TV stations.

Fortunately, while locked inside the cave, Val Caster and Damon Lane build a rudimentary Gentner out of Lacey Swopes’ hunting gear and contact Gary England. Gary then frees the meteorologists and storm chasers, and flies to Downtown Oklahoma City where he and Darryl have an epic battle atop the Devon Tower.

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