Authorities are asking for the public’s help in locating the criminal masterminds pictured above. The geniuses – who are sure to become regulars on either TruTV or the slapstick comedy circuit – broke into an Oklahoma City Subway on Sunday morning. They were so bad they had to it twice.
Via News 9:
OKC Police Look For The ‘Bumbling Burglars’
Oklahoma City police are looking for two “bumbling burglars” who broke into a Subway restaurant twice in the early morning hours of Sunday, September 21.
According to police, it happened at the Subway restaurant, located at 2720 S.W. 29th Street. The suspects reportedly threw a large rock through the glass door and entered the business.
Surveillance cameras in the restaurant captured the entire incident. Police said after the two committed the first burglary, the female suspect changed clothes, and both suspects returned to commit the second burglary.
As seen in the surveillance video, the two had quite a bit of trouble while committing the crime. At one point during the first burglary, the male suspect fell to the floor, but he managed to hold on to his cigarette.
At one point during the second burglary, police said the male suspect slammed the register on the ground, causing the attached power cord to hit him on top of his head.
Police said the two stole a safe containing about $1,500.
So they robbed a Subway twice in the same night and all they got was a safe filled with $1,500? What idiots. If you’re going to rob a Subway, the first thing you go for is that nuclear fission super oven. That thing is insane. In 20-seconds, it can turn a spongy bread-like substance topped with a glob of preservative-infused proteins into a scalding hot semi-edible creation that resembles a sandwich. The second thing I’d steal is that little tray they use to remove the “sandwiches” from the super oven. I think it protects you from the radiation or magic they use to power the thing.
Here’s the mildly amusing video of the capers putting in way too much effort to steal a Subway safe:
The living, breathing Twilight Zone episode pictured above is Geneva Robinson. The William Dafoe impersonator made the news yesterday after reports surfaced that she would dress up like a witch, change her name to Nelda, and then proceed to torture and abuse a seven year old girl.
If that’s not the most disturbing sentence I’ve ever written on this website, I’m not sure what is.
An Oklahoma City woman was arrested Tuesday after a 7-year-old girl told police the woman dressed as a witch and abused her in several ways, including whipping and burning her.
Geneva Robinson, 49, was arrested Tuesday after she took a 7-year-old girl in her custody to the hospital because she “could not control” the child any more, according to a police report.
The girl appeared to be malnourished, had bruises and cuts all over her body and showed signs of being tied up, police said.
The girl told a state Department of Human Services worker that Robinson would dress as a witch, wearing a green mask, hat and robe, and take her to the garage, where she would bind the girl and make her sleep.
The girl said Robinson, who called herself “Nelda” when she dressed as a witch, would take a dog leash and hang the girl from the garage ceiling by leashes underneath her arm pits and and tell her “the creatures in the attic were going to come get her,” according to the report.
She also said Robinson would sometimes hit her with a whip and described being burned and threatened with a knife.
I guess we now know why they burn witches at the stake. When you read and hear shit like this it honestly doesn’t sound like that bad of a punishment. I say we determine if she weighs the same as a duck and then get rid of her.
Of course, we shouldn’t grab Sir Bedevere’s finest scales just yet. According to neighbors that were interviewed by KFOR, the lady doesn’t seem like a child abusing witch at all:
“The State’s Most Trusted News” is doing a good job at maintaining its sterling reputation of incompetence. Yesterday afternoon, NewsOK.com issued the following faux-apology tweet about some clickbait they posted on the website:
Yes, a website with so many trolls that it makes the YouTube comment section look like a civilized utopia had to remove a poll about a football game because it dealt with a sensitive subject. Uhm, how’s that even possible? Did they ask if OU fans have recovered from last year’s abortion of a Red River Rivalry? That would piss some people off. Did they ask OU fans to choose if they would let their kids be disciplined by Adrian Peterson if it guaranteed an OU blowout victory over Texas? That would be insensitive. It would also be interesting. I bet a majority would choose a “whoopin.” Wounds heal with time. OU – Texas scores do not.
Anyway, let’s take a look at the insensitive poll. Although NewsOK has removed it and the accompanying “Digital Desk” article from their site, we have acquired some screenshots va the Ogle Mole Network:
Yesterday, we conveniently pointed out that Dean Blevins’ big scoop on OU transfer QB Baker Mayfield was actually not a scoop at all and just some really bad reporting.
Dean reported that the Texas Tech transfer won an appeal to the NCAA and would be eligible to play for the Sooners immediately, as opposed to sitting out one season like most NCAA transfers. This ended up being false. As reported by other outlets, Mayfield was denied immediate eligibility to play this season, but was granted a scholarship or something like that.
At the end of my post, I questioned whether Dean would acknowledge his error:
I don’t have a problem with Dean Blevins screwing something up. This is Dean Blevins. We’re used to it. Part of the fun of listening to him is guessing which of his reports are true and which are totally fabricated. Plus, there’s always the chance he can urinate live on the air.
What irritates me is that Dean doesn’t fess up to being wrong. Trust me, there’s nothing more fun than writing a retraction. Of course, Dean probably thinks a retraction is that sex toy that Rosser showed him the last time they recorded an Interurban commercial, so maybe it’s better that he doesn’t retract.
Well, I guess either Dean, his producers or his wife read The Lost Ogle, because on last night’s broadcast he apologized for comparing muslim prayer to college football pre-game stretching exercises. Wait, that was Mike Morgan. Got my dashing and goofy local TV personalities mixed up.
Here’s Dean’s apology. He’s as sorry as the hot side of the pillow:
Warning: this post contains lewd ogling of the male form, superficial conclusions drawn from completely subjective units of measure, and adds exactly nothing to technical or statistical preseason rhetoric for OKC’s beloved basketball team.
It is, however, a hot debate among the women of Oklahoma, and must be hashed out in public forums at least a few times a year. Plus, Marisa and I are sick of the overwhelmingly male-driven content on the site and need something for ourselves. So listed below is the active roster according the Thunder’s foxiest players. Feel free to debate my picks in the comment section ladies and / or gents.
12. Perry Jones III
Tall and strong PJ3 makes the countdown because of his boyish good looks, mysterious personality, and because there’s 12 players in an active roster and I needed a dude I was vaguely familiar with to fill up this slot.
11. Kendrick Perkins
Big Perk makes this list because every lady loves a bad boy. You know, a bad boy who likes to drink milk, tweet goofball sentiments, and has a viral internet meme based on his uh, soft and tender emotional side.
10. Jeremy Lamb
Even though he’s only a few years younger than me, ogling my babyfaced Lambikins makes me feel like a cougar. But not an awkward and creepy one like Demi Moore or Madonna–more like a chic cougar, in the same vein as Sandra Bullock dating Ryan Gosling and Cameron Diaz dating Justin Timberlake.
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