It’s time for the wiener dog races

Like any red-blooded American, when I think of this great country of ours, I think of mom and pop, baseball, apple pie, and wiener dog racing. As everyone knows, today is the 3rd annual Oklahoma Gazette Dachshund Dash. Frankly, I don't think it takes much to get fired up for an event that can be sponsored by a company called "Dog Gone Poop."

A few things strike me about the Gazette official program for the Dachshund Dash. First, the fact that there is a Gazette official program for the Dachshund Dash. Secondly, there seems to be a pretty strong correlation between owners who enter wiener dogs in wiener dog races and owners who dress their wiener dog in stupid outfits. This means that if you're anywhere near the Fairgrounds this afternoon after 1 o'clock, there is a good chance you will be affected by the enormous amount of Annoying in the air. I particularly like the dog that is dressed up to look like a hot dog. Thirdly, I had no idea that the wiener dog was such an intelligent breed of dog. It seems that each and every one of the entrants in today's races actually wrote their bio and sent it in themselves! And finally, I would like to say that it is not lost on me that the very next story in the Gazette following the wiener dog race preview is a feature on an Edmond restaurant with this headline: "Hot diggity dog! A subtle neighborhood gem, Iggy's fills the yen for an all-American hot dog -- and more, served by folks all the way from Sarajevo." The editors at the Oklahoma Gazette have an outstanding sense of humor.

Also, for you you amateur filmmakers out there who think you've got a great idea for a documentary and are planning on heading down to the races with cameras in hand, I'm sorry to inform you that, astonishingly, someone has beaten you to the punch.