My sister chose not to follow me to Oklahoma State University. Instead, she enrolled at the state’s other Big XII school in the Fall of 2000. Then, after dealing with her sneering at any mention of the word football all through our youth, she suddenly became one of those Sooner fans who has always irked me when the school won a mythical national championship her freshman year. Anyway, I mention this only to explain why a member of my family would find themselves in the situation that I am about to relate.
As a Sooner fan, my sister tends to hang around other Sooner fans, and one night at a bar she was approached by “some short, old black guy.” Using the greatest pick up line of all time, this guy demanded that she name the top-5 quarterbacks in OU history. She listed Josh Heupel, Jason White, and then basically blanked (not being raised in the Sooner lore). This guy asked her why she would not rank Jamelle Hollieway at the top. After explaining that she would not rank him as the University’s greatest signal caller primarily because she had never heard that name before, the man became a little belligerent with her and eventually walked off. Soon thereafter, my sister’s fiance returned from wherever he had wandered off. He pointed to the man she had recently spoken to (she thought randomly) and informed her, “that’s Jamelle Hollieway over there.”
For some reason, this story recently became a little sadder to me. Life has been difficult for running quarterbacks recently. The Atlanta Falcons’ Ron Mexico (sometimes referred to as Mike Vick) is currently under indictment for federal charges related to animal cruelty. Now, Oklahoma’s version of Vick is in his own trouble with the law.
After his wife failed to use her turn signal (there has to be a joke in there about women drivers), Oklahoma Sooner legend and king of option quarterbacks, Jamelle Holieway found himself in the back of a police cruiser when he fumbled a bag of weed. More interesting than the fact that he was busted for possession is the way he attempted to avoid the cuffs.
Pulling a picture of himself playing for the Sooners out of his wallet, Hollieway played the “do you know who I am?” card. I understood when Michael Irvin in his heyday tried this trick when found in a room full of coke and prostitutes. I can even understand Mel Gibson busting it out before calling his arresting officer “sugartits.” While I applaud Hollieway for avoiding the urge to blame all the wars in the world on the University of Nebraska, it is a questionable tactic to hinge your arrest avoidance on an officer looking the other way in honor of your exploits from twenty-two years ago. It didn’t work for Billy Sims and he won a Heisman. Apparently, officers of the law are OSU fans.
In a perfect world, the ex-QB would have arranged the officers in the wishbone and run some variations of the triple option next to the flashing lights of the cruiser. Instead, the best he could come up with was an autographed photo? I’m sure The Boz would have at least demonstrated how he smuggled urine in to drug tests if he had been in the same situation.
Ok…
When I was 21, some friends and I went to the old “Jimmy Johnsons Sports Bar” after work to watch some Monday Night Football.
When the game started, Jamelle Hollieway and some big breasted, red haired cowgirl sat next to me at the bar. At the time, I had no clue it was Hollieway. To me, it was just a random sports fan and we talked about the game and fantasy football.
At halftime, Jamelle and his date went to play some pool. Quickly, one of my friend’s pulled me to the side and said, “You call yourself an OU fan? That’s Jamelle Holieway you’re talking to!” When Jamelle came back, I told him it was great to meet him, I was a huge fan as a kid, he was my favorite player, all that stuff. For the rest of the night, we talked about OU Football, the time he got arrested in Warr Acres, and if Troy Aikman was gay.
Anyway, at the end of the game, Jamelle and I were hammered and the bartender cut us off. When the bartender left to go do something, Jamelle thought it would be a good idea for me to steal us some beer from the tap. This was freakin’ Jamelle Holieway, so of course I did it. And of course, the bartender came back as I was doing it.
That night was a great night! I got to get drunk with a childhood hero, hear him talk about driving through a yard in Warr Acres while stoned, and became the first person to kicked out of Jimmy Johnsons. Thank you, Number 4.
All the wars of the world are the fault of the University of Texas, of course, not Nebraska.
I have never had a run-in with Jamelle Hollieway, which apparently makes me unusual. However, Dusty Dvoracek did throw a friend of mine through a glass door. Unfortunately, I was not there to see it. I always miss the good stuff.
Yeah. I go to OU and probably couldn’t name more than, like, 5 of their past QBs. I actually grew up with a disdain for OU football. My dad moved to OK from NY and he never understood the hoopla surrounding college sports here and would constantly mock OU fans. I guess that rubbed off on me because I never followed OU/OSU sports before I was around 18. I think it’s the reason I still prefer the NFL to NCAA and MLB to, like, everything.
Also, similar thing happened with my sister all of the sudden being into sports. She went to school in Texas (TCU when LT was there), has lived in Dallas for years and now knows like every Mavericks and Cowboys players whereas the pre college graduate version of her could have maybe named 3 people in all of sports.
My closest encounter with a local sports legend was showing Alex Webber how to use an ATM machine.
I believe Clark has a very loose definition of the term “local sports legend.”
What do you mean? Webber played for Eddie Sutton. That makes him a legend in my book.
Jack Marlow, Oklahoma sports legend.
I have a Steve Buechele autograph…
I had a Geology Class at OU with Kelly Phelps. Of course I think he only showed up 2 times all semester.
i sat next to an unnamed OU football player in court once. he asked me to say he was present if his name was called, because he had to go outside to put money in his meter. he was there for having his stereo too loud
My ex-girlfriend used to work at the Varsity in Bricktown. Jamelle used to come in and hit on her non-stop. His signature move? Bringing her a single grocery store rose. I lied awake at night awaiting our inevitable break-up but strangely she was not bedazzled by his advances. Oh, did I mention he tried to scam free food and drinks every time he was there. As shifty as ever…