You Put Your WEED In It

There was an old Saturday Night Live sketch, circa Mike Myers' era, where a store sold many unusual items. Someone would come into the store, check out an item, and ask the proprietor (I think it was Rob Schneider) what it was. After a long, convoluted explanation, the customer would ask what you do with the merchandise. The owners would explain, "You put your weed in it." For some reason, that came to my mind when I found this story.

Cody Boyles, who will henceforth be referred to as Cheech, was pulled over for an allegedly out of date tag while driving through Ada, Oklahoma. Due to the overwhelming smell of pot coming out of his car, the police decided to make a search of the vehicle. With little effort, a bag containing a "white crystal substance" was located. Why was it so easy to find? Cheech had it on his lap while he searched for his license and registration.

As brilliant as Cheech comes out in this part of the story, the police officer tried to rival him in the stupidity department. He quickly grabbed the bag and simply placed it on top of the car. When he forced Cheech to get out of the car, the officer turned his back and Cheech simply grabbed the bag and emptied it into the Oklahoma wind. Some of it managed to get into the eyes and mouth of an assisting officer. It isn't in the news story, but Cheech reportedly was heard saying, "Dude, stop bogarting my meth!"

During the search, the officers found rolling papers in Cheech's shoe.  Then, in the car, brass knuckles, and more ominously (according to the Ada Evening News) a roman candle firecracker. Didn't he know that thing was illegal?

Based on the facts brought forth thus far, some of you are probably wondering, "How was there no marijuana found?"  To tell you the truth, that's a good question. The answer is simply that Cheech had a great hiding place for that.

When the Ada police brought him in and gave him his orange jumpsuit, they noticed that he had suddenly developed a bit of a limp. They asked if he was okay, and rather than answering that he had hemorrhoids, he claimed to be fine. A strip search was quickly conducted and out of the place where people generally go twosie, a bag large enough to get Cheech charged for "possession with intent to distribute" was located.

And I thought it was gross that his rolling papers were in his sweaty shoe.