5. 1-800-2SellHomes

I’m not positive this commercial still runs, otherwise it would be much higher in the poll. It features the most annoying pitch person since Linda Soundtrack and her sassy new sidekick. The thing about the new sidekick is that her acting style is very much like one of those old animatronic creatures that Showbiz Pizza used to feature. When she’s actively speaking a line: sassy! (She sells it with the head movements.) When she’s waiting for her turn to speak again: perfectly still, as if her power source has been cut off.

4. Beef Jerky Emporium

I’m not sure what a fake British Band has to do with Beef Jerky. Also, they have their hours listed for “M-S”. They do realize that two days of the week begin with S, right?

3. Mackie McNeer’s

It begins with Mackie McNeer asking Craig Humphries how he keeps his “girlish figure.” Then, it escalates with Craig naming off every piece of meat on the Mackie McNeer’s menu, which he recites in a way that suggests he did less rehersal than Britney Spears before the VMAs. (And it sounds just as natural as her movements.) As a finale, Mackie and Craig deliver the clever catchphrase by simultaneously yelling, “Let’s go!”

On a sidenote, I once heard Jim Traber taking credit for that catchphrase after one of his listeners (hopefully kidding on the square) complimented a Mackie McNeer commercial.

2. Diffee Ford

Click here to see the offending commercials.

As a new parent, I am guilty of being overly aware of my child’s cute factor. The difference between me and Diffee Ford is that I only bother friends and family with my Flickr account, not broadcast the ClarkPupp’s face on commercials and billboards all over the state.

It was one thing to see Gibson Diffee and the ****-eating grin he possesses as a child who is way too confident of his cuteness. Now poor Gibson is being usurped by his little brother who can hardly say “Diffee fam-wee diff-ence.” Gag me.

1. Earl’s Rib Palace

In a commercial that manages to be, among many other things, sexist, disgusting, and a teensy bit racist, Earl’s blows away the competition. For those who haven’t heard the ad on the radio, it begins with a deep voice complaining that his “woman” called him “sensitive.” He goes on to explain that it was Earl’s Third Degree Ribs that made him “want to stomp out (his) own face” that caused his eyes to “well up like ‘at.” Then, to prove he’s all man, he lets out a belch, which we the listeners get to hear, that supposedly melts his girlfriend/wife/female companion’s eyelids off.

Anybody else got a hankerin’ for some barbeque right now?

Honorable Mention:

Oklahoma State Fair — I had every intention of putting this one in the top-5 based on the buzz I’ve been hearing. (Miss America singing Kool & the Gang?) Then, I finally saw it this morning, and it pains me to say that it wasn’t half bad. Other than Lauren Nelson being way too white to sing that song, and the lame lyric change, the production value was actually kind of good.

Fowler Toyota — Chad Stevens is a bit of a favorite punching bag around here (and here) so this list would be incomplete if we failed to mention one of his “Follow Me to Fowler” ads. Right now, on the car lot’s website, you can see Chad doing his schtick over some hits of the ’80’s.

Purina One–Every morning, Jack and Ron do an ode to Paul Harvey by pimping for Purina One in the regular course of their broadcast. If I never have to hear about Mr. Elliott’s seven-pound pomeranian again, it will be too soon.

Some Random Car Lot–All radio car commercials belong on the list. Whether they are doing poor celebrity impersonations beckoning anyone with 1) a job, 2) $199, and 3) desire for a new car or playing crummy jingles such as: “Norman. Ooo-ooo-ooo-00-ooh. Norman. On the mile of cars.” They all suck. And I never know who they are advertising for.