Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Power Poll: Awful Local Commercials

5. 1-800-2SellHomes

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I’m not positive this commercial still runs, otherwise it would be much higher in the poll. It features the most annoying pitch person since Linda Soundtrack and her sassy new sidekick. The thing about the new sidekick is that her acting style is very much like one of those old animatronic creatures that Showbiz Pizza used to feature. When she’s actively speaking a line: sassy! (She sells it with the head movements.) When she’s waiting for her turn to speak again: perfectly still, as if her power source has been cut off.

4. Beef Jerky Emporium

I’m not sure what a fake British Band has to do with Beef Jerky. Also, they have their hours listed for “M-S”. They do realize that two days of the week begin with S, right?

3. Mackie McNeer’s

It begins with Mackie McNeer asking Craig Humphries how he keeps his “girlish figure.” Then, it escalates with Craig naming off every piece of meat on the Mackie McNeer’s menu, which he recites in a way that suggests he did less rehersal than Britney Spears before the VMAs. (And it sounds just as natural as her movements.) As a finale, Mackie and Craig deliver the clever catchphrase by simultaneously yelling, “Let’s go!”

On a sidenote, I once heard Jim Traber taking credit for that catchphrase after one of his listeners (hopefully kidding on the square) complimented a Mackie McNeer commercial.

2. Diffee Ford

Click here to see the offending commercials.

As a new parent, I am guilty of being overly aware of my child’s cute factor. The difference between me and Diffee Ford is that I only bother friends and family with my Flickr account, not broadcast the ClarkPupp’s face on commercials and billboards all over the state.

It was one thing to see Gibson Diffee and the ****-eating grin he possesses as a child who is way too confident of his cuteness. Now poor Gibson is being usurped by his little brother who can hardly say “Diffee fam-wee diff-ence.” Gag me.

1. Earl’s Rib Palace

In a commercial that manages to be, among many other things, sexist, disgusting, and a teensy bit racist, Earl’s blows away the competition. For those who haven’t heard the ad on the radio, it begins with a deep voice complaining that his “woman” called him “sensitive.” He goes on to explain that it was Earl’s Third Degree Ribs that made him “want to stomp out (his) own face” that caused his eyes to “well up like ‘at.” Then, to prove he’s all man, he lets out a belch, which we the listeners get to hear, that supposedly melts his girlfriend/wife/female companion’s eyelids off.

Anybody else got a hankerin’ for some barbeque right now?

Honorable Mention:

Oklahoma State Fair — I had every intention of putting this one in the top-5 based on the buzz I’ve been hearing. (Miss America singing Kool & the Gang?) Then, I finally saw it this morning, and it pains me to say that it wasn’t half bad. Other than Lauren Nelson being way too white to sing that song, and the lame lyric change, the production value was actually kind of good.

Fowler Toyota — Chad Stevens is a bit of a favorite punching bag around here (and here) so this list would be incomplete if we failed to mention one of his “Follow Me to Fowler” ads. Right now, on the car lot’s website, you can see Chad doing his schtick over some hits of the ’80’s.

Purina One–Every morning, Jack and Ron do an ode to Paul Harvey by pimping for Purina One in the regular course of their broadcast. If I never have to hear about Mr. Elliott’s seven-pound pomeranian again, it will be too soon.

Some Random Car Lot–All radio car commercials belong on the list. Whether they are doing poor celebrity impersonations beckoning anyone with 1) a job, 2) $199, and 3) desire for a new car or playing crummy jingles such as: “Norman. Ooo-ooo-ooo-00-ooh. Norman. On the mile of cars.” They all suck. And I never know who they are advertising for.

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Comments

  1. How the hell do the Mathis Brothers holding small children and puppies in every commercial not even make honorable mention?

  2. There are only 2 commercials that actually force me to change the radio station, Mackie McNeer and Craig duo, and the 30 minute Purina 1 spot during the Morning Animals.

    I’ve also noticed that the commercial ratio on WWLS is about 3 to 1. The other day I drove 20 minutes and I think I heard maybe 5 minutes of sports talk.

  3. Personally, Richardson Homes commercials make me seeth for just one reason: the little robot-girl who says, with all the understanding and nuance of cow on crack, “letourfamilybuildyourfamilyshome.”

    After that is the Diffee kids. I can assure you, Diffee family, that I will go to whatever lengths possible to avoid ever stepping foot on one of your properties. Thanks for being so annoying all these years.

  4. Tan And Tone America’s piles of shit belong on this list. Anything Chad Stevens/Chad Stuckup does whether it’s car-related or not belongs here.

  5. @ duece – um, because those commercials express the family values that all oklahomans hold close to their hearts. jeez. way to be unpatriotic.

  6. “…with all the understanding and nuance of cow on crack”

    What a great line! Remind me never to make you mad.

  7. I wondered when the Earl’s Rib Palace commercial would make the Lost Ogle… easily the best radio commercial (non-jingle) ever produced in Oklahoma. This thing has been airing for a LONG time, maybe 10 years? And I never get tired of hearing it!

    One absolutely awful commercial worth mentioning is Dean the Stream’s ad for the Interurban with some guy he calls “Rosser” which I presume is a too-cool-for-the-room/frat bro nickname for “Ross”… Deano’s forced-but-casual conversational style makes me want to strangle someone. You can literally hear the smugness oozing out of his eyeballs on the radio. Instant rage.

  8. Yes, those Interurban commercials are nails on a chalkboard for me. The fake casual, jokey nature of the commercial also does not fit in with Deano’s newfound passive-aggressive, slightly bitter persona.

  9. I considered the Interurban Commercial, but couldn’t remember who it was for. My favorite part of that commercial is how Dean kind of trashes one of the dishes, or at least gives it a lukewarm review because it has something in it he dislikes. Who was the advertising exec who forgot to edit that out?

  10. Protecting all the things you own like cars and trucks and mobile homes, accidents and tickets too, call and we’ll take care of you, 5something something something…

    !!!

  11. 524-1541–end of the Tall Paul commercial.

    I agree the production value of the State Fair commercial is good, but Lauren Nelson received way too much face time, not to mention the commercial was completely staged.

    You can still hear the old theme–“It’s the Great State Fair of…Oklahoma!” on the fair’s website.

    I cringe every time the commercials that encourage breast-feeding come on.

    And how many times do we need to have “Repo Joe” coming to town for David Stanley? “Government Disposal?”

    I miss the music that was used in the 90s for Oklahoma Tourism. That was more inspiring of the state than the crappy tune they keep using today.

  12. The thing that kills me about that 1-800-2SELLHOMES commercial is that they don’t even bother to move the location, change clothes or anything when the spokeslady comes back and asks if the other lady called 1-800-2SELLHOMES.

  13. I’m confused. How does a beauty queen get TOO MUCH face time? If you put her on a commercial it’s for her face. I think if they would have just trained the camera on her face the whole thirty seconds, muted the sound, and simply captioned “State Fair — Sept. 13-23″ they would have maximized the use of Miss America.

  14. I have a friend that used to be a salesperson at Citadel. They all hate(d) working with Dean on commercials. He was ‘One Take Dean’ around the office, because he’d refuse to do a second take no matter how bad the commercial was.

  15. Dangit, I just keep thinking of more.

    I don’t think the show the Edmond Nobody commercials anymore, but his were full of absolutely awful puns that made no sense in relation to selling cars.

    Some examples:

    Edmond Nobody: One billion Chinese decide to stop riding bicycles and our gas prices go up. How inconsiderate!

    (Voice-Over talking about cars and prices)

    Edmond Nobody: Cars today. Next I want Wok and Roll.

    ===

    Edmond Nobody: A guy asks me if I could ad lib. I says, “if the lib cost more, I’ll throw it in fa free.”

    (Voice-Over talking about car deals for military families)

    Edmond Nobody: If I get any more of ya lib, they’s gonna be trouble.

  16. She is a nice piece of eye candy, but a beauty queen gets too much face time when the focus of the commercial seems to be more about her and less about whatever she’s trying to sell. More highlights of her singing than highlights of the fair.

    Didn’t Brad Edwards go in someone’s corner to investigate the company behind 1-800-2SELLHOMES back when it was 1-800-NOAGENT?

  17. Head West to Yukon where the deals are real and the prices are low-hoo.
    This commercial makes me want to peel my face with a potato skinner.

  18. Another one to hate is the current OEA ad running on TV. When you have to use a soft lens on children (who can’t sing by the way) it’s not good.

    You know what kid was good at advertising?

    Broadway Ford. Our deals are no bull!

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