Last January, State Speaker Lance Cargill created some weird thing called the Oklahoma 100 Ideas Initiative. Here’s how it was described:
The 100 Ideas initiative will change the way business is done at the State Capitol. Instead of legislation originating from lobbyists, special interests and government employees, this initiative seeks ideas from the private sector and from citizens across the great state of Oklahoma. Once the initiative is complete, the top 100 ideas will be published in a book and presented to the Oklahoma State Legislature.
Since we are citizens from the “great state of Oklahoma,” we decide to contribute our own 100 ideas for the initiative. But since we’re pretty sure that Speaker Cargill and his friends won’t put any of them in his book, we figured it would be better to share them here over the next few weeks. After the jump are ideas 100-91.
P.S.- Please note that unlike our Top 100 Oklahoma Embarrassments, our 100 contributions are not “ranked” in any way. And if you have any ideas that you would like to see on our list, send us an email. We may include it!
100. Cancel Craig Humphrey’s USA Today Subscription.
Craig Humphreys is a sports radio host because he is rich. With his family’s money, he was able to create his own sports radio station and buy a subscription to USA Today. This has brought torture to the ears of the average Oklahoma City sports fan, as they are frequently bombarded with detailed scores from every major golf tournament and quotes from Jon Saraceno columns. One way to stop this travesty is by canceling Craig’s USA Today subscription. Doing so would not only give him nothing to talk about, but it may also get him off The Sports Animal, doing all Oklahomans a super-huge favor.
99. Combine Wayne and Payne into one town, P’Wayne.
I’ve never been to Wayne or Payne, and I’m sure they are fantastic towns. But wouldn’t it be cool if they merged into some sort of super town? Not only would P’Wayne be a cool name, but its exit sign would give me something new to look for on my trips to and from Texas.
98. Give the Cowboy Hall of Fame to Tulsa.
Tulsa has always suffered from some weird inferiority complex towards Oklahoma City, especially when it comes to tourism type stuff. This is odd, because in many ways, Tulsa is a much better place to live. Anyway, Oklahoma City has plenty of Hall of Fames that nobody really cares about, so it would be a good gesture to give our most popular one to Tulsa, even if it is technically no longer a Hall of Fame, and just a heritage center or whatever.
97. To cut costs, lets just “forget about” those bridges.
Bridges seem to be expensive, and apparently they break and fall down easily. Maybe to save some cash, we can “forget” that they ever existed.
96. Allow liquor sales at the “Affair of Heart.”
The Affair of the Heart is the place were your wife and mother-in-law buy the cheesy handmade crafts that they can’t find at Hobby Lobby, like the little ceramic Mr. and Mrs. Pumpkin salt and pepper shakers you break out at Thanksgiving or the cow-shaped wood towel holder in your kitchen. Hopefully, if the Affair served liquor, drunk guys would got to event, and eventually your wife and mother-in-law would quit going. Then your kitchen would look normal.
95. Arrest and prosecute members of the Diffee family for violating child labor laws.
Is the Diffee family so cheap that they can’t afford to hire a real pitchman? Or do they actually think we enjoy seeing their annoying children in all their commercials. Sadly, I think it’s the latter.
94. Bring back the “Don’t Lay That Trash on Oklahoma” commercials.
Sing the song real quick. OK. This commercial kicked ass. Maybe if they started playing it again not as many people would throw their Route 44 Diet Vanilla Cokes out on Hefner Parkway.
93. Make Jack and Ron and funny.
Or at least have someone tell them that they are not funny. Then maybe they’ll quit their radio show and just focus on selling cars. Maybe even for the Diffees.
92. All Mexican restaurants must serve free queso.
Granted, the free queso served at places like Chelino’s, San Marcos and Ted’s isn’t the best, but it is free, and free is good because it saves Oklahoman’s money.
91. Develop a proper licensing program for all truck stop prostitutes.
For some reason, local leaders seem to be satisfied with Oklahoma City being the Truck Stop Capital of the United States. If we are going to embrace this designation, we need to satisfy the thousands of hard working truckers who pass through Oklahoma City each and every day. One way to start is to establish some sort of licensing program for all truck stop prostitutes. We could even go the extra mile and recruit the best prostitutes to work Oklahoma truck stops. This would result in more truckers staying in Oklahoma City, providing a boost to our local economy.
I have to take exception to there being anything superior about living in Tulsa. Were you referring to the city being an urban West Canaan with their obsession with high school football? The fact that their highway system is so confusing that it often is faster to take the bike lanes they converted into four lane road? Having lived in both cities, I can’t think of anything I miss about Tulsa.
Well, they do have those fantastically ironic “Up With Trees” signs that are made of wood all over the place.
At least someone wrote something funny today.
Now the Knippelmeier children are out there selling cars on TV. It’s a bad trend.
This may just me my personal preference, but I think the “K” in Knippelmeier should be silent. Especially if you’re driving in from P’Wayne.
And let’s face it, those Knippelmeier kids aren’t nearly as cute.
I’m all 4 truck stop prostitutes… dem is da best kind of luvin. And whores need lovin to.
I think I’m gonna bite the head off of da oldest Diffee kid if I ever see him… does commersials is whack.
Jack and Ron don’t have to be funny. Ron
always laughs at Jack’s jokes.
I would add any radio tandem/trio to the list, not just Jack and Ron. All OKC DJs suck. There’s a reason they’re in OKC. I would think the aspirations of DJs would be to work in a market not in the middle of the United States.
If you cancel Humpers USA Today subscription, it would just give him more time to talk about his playoff system.
Brian, you gotta admit Rick and Brad are pretty funny. They are by far the best radio tandem in the metro. In fact they’re the only good tandem in the metro area, it just sucks that they’re on so damn early in the morn. But I understand your point.
Before there was “Rick and Brad,” and before there was “Jack and Ron,” there was “Rick and Ron” on KLTE in the 80’s. Proof that Ron can be funny. The problem must be Jack.
Wow. A K-Lite 102 reference. Impressive.
Yes, Rick and Brad are hilarious!
Sincerely,
1995
Ha!
My friend said the other day “No one is as funny as the Morning Animals think they are.”
The one thing Tulsa has is a great morning radio show on KMOD. Phil & Brent would slap a pop-knot on Jack, Ron, Rick & Brad.
Please create a category for the forgotten weatherman.
Remember the masculine FRANK JOHNSON? or the blond guy from Fox 25(forecasting from Washington).
dear lost ogle(s),
i hate you. seriously. thank you for getting the affair of the heart theme song stuck in my head weeks ahead of when i will actually have to hear it as my mother drags me through building after building filled with wedding cake scented potpourri, hand painted ceramic bacon cookers, bedazzled pictures frames and obesity. i’ll be sure to have a caricature done of myself to encapsulate my experience forever and then send it to you. HATE!
Leave off Brett Skarky dudes. His Dad is the best dentist in town. Which explains that ‘ghey’ smile.
And by the way, he is very straight.
mmmmm, bacon…
I say we pitch in ang get Blythe a hand painted ceramic bacon cooker. If we do so, maybe it will advance us in her contest. Wait. Nevermind.
hey, there’s always room to get back in the game since i’m making the rules and all. a ceramic bacon cooker is a wonderful start.
Craig H. has a man-crush on Saraceno.
Jack and Ron could not get intern jobs at AM station in Pink, OK.
Does Lucy and Brent Skarky do manicures and pedicures together? Shopping? Spa days? I’ve never know a gal to have a crush on a ghey guy.
Who voices Roy D. Mercer? Phil or Brent? If they syndicated their show to KYIS, I’d listen.
Richardson Homes needs to be arrested, also, for the poorly-speaking blonde-headed girl in Richards Homes’ ads.
That little Diffee.. Just wow.
You complain too much. Get a life and maybe then, just maybe, you’ll see the true beuty of it. Good luck with whatever you do.
Cute picture of the Diffee boys by the way. I love seeing their smiling faces on TV.