Liveblogging The Severe Weather Coverage

At four o'clock today I received a phone call indicating that severe weather might be headed my way. Nothing had been posted today, so I figured I might as well liveblog the severe weather coverage. Here is what transpired:

4:04: Just turned on the TV. Holy crap! The storms are coming directly at OKC! Possible tornadoes! We're all going to die!

4:05: Phew, here's Gary England to keep us safe.

4:07: A warning for those of us in Edmond that a hailstorm is headed right at us! They say it's a super-cell. I don't know what this means, but I don't like it.

4:08: I think Husker Rick got a new haircut, but it's possible I just haven't seen him in awhile. Speaking of which, what happened to Aaron Tuttle? Was he fired? Did he quit?

4:09: David Payne is in the thick of it over by Quail Springs Mall, says the storm "means business." This man is unflappable.

4:11: Gary England is using some newfangled thing called a "vertical scan." It's got colors shooting up out of the ground. It reminds me of the days when I dropped acid with Timothy Leary.

4:12: First time hearing "Stay with TV 9, we'll keep you advised." Melissa Maynarich looking hot as usual. What's this? They're going to commercial? What has happened to Gary England?

4:14: Grant Johnston explaining that when there are 2 storms the southern storm is the one that usually gets strongest. Who cares? I want to know if I'm going to die or not, not a damn science lesson.

4:15: Ah, Gary's back. Man, he's in his element. Throwing it to Mason Dunn, kicking it over to Val Castor, tossing it to Rob. He's like Tom Brokaw on election night.

4:17: Advantage Doppler says the storm will hit Frost at 4:48. The best way to learn the names of small towns in Oklahoma is to experience a thunderstorm.

4:18: Ooh, I can hear the hail hitting the roof now. Either that, or a giant beast of some sort is attempting to come inside and crush me.

4:21: Gary England saying the storms are getting smaller. 2nd appearance of "Stay with TV 9, we'll keep you advised." Melissa still looking hot. Looks like Channel 9 is stopping their non-stop coverage. Weak.

4:22: Husker Rick and Mike Morgan still going strong while Gary quits. What's going on? Up is down! Black is white! Wherefore art thou Gary England?

4:23: I noticed that you hear the word "zoom" an awful lot during severe weather. Do you think they teach you to say that at meteorology school?

4:24: Some backup weatherman is trying to horn in on Husker Rick's coverage. Rick obviously wants none of it and treats him like Bob Stoops does a reporter during his press conference.

4:26: Mike Morgan declares the severe weather over for the west side of the state. While I am glad that I'm not dead, this has not been nearly as exciting as I had hoped.

4:28: Husker Rick has headed outside! If all the technology is so great, why does he need to look with his own eyes? Some punk backup weatherman holding down the broadcast.

4:29: Fast Unit 52 reporting quarter-to-golf ball sized hail at Covell road in Edmond. I'm told that my buddy Jack's wife also refers to him in the bedroom as "Fast Unit 52."

4:30: Linda Cavanaugh now standing with Mike Morgan and flattering him on his coverage. I don't know about that, but I'll say this for him: The man has a magnificent head of hair. Almost to Mitch Jelniker levels of amazingness.

4:31: Punk backup weatherman refers to something as a "hailbow." Good grief.

4:36: Rusty McCranie explaining what a "dry line" is. Seems pretty self-explanatory to me, but then I'm a borderline savant.

4:38: I think I'm going to stop now, but Husker Rick is still going strong! He easily wins this afternoon's severe weather coverage, outlasting Mike Morgan by at least 10 minutes and Gary England by almost 20! Congratulations to Husker Rick, his complimentary Lost Ogle toaster oven is in the mail.