LOCATION: Owen Field at Gaylord Family Memorial Stadium
The Sooners have just put the finishing touches on a 49-17 shellacking of Oklahoma State, a win that clinched the Big XII South Championship. The scene is one of great celebration. Sooner players perform choreographed handshakes and scream “Boomer” with their forefinger raised high. Former players, like Jason White, Jamelle Hollieway, and Brian Bosworth congratulate the triumphant team. Meanwhile the coaches huddle to discuss the game, loudly saying things like, “They were better when this was their bowl game”, or “Miles was a jerk, but at least they came to play back then” followed by derisive laughter.
In the background, a large man dressed in orange watches the proceedings with a sour look on his face.
LOCATION: KWTV-9 Newsroom
Gary England sips his coffee as he prepares for the 6:00 news by looking over printouts from Doppler 9000. As he sits next to his weather map, Amy McRee interrupts him.
Amy: Hey Gary, would you mind looking over the copy for “Your Life…Your Way”. It’s about an outfit called Mom’s-Squared. They help families make better lives by getting organized. Life saving, if you ask me.
Gary: Sure, I’ll take a look. Great group, almost as good as a leading a cavalcade of local celebrities with super powers.
Amy: What did you say? You were mumbling.
Gary: Nothing. M-squared sounds like a great story.
(Dean Blevins arrives and begins leering at Amy.)
Dean: Hey, Amy, been river rafting lately?
Amy: Why does everyone ask me that? (She walks off.)
While Gary reads Amy’s story, Dean starts to rifle through Gary’s papers without asking. He seizes on the seven day forecast.
Dean: You’re saying a 30% chance of rain on Saturday. I’d think it was 50-65%.
Gary: Stick to sports, Dean-O.
Val Castor appears bringing Gary a message.
Gary: Who is this from?
Val: Coach Stoops.
Dean: I think that message is for me.
Val: No, it’s for Gary.
Dean: No, I’m Bob’s best friend, not Gary.
While Val keeps Dean busy, Gary slips away.
LOCATION: Storm Chaser’s Lair
Bob Stoops speaks to Gary in a video conference.
Stoops: Gary, my assistants have, ah, alerted me to a situation. In the mail, ah, we received a, ah, letter. Ah, as you can see in the fax we sent, ah, it was done by cutting letters out of a magazine. We, ah, think that was done so we, ah, couldn’t get the handwriting analyzed in a very great way.
Gary: Val should be bringing it to me momentarily. He’s dealing with Dean. Stay with me and I’ll keep you advised of when it arrives.
Stoops: Oh, god. Please don’t let Dean know I, ah, you know, called. I can’t get that guy to leave me alone.
Gary: Don’t worry, we do our best to hide all Justice League business from him. Luckily for us, he’s not a very good journalist. Now, what did this letter say.
Stoops: Well, ah, it’s threatening to kidnap Sam Bradford.
Gary: Whoa, jump back! And you think this is a credible threat?
Stoops: It, ah, isn’t the first. Turns out, the helmet Sam was using in the Texas Tech game was sabotaged. It makes me sick that, ah, someone would do something to ruin our BCS chances.
Gary: Not to mention physically harm Bradford.
Stoops: We let our doctors worry about that. I can, you know, get the, ah, game plan together for the championship game on Saturday, but I need to know my, ah, quarterback will be there and be ready. I’ve been, ah, told that, you know, ah, you guys are our best hope.
Gary: I will get Val to assemble the league.
Check back next week for Part II
Thanks! Your message has been sent!