Last week, we asked a hypothetical question. On Monday, we lazily teased it. Today, we introduce our new-hopefully-regular-series-that-will-probably-just-become-irregular: The Travels of Cardboard Jim.
And what is the first part of this series?
Just Cardboard Jim crashing a party at my house. You see, my little brother graduated from the prestigious University of Central Oklahoma this past December. To honor him–and to avoid buying a pricey gift–I decided to throw him a belated graduation party on Saturday. Little did I know that The Lost Ogle’s dear friend Cardboard Jim would show up and crash the party, creating a few wild stories for everyone.
Check out the photo timeline after the jump!
First, Jim crashed the party with some friends from “The Locker Room” studio audience, Little George and Big Jed. Jim did not RSVP:
Then he introduced everyone to his illegitimate son, Tucker. Tucker used to be a high school quarterback:
After getting to the party, Jim just mingled with the crowd. He fit in very well.
He even moved to the kitchen and helped bake appetizers. Cardboard Jim loves appetizers:
After eating, Jim started drinking “Iron City Brew.” Here he is with Brad. Brad thinks that Angie Bruss thinks that he’s an alcoholic. More on that some other day:
Then Jim grabbed a drink with Vladimir (a.k.a Vlade). Jim and Vlade became really good friends:
Jim next drank with Patrick’s perverted roommate. They whispered secrets about runners later on in the night.
After drinking way too much (and playing the Jim Traber Drinking Game), a drunk Jim challenged Vlade to a game of Guitar Hero 3. They played “My Name is Jonas” on medium.
But Jim was defeated. In a dejected, drunken stupor, he passed out on the Schwan’s salesman!
But everything turned out okay, as Jim was helped up and consoled by his fans from The Sports Animal.
This inspired Jim to go all “big league” and hit on the ladies. He even told them about Cal Ripken’s underwear.
Taking over the party, he then danced with the ladies. He showcased the ultimate dance moves taught to him by his homeboys in Baltimore:
Finally, Jim hit a big fly and showered with the ladies!
But “OH NO!” Jim also showered with Vlade. Those Jenni Carlson spread rumors about Jim and Tim Kurkjian must be true!
Anyway, that will probably be the last time Cardboard Jim is allowed to crash any parties at my house. You won’t believe the cardboard mess he made in…you know what…I’m not going to even go there.
I just hate it when a cardboard cutout doesn’t get the hint when you want them to leave. It’s almost as bad as WWLS keeping him on. Can anyone explain to me why he’s still here? I can’t think of anyone that likes him; whenever I’ve heard him on the radio, he’s tooting his own horn and on Television he looks like the Ultimate Cheese eater because his belly is so fat you can’t see his fly! You guys should have rolled him and left him naked and staked out at OSU.
why are you looking for his fly?? and naked??? really?
Where did TLO find ladies? I thought it was going to be a huge sausage-fest!
So what is the wording around carboard Jim’s legs?
Traber brought the ladies. TLO hasn’t been lucky in months.
One can only wonder about the carnage that would befall a Buffalo Wild Wings, should a certain OKC cardboard celebrity enter said establishment?
That’s Big League BSCS!
Since your last 10 or so posts have includes traber you should find a way to include him in every post from now on.
Every post will have some mention on jim traber.
Hey big man, I’m just letting you know, if you put a truth serum into Cardboard Jim, he is hoping Jules doesn’t see those pictures of him in the shower.
Trabor is a phony. I wish he would stop bringing me up in conversations. I never liked him. I never respected him. He was not that great a baseball player.
Sincerely,
Cal Ripkin Jr.
Cal, did Eddie Murray ever actually talk to and mentor Jim, or is Traber just making that up too?
Yes, I mentored Jim Traber. I couldn’t take my eyes off his tiny hands.
I’m SOOO jealous that I was not invited… I make kickass jello shots, too.
boo.
About halfway through I blacked out, I woke up next to Vlade, man my butt has been killing me.
Traber is just a big ole OSwho homer. He should go back to Stoolwater where he belongs. Won’t take long to pack cause he don’t have no tropheys.
I have a trophey.
Traber never gave me my free Johnnies!
While I’m shaping the minds, you are taking shots at me. That’s OK, I’m a former big-leaguer. I have a big-league wife and a big-league house. You kids probably never played MLB or played quarterback at a D-1 program. I did all these things, so you kids are pathetic morons. YOU ARE DISGUSTING HUMAN-BEINGS.
Can I have a cardboard Al that accompanies cardboard Jim wherever he goes? He could say things like “that’s absolutely right” or uh..yeah..Uh yeahh..uh…” or “Tool, why do you say Tool? Dean have you ever had a tool?”
Cardboard Jim borrowed my truck one time when he had to move a couch. But when it came time for me to move, Cardboard Jim had to do some “live remote” from some field hockey game, and then I ran into Cardboard Jim buying rounds of Redbull & Grey Goose for some single mom. F that guy.
hey guys, leave my dad alone
Trabor is scheduled to host a remote at Buffalo Wild Wings (NW Expressway) this coming Thursday (Jan 31, 2-6). Trying to get people to register to vote to bring the NBA to town.
Jim will be in Vegas on Thursday
Where is my Cardboard? You know Jim and I are a pair!!!!!!
I think this is TERRIBLE. I cannot believe all of the “skanky” Nonscense in this blog. The Cut-Out is not funny in the shower or with Young college girls…Do any of you heartless radio junkies ever think about his family? His wife or kids? GOD…He has medical problems. Can you not leave him and his family alone? I cannot stand this blog……It sickens me.
PS
FATJACK……YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HIS FRIEND! WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE “ANYTHING” THAT COULD POSSIBLY HURT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS WIFE?
HE WAS ABOUT MY LAST HOPE THAT A SPORTS GUY COULD HAVE SOME SEMBLANCE OF DECORUM. THAT SOMEONE WHO WASN’T A DRUNK OR A CHEAT WITH A MODICUM OF MORALITY STILL EXISTED. IF HE ISN’T THE MORAL GUY I THINK HE IS, I THINK THERESA OR NATALIE OR WHATEVER HIS WIFES NAME IS..NEEDS TO LET HIM GO…