Yesterday, there was an article in the Tulsa World that will surely go down as the scariest news story of 2008. This was not about a murderer on the loose or some incurable disease that’s spreading across the country: No, this story involves speculation that Tom Coburn could be selected as John McCain’s running mate in the 2008 election.
I think we all can agree that this is somewhere between “hilariously bad” and “horrifyingly bad” on the scale of bad ideas.
Still, it would be pretty cool to have an Oklahoman in the White House (or, I guess, one heartbeat away from the White House). It’s just that there are so many better choices than Coburn. Here are a few ideas for potential presidential running mates, and what they would bring to the ticket/administration:
Brad Henry
Can you hear it now, fellow citizens? We’re talking Green Card Lottery Expert.
James Hale
Could convince a nation that, even in a time of recession, that nothing is wrong. And when one of the president’s bills gets voted down, could make it clear that the President never wanted the bill to pass in the first place. Also, would likely shut down all of America’s Burger Kings.
Megan Mullalley
Has a shockingly boisterous following that would immediately enthuse campaign.
Doug Gottlieb
When a gaffe occurs during the campaign, could deflect attention away from the candidate by running around with his pants on backwards.
Paul Harvey
Uniquely qualified for job as politician as he has no problem telling outlandish, colorful stories with little basis in fact.
Dr. Phil
Can apparently solve massive problems with nothing more than a 1-hour television program. Imagine what he could do if he had a 1-hour television program PLUS the ability to control the United States Navy. I know, right?
Dear readers, tell us what Okie you’d like to see on the ticket this November.
(And thanks to the elusive BabySealClubSamich for alerting me to this potential atrocity)
I actually think Brad Henry could be a really good running mate for Barack Obama. He definitely wouldn’t undercut the conciliatory message Obama brings the way an Obama/Clinton ticket would.
Actually, we don’t all agree.
It would be a shame to have any Okie on McCain’s ticket, as they’d be a loser before and after.
The Constitutional requirement is for the president to be at least 35. I haven’t had a math class since 1988, but I think 40 is greater than 35.
So vote for a man! Mike Gundy! He’ll bedowngrade the Iraqis and get sick over fried chicken. And he’ll save the environment one dollop of hair gel at a time.
no no no no no, anyone but coburn
please jeebus, anyone
emperor gary england……….. He would declare a War On Tornadoism….
Tom Coburn is perhaps the best Senator in the US Senate. He would be a fine choice.
But whatever happened to the true Oklahoma bad-ass? Why didn’t he make your list? Admitted, he endorsed the Huckster, but he’s still a badass that I would want on my campaign, the one and only Chuck Norris!
Moving on to Okies for other cabinent postitions to give Tony nightmares…how about Randy Terrill for Secretary of State, he would make a great American diplomat!
What about Barry Switzer? He is always wrong on public policy, and McCain is sometimes wrong. Therefore, when they both agree on something, we’ll know it is really wrong.
I think you have to look at this as an opportunity for our state to get rid of people we don’t like.
Coburn would be a great choice, as would Randy Terrill — whatever gets them the hell out of Oklahoma.
Still, I think you’ve overlooked Dave Morris. He’s young, so he can counter-balance McCain’s age, and he’s used to wearing sunglasses in pictures, which will come in handy.
What about JC Watts? Oklahoman, Sooner football star, great speaker and debater. While he’s making millions in his consulting firm in DC, he might stray away to pull in the conservative vote for Mccain.
Coburn eats aborted fetuses to strengthen his black soul.
But hey, he stops pork-barrel spending so at least he has his priorities in the right place.
I hear Carroll Fisher isn’t doing much these days. oh, wait. never mind…
What about Jim Traber. He can handle the big stage, he played in the big leagues you know. Put him at a summit with Kim Jung-Il, let Kim insult him, and watch big Jim chase that guy all over the yard!
Toby Keith will put a boot in their ass, it’s the Amerikan way.
Why not just chuck norris…..is there a better canidate? He could just roundhouse kick iran into compliance.
Clark Matthews, so he would be too busy gaveling open the Senate to write any more stupid Justice League of Oklahoma stories.
If Coburn can help Obama get elected by mobilizing every sane person in the US to vote against a McCain/Coburn ticket, then I’m all for it.
It’d be awesome just to see if he would be the first VP nominee that might not help carry his home state.
(Has that happened before?)
Gore, as a presidential candidate, failed to carry his home state.
Obama got slaughtered in the primary….what makes you think he’s going to take Oklahoma? Or even come close at that?
Bosley:
He doesn’t HAVE to take Oklahoma and I doubt that the state would go Dem, but it sure would be nice to see Coburn drag someone down to a loss.
Any ticket with Dr. Tom would instantly bring back all the stupid crap he’s done and said to the forefront.
You should hope that Obama hasn’t done anything stupid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVeFVtcdSYY
Paid for by Hillary Clinton for President
well, when JC Coburn is elected into office with John McHuckabee, I just hope they have the sense to appoint Wayne Coyne as the Secretary of the Totally Weird Music, But Somehow Still Mainstream Because I Think “Do You Realize” Is In An eHarmony Commercial, Department.
It’s a Land Rover commercial.
Molly the Dog wouldn’t be that poor of an addition to either ticket.
Let’s See our other choices: Vote for Monica Lewinski’s Ex-Boyfriend’s wife or Vote for the surrender of the United States of America to Islam. Yeah, anybody but who’s running. I’m voting for Chuck Norris.
How did the right-wing reactionary rednecks crack the secret code and get into this website?
You guys have some ’splainin to do.
How did the right-wing reactionary rednecks crack the secret code and get into this website?
You guys have some ’splainin to do.
(guess it would help if I could spell my own name)
Dear Tony-
We’re everywhere.
It would be nice if the “reactionary rednecks” knew how to visit Factcheck.org, Snopes.com, et cetera.
Seeing as Coburn won 3 elections as an U.S. Representative and an election as a U.S. Senator, I would seriously doubt that his name on a ticket would “drag” anyone down to a loss in Oklahoma.
Its not going to happen for many reasons-the first of which is that they are both “Mavericks” McCain needs a typical republican to balance the ticket.
How about Gen. Wesley Clark? I also hear Lance Cargill is looking to go somewhere else, unless he hasn’t paid his federal taxes either.
Actually The entrance of Dr. Tom would get this election circus cranked up to eleven
Wilma Mankiller.
“It’d be awesome just to see if he would be the first VP nominee that might not help carry his home state.
(Has that happened before?)”
Well, yes. It happens at least once every election.
But John Edwards may have set the record for futility in 2004, when he failed to help his ticket carry his home state, county or *precinct.*
(http://galleyslaves.blogspot.com/2004/11/2008-watch-john-edwards.html)
I guess I should clarify that if you mean, has it happened with the two major party tickets, then post-Kennedy, the VP candidates whose tickets didn’t carry their home states were Miller (1964 GOP), Agnew (1968 GOP), Ferrraro (1984 Dem), Bentsen (1988 Dem), Kemp (1996 GOP) and Edwards.
Sargent Shriver (1972 Dem) is kind of a hard pick. He was born in Maryland, which his ticket lost, but he was a Kennedy-in-law, and his ticket won Massachussetts
Robert, I think Wes Clark might get brought in if Hillary wins the nomination. After seeing how uninspiring he was as a candidate in 2004, though, I’d rather he switch parties and “help” John McCain.
Thank you Clark. I had never heard of factcheck.org. That is a pretty interesting site.
I like our past governors. Yes, President Boren for Obama, just think of it: the reach-across-the-aisle midwestern ticket. Boren was a respected senator in Washington and has foreign policy experience. And he could be ready on day one to be President. Of course, he is somewhat aligned with President Clinton but if called I doubt he would say no.
Or, a McCain-Keating ticket. I stil think, despite his verbal foibles, Frank Keating represented Oklahoma well — he communicates with authority and has the conservative bona fides to appeal to the base.