Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Clark Matthews presents…

So I forward this story around to my fellow Lost Ogles. First, Tony responds back with an idea to write an article about the most awesome elementary school mascots in Oklahoma. Then, Patrick comes up with an ode about what kind of prodigy this child must be. Apparently, he was in high school before showing up to class three sheets to the wind. Neither of those were the quite the angle I was anticipating.

As such, I decided to pursue the story a different way. This four year old drunkard was from my hometown, so I used my The Village contacts and tracked her down in hopes of getting some answers. Boy, did I get them. After the jump, Four-Year-Old-Drunk-Chick explains how KTOK’s Mark Shannon drove her to the bottle.

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Every afternoon, my mom likes to ratchet up the stress of having been to school by tuning in to KTOK.com.  She do this because they recently hired Mark Shannon and there’s not much she loves more than making my ears bleed.

Mark Shannon went from obscurity, to being kind of popular, back to obscurity, and now kind of popular again. Mark has managed to make everyone angry everywhere he’s worked.  Mark claims he was born without a sense of smell but in reality it’s from all the cocaine he did in the eighties.  He’ll admit this if you get to know him well enough.  So where does a washed up guy like that find work?  The final resting place for subpar radio personalities is KTOK.  For the past couple of months he’s been on the air every weekday from 4-6.  It feels like this many (edit:  she holds up seven fingers) hours though.

Mark Shannon’s opinions are merely the echoes of those more talented–and by talented I mean better compensated to spew ignorance.  For two hours every afternoon he rants about everything and nothing.  To save you two hours of your life, here’s his show in a less wordy and more coherent nutshell:

He is the funniest person alive. Just ask him. His clever wordplay is riveting. He refers to Barack Obama as Obama Bin-Laden, Obama Bin Airbag or Obama Bin Jivin’.  That’s right.  Jivin’. Not racist, at all.  It’s funny to make fun of people’s names! Get it?!  Okay, I’m four and even I don’t think that’s clever.

Mark has battled, and continues to battle, cancer.  It’s apparently the best thing to ever happen to him because cancer gives him that badge of one upness he so prides himself on.  “What does Hillary know?! Has she ever had CANCER? I have!”  Someone should tell him he’s not the first person to have ever dealt with cancer.  I’m having a hard time deciding if cancer is awful because it really is horrible or because Mark Shannon thinks it makes him special.  Cancer has replaced his alcoholism as his go to victim topic.

Here’s every Mark Shannon story.  Print it out and make up your own!

Once I was [drinking/doing drugs] with [band only popular in the 80's] when [some guy he used to work with and now hates] and I saw making out
!  That’s the type of guy who would vote for [anyone he doesn't like] and would probably cheat on his spouse [ignoring the fact he, himself, is a rampant philanderer].

If you get bored just log on to KTOK.com or listen in your car.  Just for fun, take a shot every time he mentions rehab, cancer, a music group from the eighties or makes fun of someone’s name.  That’s how I got sent home from school.

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Comments

  1. Could be worse her mother could have forced her to listen to the Sports Animal, that leads to rampant drug use among 4 year olds

  2. Oh man, I dont even dislike Mark but in a google search for dirt I found a Wikipedia page done on Mark Shannon by Mark Shannon.

    My favorite part was:

    “If he’s not on the air, or writing his daily ‘blog’ you’ll generally find him on a nearby golf course.

    His best round was a 71, has had two hole-in-ones since picking up the game in 1990, but all that said, he generally shoots in the 80′s.”

    I laughed for 10 minuets, everyone at Dell thinks I’m insane now.

  3. It was once written about me by someone I cannot name…

    “After six months, Shannon had enough of the “wonderland” surrounding him, as had his boss of Shannon, so after working out a settlement, our young disc jockey hit the road again, landing this time in Sioux City, Iowa.

    Talk about your identity crisis! Shannon began his 2 year run as night jock at KWSL using the name Jackson Todd. Soon afterwards, he became Mark Jackson Todd because the boss thought Jackson sounded “too black,” you know, like say, uh…Jackson Browne. DOH!!!!”

    For more of this epic storyline…visit my wikipedia ait at:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Shannon

  4. Once I was dropping ex and snorting lubes with 80′s super group Foreigner when some guy I used to work with and now hate and I saw making out
    ! That’s the type of guy who would vote for Brad Carson and would probably cheat on his spouse (ignoring the fact I, myself, is a rampant philanderer).

  5. The awesomeness of the misplaced Ogle never ceases to amaze me.

    Now you had to let everybody know that windbag was back on the air.

    They would have never found him on the station where old listeners go to die if you hadn’t told them.

  6. In 1998, The Sports Animal 104.9/640am, hired Shannon….When the axe fell at the end of his contract in a much publicized departure, Shannon took 2000 off from radio.

    hey…the “Lincoln Log incident”

  7. Mark Shannon makes my skin crawl. the other day he said obama shouldn’t be elected because who wants to hear rap music at 2 a.m. and see the first lady mixing at the inauguration. racist? nah. NOT.
    WHAT A TOOL. and this article wasn’t making fun of people with cancer. it was making fun of people who use their cancer as an excuse to make fun of people.

  8. Things have gone full circle.

    When Shannon started his webpage, I was stuck in the middle of Africa working for the Peace Corp. Shannon’s site was the only place to catch up on Oklahoma City, crap pop culture going ons.

    Now, the lostogle.com has completely replaced that and more. No need for Shannon’s silliness.

    And to see you poking fun of Shannon……well…truly a great moment.

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