The kiddos may not remember it — I barely do myself — but there used to be a guy named Bill Simonson who had a radio show in the Oklahoma City market. He made Jim Traber look humble. I mean, he actually called himself “Captain Huge.” It takes some world-class levels of self-loathing to be the kind of jerk this guy was. I was in, like, the 6th grade and could tell this guy had some serious issues. If ever there was a person who needed a hug from Angi Bruss, it was Bill Simonson.
Anyway, he never really caught on here, thank Gary England, and eventually moved on to Tulsa, where he ended up getting fired for making racist statements about John Blake. From there he moved on to Chicago, where he got beat up outside of Comiskey Park, and then I lost track of him…
…until a few weeks ago, when I heard him on a syndicated Sunday program on the Sports Animal. I almost drove off the road. The ghost of my childhood had returned, and hours with my shrink were needed to repair the damage. It was almost as traumatic as the time Mike Morgan showed up at my house in full Star Trek regalia, but that’s another story for another therapy session.
This is all a roundabout way of giving background to the following thing I ran across today on Deadspin: a blog entry, written by Simonson, that is possibly the stupidest thing I have read in my entire life. You can read it for yourself, but the crux of his argument is that a certain West Point grad is of poor character because he got drafted to play football and will not be going to Iraq.
I quote: “What is puzzling about Campbell’s story is that West Point is centered on building leadership qualities. Yes, the rules are there to help market the academy’s sports programs by giving good athletes the opt-out early parachute.
If Campbell was a leader and a man of the highest character, wouldn’t he turn down the Lions and honor his duty to this country?
Even before the Lions picked him, the Army had stooped to using him in uniform as a military mascot during the NFL draft.
Is this duty, honor, country?”
Seriously, read the whole thing, it’s hilarious (and be sure to check out the comments as well).
In celebration of this, after the jump, a trip down memory lane as Mel Bracht gets all righteous and calls (sort of) for Simonson to be fired.
WTF! Mel Bracht actually had an opinion on something that did not involve the Five Best Sporting Events of the weekend?
I remember this piece of wax perafin off an infested roach motel. I can’t bring myself to believe he can even write. I was under the impression that to get into radio you didnt have to (or wasn’t allowed to) write.
What a F’Tard.
His shtick is disgusting…but it keeps him employed, apparently.
I found it disgusting. As a 100% disabled Veteran it really irks me when some duckbutter eating horses ass tries to impose his idea of what is and is not patriotic on the rest of society. It’s obvious that this douche bag never served a second in his life nor has this idiot ever done ianything in any capacity to serve the public good. As someone that has given a good portion of my youth, my body, and my health to serving my country and paying a high price to do so, I think I have earned the right to say this: Huge Douchebag, you’re not in the same league with this kid. If you want to debate what is and isn’t patriotism, don’t debate it with a 21 year old kid just finishing the US Military Academy, debate it with me. I’m a man…..I’m (more than) 40! This kid has done nothing wrong - etc… etc…
what a dueche. look at his picture. Super-dueche. I wish I had his phone number, or maybe you guys can find his address. I would love to shake this guy’s hand and say, “You are a total ass”
Someone needs to take a dump the hood of this guys car and then take a picture of him trying to push it off with an empty Arby’s cup.
….That someone needs to be me.
When he lived in OKC a friend and I were at cheesy Russell’s after a wedding reception at the Marriott. He tried to talk to us but we weren’t interested. Mostly because he was obnoxious as hell and not funny. He called us a couple of
“show off-blow offs” and left. I did adopt this term however. Mostly because it doesn’t make sense.
I heard a moment of him on the Animal and couldn’t believe it. The John Blake stuff (hey Mel Bracht, the “black boy” phrase is a little iffy too) should’ve guaranteed him a lifetime of pulling apart transmissions in a hot junkyard years ago.
I was driving home from Tulsa Sunday afternoon, in that zone on the Turnpike where there aren’t any stations you can reliably get. I heard his rant, and I stayed about 10 minutes to listen…long enough to hear a veteran call in and take him to task for never having served in the military and bothering to have an opinion on what the military does.
The problem is you can’t argue with a d-head like this. He doesn’t hear you. He doesn’t want to.
HUUUUUUGEEEE douchebag.
Also an idiot.
I didn’t think it was very patriotic to question football…Bosley, i love you.
YOOGE has a voice that sounds like he was hit over the head, just not quite hard enough to spare us all his show.
We lovingly referred to him as “Buckethead” when he was on the air in OKC.
He got arrested and beat up by the cops at In Cahoots (remember that place?) for refusing to leave at closing time one night. I think I may still have the police report on that incident - it was a laff riot.
He also peed in the sink in the suites at Remington Park when he was faced at the Remington Park Derby party.
The guy was a laughing stock here, and you also left out his stint in Austin, where he landed after being canned in Tulsa. Got fired there, too.
The doofus is now on some backwoods station in Michigan, apparently fueled by a loyal listernership of the Posse Comitatus or whatever group James Nichols is a part of. He must be syndicating his show with his own money.
okies,
first off don’t forget the hugeshow sunday nights on the sports animal network.
now,let me set the record straight-
never fired because of mel’s column-
there actually was a retraction story printed by the paper.you may want to look that up.also,you may want to check the editorial from the black newspaper in tulsa after mel’s was published in support of the show.
left tulsa when clear channel took over for kjfk in austin,texas.
austin-never fired,left for chicago.no brainer there.
chicago-left the job because reinsdorf wanted to censor anything said on the bulls and white sox.
love this site.trip down memory lane.
if that is the real tony sellars then he is one of the alltime sports clowns in media history.hey tony,have you ever worked in a major market?done a national show?filled in on the sports babe network?shut your pie hole.you never were the star you wanted to be when pros took over the okc market.
the sports animal is one of the great stations in america.
okc is a great place.
make sure you listen on sunday nights to the hugeshow on the sports animal network.
national website-thehugeshowsunday.com
michigan website-thehugeshow.net
life is pretty good.
just wanted to set the record straight.
I now go by the name of Huge.
Bill
Thanks for confirming your ignorance for the readers of TLO.
I guess working for ESPN radio and television, Fox Sports, ABC, Sporting News Radio etc. doesn’t qualify as my having worked for the networks, huh?
When is the last time YOU’VE hosted a national or international television broadcast? Didn’t think so.
And if you weren’t stuck in podunk, you would know that I’m on the airwaves in Boston, LA, Chicago, New York, Dallas, Houston and every top 10 market on a regular basis.
You’re still the same weak loudmouth you always were. Stay classy.
Wow, what a blast from the past…Sellars vs Simonson. I still remember when Simonson showed up on the channel 5 Sunday sports show with his faced painted Maize and Blue for Michigan’s Fab Five…Bill Simonson’s BS on Sports…sounds pretty heavy on the BS these days huh guys?
tony,
women’s softball doesn’t count as a career.
are you a man or woman?
tina or tony?
ballup big boy!
softball or hardball?
I am Huge.
by the way for whatever numnuts wrote the headline above about my award winning column please read below that america is on my side.
bob berry sr.even called me by my actual name!
read below and enjoy my vision two days ago whne noone had the balls(sorry tony)to say what they feel.
god i miss remington park and chicks at russell’s.
i must have spent 10 grand on hotel rooms chasing girls with rusty hilger.
Enlisting controversy
Readers weigh in what’s first: Military or chance at the pros?
NFL or Army?
The feel-good moment of the 2008 NFL draft was when the Detroit Lions selected safety Caleb Campbell from Army in the seventh round.
For some it was a moment too long.
Despite West Point changing its rules in 2005 allowing cadets to play their sport while serving as recruiters, not everyone believes cadets should have that option. (Campbell isn’t the first cadet with that option; center Pete Bier went to training camp with the Green Bay Packers last year but was released.)
USA TODAY asked readers whether Campbell should play football or join his unit, which would probably be deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan.
A majority — 52% — thought Campbell should honor his military commitment. Some user comments:
•”Sorry Caleb, a commitment to your country is just that. We gave you and education at one the best schools in the history of modern times. In return, you were made an officer in the United States Army so serve your time. Be proud you were born in the USA.” — jamminman
•”Since there is a new rule allowing him to play, this is a (moot) point. Why don’t one of you veterans (the rest of you really don’t matter here, sorry) who feel he should have to go on active duty now, tell us that if you were in his position, (that) you would skip the NFL? If so, you are either a liar or a fool.” — CompMan
•”Cadet Campbell. One word you need to keep in mind, honor. They did teach that to you, right?” — mrides
•”This cadet might be biting off more than he can chew! He is, after all, signed up with Matt Millen of the Detroit Lions. A tour in Iraq or Afghanistan might sound pretty good after dealing with that knucklehead.” — BlueLife4
The discussion and voting continue today.
— Reid Cherner
Simonson,
I was referring to your radio show on KTOK…isnt that what they called it, BS on Sports?
I’m glad OKC rid themselves of you…I heard that it was included in the MAPS tax in 93…new arena, new ballpark, new canal…and no more Simonson. OVERWHELMING YES.
ben,
you are an angry man with a dipping problem.
see the huge light.
does traber run this website?
did tony sellars really start the hairclub for men?
god bless bill teegins.
he was a good man.
king huge
my national show is on 40 stations and my huge network is on 12 in michigan.
I work for citadel.the same company that owns the sports animal.
they really are one of america’s top sports stations.
i loved it when traber and i would spend an hour yelling at each other on different radio signals.
where is steeley and his gibbs and jones white ford bronco bit when you need it.
i still love oklahoma.
the huge god
BS,
Don’t forget Steely’s “Gary Gibbs Rock em Sock em Football Camp” bit. Good stuff. Traber doesnt run this site, although he recently had a near death experience. You should call in and ask him what he hit in the big leagues…or how to break in a baseball glove…or how old your kid should be before he throws a curveball…or theres always Craig Humphreys reading John Saraceno’s latest column, verbatim. Steely is the only one with any talent over there.
You’re right, we’ve got great radio here.
Yep…owned by Jim Traber:
http://www.thelostogle.com/2007/08/14/the-jim-traber-drinking-game/
Sounds like somebody has a hard on for Jim Rome. A crappy imitation of an already tired act. Lovely.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the vast majority of sports talk radio guys, it’s that they are all tremendous jerk offs. Dorks. Losers. Zeros. Guys that got no ass in high school. Guys that got no ass in college. Guys that get no ass now, unless they were somehow able to get some hog to say yes. They compensate for this by acting hard on the radio. Acting like they’re “on the scene”. Acting like they matter. Here’s a hint: they don’t. They’re nothing. There’s a reason they’re on the RADIO in the first place…they don’t put trolls on television. So enjoy working 60 work weeks and grave yard shifts for shit pay. Enjoy being a regional radio celebrity that is known by literally dozens and dozens of people. Oh and have a few more hot wings, fat ass. Who knows, you may actually get comped on those.
Bill Simononson has always wanted to be me. Even before I was me, he wanted to be me. I kicked his ass, once, when he tried to hit on Jules. He started running like a Japanese pitcher.
“god bless bill teegins. he was a good man.”
Simonson does have moments of lucid thought.
w…t…f…
why does bill not use capitalization?
why does bill write everything in adhd like one sentence blips.
why does arbys always get my order wrong?
i love masterbation.
i definatly dont have a tiny penis.
the nihilist.
man…this guy was before my time at Cheap Channel. Glad I never had the pleasure of working with him…sic em Tony!
Go Sellars!
Now who’s the show off blow off?
who is this 4-16?
russells?
what year?
Just to add to the douchebaggery… Huge refers to himself as the legend… (of what, I don’t know) He even went as far as neming his son Legend Cole Simonson. douche. Go back to a Sox game and run your mouth again!
*naming* his son. Sorry…
Several hazy nights from the 90’s but I am thinking it was between 93-95-ish. I called my friend to ask her and she said you had also acted the nut at Eskimo Joe’s when we were there. Typical show off-blow off behavior.
Several hazy nights from the 90’s but I am thinking it was between 93-95-ish. I called my friend to ask her and she said you had also acted the nut at Eskimo Joe’s one night when we were there. She even thinks she has a photo. Like a close-up of your large face/head. Will report back if she locates.
oklahoma is the american dream.
god bless every oklahoman.
I named my children-tyler,alexis,ava,ace,and legend.
people call me the love machine.
my wife is 18 years younger and a hottie.
thank you oklahoma for starting my talk career.
without your support things would be so different.
boomer-sooner.
Huge.
Rumor has it that Capt Huge has a great friendship with a high-level executive from a Detroit auto maker.
The auto maker basically finances huge’s show and they pay for airtime on the sports animal (and other stations nationally also).
Z MC
Huge i listen to u all the time in the GR area but u are completely wrong about calling Campbell out. You wanna blame someone blame the army for giving him the choice, and yes i did notice how u slipped that in there that u do blame them also, but really do you? You spend the entire article basically calling out Campbell to go serve and then kind of blip the army in there saying that they’re wrong for giving him the option. Fact of the matter is that the option is there for him to do it and if he wants to take advantage of that who are you or for that fact anybody to call him out. Hes an adult in the USA where he has the right and the choice whether or not to go serve. This article is also making it seem like you think that he heard his name so you know what thats it hes staying not going and I have 2 things to say about that.
1) I have to believe it took talking to friends family and was a hard decision for him to choose between football and serving and that he tried to choose what was best for everyone affected by this and…
2)He said if he was not selected and furthermore if he ends up being cut by the lions he will go ahead and serve his term overseas
So before anyone goes accussing someone of not doing what they’re supposed to or being dishonorable, lets see how it all plays out, and then after its all said n done, then comment on whats happened but wait until then
Eric
I live in Michigan and listen to sports talk during my work day to get me through. At 3:00, after The Jim Rome show gets done, Bill Simmonson comes on (I refuse to call him by his handle due to the already inflated size of his head), at which time I, and most of the people like myslef, turn the station. Bill is a joke! He has no set “opinons” on anything because he flips them around constantly. He gets all of his baseball talk from his brother that “runs a baseball clinic” or whatever he does, who must be as big of an ass as he is. They have actually given him a blog (the discussed blog in the above article) in which he writes whatever nonsense comes into his head at the time and publish it online and in the newspaper! Instead of listening to his show I get on this blog and post laughable comments with others about how much we cannot stand this guy. I was just searching on yahoo for anything about him that might indicate that other may be feeling the same way as we poor souls in Michigan that have to deal with him, and the first thing that I came across was this; “Bill Simmonson Is Still a Douchebag”. AWESOME! We may be seperated by many miles and differing opinons, but we do actually have much in common, Michigan and Oklahoma: our hatred toward Bill Simmonson. I am happy for you all that are able to live your lives free of his constant blabber and idiocracy. We here are now stuck with it. PRAY FOR US!
Also a West Michigan resident who chooses AM670 or ESPN1000 out of Chicago over Simonson.
Tried hard to like him, really. Listened for a few weeks, but if he isn’t pimping for his next bar appearance, he’s name dropping about all his friends in high places.
Same thing happened to Kevin Matthews — was funny, got greedy, got lame and wound up back spinning Zeppelin in Grand Rapids.
Bad, boring radio.
I don’t hate Simonson, just don’t care since there are much better options.
Yep, still a douche. I wrote a post about how I dislike his radio show on June 4th and Simonson basically acted like a child and had his boss call my boss to have the post pulled. Said something to the effect of not wanting to get into a war of words. Like it would be real hard to win a war of words with a retard like Simonson.
I had to deal with this douche for years during dive-time in Chicago, and was so happy when the band of Comiskey Ninjas kicked his ass. Now, I move to Michigan to find he has resurected his douchery during the drive-time on every local station, along with that other douche Kevin Mathews.
Life just isn’t fair.
I live in Grand Rapids - Home of the Bill Simonson show. Heard him on the radio yesterday in my dad’s car and wanted a laugh about getting his ass kicked outside Comiskey. So I Googled Bill Simonson and the first post that comes up: Bill Simonson is Still A Douchebag. Classic. Can’t say that I know what kind of garbage he’s currently spilling out because I’d rather listen to paint dry then waste it on him. Perfect example of the axiom that stupid people shouldn’t breed. 5 kids? God help us all.
These are some of the funniest and most accurate reports I have ever seen on the Huge Tool. I wish he’d leave Michigan. Maybe we could get some of those guys from Chicago to kick his ass. He is the only local sports talk that is carried in my area so now I just listen to music. I don’t like any sport enough to put up with him. He picked UM to be undefeated NC’s last year and then hung up on everyone who called in and called him on it. He’s Huge alright, the Huge Tool. Glad to see he’s hated all over the country.
I can’t believe I read every comment. This is absolutely amazing, I mean I shouldn’t be surprised, that there are so many out there (apparently nation-wide) that have the same opinions on Huge-Ego. That is what I call him and I am sure that’s where the radio show name comes from eh?
I listen to his show on WVFN The Game in Lansing. I mainly listen to the show for Tim Staudt and the Jim Rome show. I don’t know why I listen to him because I never feel great after listening to him. Maybe it’s the fact I feel smarter and no Mr. Simonson don’t let that get to your HUGE head that you are filling me with “knowledge.”
I, like many of you, just wanted to see what would happen if I typed his name in the search box and came upon this link. I was more than happy to see the headline and, just like a young kid on Christmas morning, couldn’t wait to open up and see what is inside. I got online to participate in his Huge Picks or whatever it’s called for the NFL.
I can’t wait to have my Sirius stereo hooked up into my new vehicle. I compare listening to huge like when you have a cut or bruise and you keep pushing on it and don’t know why… I keep listening to him and I don’t know why. I am just glad it is on my way to the gym after work so I can go take out my frustrations on the weights.
Oh, one more thing. He has been bragging a lot, every day, lately since his interview with Steve Mariucci where he asked him to ask Brett Favre a “huge question” when he interviewed him. Mariucci did this and said “here’s a huge question for you.” and Simonson has to talk about this non stop and uses it as a defense if he has a caller call in and insult him. The other day he was looking for a name to use as a model (lol, I know… for XXXL?) and a caller came in and said “how about P.O.S.-Express” I died. Simonson’s come back of course was something on the line of and I am paraphrasing here “have you ever had someone use you in a big interview.” he followed it by playing that part of the interview. Again, I don’t remember what he exactly said but it was something to that nature.
Nice Blog. We should make a HUGE community, lol.
Sorry for the wicked long post!
-EJ in Michigan
http://www.taylordunham.com/press/Wilie%20-%20Austin%20American-Statesman.pdf
i was too young to know what bill was talking about when he was on the air here in okc but he was good friends with my aunt who was a producer at ktok and my ex douche uncle, danny douglas who did the mornings on kj10…bill was always a good guy when he came to family gatherings, came to my birthday party and hooked me up with some good 89ers tickets and used to kill my grandma’s lasagna!
Met Bill Simonsen at a bar called Vitale’s here in Grand Rapids a few years ago and had no idea who he was. Some friends and I were watching a Tiger’s game on t.v. and talking with this guy (Bill) and he seemed to be a true fan like us. He bought us a couple of rounds and seemed to be a decent guy. He told us his name, and a buddy later told us who he was and i’ve been a fan of the guy ever since. I don’t always agree with him, but i do enjoy the show and i know personally that he seems to be a class guy….