Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Bill Simonson Is Still A Douchebag.

The kiddos may not remember it — I barely do myself — but there used to be a guy named Bill Simonson who had a radio show in the Oklahoma City market. He made Jim Traber look humble. I mean, he actually called himself “Captain Huge.” It takes some world-class levels of self-loathing to be the kind of jerk this guy was. I was in, like, the 6th grade and could tell this guy had some serious issues. If ever there was a person who needed a hug from Angi Bruss, it was Bill Simonson.

Anyway, he never really caught on here, thank Gary England, and eventually moved on to Tulsa, where he ended up getting fired for making racist statements about John Blake. From there he moved on to Chicago, where he got beat up outside of Comiskey Park, and then I lost track of him…

…until a few weeks ago, when I heard him on a syndicated Sunday program on the Sports Animal. I almost drove off the road. The ghost of my childhood had returned, and hours with my shrink were needed to repair the damage. It was almost as traumatic as the time Mike Morgan showed up at my house in full Star Trek regalia, but that’s another story for another therapy session.

This is all a roundabout way of giving background to the following thing I ran across today on Deadspin: a blog entry, written by Simonson, that is possibly the stupidest thing I have read in my entire life. You can read it for yourself, but the crux of his argument is that a certain West Point grad is of poor character because he got drafted to play football and will not be going to Iraq.

I quote: “What is puzzling about Campbell’s story is that West Point is centered on building leadership qualities. Yes, the rules are there to help market the academy’s sports programs by giving good athletes the opt-out early parachute.

If Campbell was a leader and a man of the highest character, wouldn’t he turn down the Lions and honor his duty to this country?

Even before the Lions picked him, the Army had stooped to using him in uniform as a military mascot during the NFL draft.

Is this duty, honor, country?”

Seriously, read the whole thing, it’s hilarious (and be sure to check out the comments as well).

In celebration of this, after the jump, a trip down memory lane as Mel Bracht gets all righteous and calls (sort of) for Simonson to be fired.


  1. I remember this piece of wax perafin off an infested roach motel. I can’t bring myself to believe he can even write. I was under the impression that to get into radio you didnt have to (or wasn’t allowed to) write.
    What a F’Tard.

  2. I found it disgusting. As a 100% disabled Veteran it really irks me when some duckbutter eating horses ass tries to impose his idea of what is and is not patriotic on the rest of society. It’s obvious that this douche bag never served a second in his life nor has this idiot ever done ianything in any capacity to serve the public good. As someone that has given a good portion of my youth, my body, and my health to serving my country and paying a high price to do so, I think I have earned the right to say this: Huge Douchebag, you’re not in the same league with this kid. If you want to debate what is and isn’t patriotism, don’t debate it with a 21 year old kid just finishing the US Military Academy, debate it with me. I’m a man…..I’m (more than) 40! This kid has done nothing wrong – etc… etc…

  3. what a dueche. look at his picture. Super-dueche. I wish I had his phone number, or maybe you guys can find his address. I would love to shake this guy’s hand and say, “You are a total ass”

  4. Someone needs to take a dump the hood of this guys car and then take a picture of him trying to push it off with an empty Arby’s cup.

    ….That someone needs to be me.

  5. When he lived in OKC a friend and I were at cheesy Russell’s after a wedding reception at the Marriott. He tried to talk to us but we weren’t interested. Mostly because he was obnoxious as hell and not funny. He called us a couple of
    “show off-blow offs” and left. I did adopt this term however. Mostly because it doesn’t make sense.

  6. I heard a moment of him on the Animal and couldn’t believe it. The John Blake stuff (hey Mel Bracht, the “black boy” phrase is a little iffy too) should’ve guaranteed him a lifetime of pulling apart transmissions in a hot junkyard years ago.

  7. I was driving home from Tulsa Sunday afternoon, in that zone on the Turnpike where there aren’t any stations you can reliably get. I heard his rant, and I stayed about 10 minutes to listen…long enough to hear a veteran call in and take him to task for never having served in the military and bothering to have an opinion on what the military does.

    The problem is you can’t argue with a d-head like this. He doesn’t hear you. He doesn’t want to.

  8. YOOGE has a voice that sounds like he was hit over the head, just not quite hard enough to spare us all his show.

  9. We lovingly referred to him as “Buckethead” when he was on the air in OKC.

    He got arrested and beat up by the cops at In Cahoots (remember that place?) for refusing to leave at closing time one night. I think I may still have the police report on that incident – it was a laff riot.

    He also peed in the sink in the suites at Remington Park when he was faced at the Remington Park Derby party.

    The guy was a laughing stock here, and you also left out his stint in Austin, where he landed after being canned in Tulsa. Got fired there, too.

    The doofus is now on some backwoods station in Michigan, apparently fueled by a loyal listernership of the Posse Comitatus or whatever group James Nichols is a part of. He must be syndicating his show with his own money.

  10. Bill

    Thanks for confirming your ignorance for the readers of TLO.

    I guess working for ESPN radio and television, Fox Sports, ABC, Sporting News Radio etc. doesn’t qualify as my having worked for the networks, huh?

    When is the last time YOU’VE hosted a national or international television broadcast? Didn’t think so.

    And if you weren’t stuck in podunk, you would know that I’m on the airwaves in Boston, LA, Chicago, New York, Dallas, Houston and every top 10 market on a regular basis.

    You’re still the same weak loudmouth you always were. Stay classy.

  11. Wow, what a blast from the past…Sellars vs Simonson. I still remember when Simonson showed up on the channel 5 Sunday sports show with his faced painted Maize and Blue for Michigan’s Fab Five…Bill Simonson’s BS on Sports…sounds pretty heavy on the BS these days huh guys?

  12. Simonson,

    I was referring to your radio show on KTOK…isnt that what they called it, BS on Sports?

    I’m glad OKC rid themselves of you…I heard that it was included in the MAPS tax in 93…new arena, new ballpark, new canal…and no more Simonson. OVERWHELMING YES.

  13. BS,

    Don’t forget Steely’s “Gary Gibbs Rock em Sock em Football Camp” bit. Good stuff. Traber doesnt run this site, although he recently had a near death experience. You should call in and ask him what he hit in the big leagues…or how to break in a baseball glove…or how old your kid should be before he throws a curveball…or theres always Craig Humphreys reading John Saraceno’s latest column, verbatim. Steely is the only one with any talent over there.

    You’re right, we’ve got great radio here.

  14. Sounds like somebody has a hard on for Jim Rome. A crappy imitation of an already tired act. Lovely.

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the vast majority of sports talk radio guys, it’s that they are all tremendous jerk offs. Dorks. Losers. Zeros. Guys that got no ass in high school. Guys that got no ass in college. Guys that get no ass now, unless they were somehow able to get some hog to say yes. They compensate for this by acting hard on the radio. Acting like they’re “on the scene”. Acting like they matter. Here’s a hint: they don’t. They’re nothing. There’s a reason they’re on the RADIO in the first place…they don’t put trolls on television. So enjoy working 60 work weeks and grave yard shifts for shit pay. Enjoy being a regional radio celebrity that is known by literally dozens and dozens of people. Oh and have a few more hot wings, fat ass. Who knows, you may actually get comped on those.

  15. Bill Simononson has always wanted to be me. Even before I was me, he wanted to be me. I kicked his ass, once, when he tried to hit on Jules. He started running like a Japanese pitcher.

  16. why does bill not use capitalization?

    why does bill write everything in adhd like one sentence blips.

    why does arbys always get my order wrong?

    i love masterbation.

    i definatly dont have a tiny penis.

    the nihilist.

  17. man…this guy was before my time at Cheap Channel. Glad I never had the pleasure of working with him…sic em Tony!

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