Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Oklahoma City’s Sleaziest Locations

Eventually, it had to be done. In fact, realizing that it had not yet delved into the seediest location in town as our first year anniversary rapidly approached, we decided it had to be done quickly.

But who would write the post? I nominated Patrick, but he declined saying that his research would begin with a night at the Red Dog Saloon, followed by us never seeing him again. Tony cited his strict religious upbringing and fear of anything not sanctioned by James Dobson as means of begging off. So that left it up to me, Clark Matthews, to be the expert on the underbelly of our fair town.

After exhaustive research, here is my list of the top 10 Sleaziest Locations in Oklahoma City:

10. Britton Discount Cigarettes

Every day, on my way home from work, I get stuck in the daily traffic jam on Britton being caused by “Britton Discount Cigarettes.” Part of me feels like I should respect their great business plan. They figured out that if you smoke, you probably don’t exercise either, so they sell cigarettes at a drive thru window. Apparently pretty cheap, because rush hour always sees a parking lot in the right hand eastbound lane of Britton and several cars hoping to turn left in the westbound lane. The people are just about what you would expect. They are in beat up cars, with their faded KATT stickers on the bumper, and even though I am in the cocoon of my vehicle, I can imagine how foul it must smell on the interior. Making the place that much more repulsive is that they located it just about a block from what is now Centennial High School, but used to be my alma mater, John Marshall. So, you know they are probably making a killing selling to underage kids who are ditching class.

Right now, a good portion of our smoker readers are thinking they need to check this place out.

9.

8. Clark Matthews garage

For legal reasons, I prefer not to delve too deeply into this one.

7. Blazers Game

Staged fights and small children being encouraged to shout “but they still suck!”

6. Casady

Sure, the pristine campus dotted with well maintained brick buildings, a lovely pond, and a plethora of security guards well prepared to run off teenagers who dare to use their football field to play a pick up game looks nice. Any place attended so heavily by trust fund blue bloods, though, has to have a seedy underbelly.

5. Ziggyz

No matter where one stands on the legality of drugs, I doubt anyone can argue that it is a good thing. I think a place selling the paraphernalia, might try.

4. Anywhere Jim Inhofe is speaking

As the election cycle heats up, you can rest assured that any place Jim Inhofe appears to speak will belong on this list. As this old Gazette article chronicles, our senior Senator has always had a penchant for dirty tactics even as a fresh candidate. Now, as a career politician, Inhofe has honed his craft and turned every campaign into a toxic landfill. Truth will be lacking, and substance will never appear in his stump speech. Have fun with that Andrew Rice.

(True story: At a recent Chamber of Commerce meeting in which Inhofe was invited to give a non-political speech, his address devolved into a tirade about how Barack Obama is a Muslim. Putting aside that there are supposed to be no religious tests for public office, Inhofe’s ire would make more sense if he didn’t, you know, work with Obama and know that Obama is a Christian. Then again, expecting Inhofe to tell the truth when a lie is more convenient is lunacy.)

3. Patrick’s Liver

According to the Free Online Dictionary, one of the definitions of sleazy is: “Shabby, dirty, and vulgar”

After years of abuse, Patrick’s liver definitely fits the first two. I get the impression that his liver may also be a bit racist**, which I find vulgar.

**To be clear, only Patrick’s liver is racist. The rest of his organs are perfectly civil.

2. South Robinson

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Some say South Robinson is sleazy because pimps and prostitutes loiter all along the street. Personally, I think it is sleazy because there is a guy with a video camera trying to get footage of guys getting it on with hookers that hangs out there.

1. XXXtasy Ranch

There are a surprising number of strip clubs/nudie bars/gentleman’s clubs in Oklahoma City. Most of them, though, have generally inconspicuous names like Bosco’s or Blue Fox. One can say they are going to one of those places and unless the person is “in the know” (in which case they will probably beg to go with), you will not be outed as a perv. Not so with the XXXtasy Ranch who revels in being a den of iniquity. Couple that with the phallic chimney (which, I’m sure, goes with the fireplace of the interior library where men in smoking jackets that have leather patches on the elbows go to sip brandy and debate Proust) and you have one of the sleaziest places in town.

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Keep in mind that we at TheLostOgle.com love this fair city in spite of, or in some cases because of, the places mentioned above. However, we occasionally miss something, and that, fair reader, is where you come in. If you feel your local cathouse was unfairly passed over, the comments section begs for you to share.

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Comments

  1. Many universities offer summer programs that allow you to “study at Oxford” or any number of other European schools. This usually only requires that you have the extra time and money to pay for tuition and expenses during the summer. I suspect Mr. Palumbo studied abroad while in law school. OU Law offers an Oxford summer program, not sure if OCU does.

  2. That Brian Bates guy sucks as a vigilante. Prostitution along Robinson hasn’t missed a beat in fifteen years!! What’s his objective aside from getting a cheap thrill?

  3. For the record…I was once stationed in England and while in the city of Oxford, I studied for a promotion test. Yes, I too, studied at Oxford. Not too bad a claim for a sterno bum with a stolen laptop

  4. After I bolted from the ex while she was in law school, she went to Oxford to study. Clearly, this was no Rhodes scholar.

  5. what about the gay district at 36th and penn area? more transients and freaks roll thru there all hours of the day and night.

  6. I’m drawn to the pimp-mobile that is regularly parked outside Britton Discount. Somebody gots to be slingin’ something to afford a ride like that. Everyday I drive by there to and from work. Isn’t it illegal to park in the middle of the street? My favorite part of that place the sign that says “Opent till I am” take that smokers.

  7. it’s a travesty that not one of the misspelled bars in bricktown didn’t make the list. no Rayne? Lit? maybe there could be a 2nd list, or lYst, for the 3 lamest misspelled bars in bricktown.

  8. The conservatory somehow didn’t make the list. They play live music out of this arm pit/broken down mechanics garage and have the audacity to serve drinks in there. I’m always tempted to line the rim of my cup with bacardi 151 to disinfect any disease that may call that cup home.

    Purely sinful also makes the list, nothing cool about 200 asians tripping on Ex and sweating on you as they stumble their way to the bathroom to puke.

    The Opolis in norman. Similar to the conservatory except this anus of an establishment plays no good music, ever. Everyonce in a while you’ll bump into a hippy thats pretty hot here, until of course you decide to breath and take in a nose full of 2 week fermented hippy right before her life partner elbows you in the junk while flaling wildly/dancing.

    Dell on I-44.
    I’m not going to go into details here. Except it was built on a landfill and they measure how many time you take a dump a week there.

  9. Oh yah, forgot.

    The Chuck House on 23rd street.
    Its a good this they serve the “Best Chicken Fried Steak in the Universe”. Otherwise the 4 strains of hepatitis you picked up there would totaly not be worth it. At least they have phones in the booths to call the kitchen/front desk when you find a hair, or a deep fried pinky in your chicken fry.

  10. What about the Rio Bravo Bar on south walker or anything in Capitol Hill or south of 16th st between classen and penn…nails

  11. I think an entire article could be devoted to a Friday night at Crossroads Mall. Haven’t experienced this since my teen years, I only know what I hear from the “late-breaking news”.

  12. “The Opolis in norman. Similar to the conservatory except this anus of an establishment plays no good music, ever.”

    This is hands down the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Ever!

  13. “The Opolis in norman. Similar to the conservatory except this anus of an establishment plays no good music, ever.”

    This is hands down the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Ever!

    I second that. Totally Unbelievable.

  14. Old Paris Flea Market. It looks like the set of some post-apocalyptic film where survivors are attempting to exchange donkeys for funnel cake…

  15. The northsiders that enjoy bashing the south have obviously never visited the neighborhoods surrounding the Capitol or Wayne Coyne’s house. Ugh!

    At least SW 29th St. and the Capitol Hill area has an illusion of foreign travel.

  16. Speaking of Wayne Coyne’s house, what about Western from Main St. north through 13th? If you can make this walk without being stabbed or bum-rushed ten times, you’re a survivor!!

    Also, Reno b/t Hudson and Western is in its own league. Bad news when the homeless shelter is cleanest and safest place on your block!

  17. Nine times out of ten, I’d rather go to a show at the Conservatory or Opolis than virtually any other venue in the 405.

    Something tells me somebody’s got an ax to grind…

  18. If I’m going to go to a hole in the wall to watch a band, I’ll go to the deli. At least not everyone there looks like they just got done huffing paint.

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