With apologies to Mayor Mick, the job of being chief executive of a city seems to be pretty easy. At least the people of Muskogee think so. In a run off election last week, nineteen-year old OU Freshman John Tyler Hammons was elected to be the most powerful man in town.
More shocking than JTH’s rise to power at such a young age is that he managed to get elected despite making the announcement of his intention to run in front of this group:
Seriously, he kicked off his campaign in a mall food court with this as his target demographic and he managed to get elected? That’s almost as improbable as Pedro’s rise to class President, but I do like the image of Hammons candidacy being buoyed when his friend Napoleon did a sweet dance in the town square.
Regardless, it is an impressive feat that suggests J.T.’s ceiling may include a term as head of the U.N. So, I wanted to figure out the kid’s appeal. After exhaustive research, I decided it must be work ethic.
From the Muskogee Phoenix:
Q: If elected mayor, how much time would you devote to being mayor and what kind of schedule would you keep? How accessible would you be as mayor?
HAMMONS: As mayor, I will dedicate as much time as is needed to conduct the people’s business. This would include regular office hours, absolute attendance at council meetings.
Perfect example of our slacker generation. “If I get elected, I’ll sit in my office and show up at meetings I am required to attend.” Does he want a cookie for doing his job? Of course, he shows his budding political skills by leaving out the part where he will be playing Wii during his office hours.
A lot of my hostility may stem from jealously. When I was nineteen years old, I was working at Okie Sno pouring syrup on shaved ice before upgrading to become a reservationist at Hertz. There are definitely some benefits to being a mayor before getting a college degree. I outline some after the jump.
10. According to LeBron James, when most mayors are just finishing school, J.T. will be on his second contract.
9. Getting to rescind liquor license if bar refuses to serve you.
8. Getting to accompany Sally Kern to the Republican National Convention. (This is actually true.)
7. Sig Ep is bound to extend him a bid now.
6. Not being charged as an adult after his inevitable embezzlement accusation.
5. Cool new nickname: Mayor Doogie
4. Ordering police force to harrass parents when won’t get off his ass about missing curfew.
3. Better Summer job than mowing lawns.
2. Redecorating the city offices with unframed Hinder posters.
1. Mayoral groupies.
Hate to be a contrarian, but being Mayor in a town in Oklahoma that has a strong council/manager form of government doesn’t make one the chief executive of the city. The city manager does all this, along with city staff. The mayor simply does ribbon cuttings at car dealerships and barbershops and runs the actual city council meeting by going through the agenda. No big deal. I am proud of the kid, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves…
MUSKOGEE CITY HALL
knock knock
“mr. mayor? mr. mayor? it’s time for the ribbon cutting at the new car dealership…”
“umm…(cough cough)…i’ll be out in a second…”
“what’s that smell? what’s going on in there?”
“incense, man… (cough cough) i’ll be right there…”
How did you guys manage to get Jesus in an “I boobs amy mcree” shirt? Beenie and all.
This guy was in my city at Boys State.
If I remember correctly, he was kind of goofy, and didn’t even manage to get elected mayor of our city.
Then again, I try not to remember Boys State…
What town were you in Andrew? Whichever it was, it can’t hang with Raley.
(Spoken in a classic bad Kennedy accent)”Noble citizens of, er, Murskogee: As your new maya, i vow to commit huge portions of our vast town fortune to the hypothesis that cats can be engineead to defecate solid coppa. As you are, uh, well aware, the price of recycled coppa tubing has gone threw the, er, roof, as it were. This is the fyoocha of our proud community-er”
Whenever this happened, I told my mom I was going to run in my hometown. Then she kindly reminded me that I’m now a Norman resident. Have doubts about my chances there.
Boys State? Girls Stater here. And how my Girls State legislator status doesn’t trump Blythe’s drinking, I’ll never know.
But you guys had to wear the same t-shirt all week, right?
When the kid makes City Council Keg Stands the official city sport, I will be impressed. His first city laws he enacts should be good too.
Clark - I was in Yeager.
Miss Wisabus - Well they gave us two (I think) free shirts, and we were welcome to buy extras. There were also washing machines…but that didn’t prevent some people from wearing the two dirty shirts all week. We also had to march everywhere. And I still have no idea why on earth it was in Miami. Oh the memories…
Also, it seemed that he was a pretty clean-cut guy, so it is highly unlikely there will be any keggers, wet t-shirt contests, or city-wide celebrations of 4/20.
Yeah, we wore the same shirt all week. I’m not really sure how that’s different from any other week.