Some kind reader emailed us a pdf of the apparent Police Report from the Jerry Giordano DUI and Hit & Run incident. The highlight:
When GIORDANO was placed in handcuffs he lost control of his bowels and had feces running down his leg.
I think it is pretty hard to forge a police report, so I’m going to go ahead and assume this thing is real. If so, I guess it explains why Jerry had such an odd, whimsical look on his face when he took the mug shot. Hell, if I was drunk, in jail and had feces running down my leg, I’d probably have the same look plastered on my face, too…only I’d also try to sneak in a little wink.
Anyway, we wish Jerry all the luck in the world resurrecting his career. It is possible. Just look at Clark Matthews, he lost control of his bowels during an 8th checkers tournament and now works for the government. If Clark Matthews can do it, anyone can.
Update: Oops. It looks like whoever sent us the police report didn’t black out important things like social security numbers, phone numbers and stuff like that. The link to police report is temporarily removed until tomorrow morning.
Updated update: The link to the police report has been returned, with all identity theft inducing information removed.
That was not feces. I had a hole in my pocket and the Hostess Cupcake I was carrying melted. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Also, you try to control your bowels after a marathon checkers match with the Irritated Tulsan.
The science of soap bubbles, the goalposts move, the curtain comes down, nature is cunning, constantly unanticipated… losing control of its bowels at exactly the right moment.