Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

10 ways we can use our popularity to improve Oklahoma…

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Before I get to the point of this post, let me tell a back story:

Last February, we wrote a post about the Norman Music Festival inviting Joaquin Phoenix to perform at this year’s event.  In addition to that, we also listed some suggestions for performers they should invite just  in case Joaquin couldn’t make it to Oklahoma.  This list included Death Cab for Skarky, Falcon Five-O Hotel and, of course, Color Me Badd, which lead me to write this regarding the former boy band:

As long as Bryan Abrams doesn’t get drunk and attack us, this would probably be the next best thing to getting Joaquin.   I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

Well, would you believe that the following morning we  received an email from Kim Frazier, a representative for Color Me Badd front man Bryan Abrams.  Apparently Bryan reads The Lost Ogle and really liked our idea:

Hi Patrick,

I just finished reading your recent article which provided an open invitation for possible candidates, aside from Joaquin Phoenix, to perform at the Second Annual Norman Music Festival in April. I must say, you are a great writer and, as always, I enjoyed your piece. Now, regarding Color Me Badd, joke or no joke, you are right, it would be a great publicity opportunity for both CMB and the NMF if they were to perform.

This is the reason I am contacting you. I represent Bryan Abrams, lead vocalist for the group. They are planning to reunite for some shows this Spring and Summer across the country and are in the preliminary stages of securing a national tour. Very exciting! But, being as they are all Oklahoma natives, what a great place to jump-start that reunion. It has been 10 years since they have performed as a group — aside form their induction into the Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame in 2000. And, not to mention, Norman has always been dear to Bryan’s heart for a variety of reasons. The guys would love to perform at the NMF.

So, could you help me out as to whether or not this thing could actually happen? You did say, it would be the “next best thing to Joaquin,” didn’t you? I will hold you to your word that you will help us in getting the gig.

Again, it is always a pleasure reading your articles. Bryan has a great sense of humor and always gets a great laugh — even knowing it is at his own expense!

Best regards,

Kim Frazier

Well, I forwarded this email to Jonathan Fowler and some of the other people we know at the Norman Music Festival. They got in touch with Color Me Badd “” and would you not believe it “” a tentative agreement was reached for CMB to perform at the NMF.   Unfortunately, though, things fell apart at the last second and the former Oklahoma City boy band won’t play at the show.  That’s too bad, because Clark Matthews was really wanting to slow jam to some I Wanna Sex You Up and I Adore Mi Amore. And at least one of our other suggestions “” The Arcade Fire “” is still available.  Maybe Jonathan and the NMF people can make that happen.

Anyway, the near success of getting Color Me Badd to play at the Norman Music Festival made me reflect upon The Lost Ogle’s rising influence and popularity.  Seriously, if we can nearly make that happen, think of all the other things we can possibly influence.  10  of these ideas are after the jump.

ddp

Mandate that every Oklahoma restaurant serve Diet Dr. Pepper.

Diet Dr. Pepper may be the best non-alcohol beverage on the market, but for some reason most restaurants still don’t offer it. Usually when I ask for it the waitress says “I wish” or “that would be nice.” I then end up drinking iced tea. Or as us Oklahomans call it, tea.

And if we can’t get it served in every restaurant, we should at least get the legislature to force some state agency to make a list of every place that serves it.  That shouldn’t be a difficult thing to make happen, right?

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Have a “Silent Sunday” sale at Mathis Brothers.

I know Mathis Brothers has good prices and a large selection, but I would rather go to a funeral than deal with the hassle involved from shopping there.  That’s why they need to designate one Sunday a month as a day where you can go shop there without being hassled by one of their annoying, over-aggressive sales representatives.  Seriously, their sales people pursue customers more aggressively than Mike Gundy pursues hair gel. No lie, I was once in the bedding area and caught a salesman covering a hole in the ground with sticks and leaves hoping that some unsuspecting customer would fall into it and be trapped.

Grant Johnston

Create a pro wrestling event called “WeatherMania.”

This would be an excellent way for all of our weathermen to settle the score regarding last weekends botched winter weather predictions.  It would also build upon our old idea where we suggested that Oklahoma Sportscasters take on Oklahoma TV Weathermen for an entire season of Survivor:

I haven’t watched Survivor in years, but they must be running out of settings for the show by now. Isn’t this season 37 or something? I just went and checked Survivor’s web site, and it appears that the show has never been set at Arbuckle Wilderness. Crazy, no? So as a celebration of Arbuckle Wilderness being named a state park, the show should take place there. It would have two tribes, the “Meteorologists” against the “Sportscasters,” and they would be made up of the local media folks. Tell me you would not watch a show that features Chris Callahan and David Payne scheming to form an alliance while Mike Morgan rides around on a giraffe. That is television gold.

WeatherMania would be very similar. We would take 16 of Oklahoman’s finest Meteorologists and throw them in wrestling ring. The last man standing would be champion.  Think of how amazing this would be! Would Mike Morgan grab the microphone and tell Ross Dixon to show some balls?  Would Gary England and Jed Castles team up on Rick Mitchell?  Would Aaron Tuttle come out of retirement?  This has to happen!

p.s. – Steve Lackmeyer would be the referee.

glenncoffeejh2

Offer an amnesty week for state legislators to pay back taxes without any penalty.

Last fall, the State offered an amnesty program on unpaid income taxes for normal citizens and collected over $81-million. Who knows what amount we could collect in the legislature.  Regardless, once they get their taxes paid, maybe we can focus on real issues at the capitol.

sneak-liquor

Make it easier to sneak liquor into Thunder games.

We’ve been pretty critical of the Thunder’s game presentation, but they are doing a fantastic job of making it difficult to sneak booze into the Ford Center. Unless you enjoy paying $6 for a watered-down Bud Light, this really sucks. That’s why I think our civic leaders need to make it easier to snake liquor into Thunder games. While they are at it, they should also designate an exclusive area where you can fill your fountain drink with your favorite liquor without worrying about being caught. Let me tell you, there is just something creepy and humbling about pouring Sky Vodka into a large Sprite while standing in a smelly and dirty bathroom stall.

atm

Have all local banks get rid of ATM fees.

First of all, it should be pointed out that our premier advertiser First Fidelity Bank already offers this service. If they can do it, why can’t every other bank? Seriously, don’t banks charge enough fees already? Also, if this actually happens, I think that ATMs should also be banned from gentlemen’s clubs.   No ATM fees and Gentlemen Clubs seem like a bad mix.

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Give the Yard Dogs to Mustang.

If you thought Blazers games were bad, then you really need to see the Yard Dawgs in action. It’s almost like attending a Kid Rock / Eminem convention only without all the groupies and meth. That’s why I think we should give them to a town like Mustang. Not only would it benefit the Mustang economy and save fuel and travel costs, but the Mustang fans could walk to the Silver Stallion after the game.

amy-mcree-pink-bikini

Find out the name of the dude in the back of the Amy McRee photo.

This has to be one of the biggest mysteries on the internet. Who is this man, and what in the world is taking place near his feet at Lake Arcadia to garner his complete and undivided attention?

Force Mazzio’s to make their ranch dressing available at all grocery stores, convenience marts and water fountains.

Mazzio’s must own a map to the hidden valley, because their ranch dressing is the best in the world. Seriously, it’s almost so good that I would swim or take a bath in it. Notice that I emphasized the word “almost.” The only thing not called water that’s good enough to swim in is Newcastle Brown Ale.

jaime-c

Seriously, save Jaime Ceretta.

I know that we harp on this way too much, but Jaime’s resume seems to have been removed from Talent Tapes.  Somebody better tell us why, or those photos of Ed Doney hitting on waitresses at the Fox Hound will be plastered all over the Internet!!!  Or do those pictures even exist?*

* If we really had pictures like that, do you think we would not publish them?

Anyway, those are some ideas we had.  We think they are pretty good.  If you are reading this and can help make them happen, send us an email.

email

Comments

  1. I couldn’t agree more on the Ford Center. If you think the Thunder games are bad, you should’ve tried sneaking a pint of booze into the Big 12 tourney. The FC should realize that the serious drinkers WILL find a way.

    At the end of the OSU/MU game, an obviously dejected KU fan turns to my girlfriend and says, “you’re a nice girl…lay off the booze.”

  2. If you’re so influential, you should add “Getting Ronin a job he doesn’t hate with all his being” to that list. Seriously. Band posters are fun, but don’t pay very well. There’s a bathtub fulla ranch in it for you.

  3. Clark speaks truth. I enjoy Hideaway’s ranch so much that I first asked our waitress if they sold it (no) and then asked how to make it. I think I would put that ranch on everything – pizza, salads, apple cobbler, ribs, whatever. It’s that good.

  4. WeatherMania would be AWESOME. Their forecasts would be how they summon weather attacks on their opponents. I wonder if Gary England would go too easy on his opponents only to find himself knocked out of the contention.

    Also would the “get rid of local ATMs” only go towards banks? Or would they include credit unions as well?

  5. #11. Make Glenn Coffee explain why all of his travel reimbursements are exactly even #’s.

    #12. Make Glenn Coffee tell us about his $10,000.00 travel reimbursement.

  6. Dude, they can’t even get JJ Cale or Leon Russell. How can we hope for CMB? By the way, Weathermania would be worth it just to hear Gary England give us a Rick Flair WOOOOO!

  7. I’m with you on the Mathis Bros. thing, we don’t go there anymore because of it… Galleria is much more laid back.

  8. i agree on several levels.

    i would pay money to have a hassle free visit to Mathis Bros. that’s how much i hate it. they would actually make more money if it worked that way.

    i’d pay $5 every time i walked in there, and they would give me a sticker or nametag or shotgun or whatever i need to alert to their crazy salespeople that i am off limits. then, if they accidentally make a pitch to me, they would have to pay me $5.

  9. +1 on the ranch dressing at Mazzio’s. I’m fairly certain that they are spiking it with heroin or morphine or some sort of addictive chemical.

  10. Forget the weather wrestling event. Until you guys can get Amy Mcree and Kristen Chenowith, clad in their pink bikinis, battling it out in an oil-filled, inflateable kiddie pool, then you guys carry no weight in my book. Amy vs Kristen, a War on the Shore….of Lake Arcadia!

  11. Ditto on the diet d.p. They’ve got it at arby’s but i’m not sure it’s worth eating their crappy food just to get the good stuff to drink.

    I’m with you onthestrip but how about putting schamwow in there with them? Who wouldn’t pay to see that?!

  12. Mazzios? Cripes.

    Any you kids old enough to remember the house dressing at Nicolosi's on 10th? That stuff made any Ranch dressing taste like the hand soap at the Ford Center. Hmmm.

  13. If you’re going to hold WeatherMania, you have to do professionals vs. students. I know several of my peers at the NWC in Norman who would be more than willing to participate in this event. Heck, as a meteorology student, I’d participate. I’d pay to participate. I’d pay to watch. You have a killer product here.

    ~Travis, meteorology sophomore

  14. I agree on the Diet DP. It’s hit and miss no matter where you go.

    Even buying it at Wal-Mart has been altered to a degree. Recently, I found that they are no longe selling the Diet DP with Vanilla and Cherry. It is now JUST CHERRY. I can do regular Diet DP, but the cherry vanila made pushed to that upper echelon. The ads on TV touted it as “just as good as dessert” with it often in line with a bowl of ice cream or a stack of Oreo cookies. But now, Coke Inc. feels we no longer need vanilla in our drink!

    They did something similar with Diet Coke too. I can only find Diet Coke with Lime now a days. I do like the lime, but why no vanilla? If I feel compelled, I’ll swing by a Sonic to buy an overpriced version that they are push’n.

  15. Dr. Pepper is not a Coke product. It is an independent company. It is, however, bottled by Great Plains Coca-Cola in Oklahoma City, which is probably why you thought it was produced by Coke.

  16. Thanks for the clarification Clark. I did base some of my thoughts on the Great Plains Coca-Cola in OKC, but the other assumption was influenced by how often I will find a place who offers Coke products, there is always DP. Be it a resturant or coin-op vending machine, they were normally together. Places who dedicate towards Pepsi products normally were void of DP. But with your info, it would explain why KFC (major Pepsi vendor) offeres DP and Diet DP (sipping right now).

    When I visited family in Ohio way back in the 90s, I found it next to impossible to find any DP anywhere. No vending machines or fountains offered it. I only found 1 machine that offered Mr. Pibb during my visit in Ohio. I wonder what Diet Mr. Pibb tastes like. Mr. Pibb is pretty good.

    Thanks again Clark, now I know! And knowing is half the battle!!!
    G…..I…..JOE!!!!!!!

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