Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Jessica Alba Vandalized Downtown Oklahoma City. Seriously.

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Update 1:  Is Jessica Alba Really Sorry?

Update 2: Is this “White Mike,” the great white shark activist who vandalized OKC with Jessica?

I’ve written a bunch of crazy things during the brief history of The Lost Ogle.  Nothing, though, can probably match the truthful absurdity of the following sentence:

Last week, Jessica Alba plastered posters of a great white shark  across different spots in Downtown Oklahoma City.

Yes, let me write that again.

Last week, Jessica Alba plastered posters of a great white shark  across different spots in Downtown Oklahoma City.  These locations included Stage Center and a railroad overpass near Bricktown.  And she did it all to bring awareness to the dwindling great white shark population.  From the shark conservation blog White Mike:

Who says they don’t know how to swim in Oklahoma? I beg to differ. I met quite a few people that are passionate about sharks while on my visit. I stumbled into a Hollywood transplant working out there who has a fear yet a passion for sharks which they discovered and faced while filming Into the Blue. No, it’s not that guy from Fast and the Furious. It’s a she. And it’s Jessica Alba.

Yeah, I’m not too sure what to think about this.  On one hand, I guess it’s pretty cool that a hot Hollywood A-lister flew an animal rights activist to Oklahoma City to help her make an artistic political statement.  On the other hand, what does this say about our city when a Hollywood A-lister has to fly an animal rights activist to town just for a little entertainment?  I know we’re not L.A. or New York, but is Oklahoma City really that boring?  I mean we do have a canal and a cowboy hall of a fame and firefighters museum and…well…nevermind.

Anyway, instead of posterizing our downtown, Jessica should just hang out with local shark enthusiasts. For example, I am a long time supporter of international efforts to protect our global great white shark population.  In fact, I love great white sharks so much that I have posters of them plastered to my garage, I take off from work to watch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, and I have been nicknamed “Jaws” and “Hammerhead” by my best friends.

Also, I’ve been known to occasionally swim with these oceanic predators…without a cage.  I’ve done this because I’m incredibly brave, strong, and handsome, plus the sharks and I have a peaceful friendship.  If Jessica Alba would like to go to the beach with me sometime to look for these beasts of the ocean “” or perhaps just talk about it over some coffee or several adult beverages “” she can contact me immediatly at okcpatrick at gmail.com.  As an added bonus, we can even talk about The Lost Ogle’s recent push to get her named as an honorary Oklahoman.

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Comments

  1. That’s just silly. I’m sure the United Way will be contacting her people soon to get that billboard paid for.

    Heck, knowing our state she’ll be arrested sometime this next week by OKCPD.

  2. I’m just happy to know that I can go under the railroad and touch a poster that was put up with Jessica Alba’s hands. Maybe that’s just me.

    Ooh, new $50 First Fidelity candidate: Put up shark posters with Jessica Alba.

  3. Dear Ms. Alba, I’m not sure that land-locked ranch-dressing country is the best place to raise shark awareness. Now put your socks on, make me some coffee and go home.

  4. WTF? I was in the same area code… she was… I… How did I… Why does God….I FAIL.

  5. what an effing idiot. sharks?

    this is okla-mother-f*cking-homa! this isn’t California, Hawaii, Florida or any other coastal state. what in the hell are we going to do to save sharks in Oklahoma?

    do we need to put limits on our local fisheries? are we polluting the ocean here in Oklahoma? is our human interaction causing problems with shark migration or feeding?

    why not put up pictures of seals, penguins, and Kangaroos. all of those have just as much to do with Oklahoma as friggin sharks.

    Alba is more proof that all you need to get rich/famous in America is a great rack and a tiny waist, rather than actual talent and brains.

  6. cornercuttin said: “Alba is more proof that all you need to get rich/famous in America is a great rack and a tiny waist, rather than actual talent and brains.”

    They have surgery for all of that, you know. Including the lobotomy.

  7. You also failed to mention that we also have a Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar and Grill.

  8. Wasn’t she already here for the filming of that movie with Casey Affleck and Kate Hudson? I doubt she came here JUST for the posters.

  9. There are those little red-tail (or is it red-fin?) sharks that you can buy for your aquarium. I never knew they were endangered.

    I think I’m going to start a campaign against those who would train Siamese fighting fish – bettas for most of you – into turning themselves into poor defenseless fighting machines.

    Barbaric!

  10. OMG. You’ve come full circle. News 9 dot com is running this story, using your pics, and they have credited you. “Courtesy of TheLostOgle.com.” Holy crap, boys. Btw, that’s how it’s done, Sports Animal.

  11. Wow. Watching that clip on News 9, I get the feeling Oklahomans take themselves wayyy to seriously. $235 whole dollars to replace the Untied Way sign? They got thousands in free publicity out of it by running the pic over and over on the news and it being a big story.

    Besides. Alba is hott (yeah I used two T’s) and can get away with most anything in my book.

    BTW, Someone should send the first one to Perez Hilton, how he says she never smiles.

  12. David Prater says he understands hanging the first poster, but everything she did after that was over the line.

    I think some kind of “community service” is in order.

  13. Wow how lame , at least we had an actor here in the great OKC. Its not like it was Mac Culkin getting pulled over for pot, eh , hmm.

  14. Do we have a pie chart to represent the % chance that local officals OVERRREACT to this? My guess is we will only need 1 color.

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