Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Page 3: Why Your City Sucks: Enid

(Oklahoma is a wonderful, incredible state filled with charming small towns and awesome big cities. I love this state in every way possible. But even still, there are some features of specific places that are the opposite of awesome. Hopefully, this is where we can detail some of those issues.)

I’ve been to Enid one time. I played baseball in high school and Enid has a very, very nice high school baseball “stadium.” But Enid is kind of a weird place. It’s kind of a big town, but it seems like everyone always forgets about it. Honestly, how many times do you think about Enid throughout the day? That’s what I thought. Definitely not as much as you think about Bethany or Purcell, I can tell you that. What, you don’t think about Purcell? Anyway…

So from my experience, Enid only sucks because I don’t ever think about it. Otherwise, it seemed like an OK place. Someone actually sent me this story as a reason Enid sucks. “Car Sideswipes Elephant in Enid.” There are live circus animals running wild in Enid? That sounds like a reason Enid ROCKS.

I do remember when I went there, there was all sorts of road construction going on and it was absolute hell to get anywhere. But that’s probably cleared up by now. So let’s let some resident Enidites take this one away (consider everything sic‘d):

Craig: “Enid is the city of 45,000+ that lies 70 miles just to the northwest of Oklahoma City.  If you have ever watched Gary England in the springtime, you know Enid lies in Garfield county and we get the weather that is coming to OKC.  For that, you are welcome to “stay advised” when you hear Enid mentioned.

Unofficially, (but probably a fact) Enid has more bars than convenience stores.  One of these bars is owned by a bigot douchebag. Enid may also be referred to as conservativeville. Again, unofficially, there is a sign in small print under the WELCOME TO ENID sign that says “democrat don’t let the sun set on your ass in Enid”  These people are so tight that the high school doesn’t even have a basketball gym or a baseball field to call it’s own.  Pretty sad for a 6A school district.

The demographic information gathered through plenty of study with the help of budweiser is 65% old people, 30% out of town pilots that think they own the city, and 5% in betweeners.  Enid likes to think that it is as important as Oklahoma City.  There is a downtown ballpark, we had a moderately successful professional basketball team (The Storm), and even had an arena football team, The Crude. (which I affectionately referred to as “the crud” because their franchise record was like 2-70)  Former NBA players Mark and Brent Price both played their high school basketball at Enid High.

Enid may be the only town that is split down the middle into an older section of town “East Side” and the newer section “West Side.”  With the latter (west side) being the more affluent section of town.  There is a mall that I refer to as “the Pasture.” Where normally money-making business go to close.  There are plenty of places to eat in Enid that will send you to an early grave, but those are the best places anyway.  If you feel like paying $8.00 to see a movie and watch the film break during the credits and ten times throughout the feature, feel free to visit the theatre.

Enid does have a lot of faults, but a commute to anywhere in town only takes at the most 15 minutes and there is no rush hour.  It is my hometown and there are a lot worse places out there to live.  Thank you for the opportunity to share some of my thoughts.”

@stevelackmeyer: “I like Enid. They’ve got a cool downtown w/great restaurants, a kick-butt kids area and a mini-Bricktown ballpark.”

@thedigsy: There are five things to do in Enid. Drink, do drugs, have sex, cruise Van Buren or drink, do drugs and have sex while cruising VB. Oh! Other Enid things: may fete, stupid cow statue things at government springs park high school wasn’t fully air conditioned until 2001.

Kyle: “As an Enidite to school at University of Oklahoma for a Meteorology degree I have quite a few things to say.

E-Town: Seriously, is that how we refer to ourselves? It sounds so incredibly lame. I’d feel like such a tool if I ever said it and yet it’s the thing.

Bridges and Fire Department: Lookup what happened to the West Randolph bridge. It collapsed as a fire truck went over it (was probably over the posted weight limit). They didn’t even notice it collapsed, it had to be reported by a citzen and even then it was practically dark.

Here’s another problem already mentioned at TLO. (LOTS of people just sent in that story. -ed)

Vance and the high airspeed overhead planes: You know how you can hear the planes flying in and out of Max Weisthimer? Try having those planes going at over Mach 1 several times a day.

Oakwood Mall AKA THE (only) Mall: Here’s a big problem. Oakwood mall is the ONLY mall in Enid but I guess I can just attribute it to being a small town. Oakwood mall LOVES to charge a high rent rate to those business that are in the mall. We had a Big Lots in the mall. They closed because of the rent and now my hometown is without a Big Lots again. Numerous other business inside have also closed shop including a ToysRUs and Waldenbooks/Borders because of this. It does have an arcade.

Atwoods HQ: I don’t know if this means much by the Atwoods headquarters moved to Enid with a building behind the main store. I guess it helps solidfy north central and eastern northwestern OK as farm country.

SuperWalmart: Walmart decided that they wanted a SuperWalmart. So they purchased land across from Atwoods that was original slated to be a church (I guess they never raised enough funds or something) and now it’s everyone one-stop-shop. And yes the “People of Walmart” applies to this Walmart as well. Now the old Walmart not too far the new one is still sitting vacant for the past few years.

Nothing much to do: Like any other small town there’s not much to do most of the time.

John Wilks Booth Conspiracy: Yeah this was actually kind of cool to think that the guy had actually gotten away and eventually made his way to Enid and decided to kill himself at some point. Then Ghost Lab, the Discovery Channel knockoff of Syfy’s Ghost Hunters, decided to show up for their John Wilks Booth special. (The people on that show are DAMN idiotic; they make Ghost Hunters people look like geniuses.)

Willow Lake: more like Willow POND. But I guess that’s what counts for a lake in NW OK. And it’s also in the shape of an E.

On the bright side we do have Leonardo’s Warehouse, Leonardo’s Adventure Quest, and Da Vinci’s Coffee House. Wait, I’m noticing a theme…”

Next week: Edmond. Have something to say about it? Email me at dailythunder@gmail.com

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Comments

  1. I am promising now to stay away from the Edmond bashing next week. The last time I got sucked into a Edmond “discussion” on this site I ended up being called several forms of lonely man-hating lesbian, and then offered cupcakes?!?

    But about Enid, I have never met anyone from there I ever liked…not even a LITTLE BIT! So there’s your unbiased journalism.

  2. Aww, we here in Enid aren’t taht bad – girlballer.

    Several summed up enid’s faults pretty well. here are some positives:

    Growing Young Professional populaton
    Medical Hub of NW OKlahoma
    On the Sidewalk Bar and Grill
    Callahan’s Pub
    Great downtown (main street) area
    130+ lawyers (wait, oops)

  3. I’ve been to Enid a couple times and I didn’t care for it. The hotel fitness room was basically in the upstairs hallway so every step on the treadmill was heard by everyone. There was a titty bar across the road which I believe was called the Wild Cherry. My only other memory is watching a guy drive 60 mph down the road on his rims with sparks flying everywhere. I’ve been to a lot worse towns in OK.

  4. It is so unfortunate that I didn’t get your call for information to my siblings. We are from “near” the Enitz (as we call it). We actually play a game on vaction called “Why I hate the Enitz” It always ends in gales of laughter. I’ll send them the post and see if they’ll comment for you.

  5. The titty bar you are referring to is “Wild Child’s” and I will thank you to remember that they set the standard for excellence. That fact is right there on their website, which you can take a look at here:

    http://wildchildsclub.com/

    And if you want to see what Enid excellence really looks like, check out dancer Raven: http://www.wildchildsclub.com/dancerinfo.asp?id=29. Note that she has been a stripper since 1990 and has already completed all her goals in life.

    Also, Enid has a Godfather’s Pizza, which is cool.

  6. Craig and Kyle do a nice job summarizing up ‘E-town’. As a transplant who was born and raised there, I can say I don’t miss it. Sure, visiting family is okay, but I am glad that I get to leave after a few days. It is a great town to retire to after you hit that point in your life. But as a teenager and beyond, there is nothing to do except to drink. The Oakwood Mall is extremely depressing to visit now a days. I remember when it was full of shops and actually something you could enjoy to visit and shop. Now, 3/4 of the place is boarded up shops. After you get past the Buckle/Sears at the halfway point, it is a quiet walk down to the JCP end of the mall.

    Yes, the Super Wal-Mart is the Mecca of Enid. I run into at least 2-3 people there I know each time I visit town. The best thing about it is on Black Friday when everyone is in a mad dash/fight to get that gift that little Jonnie needs. This past holiday season, a fire alarm went off in the electronics area and everyone looked around at each other in a slight panic, but no one budged to loose their spot to get that great bargin. It was that or they couldn’t move due to the large amount of people and shopping carts crammed in around them which was the case for me.

    Cruising Van Buren was a highlight once you got your drivers license and were fortunate enough to either own a car, or borrow your parents car for awhile. But after awhile, that gets old and you then find yourself finding a quiet oil lease to drive to and have a few adult beverages with your friends. There have been some great parties I’ve attended that took place on properties leased to a major oil company.

    I’m glad that I am raising my child in a better local than Enid.

  7. Dont sell Enid short. They have a cool looking kiddie train track that I notice everytime I pass through that town. And the train that goes on the track is never going around the track but always locked in the barn,but the field looks well groomed.

  8. I think as Lawton and Enid ans two variations on a theme – military base in a small city in Oklahoma. Take away OKC and that’s what you get with Mid-Del and Tinker. And it’s what you have with Altus.

  9. @girlballer Then you obviously have never met me.

    A correction: I said “ToysRUs” at the mall. Actually it was a “KB Toys”.

    Also something else about my high school. For a long time there was always one bomb threat a year. It was always some stupid kid looking to get out of class. My first year there it was snowing but not enough to cancel school. My teacher told us the code phrase that went over the overcom was code for a “bomb threat” and that it was likely someone wanting to get school called out. As if you could guess: it was some idiot. Again it happened both my junior and senior years. Of course none can top the fake pipe bomb that happened back in 1999.

    Of course Craig mentioned something I’ve always noticed: Garfield county is the most conservative part of Oklahoma. And considering OK is the buckle of the Bible Belt…

    Oh, and Craig. In 2002 the toilets in the men’s restrooms at EHS got stalls.

  10. Please do Bartlesville on this feature. I grew up there and it sucks. And I want to be able to send it to the newspaper up there and watch all the geriatrics get their Depends in a bunch.

  11. I’m from Enid and I can attest to most of the negative things in this article. However, something awesome about Enid is the public access channel, and that is Pegasys. In high school, I had a public access show called “TV Show.” It was bad, but fun to do and we got in trouble numerous times.

    First, we had to air after ten due to “questionable content.” I think most of the questionable content was content not about postcards or cattle. The biggest offense was when we shot Santa in the head for being a thief. A church in town got mad at us and demanded we were pulled off the air. Personally, I thought a church would be happy about that, but I guess not.

  12. Royce, Bartlesville is the home to the only Frank Lloyd Wright-designed skyscraper in the world.

    There’s a reason most of Wright’s designs were low and horizontal . . .

  13. Ah yes, Enid. Back in the 70s, we used to load up the Mach I with beer and cigarettes (some illegal), and head up for the weekend. On Saturday night, we’d join up with our buddies, Brian and Eldon and sneak into beer bars until closing time, then we’d head out to Bamboo for c&w dancing with the local gals. I remember making out with some chick named Heidi. God we were s***faced.

    We’d sleep in the car at a park somewhere on the south side of town. One Sunday morning, Tom and I were woken up by a couple of police officers beating on the car window. When they asked us what we were doing, I told them we were camping and pointed to a sign that said camping was allowed in the park. The cops looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and drove off.

    By Sunday afternoon we were about out of money, beer and cigarettes and the objective was to have enough cash to buy gas to get back to OKC and still have a quarter each leftover so we could hit the Phillips pool. The swim was taken as a substitute for a shower.

    Man I love Enid. Those were some fun times.

  14. I lived in Enid for almost 6 years. I actually enjoyed living there, but anytime I return I always say, “Man…how did I live here?”

    Some positives about Enid:
    -Prior to the early eighties oil bust there were, per capita, more millionaires in Enid than anywhere in the country. In fact, Oklahoma’s richest human being, Harold Hamm, still calls Enid home (Take that, A. McClendon!). The oil boom is responsible for things like Oakwood Mall, which has never been renovated, making it still look like a late seventies shopping mall (complete with wood finished Orange Julius).

    -The thing that makes Lawton and Altus (and even Mid-Del) rough is the personnel serving at their military installations. Enid is different in that the vast majority of the personnel at Vance are pilots, which is to say they are well educated, military officers…not 19 year old enlisted, thugs (thugs who fight for our freedom that is…).

    -Apparently the number of eating establishments in Enid far exceeds what a town its size should have. Enid has four Braums, five Sonics, 3 Mcdonalds, and the aforementioned Godfathers. But it also has some cool independent restaurants, which is pretty cool.

    -It’s Country Club was desinged by Perry Maxwell (who also designed Southern Hills)…so that’s cool, and it’s muni is in the landing pattern of vance, making it almost possible to hit a jet airplane with a well timed tee shot. As for the sound of jets overhead….when I first lived there the jets would wake me up every morning. I was pretty annoyed, but then I got used to it, and only noticed when something uncharacteristic landed there. But when other people visit and ask you what the noise is, the appropriate response is “Money.” Without Vance, Enid would be hurting…BIG TIME.

    -The largest grain elevator in the world used to be in Enid. When you drive into Enid late in the day the grain elevators are visible on the horizon making Enid look like a big city. Then you get closer and realize they are whitewashed grain elevators, and not skyscrapers.

    -An original Putt-Putt golf course…in all its orange and green glory!

    Some negatives:
    -The East Side. Most people drive into Enid from the East, which is not a pretty picture. There are three types of people who live in Enid. The Haves (West siders), the Have Nots (East siders), and the Air Force Families (West siders who move away after three years). Interestingly the railroad tracks divide the East from West, giving the “wrong side of the tracks” its full measure of meaning.

    -It’s leech communities. Waukomis, Drummond, Lahoma, Kremlin, etc…anyone from the small towns surrouding Enid go to Enid for fun, which means they think Enid is cool. This greatly lowers the town’s self awareness.

    -Stephen Jones. He’s the dude that chose to defend Timothy McVeigh. He has a nice pad just north of town.

    Enid. Like most places in Western Oklahoma is probably a great place to raise a family, and there is actually more culture there than your average suburb. But for some reason I don’t ever want to live there again. Too many Sonics I guess…

  15. I went to college at Phillips in Enid which wasn’t a bad little private University until it went bankrupt and is now a campus of Northwesten OSU. I worked at Godfathers delivering pizza and went back last year to see how things look and the only thing that’s improved is Godfathers moved into a new location out of the shopping center. Maybe I’ve grown, but Enid looks like every other small town I’ve visited in the last few years that’s drying up.

  16. Trust me, if you reside in the back of beyond of NW Okieland as I do (and you came from London) Enid is a god-send! But then this is from a desperate woman who used to 20 mins from the capital of Europe and is now 110 miles from the nearest mall (in Enid)!

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