Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Meth is bad…

Last week, the man pictured above was arrested on, get this, drug related charges.  From the state’s most trusted news:

Police said they found military ordnance, illegal mushrooms and other drugs in the home of a man who was arrested Tuesday.

John Francis Wallace, 46, was arrested after Warr Acres police served an arrest warrant with the assistance of an Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Department bomb squad, said Sgt. John Gray, Warr Acres police spokesman.

Officers went to Wallace’s house at 5710 N Central about 6:10 a.m. Tuesday and found methamphetamine, the drug ecstasy, marijuana and psilocybin mushrooms, Gray said.

I know meth is bad, but when did it start turning people into clown lepers?   Seriously, give this guy a band-aid…and Neosporin…and  a “Vote for Pedro” shirt.

I wish I could have been in Warr Acres for the arrest.  It was probably the most interesting thing to occur in that town since Incredible Pizza opened.  I bet the guy tried to evade police by running off on big stilts or by speeding away in tiny little car with an ooooga horn.  I bet he was also wearing a purple dress.

Anyway, instead of spending thousands of dollars on another silly Crystal Darkness documentary, our civic leaders should just put this guy in a cage and haul him around to every elementary schools across the state.  Meth and drug use would drop overnight.  Kids would also lose weight from throwing up their lunch. That makes it a “win win.”

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Comments

  1. The Thunder Girls have really let themselves go…
    But seriously, I totally agree with your last statement! Take him school to school and no kid would touch a drug. Yikes!

  2. I got a really big kick out of the Ambrosia Treatment Centers “Affordable Drug Rehab” ad placed ever so innocently next to this article.

  3. +1 On the “put this guy in a cage and haul him around to every elementary schools across the state” comment. Brilliant!

  4. What is cropped out of the photo above is that the guy has no arms. No joke! He’s apparently not that big of a threat to use his military “ordinance” unless it’s a Dance-Dance-Explosion pad.

  5. tbag isnt bullshitin. the dude has no arms. Somebody probably made his hair that way and he couldnt do anything about it.

  6. he also has a previous arrest record for armed robbery. oh wait never mind. just robbery.

  7. Some interesting things not reported: 1. Dude was wearing a woman’s “nightie”, 2. There was porn found throughout the house, 3. I am told he might have been pleasuring himself when Warr Acres served the warrant. How sweet is that?

  8. “I got a really big kick out of the Ambrosia Treatment Centers “Affordable Drug Rehab” ad placed ever so innocently next to this article.”
    I feel ripped off, I only got Passages in Malibu.

    I came here to mention the icing on this white trash treasure was the fact that he’s disarmed. How’re you supposed to light a pipe bomb with no arms?

    (muffled) “Don’t come in here, I’ll blow us up!”
    “Huh?”
    (spits match out of mouth) “I said, don’t– shit…”

    Meth is a helluva drug.

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