Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Page 3: Why Your City Sucks: Moore

The enchanted town of Moore has been requested by a handful of people. Why? I suppose some wanted to let off some steam about it (though I only got a handful of responses). But as a current resident of Norman, I’ve traveled through the land of Toby Keith many times. And if we could vote a city Most Improved in Oklahoma, I think I might go with Moore.

Over the last few years, it’s come a long, long way. It used to be strictly known for tornado damage, disappointing high school sports and the thing that separated Oklahoma City and Norman. Now? It’s pretty solid. The Warren Theater is the best place to see a movie in the state. And that whole area around it got developed in about six hours it seemed. There’s even a Chick-Fil-A there and when you have one of those in your town, it immediately gets a gold star. If Union City tossed up a Chick-Fil-A, I’d kindly doff my cap and salute it for being one of the top towns in the state. I’m easily won over. Especially when delicious chicken is involved.

But regardless of that, I’ve got my qualms with Moore. So join me on the other side for a few issues, along with a couple short readers comments.

Verbeck? Did you know that the original name of Moore was “Verbeck”. Seriously. Or at least that’s what Wikipedia tells me. So how did Moore get the lame name of “Moore”? Why in a super lame way, of course! “A railroad employee named Al Moore, reported to be either a conductor or a brakeman, lived in a boxcar at the camp and had difficulty receiving his mail. He painted his name – “Moore” – on a board and nailed it on the boxcar. When a postmaster was appointed, he continued to call the settlement Moore. When the town incorporated in 1893 the name was legalized.” Awesome. Very soon Norman will be renamed “Royce”. I have a 1968 Volkswagen van positioned at the corner of Berry and Lindsey with that painted on it. And it also says “Free Candy For Eight-Year-Old Boys” on it, but it said that on there when I bought it. I swear.

Diff’rent Death. Former “star” of the show Diff’rent Strokes, Dana Plato, died of a drug overdose in Moore on May 8, 1999. She also starred in some softcore porn, according to her bio. There is a joke in here somewhere, but I just haven’t found it.

Speaking of porn! Adult film “actress” Jesse Jane graduated from Moore High School. I’d say that’s a pretty good reason why Moore sucks. Hahaha! Zing! High five?

How do you like me naaaaa? Yep, Toby Keith proudly calls Moore home. He’s on the watertower and everything. But in his defense, he never did grow his hair over his eyes, wear mascara and rename himself like that dude from Yukon. Plus he’s got a sweet curly mullet and likes OU. That counts for something.

Smells like poo. It’s simple: There’s a stretch on I-35 right around Hillsdale Baptist College where it smells like a port-a-potty. And it’s not like it’s a strong sense of poo really, it’s more like poo that’s trying to be masked by some sort of cleaning agent. It’s fairly pungent. It’s only at certain times of the day, but when you’re driving, it’ll hit you in the face. I have no idea why either. Is there some sort of toilet cleaning supply manufacturer there? Does Hillsdale just smell? Or could it just be Moore, the town in general, stinking the place up? I need these answers.

Now to three quick reader suggestions:

Kevin: “The only thing Moore is good for is being a buffer between the horrors of South OKC and the greatness that is Norman. Thanks for that, Moore.”

Cacey: “I’m sure there are ‘moore’ reasons Moore is lame, but these two come to mind: 1. Toby Keith 2. It smells like butt by I-35.”

Carl Owen: “Moore used to be a small town. Now it’s sort of the Gary, Indiana to Edmond’s Beverly Hills to the OKC metro area. The biggest debate so far at the city council meetings is whether to call ourselves Moorites or Morons. The Moorewinians is still in a distant third place. Carl Owen, Proud Moore resident since 1986.”

As brought up by someone else that mailed in, what are Moore people called? Mooreites? Moorewegians? Or Moore-ons? Since Toby Keith is from there, I think the latter might make the most sense.

Next up: I don’t know. Suggest something I guess.

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Comments

  1. Just because it’s not as well known for tornado damage anymore doesn’t mean it isn’t a tornado magnet.

    Okay, that’s not scientifically accurate. The OKC Concrete-jungle heat dome and the Norman/Canadian River moisture-rich dome moves tornadoes in between them….which is where Moore sits.

  2. “How much farther until we get out of this hell-hole and arrive in Norman?”

    “Just have to pass through a little Moore.”

  3. I work with a couple of tootbags from Moore. Their veins run with pure Fox News Crazy. Moore is like the darkness that spreads inside you after the bad guy from Lost touches you. It is the hairy mole on the face of Cleveland County. Like Drew Brees scary mole, not Cindy Crawford sexy mole.

    Props to the Warren, though. And Dan McGuinness ain’t bad … when Jim the Elephant is rocking the place.

    • Moore isn’t bad but then again I grew up in MWC. The best thing that happened to them was the May 3 tornado that cleaned up the I 40 and Hudiburg area.

      I will say the Wild Wings in Moore is one of the better ones and the girls that work at the Waffle House at 3am aren’t quit as “prisony” as some of the others. But I know you Norman people will never like Moore, after all, you do have Sugars and nothing can compete with that.

      • Hey, it’s spelled “Sugers”, get it right! Would you misspell the Smithsonian or Louvre, or any other houses of national treasures?

  4. That smell is the Moore Wastewater Treatment Plant, on the East side of I-35, just north of Indian Hills. Good news! Plant improvements are under construction, so the smell may soon be a thing of the past.

    Ban the nickel! Bring back TV Forum!

  5. Reasons why Moore sucks in my book:

    1) Nickname: “Nature’s bitch”

    2) Friends and co-workers who hail from Moore actually call themselves “Moore-ons”

    3) Convergys

    4) Being stuck at the stop sign next to Walmart and I-35 southbound.

    5) How many watertowers does this city need?

    • That cluster-fuck of intersections in front of the Wal-mart on 19th is enough to ensure Moore’s spot on this list.
      But the city of Moore isn’t a load of under -achievers! They’ve got plenty of other suck-tastic offerings for this well deserved honor.
      Way to be, Moore- you’ve made the short list in something.

  6. Theres strip malls
    and fast food
    and stop lights galore
    but Toby Keith doesn’t live in MooreAmerica anymore

  7. Moore once had a Napoleon Nash menswear store that sold quadruple knit polyester pants called La Jollas. They were indestructible. As a sales pitch, the manager bragged about welding in them. :-)

  8. That smell may be the old car dealer Alan Merrill.I think he is buried in that old prairie field in south town.

  9. I did like the old version of the water tower with the smiley face (“Moore says: Smile America!”)

    Haven’t been there recently, but the Braum’s around 5th and I-35 had the slowest drive-thru window in the world.

    There is perpetual construction and traffic back-ups on I-35 in/near the Moore area.

    • I went to a Metallica concert in ’97 and they played a video of the band arriving in town and they posed in front of the Smile America sign with big grins while doing the upsidedown longhorns sign.
      Tobey technically lives in Norman now so they should change back to the Smile America sign or at least have that with the “Home of Tobey Keith” text underneath.

  10. I’ve lived in Moore my entire life (excluding college), so I’ve been waiting for this one. About 10 years ago, Moore was awesome. There was no traffic, there were little league baseball teams everywhere, we had multiple grocery stores, and there were only 3-5 stabbings at Moore War every year (instead of the hundreds that occur now). You could get from Sunnylane to Western in 7-10 minutes.

    Nowadays, try to drive from Western down 19th street (SW 149th for you OKC folks) to Eastern (or vice versa) in less than an hour. You would swear that you are in rush hour traffic in f*cking Manhattan. Smart city planners would have exit ramps for each direction (an exit to get off the hw & turn right, and one to loop around and go over the overpass). Instead, 19th street has a single exit ramp in each direction. Add in the 3 stop lights you’ll hit in your first 300 yards of leaving I-35 South (going West) and the fact that you could spit on 10 businesses from I-35 because they are so close, and you’ve got yourself a good, old-fashioned cluster-f*ck. If I ever take my own life, it will be because of 19th street.

    The Wal-Mart Supercenter (mixed with the neighborhood market on 4th & Eastern) helped to kill Buchanans, Pratts, Food Lion, and Homeland all within a few years (granted, Moore was a little over-saturated with grocery stores). GFF is hanging on by a thread (thanks to their BBQ stand), and Crest is still in business, even though it sucks (recently paying out a several thousand dollar settlement because their security guard thinks he’s John Wayne). So if you want food and don’t want to step back into 1974 by going to GFF, or you want actual groceries (one time, went by Crest, & they were out of milk!), then Wal-Mart is your only option. Hence, 50k people attending that SOB every week (40k of them on Sunday). And no, I’m not going to Aldi’s, because I’m not a dipsh*t (good for milk & cereal only).

    Moore cops are some of the biggest a-holes ever (and are proud of their reputation). Dan McGuiness was cool until it turned into a nightclub. “The Green’s” golf course has a lack of quality that can only be exceeded by it’s apartment complex (the walls are made of a material that actually amplifies sound from what I hear), and several roads are so bad that not even a tank could make it down them without breaking down (Sante Fe between 4th & 19th, I hate you). Add in the fact that there are 30+ churches in the 25 sq miles of Moore, and you can rule out eating lunch anywhere between the hours of 11am-3pm on Sundays. And if you don’t want a $10 handy or some meth, then stay away from Janeway and any neighborhoods that are accessible from it. And if you love the smell of sh*t and want to hang around a place that was shut down for a few months because of a prostitution problem, then yeah, Mooney’s is great!

    The few upsides of Moore are: the Regency bar (great hole-in-the-wall place), Warren Theatre, decent schools, Chic-fil-a, Home Depot, the 4-5 7/11′s, the yogurt shops, and the few parades each year. Everything else can die off.

    God that felt good!

    • I forgot to mention that the parks in Moore a generally nice. 4th Street park is great (the renovations were one of the few things managed well by the local gov’t in the past few years), and 12th street is still a good place to take your kids to play t-ball. Hell, they even have a skate park now. The little park off of 4th & telephone is great for walking, and the one near the police station (on Main) always looks clean, albeit it is always empty. The Moore Library is also a good place to go. And Moore Liquor’s marquee is doing great by pissing off all of the Southern Baptists in Moore; that marquee is becoming a Moore staple/icon.

      • As a OKC resident who lives 1/2 a mile from Moore, I am very happy you mentioned Moore Liquor. Brian’s outfit is my favorite thing in Moore (including the Warren). He knew us by name within the first visit and his prices are great.

        I could go on and on about the Suckville that is Moore, but you’ve pretty much nailed it. OKC sucks, but Moore sucks more.

  11. I think you could have stopped the column after the water tower picture and wholly summed up why Moore sucks.

  12. I lived in Moore for a bit. In the neighborhood beside the Walmart on 19th. It was a while back ago, and the thing that I can think of when I think of Moore, is that time the only place that had a fully stocked bar was Applebee’s. So we had to go to Applebees to get a decent drink unless we wanted to travel to OKC or Norman. On top of that, I hate Applebees!!! It was a catch 22 kinda deal.

    • i will dispute this.

      ‘The Regency Club’ has been around for a long time, and has always had a fully stocked bar. It is located on Janeway, near Shields (technically Moore). You may get stabbed, herpes, or both by going there, but it was around long before Applebees, and it is a pretty fun place to play darts.

      Also, Harry Bears has been in Moore since forever-and-ago. It was off of 12th Street (East of I-35) for a long time, before it moved to the City of Moore shopping center in the early 2000′s. I’d say Harry Bears has been in Moore for 2 decades (if not longer), and has always had a full-service bar. That being said, Harry Bears sucked and still does (fried cheese excluding). You go to Harry Bears when you want to see poor people feel excited about going out to dinner/

      But, yes, in the area around Wal-Mart, there were no bars for a long time although there were technically places in Moore that had a full bar. Harry Bears had the market cornered for a long time. Thank God that’s not true anymore, not that we have somewhere good (and healthy) to eat in Moore that serves alcohol. I’d give my left nut for something like ‘Victorias’(Norman) to come to Moore.

      You also could’ve technically gone to Mazzios for a beer.

  13. *chuckle*

    I love the idea that something is “technically” in Moore.

    That’s like saying that a building “technically” burned down. A smouldering ruin is a smouldering ruin.

  14. Best quote:

    Kevin: “The only thing Moore is good for is being a buffer between the horrors of South OKC and the greatness that is Norman. Thanks for that, Moore.”

  15. Clarifications: Toby Kieth sucks, Moore is the victim. Everything else is done purposely to keep Edmond people away of their own free will.

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