A couple of weeks ago I went to a Braum's Fresh Market to get some ice cream. While I was waiting in line "“ imagine that "“ I noticed that they sold steaks. For some reason, that struck me as odd. I even thought to myself "Who would buy a steak at Braums?"
Well, I'm still not sure who would buy a steak from Braum's, but I guess we now know who would steal eight steaks from Braum's and stuff them down his pants. His name is James Young, Jr.
A man stuffed eight steaks in his pants at a Braum's store and left without paying, but an employee saw him do it and called police.
With the steaks in his pants, the man passed the checkout stands and got into a car to drive away, an employee told police Thursday.
The car struck another vehicle in the parking lot on its way out, police Lt. Carrie Wyrick said in a news release.
The store employee gave police a tag number, and they went to an address on Parkview Drive in Durant where they found the car and eight steaks in a plastic bag in the driveway.
An officer found the bag about three feet away from the car, Wyrick said.
Also in the bag were batteries and men's underwear.
What I like about this story is that a Braum's employee was actually aware enough to realize that a man was leaving the store with eight steaks shoved down his pants. Hell, the employee was even smart enough to get a tag number. Why can't they be this aware when I order ice cream from the drive thru?
Anyway, if I worked in the marketing department at Braum's, I would totally build an ad campaign for the Fresh Markets around this steak thief. I can see the TV commercial testimonials now:
"The steak at my neighborhood Braum's is so tender that I stuff it in my pants."
"I'd go to jail for my Braum's steak...but you should buy it legally!"
"Braum's Jalapeno Dip is tasty. Seriously, it is. I mean it's really tasty!"
p.s.- This isn't the first time some dude has tried to steal a steak from Braum's! It happened in Tulsa in June. Before you know it, Braum's may have to lock their steaks in a special freezer or wrap them in that indestructible plastic material that's used to encase CDs.