Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

10 Alternatives to AT-AT for America

It looks like George Lucas does not want an AT-AT for America.

Last week, we told you about the publicity stunt dreamed up by local Social Media Maverick / Guru / Evangelist (a.k.a. Tweet Bag) Mike Koehler.  Basically, he wanted to build a real life, fully operating AT-AT for America and was soliciting “donations” to fund the multi-million dollar project.

Well, apparently Lucasfilm doesn’t think that a nerd in Oklahoma collecting millions of dollars under the guise of a non-profit in order to build a fictional machine that they own the rights to is a good idea.  From AT-AT for America. (Bring your tissues).

For the past couple of days I have had some very heartfelt conversations with Steve Sansweet, the official fan liaison of Lucasfilm.

Long story short, I can no longer solicit any kind of support for the AT-AT for America project in its current form. Seeking financial donations to build a piece of Lucasfilm intellectual property goes far beyond what is considered proper.

I’ve thinking all day about what to say to everyone who reads this blog, our Facebook and to everyone who has emailed me in support of the project. I’ll try to get all of those thoughts down and then we can see where it leaves us….

Steve Sansweet pointed out many flaws in this plan, the first being that I didn’t let Lucasfilm know from the start what we were doing. It sounds as if they aren’t the bogeyman when it comes to giving the blessing to fan project. So I don’t want my mistakes to make anything think they are the bad guy in this. I didn’t think ahead and have as firm a plan as I should of. And again, for that I am very sorry….

I also ask for you ideas. What do you do with hundreds of passionate people who want to do something to make our country awesome?

Finally, I ask for your prayers. I feel like I let so many people down, not just all of you, but my friends and my family who supported all of this craziness for the past two weeks. I still think the fan (nerd, geek, whatever you want to call it) community and culture has been such a blessing to me, my kids and the world.

Man, this is the best decision George Lucas has made since he decided not to direct The Empire Strikes Back.  Seriously, if you’re not bright enough to first seek permission from Lucasfilm for something like this, something tells me you’re not bright enough to lead and manage a massive complex engineering project.

What’s next for Mike?  I bet he’s now going to do what he intended to do the entire time and try to capitalize on the publicity he generated from this stunt and jockey for speaking gigs at Social Media and Public Relations conferences.  He’ll then write a forward about his experiences in the next self-published book by the ”Blogging for Jobs” lady.

That being said, Mike did ask for some ideas to help “make our country more awesome.”   Since he was nice enough to write this odd profile about us a year or two ago, I figured I’d help him out and list 10 other attention grabbing ideas that he should consider.  The first few are below, the rest are after the jump.

1. Write the NeverEnding Story from the NeverEnding Story.

I think this is something Mike could actually do.  He’s a newspaper guy and his Mr. Monday columns were tolerable.  Hopefully he wouldn’t screw this up.

2. Clone a TaunTaun

Yeah, Lucasfilm may own the intellectual rights to TaunTauns, but can you really own the rights to a living animal?  Probably not.  At worst, Koehler could just call it Kangacow or TrabTrab or something like that.

3. Build a TARDIS

I remember watching Dr. Who on Channel 13 as a kid and being more impressed that the TARDIS was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside rather than the fact that it could transport through time and space.  That being said, the most difficult part about making a TARDIS would be finding whatever a police box is.

4. Transport Howard the Duck to Oklahoma City

This was my favorite movie…when I was 9.  Now I’m not so sure I would like it.  That being said. I would like to learn Duck-Fu and stuff.  Plus, it would be cool to take Howard the Duck to the dog park at Lake Hefner.  Or at least cooler than taking a midget.

5. Make Kelly LeBrock (or Doutzen Kroes or Kate Upton) magically appear at my house

I think this may be the best idea on my list.

6. Construct a less phallic Devon tower

The Devon Tower is slowly taking the its shape on the Oklahoma City skyline.  Sure, the building looks fancy and is cool everything, but when it’s completed its going to look like a giant pointed cock shooting out of the center of town.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but we could definitely use a toned down tower to not make it so obvious.

7. Build the Spaceship from the Flight of the Navigator

The most underrated 80s adventure movie of all time is “Flight of the Navigator.”  I liked the movie because I thought it would be fun to be the Navigator on a spaceship with a funny alien.  My brother liked it because the younger brother gets to become the big brother in the movie.  If Koehler made this, both me and my brother would worship him.

8. Make a Back to Future II Hoverboard

This idea would be the most profitable one.  Who wouldn’t buy one of these?  Hell, there is even an urban legend that a toy company invented these to coincide with the release of the film.

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9. Construct a life-size version of the maze from Labyrinth as part of “Core to the Shore.”

This idea is awesome, and somewhere I’m sure some fan boy has a map for the maze.  If Mike does this, though, he needs to make sure David Bowie doesn’t move to town and start stealing babies.  However, Jennifer Connelly is always welcomed to stop by and say “Hello.”

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10. Build Soundwave the Decepticon.

This is probably very doable.  Just figure out a way to make a tape player turn into an evil robot.  I’m sure the Russians already have this in the works.

Anyway, those are just a few ideas.  If you can think of any other ones, post them in the comments.  I’m sure Mike will read them.

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Comments

  1. Ham sandwiches for the homeless. But, you know, with really good ham. None of this water-added processed crap.

  2. I like ideas 5-9. Since most of the ideas seem stuck in the 80s/Early 90s, let’s go with rebuilding Johnny Five.

    The Flight of the Navigator (watched it on youtube just last week) ship would only be complete with authentic Paul Reuben voice.

    I always thought of the Devon tower looking like a giant middle finger with the rest of the “fingers” in the background, flipping off new visitors to Will Rogers or anyone coming from Texas.

  3. I say TARDIS….definitely TARDIS. On the other hand, I’ve always wanted to smell the inside of a Taun Taun….and Kelly LeBrock, but for a different reason altogether.

  4. I would like to see him build a 1.5x scale version of Grave Digger. Why? Because Grave Digger has no soul.

  5. Yes – BRAVO! TLO does such a great job of scrutinizing OKC’s traditional media personalities, I wish you guys would put more of these local so-called “new media gurus” in your crosshairs.

    Based on the site for his new media “firm”
    (read: himself and himself alone), Koehler is like the Baskin-Robins of snake oil:

    First, the site provides a link to a blog on restaurant social media, presumably because he’s figured out the copy and paste function on his computer. How modern!

    Second, there’s a link to something creepily titled “student athlete tracker,” which is thankfully a broken link or dead site and not a NAMBLA-approved GPS app that the next link would support. (Notice how all of these “SM ninjas” have absolutely zero practical knowledge of web design?)

    Third, there’s a link to “purity project okc,” another ugly template-based blog about – porn addiction? How telling! The only porn that these soc-media pros fap to is their own voice, right?

    Fourth, there’s a link to AT-AT America, because despite being warned about monetizing from a LucasFilm property he’s still pushing that publicity scam. Brazen! (Also, more on point perhaps, this guy allegedly lectures legal professionals on the law & social media, but doesn’t understand that LucasFilm probably has an intellectual property claim on the AT-AT? Brilliant.)

    Fifth, there’s a link to People’s Church because…he likes it, I guess. Cool – I like dogs.

    Sure it would be like shooting digital fish in a digital barrel, but I’d love to see these clowns exposed for what they really are: carnival fairway charlatans with Twitter accounts. Another worthy candidate would be that Blogging for Jobs lady (according to her site she’s an “Internet television host”!!! Incredulous! LULZ!!).

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a non-pretend job to get back to and do my part to help “make America awesome again”…whatever the hell that means.

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