This is kind of a tricky category.
For one, there were a ton of candidates to choose from. That’s because Douche Bag has become a very generic term. Originally, it was used to categorize and degrade those Jersey Shore-types who abuse steroids, go to cheesy dance clubs, wear Ed Hardy shirts and buy hair gel in bulk.
In recent years, though, the term Douche Bag has expanded to a broader base. It now seems to define those annoying (and in their mind “fashionable”) men who try too hard to be cool or fit in with their respective crowd. That’s why for this “Worst of OKC” competition we selected six douches from six categories.
The categories are:
• Country Douche
• Religion Douche
• Hipster Douche
• Gay Douche
• Entrepreneurial Douche
• Artist Douche
You can see the nominees and vote after the jump.
When you vote, keep in mind that you’re voting for the BEST Douche Bag. For this category being named the “Best” is like being named the “Worst.” Make sense? Also, John Paul Merritt has been excluded from participating in this category. We want to give to other Douche Bags a shot.
Country Douche: Toby Keith
I’m pretty sure this photo is from the cover of the “J. Crew: Gay Cowboy” clothing catalog. And what’s going on with his posture? It looks like Toby is either:
A) About to curtsy to Bob Stoops
B) Doing an impersonation of a 4-year-old kid who needs to pee
C) Enjoying a nice boot being shoved up his ass
Religion Douche: Craig Groeschel
This guy is the founder/ leader of Lifechurch.tv. It’s the church that all the young cool kids go to because they talk about subjects like sex and money and play lame Christian rock music that sounds like what would happen if God got bored and morphed together the Goo Goo Dolls and Fuel.
Anyway, in terms of religious Douche Bags, Craig Groeschel is the salt of the earth. Just check out the True Religion jeans and JC Penny Affliction knock-off. Both of those are douchey. Plus, he does things like rent giant pandas and build an (approximately) 11-million foot tall cross in Edmond. One of those things is douchey.
Hipster Douche: Matt Bacon
The Hipster Douche is the fastest rising segment of Douche Baggery. These guys typically like to expose their chest (either by wearing ultra long v-necks or unbuttoned long-sleeve white shirts), fit into skinny jeans and dabble in the collecting of silly hats. They then tell you about the next great band you’ll never hear about, the new line of Chanel scarves, and how they dream of taking ironically hip engagement photos.
Gay Douche: Johnathan Kayne
This guy is a local fashion designer who appeared on the third season of Project Runway. Sure, gay fashion designers are supposed to dress douchey, but what’s up with the labret piercing? The last time those things were cool was when Jim Traber made the MLB All-Star game.
Also, check out this snippet from his Wikipedia Page:
Gillaspie [a.k.a Kayne] has been featured in numerous magazines, and is on the cover of the May 2008 edition of Distinctly Oklahoma Magazine with a feature story inside. On April 30, 2008 he was interviewed on KWTV News 9 talking about his career, article in the magazine, and also announced being involved with an upcoming television show on E! Television Network…
First of all, if you or your PR friend has to write your Wikipedia page, you probably don’t need a Wikipedia page. Secondly, if you’ve been featured in “numerous magazines,” but the only one you care to list is Distinctly Oklahoma, you may want to rethink your definition of magazine.
Entrepreneurial Douche: Jack McBride
Jack McBride is an “entrepreneur” and the owner/publisher of So6ix. This high quality publication claims to publish content related to “Satire • Satisfaction • Savvy • Social • Self Help • Success.”
Hey, did you catch that? Jack used six words that begin with the letter “S” to describe his magazine, So6ix. That’s pretty clever, because the name of his magazine also starts with the letter “S.” It has a number in it, too. And guess what letter that number starts with? You guess it! “S.” If only the rest of the magazine lived up to Jack’s mastery of alliteration and “S,” it would be seriously super. Wacka Wacka!
Anyway, all satire aside, this guy is a serious Douche Bag. Just look at look at that sack of insert-generic-S-word. Seriously, the guy looks like a washed-up Abercrombie model who stole his little sister’s sweater. His jeans are so dark and tight Sally Kern would call him lazy.
And wait a second, is that an “S” on his belt buckle? I think my brain may explode.
p.s. – Would it surprise you to learn that Gay Douche writes for Entrepreneurial Douche?
Artist Douche: Klint Schor
This guy’s a local artist and makes some good stuff. Unfortunately, he occasionally suffers from “creative artist syndrome.” This syndrome, which effects 80% of all artists, leads to photos like this occasionally making the Internet. The main culprit to creative artist syndrome is marijuana and boredom.
Worst of OKC: Douche Bag
Total Voters: 1,399
Positive Uplifting Prevent Frivolous Lawsuit Disclaimer: This is supposed to be funny and not taken too seriously. Just because a person, place or thing makes this list doesn’t necessarily mean we think they are the worst. It just means our readers get to vote for them, and if enough people vote for a particular nominee, they are the worst out of the nominees. Basically, it’s not science….so don’t sue us. Sue somebody else.
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