The dude Sally Kern has figured out a way to force all the homosexual men in Oklahoma back into the closet.

In one of his two political victories (the other being health care reform), President Obama managed to end a nearly twenty year old policy of blatant discrimination. The policy, entitled “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” was really a loophole to a centuries old policy of discrimination where the United States military could bar men who are attracted to other men (and more recently, women who like other women) from serving the country. This policy supposedly made it against the rules for people in the military to make inquiries into the sexual preference of their comrades, and certainly made it against the rules to disclose that they had a significant other (or a desire for a significant other) of the same gender.

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” worked just about as expected. Soldiers still asked, their peers still answered, and thousands of men and women far braver than I were stripped of their ability to protect the country. Also, the repeal went just as expected with social conservatives proclaiming that the gay agenda was now ruining our military with their fruity desire to protect and serve.

That’s where Representative Mike Reynolds (“The Dude Sally Kern”) comes to the rescue. It’s one thing for gays to serve openly for the federal military, but if he gets his way, they will not be able to do so in Oklahoma’s National Guard. Based on requests from members of the Guard, Reynolds has proposed amending the State’s laws that currently allow any able bodied U.S. citizen between the ages of 18 and 70 to serve in the National Guard. I’m sure that Reynolds is equally receptive to guardsmen who want changes that encouraged more openly gay members.

To make it clear, Reynolds’ plan to codify DADT into Oklahoma statutes does not ban homosexuals from serving. To do so, however, they have to hide their lifestyle completely. That would include being forced to nod in agreement whenever their fellow soldiers make crass remarks about acceptable companions or fear the consequences of a Code Red forcing them out of the closet.

Of course, it could be more complicated than that. As I learned while researching the rantings of a man who wasn’t as crazy as I thought, all men who reside in this state and are over the age of 17 are automatically members of the state militia. The militia encompasses the Oklahoma National Guard. Therefore, unless the legislative amendment specifies otherwise, a change such as this could actually require all men in the state to abide by the requirement of closeting themselves.

I’m sure Reynolds would be appalled–APPALLED–by that suggestion.

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