Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Frosted Fetuses!!! They’re Grrrreat!

The guy pictured above is named Ralph Shortey. No, he’s not the manager at Cracker Barrel. He’s a wacko Republican State Senator from south Oklahoma City.

This past Friday, Shortey filed Senate Bill 1418 which would prohibit the manufacture or sale in Oklahoma of food or products which use aborted human fetuses. Yes, you read that correctly, he filed Senate Bill 1418 which would prohibit the manufacture or sale in Oklahoma of food or products which use aborted human fetuses.

So yeah, if you’re one of those people who sprinkle stem cell bits on your baked potato and/or garden salad, you’re in big trouble. Here’s the bill:

Wait, that’s the ending of Soylent Green. Here’s the bill:

I’ll be honest with you, I think this law is a pretty good idea. I, like most Oklahomans, think dining on aborted fetuses is a stupid thing to do. They are nothing but over-processed trash and have no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat a fetus, do it the right way and chose a fresh, non-aborted fetus like the ones they sell at the new Whole Foods. Those things are tasty!

Seriously, what’s going on here? Banning aborted fetuses in food and other products??? Works for me, Mr. Shortey! While you’re at it, why don’t you author a bill that bans the breeding of dragons, the hunting and trapping of Sasquatch, and lawmakers wasting our time with bizarre legislation? I think we’d all support that last one.

p.s. – Don’t you think Shortey kind of looks like they type of guy who would eat an aborted fetus or seven? I sure do.

h/t The Daily O’Collegian


  1. As funny as a first reading of this is, the bill will actually have a serious impact. It makes illegal any use of stem cells for medical treatment. The bill outlaws creation of food or “any other product.” Medicine is a product which is consumed. If the medicine is made from stem cells (like treatments for Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s) would be illegal to manufacture or sell in Oklahoma.

      • http://www.alec.org/
        This is where they find these little slices of whacko. Since no one has enough legal sense to write their own bills, they “borrow.” And, the price for an ordinary citizen to become a member, and see what’s coming down the pike from lunatic land:
        Membership Levels
        Washington Club – $7,000
        Madison Club – $12,000
        Jefferson Club – $25,000
        For legislators: $100

  2. So are all the problems in OK solved now and the legislature just handling mythical issues now?

    Honestly, I do like how this idiot has press releases railing against health care reform but at the same time is wanting pass a law that limits health care options. I mean who wouldn’t be against eating food made with aborted human fetuses, but when you realize the real point is to stop the use of life saving drugs from being used would you be against it?

    His press releases talk about the beauty of the free market, so why don’t we let the market decide this issue?

    • But what about the parents that make their own baby food at home? How do we know they are not using those blenders to mix vegetables and aborted fetuses? They must be stopped!

  3. Agree with first poster. The food part of the bill is merely so that anyone who opposes this bill can be seen as supporting putting fetuses in food. It’s a cheap political tactic, but it being Oklahoma, I wouldn’t be surprised if it passed with flying colors.

  4. When people say that there should be more local control of government, I point to people like Sally Kern and this yahoo and say “you really want to give that idiot more responsibility?”

  5. oh Ralphie…”humans in food” was just a joke we told you so you wouldn’t steal our Snack Packs anymore.

  6. I have a theory… I think Shorty is doing this just to keep people from realizing he ALSO introduced a bill to strip the state supreme court of their power of judicial review over dumb laws.

  7. And for his next trick, Senator Shortey will introduce legislation to ban the use of unicorn tears in the manufacture of sexual lubricants. A planned amendment will outlaw Skittles, since the rainbows can cause children to “catch teh gay”.

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