Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Tulsa’s Most Wanted: Nick Collison and a Coat Bandit

Loyal TLO readers: Last Friday morning, it finally happened. After years of (not so quietly) professing my love via various media outlets, I finally came face to face with the greatest unrequited love of my life, THE Nick Collison.

It happened on an elevator. I tossed out a casual “hey.” He returned with an amused “hey.” In attempt to keep the conversation going, I asked him how he liked playing at the Spirit Center. Okay, not one of my better pick-up lines. Obviously if I had time to prepare, I would have asked him what his favorite book is, or found out the greatest concert he’s ever been to, or asked if he’d ever read the Kama Sutra. But, the fact is I was caught off-guard and was wearing scrubby yoga pants and black framed faux-hipster glasses (note: I wear faux-hipster prescription glasses, not hipster faux-prescription glasses–as if one were better than the other). After countless tweets and hours spent Photoshopping Nick into pictures with me, all I got in return was a paltry “it was ‘aight.” Nick Collison then stepped off the elevator and disappeared into the third floor of the historic Mayo Hotel. Rejection is a dish served…unaccompanied.

Outside of meeting that Australian cowboy, this is definitely one of the most exciting things that’s happened to me all year. Sad, huh? I was going to come up with a clever metaphor to liken my predictable life to the dull and mundane week I’m assuming that the Tulsa Police had, but as you can tell, literary devices were never really my forte.

Anyway, the guy pictured above is Tulsa’s Most Wanted criminal of the week. He’s in the hot seat for stealing a couple of coats from Macy’s. Yep, I told you TPD has a slow week.

From News on 6:

Tulsa police are searching for a serial ex-convict who has stolen merchandise from Tulsa Macy’s stores five times since Sept. 24, court documents state.

Ramon Terrell McBee, 41, took more than $500 worth of clothing from the stores on five occasions, with most of the stolen goods made up of ladies’ coats, a court information sheet says.

He has been named to Tulsa’s Most Wanted list.

Does anyone else find it strange that Tulsa’s finest deemed a cat coat burglar to be the most wanted bandit in the county, especially when there are currently rogue gunman, child perverts, and wasted policemen to deal with? I wonder if next week’s Most Wanted will be some guy who ran off with Starbuck’s drive-thru tip jar, or dine-and-dashed a local Denny’s. Last week I took an extra long sip of Rooster Booster then refilled my Quiktrip cup…could I be in jeopardy as well?

Logistically, I wonder how much women’s coats go for on the black market. Surely, there ought to be a few products out there with more substantial margins. And I’m certain there’s got to be an opening in the market for items a little less conspicuous to run away with than say, a stack of purloined puffy coats.

This is the problem with criminals, most of them just don’t know how to think like businessmen. Stealing a few coats and becoming Tulsa’s Most Wanted in the process–well, that’s just not getting a lot of bang for your buck. It’s a massive fail, just like having nothing to say when you run into your dream guy on the elevator.

To get Chelsea’s personal pick-up line advice, follow her on Twitter at @xCawoodstock.

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Comments

  1. I’m sure “searching for the bandit” for TPD consisted of checking his last known address and then forgetting about him or figuring that he’ll do something else stupid next week and get caught anyways.

  2. A “serial ex-convict” ? He’s not a serial criminal but, in the name of innocent until proven guilty, he’s had a series of releases from prison? That’s some good writing there…

  3. Okay, I had a dream that I got into an elevator at my friend’s house and Nick Collison was on the elevator. He was dressed in full game uniform and holding a basketball. He proceeded to tell me he knew my boyfriend and would help me look for him. Your elevator experience was better than my dream. Bummer.

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