Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

10 other monuments we should build at the State Capitol

I guess you can say the phrase “Set in Stone” is no longer relevant.

Just days after being unveiled to the world, the typos found carved into the new granite 10 Commandments monument at the Oklahoma State Capitol have been corrected.

From News 9:

The typos on the new Ten Commandments monument at the State Capitol are fixed Saturday night.

The repair work was supposed to happen this weekend. News 9 went and checked it out and sure enough the misspellings are gone.

The $10,000 monument had two words spelled wrong. Sabbath had an “e” instead of an “a” before the “T-H”. And the word “maidservant” had a “u” instead of a “v.”

The monument was paid for with private money. The company who made it took responsibility for the mistakes and fixed them.

It’s not mentioned in the News 9 report, but there was a third typo, too. It was in the final commandment about cattle. The word “neighbors” was missing an apostrophe. I drove to the capitol to check the monument and that mistake was also fixed. That means we have an error free religious monument on our capitol grounds. Hooray!

Actually, this sucks. If you read this site often, you’re probably aware that I’m pretty fond of typos and French maidservants. Plus, outside of Iron Man, I’ve never really liked Black Sabbath. Sure, they were an influential heavy metal band and everything, but their sound hasn’t aged well. It’s like Thanksgiving wine or something. So in a way, I guess the typo laden monument was perfect for me.

Anyway, this whole controversy got me thinking, why should we stop with a list of ancient laws provided to us by a lonely Jewish man who got angry one day and climbed a mountain? There are a bunch of rules and codes and laws and myths that should be displayed on the steps of where our government conducts its business.

Here’s a list of 10:

1. The Bill of Rights

I bet even Moses would agree the Bill of Rights has more relevance to our political process and democracy than a list of 10 ancient Jewish laws. It’s the Bill of Rights that guarantees people the right to worship what they want say, say what they want, and own an assault weapon and shoot who they want. Seriously, can someone with $10,000 lying around make this happen? It makes almost too much sense.

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2. I-Tunes Store – Terms and Conditions

This is now a bigger part of our life than the Bill of Rights and 10 Commandments combined. And you know what, no one ever reads or questions it. Putting it on our Capitol steps would possibly change that. Also, now that we know it’s easy to replace wording on granite, updating it every few week shouldn’t be an issue.

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3. Laser Quest Player’s Code

Wouldn’t it be nice if our elected officials played by those same rules? They’d get a whole lot more done if they did.

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4. Gov. Fallin’s Divorce Paperwork

Hey, you have to admit that it would make a good read. You know, if you’re into that sort of kinky stuff.

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5. The Green family’s original copy of Jesus’ long form birth certificate 

I’m think the Green Family (a.k.a. The zealous Owners of Mardel, Hobby Lobby and whatever that Hemispheres place is) owns one of the world’s finest collections of old bibles and ancient religious relics. I’m not sure if Jesus’ birth certificate is part of the collection, but it wouldn’t surprise me. Unfortunately, it’s probably displayed in a low-quality, overpriced frame. We should encase it in granite and display it at the capitol before it’s ruined and lost for good.

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6. The Contra 30 Lives Code

This well help ensure that  ”↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A” will not be forgotten by future generations.

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7. The 8 Rules of Fight Club

Based upon recent behavior by some people at the capitol (a.k.a. Mike Reynolds), this should be installed sooner rather than later.

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8. The 10 Commandments of Love

I know for a fact that several legislators sing this song every Monday night at Nancy’s Lighthouse.

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9. Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite

That would just be cool

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10. Rules of Free TLO Team Trivia Night

Sorry, sometimes it’s hard for me to resist a shameless plug.

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Anyway, that’s just a brief list. If you have any suggestions or additions, leave a comment.

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Comments

  1. I think the obvious next up in granite item should be a section of sharia law. Because if the ten commandments are okay then obviously some Muslim action is too.

  2. That picture of Falin is creepy. The ginger to her right & the little hobbit look-alike thing to her left.

  3. How about these laws next?
    -Not to go on all-fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
    -Not to suck up Drink; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
    -Not to eat Fish or Flesh; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
    -Not to claw the Bark of Trees; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
    -Not to chase other Men; that is the Law. Are we not Men?”
    -His is the House of Pain. His is the Hand that makes. His is the Hand that wounds. His is the Hand that heals.

  4. If the Christian gets the 10 commandments. I think somebody should put up the dough to have Steve Turner’s Creed for the Modern thinker put in stone up at the capitol too.

    We believe in Marx, Freud and Darwin.

    We believe that everything is okay as long as you don’t hurt anyone, to the best of your definition of hurt and to the best of your definition of knowledge.

    We believe in sex before, during and after marriage.

    We believe in the therapy of sin; we believe that adultery is fun; we believe that sodomy is okay; we believe that taboos are taboo.

    We believe that everything is getting better despite evidence to the contrary. The evidence must be investigated and you can prove anything with evidence.

    We believe there is something in horoscopes, UFO’s and bent spoons. Jesus was a good man just like Buddha, Mohammad and ourselves. He was a good moral teacher although we think basically that his good morals were really bad.

    We believe that all religions are basically the same; at least the ones we read were. They all believe in love and goodness, they only differ on matters of creation, sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

    We believe that after death comes nothing, because when you ask the dead what happens, they say nothing. If death is not the end, and if the dead have lied then it’s compulsory heaven for all except perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Kahn.

    We believe in Masters and Johnson – what’s selected is average, what’s average is normal and what’s normal is good.

    We believe in total disarmament. We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed. American’s should beat their guns into tractors and the Russians would be sure to follow.

    We believe that man is essentially good, it’s only his behaviour that lets him down. This is the fault of society, society is the fault of conditions and conditions are the fault of society.

    We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him and reality will adapt accordingly. The universe will readjust; history will alter. We believe there is no absolute truth, except the truth that there is no absolute truth. We believe in the rejection of creeds and the flowering of individual thought.

    If Chance be the Father of all flesh, disaster is His rainbow in the sky. And when you hear “State of Emergency”, “Sniper Kills Ten”, “Troops on Rampage”, “Youths Go Looting”, “Bomb Blasts School”, it is but the sound of man worshipping his maker.

  5. It’s funny to watch the troglodytes scrambling for face time behind Fallin…It appears the little lesian-in-hiding over Mary’s left shoulder is attempting some mind control over the audience by eye contact with the camera, while James “I-never-touched-that-farm-animal” Lankford is using his heat-ray vision to bore a hole in Fallin’s empty head and take over the Governor’s mansion…

  6. I’ve heard that Lankford has joined Ryan’s P90X workout club and has had the ten commandments tattooed on his rock hard abs…

    Sally Kern was going to have them tattooed on her ass but they wouldn’t fit…

  7. Honestly, how do we end up with clowns like this in elected office when there are so many cool people around (see list of commenters above).

    Wayne Coyne for Governor!!

  8. 1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.
    2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.
    3rd RULE: If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out the fight is over.
    4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight.
    5th RULE: One fight at a time.
    6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes.
    7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
    8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

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