Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Mailbag: Victoria’s Secret Pantie Throwers

This week’s music video is from a band called Bear In Heaven. I like them, but this music video, is, well, complicated. I can’t tell if it’s really bad or simply brilliant. I guess faux-retro music videos with lots of cleavage featuring a girl in a Julia Roberts mask can do that to you. Since I’ve never watched Pretty Women while eating confetti and tripping on acid at one of Wayne Coyne’s after parties, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one like it.

This week’s mailbag is sponsored by our friends at Picasso’s Cafe. They’re a long time support of TLO. Whoever sends us the best email — as determined by our readers — will win a $25 Gift Certificate to the Paseo staple. When you go there, do three things:

1. Order the Risotto Croquettes as an appetizer
2. Order the Pasta Carbonara as an entrée
3. Send me an email complimenting me on my dining selections

This all [sic] emails are after the jump:

Anon writes:

Did Landry Jones sleep with your mom? Did he run over your dog. Get over the fact that you’re jealous. He’s one of the most prolific passers in NCAA history and big part of the Sooners success. If he didn’t follow Bradford you’d be all over his nuts. He’s not perfect but who is. Look at his stats. He’s one of the greatest passers in NCAA History! Why do you hate him?!

I don’t hate Landry Jones. I’m sure he’s a good kid. I just happen to think he’s an above average system QB with the inability to go off script when needed and make plays.

A few weeks ago during a Thunder game, I think Bill Simmons referred to Russell Westbrook as a 90-percent’er. What he meant by that is Russell is great 90% of time, but that other 10% is so frustrating that you tend to forget about the 90%.

Well, Landry Jones is a 70-percent’er. He’s pretty damn good 70% of the time, average for 20%, and so mind-numbingly awful for the other 10% that you think John Blake is his QB coach. He can be more frustrating than the traffic on Lindsay Street.

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Kelli asks:

You seem to know things…can you find out where Kevin Durant’s mom has been this season? I’ve yet to see her at a game.

Well, this is one of those things I don’t seem to know. I’d guess she probably recovering from watching Thunderstruck.

On that note, I was watching SportsCenter yesterday and ad for the Thunderstruck blu-ray release appeared on the bottom crawl. Five minutes later, I received this unintentionally funny email from some PR firm asking me to blog about Thunderstruck. Here it is:

Warner Bros. is proud to announce the release of Thunderstruck on DVD and Blu-ray December 4th 2012, along with the Thunderstruck Blog App!

To get involved simply write a blog post with the Thunderstruck blog app included and offer your readers a chance to enter to win a Combo Pack (Blu-Ray + DVD + Digital Download). Once you have your winner, send us their address and we will send them their prize!

NBA superstar Kevin Durant plays himself in this action-packed family film about a basketball star who switches talent with a klutzy 16-year-old fan. When Brian (Taylor Gray) magically switches basketball skills with his hero, Kevin Durant, he becomes the star of his high school team… while Kevin Durant suddenly can’t make a shot to save his life! But with the playoffs approaching, Brian learns that being a true winner means working hard at your own game, and he tries to make things right in time to prevent a catastrophic end to his hero’s season.

You must reply to this email and send us a link to your post to participate!

Check Out the Thunderstruck Blog App Here: https://www.partnershub.com/show/4/thunderstruck/widget/thunderstruck/

WHY Your Audience will love the Thunderstruck Blog App:

• Host a Giveaway! Host a GIVEAWAY by posting the blog app and we’ll offer you a free Thunderstruck Blu-ray to give away to your audience.

• Free-Throw Challenge Game! Are you up for a Free-Throw Challenge? Show us your skills! Make as many baskets as you can and unlock special clips along the way!

• 7 Thunder-ific Tips for Kids! Does your kid dream of going pro? Use these awesome tips to help them sharpen up their skills! “Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard.”- Kevin Durant.

• Get Social! Tweet with the #ThunderstruckBluRay hashtag to get your audience revved up for the release of this action-packed family film.

GREAT Ideas for a Giveaway Contest:

• Have your audience share their results from the Free-Throw Challenge Game!

• Have your audience download the 7 Thunder-ific Tips for Kids and post their favorite in the comments section!

• Pin the activities to your blog via Pinterest to drive traffic to your website!

Yes, we really do get emails like that.

Anyway, have some fun with that Moles. Check out our Pinterest page for more details on the TLO Thunderstruck free-throw challenge game, 7 Thunder-ific Tips for Kids and 5 simple ways to commit suicide after watching the film.

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Nikki writes:

When I arrived to Sooner Mall on Black Friday, about 4:50am, (for work) there were 4 young women in their 20′s being held by police near the main entrance outside Dillards. They were sitting on the pavement, with their backs to the glass of the entrance and all were getting breathalizers. When I got to work, another mall employee whose store is next door to the newly renovated Victoria’s Secret said they were arrested for standing on the tables and throwing panties. Supposedly, one of them lost a tooth.

Kinda ridiculous, but funny.

I think Victoria’s Secret would be a much more enjoyable place if that was a common occurrence.

By the way, am I the only person that still calls it “Sooner Fashion Mall?” Isn’t that 10,000 times better than “Sooner Mall?” They need to change it back. Even the people at Science Museum Oklahoma thinks the new name sucks.

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Josh asks:

Why the hell does everyone drive below the speed limit between Moore and Norman when it’s 70, but then drive 70 through Norman where the speed limit’s 60? I would think people would speed out of Moore to get away from the Sewer Free Will Baptist College and Toby Keith’s residual stench and drive slow through Norman to soak in the awesome.

This is an amazing email because it’s 100% true. I notice this every time I drive to Norman for Free Team Trivia at O’Connell’s. I’m once thought the bad driving was caused by dumb people trying to figure out how to get to Crossroads, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe we should blame the Furr’s Buffet.

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Chad writes:

In honor of open carry, I’ve made a video game where you exercise your second amendment rights in an alley behind hobby lobby with Diaper bandit, berry trammel and Traber:

http://www.gamegonzo.com/2012/11/21/open-carry/

Chad isn’t lying. He really made a game where you can shoot Jim Traber, college Boomer Tramel and the Austic Diaper Bandit. In other news, Chad has waaaaay to much time on his hands.

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Ryan:

Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that Microsoft has chosen a PG cover of NWA’s Express Yourself as the theme song of their new advertising campaign?

I see that little girl showing her dad the picture and I keep hearing the original words.

I hope to come up with a better entry as I continue to drink.

That’s kind of funny. Although it’s not as funny as OG&E, a legalized monopoly, using a Flaming Lips song about the abuse of power as their corporate jingle.

And for the record, Ryan didn’t send a better email. That means he either lied about drinking or coming up with good emails is harder than he thinks.

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Sheree:

Where do. I enter for the ring.

She probably needs to go drink with Ryan.

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Comments

  1. It only took me 5 minutes to create that and I run a gigantic business in addition to writing stuff (yardbird) I guess I’m a highly functioning person.

  2. Bear in Heaven sounds like a cross between the Pet Shop Boys and the opening title sequence music of Miami Vice.

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