April 2012 was a good month. Well, unless you hired Colombian hookers and were part of the Secret Service. I’m not sure I blame them. See those girls above? They’re the Davalos Twins. They’re Colombian models. From the looks of it, they are the best thing to come out of Colombia that you can’t snort. Good job Colombia. And the slightest of empathy for Secret Service guys.
None of that has anything to do with what follows. What’s that? A complaint? No. That’s what I thought.
What We Said: It’s fun to watch an asshole whine and complain and not got his way. It’s even more fun when it’s an asshole like Mike Reynolds.
What We Learned: We learned no matter how many times you repeat yourself, no matter how convicted you may be, you just come across like a tantrum prone fool. We know all about that. Like the time we stood in front of Emily Sutton’s house and screamed, “I’m appealing your rejection.” over and over and over. We learned that Emily doesn’t respond to such screaming nonsense. We also learned she doesn’t live in the building we were shouting at. Sorry, Vietnamese family with the awesome sandwich shop in the Braum’s Milk Bottle building. Our bad.
Best Comment: “It is amazing to me how much embarassement the people of this state will endure.” – Hinch
What We Said: “Anyway, we’re the last ones who should be giving advice to the Almighty, but can he just go ahead and promote both of these girls to back-up meteorologists and let them report the weather together in cheerleading or nurse outfits? Wouldn’t you watch that? I know I would.”
What We Learned: That News 9 needs to listen to us. We don’t want Jim Gardner and Bladezilla 9, or whatever the hell you call your chopper. We don’t need David Payne either. Those two ladies would do just fine telling us when and where weather is gonna wreak havoc on us and all we hold dear. It would be comforting if they were in nurse outfits too, though.
Best Comment: “I have it on very good authority that Ms Swope is handy with a long gun and has bagged a 10-point buck … so think about that.” – Peter
What We Said: “I’d like to hire Sweet Brown to just set around my house and either tell me old stories or recite the entire apartment scene from Pulp Fiction.”
What We Learned: Ain’t nobody got time for that! Unless “that” is being on every internet clip show on television, making the cover of the Gazette, having her face on t-shirts at Blue 7 and being in locally produced TV ads. Good for Sweet Brown. She just wanted a cold pop. And to avoid fire. Two things you can’t fault any person. Unless that person is the person who stole my wallet, in which case, warm pop and fire for you!
Best Comment: “I wondered aloud to my wife how long it would take to get the video up on your site. She put the over-under at 12 hours. Glad to see you did not disappoint.” – DC
Published : 04/25/12
What We Said: “You know, about the only thing I have to say about this is rest in peace, dude. And that we’d also like to hire whoever wrote Joshua’s obit to be our obituary writer.”
What We Learned: We learned we’d better get on the ball with our own lives. No one, and I mean NO ONE, would write anything this awesome about me if I die tomorrow. Is it because I’m an uninteresting guy who spends way too much time on a computer. Yeah. It is.
Best Comment: “I feel like, if I’d met him, I would have loved him!” – Bird
Published : 04-09-12
What We Said: “Anyway, it’s pretty damn obvious that Skip Bayless
over-exaggerated blatantly lied about his high school basketball athletic prowess just so he could appear more credible to his 500,000 Twitter followers. That’s pretty sad.”
What We Learned: That lying on Twitter isn’t really all that big of a deal, because it gets us a ton of traffic and page views and 15-minutes of Internet fame. I mean, sure, if a guy’s gonna lie about his high school basketball career, what else could he lie about? I’m not sure if that makes him a liar or just a really sad human. However, if you’re impressed with the high school sporting accomplishments of a 61-year-old guy, maybe you’re the one to blame.
Best Comment: “What a joke that guy is. Its like Brain Dennehy faking being in Vietnam….well, not quite that bad.” – yoyoma15
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