In June of this year, Queen Elizabeth celebrated 60 years as the Head of the Commonwealth. That’s unreal. Even though she doesn’t have any real power, that’s still a long time to be the powerless head of anything. Could you imagine if George W. Bush was in power for 60 years? I mean, sure, it would have been hilarious, but we’d all be living in the post apocalyptic world of New Texas. It’d be a land full of steaks the size of cars and palpable racism. Not unlike actual Texas.
To the top TLO posts from June:
What We Said : “We have discovered that the girl in question is Thunder fan Brittany Parish. The excited dude with scary tattoos who was reaching towards the scoreboard was her husband Patrick Parish.”
What We Learned: We learned Brittany Parish is pretty cool. So is her husband. We also discovered she was pregnant, which is awesome news. Sure, bringing a new human to Earth is awesome. Harassing Pat Riley rivals procreation. At least in our Buffalo Wild Wings Sauce and beer addled minds it does.
Best Comment: “Heckling is always so much better when a woman does it.” – Sofa Kings
What We Said: “Oklahoma City Police are seeking the public’s help in identifying the guy pictured above. He died 31 years ago. If you’ve seen him, please call the police and then run for your life.”
What We Learned: Apparently local authorities have nothing better to do than make creepy sculptures. An artist’s two-dimensional rendering would have been just fine. Instead we’re presented with this bespectacled nightmare fuel, wearing what looks to be a “CHiP’s” t-shirt.
Best Comment: “Dr. Huxtable, you sexy bitch.” – Axes N Gashes
What We Said: “Tate Publishing CEO Ryan Tate may be one of the world’s greatest assholes. During a secretly recorded staff meeting, he belittled his employees — calling them “idiots” and morons” — before cold-heartedly firing 25 of them.”
What We Learned: We learned bald jockey types have a really cool ability to operate outside of any discernible moral code while championing a moral code they don’t follow. I think that’s called a hypocrite. Let me check…yes. That’s the correct word.
Best Comment: “Got his Baby Gap Polo on I see.” – Koby Teeth
What We Said : “Let me clarify that this photograph is not Photoshopped in any way. Well, except for BJ Wexler’s head being put on the toddlers body. I think there’s some sort of unwritten rule about posting pictures of babies with hot mom’s in two-piece bathing suits on the Internet, so we did that to be safe.”
What We Learned: We learned not even covering something with BJ Wexler’s old man fro isn’t enough to thwart our libido. I wish I could say there’s more to it than that. There’s not.
Best Comment: “I can now die a happy man.” – Ken
What We Said: “Barkley was very much “out there” during his visit and took part in a bunch of staged, promotional types of events, so the end result of this wasn’t as cool as we thought it would be. But hey, at least we got that photo of him with the black person. And the Thunder are playing in the NBA finals! That’s fucking unbelievable.”
What We Learned: That sometimes when we want to see a celebrity in town it’s not as hard as you think. A friend of mine saw Mel Gibson at Mahogany getting smashed days after the sugar tits debacle. I know a guy who saw Kanye West at Banana Republic in Quail Springs. I saw Brent Skarky buy socks at Target once. This town is lousy with celebrities.
Best Comment: I have always laughed at Barkley’s comments about OKC as being simple non-sense and good-natured ribbing. But he is right about San Antonio having a bunch of big women… – Jeff
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