Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

2013 Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest: Semi-Finals, Part 1

beauty and the corn dog

Welcome to our apparently now controversial 2013 Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest! This is the sixth and perhaps final year we’re doing this, so let’s hope it it’s a good one.

Before we get to the photos, let me go over three things:

1. How it works. The Ogle Mole Network submitted about 200 photos for this year’s contest. After spending many hours reviewing and debating the merits of each pic, we selected 20 for the semi-finals. They are divided randomly into two groups. 10 go up today, and 10 more will be posted tomorrow are located here. You can vote for up to three photographs in each group. The three pics from each that get the most votes will advance to next week’s finals.

2. What people win. Whoever submitted (and hopefully took) the winning photo will win a feast to Picasso Cafe in the Paseo. Oddly enough, Picasso’s has its “fair” share of hipster-fusion fair cuisine. My favorite is the indian taco…that’s topped with vegi chili and Ahi tuna. They also serve up fried risotto balls (a.k.a. risotto croquettes). That may be a fried food item you can’t actually find at that fair.

3. Disclaimer. If you stumbled across this link on your niece’s Facebook page, I should warn you that The Lost Ogle is an irreverent satirical news and entertainment website. It’s not for everyone, especially if you’re nice and kind-hearted. We started this contest six years ago as an absurd alternative to other State Fair Photo contests. If you take everything way too seriously, and poking fun at our state’s fine people and Wal-Mart culture bothers you, stop reading now and head over to Post Secret. Like our fair contest, most of that site’s content is also depressing. It’s just nicer.

Anyway, if you’re totally cool with laughing at those fair freaks that come out of hibernation for 10 days each fall, check out the photos and vote for your three favorites below. The second half will be up tomorrow:

A 2013 OK State Fair - cala-mary

The Squid and the Fail

There’s liking squid and then there’s really liking squid. This man (or woman, I’m not 100% sure) is in the “really like squid” category. Not only is he roaming the fair in a red squid hat, but check out the giant red squid tattoo he’s sporting on his lower right arm. I’m a fan of Jules Verne novels and Admiral Ackbar and even I think that’s over the top. I bet the name of his dream girl is Cali-Mary.

A 2013 OK State Fair - Wild Thing

Wild Thing

Wow, David Bowie sure has gone downhill since he starred in Labyrinth. Actually, that’s not David Bowie. I think it’s just some other creation from the Jim Henson universe. After this pic was taken, we heard she tried to eat a couple of Fraggles.

A 2013 OK State Fair - Ewwwwwwww

Baby Got Barf

I showed this pic to a very high-level girlfriend and the first thing she noticed was the fake Gucci bag. The second thing she noticed was the pile of vomit on my carpet. After that, things got as hazy as a pool of sweat near a butt crack.

Seriously, that’s just disgusting. Thank God the technology to smell photographs doesn’t exist. They should arrest that lady for indecent exposure and ban her from wearing clothes from Justice.

A 2013 OK State Fair - Mr America

Pull My Purse

This pic was taken inside the Great American Petting Zoo. Part of the zoo’s gimmick is that every half hour the animals all stand, salute this guy and recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

In addition to “How much does this guy fucking love America?,” the obvious question here is “Why does he have a pouch hanging in front of his crotch?” I bet he uses it to either make change or hide the erection he gets when he sees corn. If you tug on it, there’s a good chance he’ll sing “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee.”

A 2013 OK State Fair - new tattoo

Hell yeah, it hurts…to look at.

We probably received 10 different pics of this women. All of them were blurry, taken from a distance, and scare small children. Basically, she was the Bigfoot of the Oklahoma State Fair. The only difference is that she actually exists.

A 2013 OK State Fair - Tall and Tiny

The Odd Couple

In you had to pick one person in that photo to not take a winning basketball shot, who would it be? Would you pick the 50-foot woman or the little bald man with the two-handed set shot? I’d say neither and go with the NASCAR carnie.

A 2013 OK State Fair - That poor bench

Bench Warmers

I’d like to trade places with a bunch of different things in life. A state fair bench is not one of them. That would be awful.

Also, can someone please explain how a person can sit on a bench, have a rod wedged between their ass, and not seem to care or notice? I’m asking for a friend.

A 2013 OK State Fair - The Racists

The Racists

If you’re going to show off your inherent bigotry by turning a brand new Confederate battle flag into a super racism cape, at least have the decency to get rid of all the creases. Seriously, show some class and steam that thing.

p.s. – Remember folks, we have a black president. That means racism is dead and Oklahoma no longer needs affirmative action programs.

A 2013 OK State Fair - The Second Most Interesting Man in the World

The Second Most Interesting Man in the World

He doesn’t normally drink beer, but when he does, it’s usually cheap and for breakfast.

Seriously, this guy looks like a bad ass. He probably has a lot of interesting stories to tell about Grateful Dead shows, Jimmy Buffet concerts and Mexican jails.

A 2013 OK State Fair - Too Many Corndogs

Too Many Corndogs

That kid is not impressed.

It’s now voting time. You can choose up to three photos. Please vote only once. And remember, the results are not final until they are reviewed by the accounting firm of Clark Matthews and Associates.

My three favorite Oklahoma State Fair Photos are...

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  1. So far, any of these would have won last year’s contest. I’m going to go ahead and call Bench Warmers the winner. Whoever took that picture might as well make reservations at the Paseo. Thanks for playing everyone else.

    • LOL Enid representing @ the State Fair!!! Why is it every time I look at the State fair photos or Jailbirds, I see someone I know?! Wait…..don’t answer that 😀

  2. Please, please, please….NEVER quit having this contest on TLO! This bunch promises to be the best ever. On the darker side, they may also prove that Darwin was wrong about that evolution thing.

  3. Hypothetically, if one of those pictured was a co-worker, would it be okay to frame the picture and put it in the office Dirty Santa Game at Christmas?

  4. I really wish the photographer of the Great American Pouch would have panned over a little to show the hottie talking to the Mr. Flag shirt. She’s pretty wonderful! Also, how is Too Many Corndogs not in the lead? The person is face down at the bottom of a porta-potty. That’s gotta be the lowest of the low even for a State Fair. So sad.

  5. Work interwebs won’t let me vote but Wild Thing and the Corndog Porta Potty have my votes!
    I didn’t go to the fair this year or last so I’m glad to see things haven’t changed.

  6. Too Many Corn Dogs is the best thing this contest has produced. The layers are numerous…..just like a trendy French film.

  7. My high school buddy has lived in Tampa for many years. Says OKC is changing and becoming more modern. I countered with the more things change the more they stay the same and tell himabout the TLO fair picture contest. BTW, you might have smaller photo spreads for people at casino concerts. All I’m sayin’is Joan Jett was kinda weird, but at least they knew her songs.

    • I thought the exact same same about the Joan Jett concert, it was pretty scary. Did you see the guy running around in the shorts and rainbow socks, converse shoes and vest with patches from every concert he has been to showing off his Joan Jett CASSETTE tape??

  8. I had to cast a vote for Baby Got Barf…WTF, literally. Where to begin?

    Also, I do think that the Pull My Purse pic is a set up. Those jorts look freshly cut, the trucker cap has no stains and the guy is way to clean shaven.

  9. If only the 50 foot tall woman would turn around . . . I swear it’s runner-up Terry from the 2009 contest!

  10. The ones where the photographer is afraid to get close enough to get a pic worth taking make me a little sad. See “too many corndogs” Was he afraid of the little girrrrrrrrrrrrrrl?

    • I wonder if telling them that he was from the county coroner’s office would’ve helped?

      On second thought—–would that even know what that that is?

  11. I think the Ogle Mole network should contact all these “hot women” of the state fair photos and then the TLO could get Patricia’s to assist/sponsor a “TLO ladies of the fair photo calendar”………..You know you want to see “wild thing” gettin wild and “Baby gotBarf” from the front!

    • She is a double winner…….Semi-finalist in the TLO state fair photo contest and unanimous choice for :

      “Most creative Thong”

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