Back in October, Mary Fallin launched her 2014 re-election campaign. Here were my Oglestradamus’ish thoughts at the time:
Does it really matter? This lady’s going to win. She knows it, we know it, they know it and you know it. She could cuss out Andrew Speno, dye her hair pink and get caught doing coke with Wayne Coyne in the Blue Note bathroom and still coast to an easy victory. The only way she loses this thing is if zombies take over the world. Actually, that probably wouldn’t even matter. Zombies love Mary Fallin…
This is shaping up to be the most boring gubernatorial election since 1998 when Keating defeated Denise Boyd. At least I think that’s who it was. I’m too lazy to look it up. The last few elections haven’t been very close, but at least they had established name candidates in Jari Askins and Ernest Istook. The Democratic field is so weak this year that Joe Dorman could throw his hat into the ring (just kidding, we know he wouldn’t take off his hat) and he’d probably win the Democratic nomination. That wouldn’t be too bad. At least we’d get a couple of Joleen Chaney watermelon pics.
I guess it’s time to arm the watermelons. Joe Dorman has taken the first big step towards a 2014 gubernatorial run. He’s asked Kera Philippi to recruit an all female force of elite state troopers to be his bodyguards. He’s also formed an exploratory committee.
From a Joe Dorman press release:
State Rep. Joe Dorman today announced the formation of a gubernatorial campaign exploratory committee.
“After talking with my family, and listening to hundreds of Oklahomans express their desire to see me run for Governor, I have decided to take this initial step of forming an exploratory committee to raise the resources and build the campaign organization needed to pursue the highest office in our state,” the Rush Springs Democrat said.
Representative Dorman, accompanied by a long-time political supporter and friend, retired U.S. Army Maj. Ed Pulido, filed the requisite paperwork at 10 a.m. today with the Oklahoma Ethics Commission.
Representative Dorman pledged that he would be a Governor for all Oklahomans and provide leadership on critical issues such as the construction of school storm shelters, education, economic opportunity, public safety and infrastructure. “I look forward to continuing my conversations throughout the state, listening to Oklahomans tell me about their challenges and how they need – and want – leadership.”
In announcing formation of the exploratory committee, Major Pulido, the committee chairman, said his support for Representative Dorman is based on numerous positions the state lawmaker has taken over the years. “He has been a common-sense lawmaker and leader who has worked across partisan lines to develop policies that benefit all Oklahomans, from individuals to businesses, from rural counties to suburban and urban interests,” Major Pulido said.
One issue of importance to the retired military officer has been Representative Dorman’s commitment to those, past and present, in the armed forces. “Joe is committed to supporting our veterans. He will not leave any Oklahoman behind, veterans and citizens alike,” Major Pulido said. Representative Dorman’s legislative district includes the Fort Sill area, the major noted.
Representative Dorman, 43, will hold a series of listening sessions and live, interactive “telephone town halls” across the state. His first telephone town hall meeting will be this Thursday, Dec. 19.
This is awesome on a couple of levels.
1. It will be nice to have a somewhat normal, likable Democratic candidate running for Governor. I don’t agree with all of his politics – he’s voted with the Derplahomans on some anti-choice abortion laws and introduced that hysterical bill that allows death row inmates to sell their organs on the Silk Road or something – but I like Joe Dorman. He’s basically the Good Guy Greg of Oklahoma politicians. Not to destroy his campaign before it starts, but we’ve sponsored his “Un-Speakers Ball” last February and let him gather signatures for his Take Shelter Oklahoma initiative at our trivia nights. Does he have a chance to defeat Fallin? No fucking way. But, it should make for a fun and jolly campaign. And I’m sure the election night watch parties will be a blast.
2. He’s a single bachelor. You think the hot tub at the Governor’s mansion gets a lot of use now? Imagine what would happen if it snowed in July and Joe Dorman actually won this thing! There would be a party at the Governor’s Mansion with girls in bikinis every night of the week! He’d probably convert the basement into a new home for Club Dreamers and name Jesse Jane his Chief of Staff. He’d also provide subsidies to get a new Cheeseburger in Paradise to open in Bricktown. Say what you want, but that place wasn’t too bad for a chain. It’s a shame Dave Morris put them out of business.
Anyway, since Joe’s going to run for Governor, maybe I should form my own exploratory committee. I wouldn’t have a chance to win, but it would make for some fun debates with Joe. Topics could include vodka or gin, Sonic or Braum’s, and Emily and JoJo. It would be a blast.
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