Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Some guy rubbed one out in the middle of a Tulsa Walmart

Derek Bennett tulsa

On today’s episode of “Disturbed People Who Make You Feel Somewhat Normal” we have Derek Bennett. He was recently caught masturbating in the middle of a Tulsa Walmart. Yep, he skipped the bathroom and dressing room like most Walmart shoppers and did it in the middle of the store. Apparently, he’s turned on by the smell of gasoline, sadness and meth.

From KFOR via KTUL:

According to KTUL, Tulsa police arrested a 26-year-old for allegedly masturbating in the middle of a popular grocery store.

Witnesses say the Tulsa man was performing sexual acts on himself in the middle of a Walmart located on the 2000 block of East 81st street.

KTUL reports that the incident occurred at approximately 12:45 p.m. Saturday.

Footage captured by Walmart’s security cameras show Derek Bennett pleasing himself in the store.

Pleasing himself? That’s exactly what it is, because let’s be honest, there’s nothing more pleasing than masturbating in the middle of a Walmart on a Saturday afternoon. Obviously, the KFOR report was written by a shy woman who’s still probably blushing, because women are the only ones who call masturbation “pleasing yourself.” Dude’s use more accurate terms like Anger the Cobra, Drain the Dragon and Wrestle the Champ.

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Comments

  1. I feel bad for the person who ends up buying the shirt that walmart put back on the rack that this dude cleaned up with

  2. One more thing for Wayne Green to add to his list of why Tulsa is better than OKC!
    Choking the chicken on your lunch hour at the ol’ walmartz.

    Whole new meaning to “clean up aisle 3″ hahahahaha

  3. Can we make a list of other more accurate terms for pleasing one’s self?

    Fighting off boredom
    Pretending someone loves me
    My only daily exercise
    Well, the internet is there anyways…
    Pretending to have a cold
    Using up all the lotion she left behind
    Exercising the demons
    Why can’t I click of these Pretty Reckless videos?

    That’s all I can think of right now.

  4. I saw a guy actually doing that at a public library while he was using one of their internet computers. Things were going great for him until the two policemen walked up behind him.

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