If I were to write a book titled "101 Things That Worry, Annoy or Scare Patrick," I'd probably include chapters on the following topics:
- Irrational, overzealous helicopter parents who live vicariously through their kids...
- Middle-aged men who coach softball...
- The Oklahoma City TV News Media...
- Piedmont...
Knowing all that, imagine how terrified I was to see this story on KFOR about a group of parents rallying to support a Piedmont High School softball coach who was recently forced to resign for... well... I'll let KFOR's Leslie Rangel attempt to explain.
Via KFOR:
Monday night, a groups of students, parents and supporters banded together to demand a coach get his job back.
The Piedmont softball coach says he was forced to resign by his superintendent.
Wow. That doesn't sound good. I wonder what happened? Why was he forced to resign?
There were dozens of people rallying in support of Coach Scott.
After some digging into this story, some parents thinking there may be more to why he was asked to resign.
Uhm, after digging into what story? What is the story? You never told us why he resigned. What's the deal?
"He went to state 10 times out of 14 years and that's pretty good," Nolan Banks, a freshman student, said.
"I honestly think it will fall apart because a lot of the girls don't want to play for anyone but Coach Scott,"Jaymy Foister, another student, said.
Okay, I get it. Some people like Coach Scott and support him, but why did he resign?
No matter who you ask around here, everyone thinks the world of Coach Rick Scott.
"This guy has been like a second father to me," Banks said.
Coach Scott supporters are asking the school board to reconsider his resignation.
Reconsider the resignation??? You never told us why he resigned! Is this some new experimental form of TV journalism where you keep the viewer guessing? If so, you're doing a great job. Now, please, explain what the hell happened!
"He was suspended because he was defending our girls at a game, he apologized to the parent for making the remark," Shelly Torres, a Piedmont parent, said.
The coach was suspended for two games after he told an opposing team parent he was an "ass wipe" for being rude to his players.
"We started this agenda to save Rick, to bring him back to coach our girls," Torres says.
That's it? He called someone an asswipe? There has to be more to the story.
But the movement snowballed into something larger.
"[I'm] talking about a stack of letters from teachers that say 'help us' I mean, to the point of saying 'you are answering our prayers,'" Torres says.
What the hell? Is there a crackdown on Piedmont teachers who call parents asswipes? Why do the teachers need help? Is Janet Barresi terrorizing the beautiful fields and prairies of Piedmont just like Saruman scoured the Shire at the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy?
Anonymous letters say:
"We can't stand up for what's right or we will lose our job! If the school board votes to keep Coach Scott please don't stop investigating."
"I'm so thankful the issues are being brought to light. Please keep this confidential because retaliation is a very real likelihood for anyone who speaks out."
"I want Rick back coaching these girls, these girls have begged for it they've asked for it, and they deserve it," Torres says. "I want our teachers to be safe, I want our teachers to know you can go file a grievance, and your school board will not put you on a plan of improvement."
I got an idea. How about someone be a responsible grown up and tell the girls their are plenty of middle-aged men with goatees out there ready to be their softball coach. Stop by any Lowe's on a Saturday afternoon and you'll see plenty of them. What's up with that? Why do all softball coaches look the same? Are they all the same guy? Is there an underground code of grooming and apparel that we don't know about?
Anyway, this report has fallen to pieces. I guess the coach resigned because he called a parent an asswipe and now some students and parents want him back. Anything else to add?
The board also voted to have the Canadian County district attorney investigate allegations of misuse of softball funds by Coach Scott.
We did speak with Coach on the phone. He says he has not touched a penny, and thinks this incident all boils down to playing time allocated to certain players.
No lie, that's how the report ends. I know KFOR is never going to be in the hunt for a Pulitzer, but shouldn't those details have been mentioned in the very beginning of the report? Instead we get a:
"Oh, and by the way, Coach Scott may have misused softball funds and could be investigated by the Canadian County District Attorney. He denies doing anything wrong, but unwinding all that information and present it as a news story is way out of our league. Here's another clip of a 12-year-old kid supporting Coach Scott. Good night.
Anyway, that concludes this installment of Patrick confronting his fears and being an asswipe by overanalyzing a horrible TV news report. Tune in tomorrow for more.
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