Remember the chick who sang that terrible “Call Me Maybe” song that you could never get out of your head? Well, tonight she’s kickin’ it old school and putting on a free concert tonight at Tulsa’s Promenade Mall. I’m not sure whether this is more embarrassing for her, or Promenade.
Despite what your eyes are telling you, the very scary and jaundiced girl who makes Jack the Pumpkin King look like a sexy piece of ass isn’t dead and embalmed–but, she does like cutting open dead, embalmed people and giving them haircuts.
From News On 6:
TULSA, Oklahoma – A woman was arrested for illegal dissection of a human body at a Tulsa funeral home. Police say Shaynna Lauren Sims, also known as Shaynna Smith, cut the deceased woman’s hair, cut her cheek and smeared her makeup.
Family members called police to the Moore Funeral Home at 1908 South Memorial Drive, saying they saw Sims with her hands inside the casket.
Are we really just calling this an “illegal human dissection?” Now that our lawmakers know this law exists, expect them to use it to try and prevent abortions.
Somehow, this story gets worse:
If you haven’t watched Silicon Valley yet, I highly recommend ditching that spreadsheet you’re working on, logging into HBO Go, then spending the rest of your afternoon getting caught up. It’s the smart, quirky show that Big Bang Theory fans only think they’re watching. I also enjoy it because it gives me a peek into a world that I will never, ever be involved with. Sure, it’s fun to imagine what I’d do with my millions, or picture myself showing up to board meetings in rumpled clothes just to say “shove it” as payback to a company I’ve been salty with. I think I could really pull off a power suit and a pair of Louboutins. But alas, I don’t know the difference (or if there even is a difference) between Java and HTML, so my future in technology is basically limited to whatever new app the Today Show recommends I get.
You know who else probably has no future in the tech business? These bros who stabbed each other over an iPhone vs. Android debate. (PS I realize that might have been the worst transition ever).
From Tech Times:
This week Mad Men’s final season premiered. As a fan of period pieces, vintage fashions, eye candy, and binge watching shows on Netflix without showering for days, this was a pretty big event for me. In just a few short weeks, there’s going to be a excruciatingly slow-paced hour-long drama sized hole in my heart.
Hey guys I’m just kidding! (Kind of).
Anyway, yesterday at the office was particularly trudge-y, so I started daydreaming about how to
destroy cast one of my favorite TV shows using our own Oklahoma talent. These are the results.
Don: Blake Shelton
This one was a no brainer. Both tall, dapper, and fans of whiskey drinkin’ and lady charmin’. Blake probably for sure has a dark and shady side we all don’t know about (rumor has it he switched identities with someone who died in the Reba’s plane crash) but would probably ignore because he’s that’s good looking.
Betty: Carrie Underwood
Blonde, beautiful, and…maaaayyybe a bit daft? I mean don’t get me wrong, Carrie is probably a lovely person, but someone has to take responsibility for those 4 hours I spent watching The Sound of Music Live.
Guess what you guys? I got to hang out with Corey Kent White last Saturday!
For all of you who aren’t middle-aged women or pre-teen girls, Corey Kent White is one of the frontrunners of The Voice this season, and grew up in Bixby, Oklahoma. His dad and stepmom live right next to my boyfriend’s parents’ farm, so we broke some bread and celebrated the night before Corey flew to LA to finish out this season of the show.
Now, I’m a woman of integrity, so FYI this is a COMPLETELY UNBIASED review. This has nothing to do with the fact that he’s an affable guy or his parents are lovely or I want him to sing “Oklahoma Girl” as I walk down the aisle at my wedding one day. I was planning on writing this post regardless, but it just so happened that I got to meet him a few days before this post went live. TOTAL COINCIDENCE. Got it?
Anyway, here’s my non-partisan analysis of why Corey Kent White is going to crush the pansy-ass competition that Adam Levine, Pharrell, and Christina call their “teams.” Ch-check it out.
1. Corey’s a country artist. Being a country artist on a televised music competition show is akin to being 6’8″ and 250 lbs on an NBA team, a tiny Asian guy in a hot dog eating contest, or a double jointed exotic dancer. The obvious advantage isn’t even up for debate.
Think about the kind of people who stay home to religiously watch singing contests then spend 30+ minutes afterwards voting every week. A) They’re from a flyover state, B) they probably watch FOX News, and C) they love God, they love guns, and they love their country music.
2. He’s adorable. I mean, look at the guy. He’s 20 years old, but me and my boyfriend’s godmother got choked up and giggly just talking to him. He’s handsome in a wholesome, All-American sort of way, which as we’ve seen in the past with other notable singing competition contestants (Scotty McCreery, Phillip Phillips) is a good, good thing. Edgy-hot doesn’t work on these shows–ask Constantine or Colton Dixon. Guyliner-hot can work, but only if his name is Adam Lambert.
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