We can’t think of a better way to celebrate our birthday than by posting the famous (infamous?) Lauren Richardson at Braum’s clip. It’s only been viewed over 7,000 times. Clark Matthews has viewed it over 5,000 times, and each time he is surprised when her cherry falls off. That crazy Clark Matthews. What a character.
Author Archive for Clark Matthews
First came the Jim Traber/Mark Rodgers tiff. Now, the state capitol is getting in the fighting mood. According to an Associated Press report:
Sen. Patrick Anderson, R-Enid, told the Tulsa World that Rep. Randy Terrill, R-Moore, tried to pick a fight with him, using words to the effect, “I’ll whip your ass.”
Now, we can argue all day and night about the vast array of meanings a phrase like “I’ll whip your ass” can take on, but let’s just assume it was the most common usage. That means TheLostOgle.com’s favorite state congressman is not only a racist, but a bit of a bully. But, why was he so upset that he went after a member of his own party?
Oh, the usual. Terrill introduced a new, racist, bill** trying to outlaw Spanish being spoken anywhere at anytime, and the outcry caused Senator Anderson to get overloaded with calls from constituents attempting to persuade him to vote for the bill. Of course, that outcry was created by Terrill robocalling Anderson’s district begging like minded people to flood Anderson with calls. For his part, Anderson passed on those concerns to Representative Xenophobe by way of forwarding every single call to Terrill’s office, including a a call from Mrs. Anderson requesting that her husband pick up some tamales on the way home.
So, as one can see, it was a perfectly rational argument between two grown men. Regardless, we at TheLostOgle have been wondering why there has been a rash of scuffles lately. Then, we found out that they are all staged in promoting a local Battle Royale wrestling event. It made perfect sense when we uncovered the teams: Continue reading ‘The Oklahoma Battle Royale’
Eventually, it had to be done. In fact, realizing that it had not yet delved into the seediest location in town as our first year anniversary rapidly approached, we decided it had to be done quickly.
But who would write the post? I nominated Patrick, but he declined saying that his research would begin with a night at the Red Dog Saloon, followed by us never seeing him again. Tony cited his strict religious upbringing and fear of anything not sanctioned by James Dobson as means of begging off. So that left it up to me, Clark Matthews, to be the expert on the underbelly of our fair town.
After exhaustive research, here is my list of the top 10 Sleaziest Locations in Oklahoma City:
10. Britton Discount Cigarettes
Every day, on my way home from work, I get stuck in the daily traffic jam on Britton being caused by “Britton Discount Cigarettes.” Part of me feels like I should respect their great business plan. They figured out that if you smoke, you probably don’t exercise either, so they sell cigarettes at a drive thru window. Apparently pretty cheap, because rush hour always sees a parking lot in the right hand eastbound lane of Britton and several cars hoping to turn left in the westbound lane. The people are just about what you would expect. They are in beat up cars, with their faded KATT stickers on the bumper, and even though I am in the cocoon of my vehicle, I can imagine how foul it must smell on the interior. Making the place that much more repulsive is that they located it just about a block from what is now Centennial High School, but used to be my alma mater, John Marshall. So, you know they are probably making a killing selling to underage kids who are ditching class.
Right now, a good portion of our smoker readers are thinking they need to check this place out. Continue reading ‘Oklahoma City’s Sleaziest Locations’
Meet Andrew Harshman. Mr. Harshman apparently lost his girlfriend to Enid businessman Rick Childs. In response, Harshman did what any red blooded male does when trying to recapture their woman. He tried to hire a hitman. Luckily for Rick, Harshman was not very clever in his attempts. According to the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs:
The investigation started when Enid Police learned that Mr. Harshman was actively soliciting the murder of a local business man and was offering to pay for the potential murder.
The Enid Police Narcotics Unit, EPD Investigative Service Division, along with an Agent with the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs combined efforts to investigate this allegation. Officers were able to introduce an undercover officer to Harshman as the person who would potentially carry out the murder for hire. The undercover officer obtained enough information from Harshman to establish the solicitation, and through technical investigative procedures, surveillance, and outstanding undercover work by the OBN Agent, officers were able to establish probable cause to arrest Mr. Harshman Tuesday morning.
Bravo to Enid law enforcement, right? They saved a man’s life and set it up so Andrew Harshman will not be able to hurt anyone else. Well, at least not unless he does it during the week.
I know what you’re asking, “What?” Great question. According to this News9 article, Harshman was convicted of trying to hire one person to murder another person and his penalty is 60 weekends (a total of 120 days) in jail. Making it even less constricting is that they aren’t even consecutive weekends. The penalty requires that he spend at least one weekend per month in prison.
One weekend a month? Isn’t that what Army reservists have to commit? Of course, the reservists have the additional burden of possibly being sent to Iraq for an unspecified length of time. So, I guess the lesson is that reservists should offer an undercover police officer $36K to murder their ex-girlfriend’s new husbands.
Category: Hot Girl a Day in the Month of May.
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WARNING: This post is not going to be funny. And when I say it’s not going to be funny, I don’t mean it in a “nothing Clark Matthews writes is funny” way. I mean it is a serious post on a serious subject. If you come to this site to escape from reality, I beseech you to come back later when Patrick or Tony, maybe even me, catch you up on the latest happenings at the Okfuskee County Jail or give you an update on the whereabouts of Chubby Johnson.
For most people, pregnancy is a wonderful time where the morning sickness and uncomfortable weight gain eventually lead to bringing home a child to begin or add on to their family. That is not the case for all, though, and not just the teenagers who failed their abstinence-only education classes. Sometimes babies fail to wait until they are developed enough to survive outside the womb. For those prospective mothers and fathers, pregnancy becomes a nightmare.
Thanks to the people at the March of Dimes, there are some happy endings for some of these families. Their research has provided Newborn Intensive Care Units with procedures that can assist in keeping some of these underdeveloped children breathing and growing and eventually going home, growing up, and having babies of their own.
Tomorrow morning (May 5th) at the Myriad Gardens, the March of Dimes’ biggest fundraiser/awareness-building activity will occur. For those of you who aren’t too hungover to walk 6.2 miles and can wake up before 9:00, there will be “March for Babies” in which (hopefully) thousands of people will walk around downtown to the capitol and back. At the ending point local businesses will sponsor free food, and you will be in close proximity to Bricktown where, I hear, they sell alcohol.
For those of you who are lazy, but still want to support the March of Dimes, I have set up a team page for TheLostOgle. You can even use Paypal to make the donation.
Back to your regular, silly, programming.
Today signals the beginning of May, or as Craig Humphreys refers to it, “The most glorious month of the year.” For Humphreys, it is an opportunity to talk golf every day for four straight weeks despite most people viewing golf discussion as being as exciting as watching paint dry. He does it anyway because the Sports Animal gets to give a lucky listener a “Driver-a-Day-in-the-Month-of-May”
We at TheLostOgle are not good at golf, with or without a fancy Calloway driver. So, instead, we plan to give our readers a Hot-Girl-a-Day-in-the-Month-of-May. The beauty is that everyone wins, not just one lucky person each day…unless you’re a female reader, and then you never win. Well, except for once. Nevermind.
Anyway, to kick off the month we bring you an oldie (but a goodie). Also, if we forget to do this the next four days, we can just say we did five days at once. Enjoy Amy McRee in her famous pink bikini.
(Oh, and if you have a photo that should be considered for use in this promotion, feel free to send it our way.)
The only thing scarier than paying $3.50 for a gallon of gas is the suggestion that the price could triple over the next three years. Prognosticators let us know that this escalation of energy prices will lead to the price of everything increasing, painting a picture so grim that it makes one want to run out and stock up on canned goods. Oh, then the prognosticators tell you this.
While taking a mental break to steel my nerves so I could prep for a Mad Max type apocalypse calmly, I spent a little time on YouTube and found this:
What jumped out at me first was: “Wow, in 1968 you could list off the addresses of random people on television and tell the viewers the house’s value?” Apparently, Patrick’s “Where They Live” gimmick was not as original as I had thought. Next, though, I wanted to know where I could find me one of those $10,000 houses. With the assistance the County Assessor’s website, I learned that those addresses are worth significantly more now. (Apparently this “inflation” thing has been going on for awhile now.) “How much more?” you might ask. Read on. Continue reading ‘Inflation is a Bitch’
To be fair, I was one of the early converts. Back in 2004, even before his glorious speech at the Democratic National Convention, my wife brought him to my attention. I remember the moment clearly. It was a Thursday evening and I was headed to play flag football in the worst flag football league ever assembled by man. After picking up one of my teammates, my cell phone rang and upon answering, my wife immediately began recounting a speech she had just seen. It was hard to understand her since she kind of sounded like one of those girls you see screaming in the background whenever they show The Beatles first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show. She was sure he was going to be President. As I hung up the phone my friend asked what that was all about. “My wife is about to leave me for some dude named Obama something-or-other,” I told him.
“Osama who?” he asked.
And so it went in this state for four years. Barack Obama became a rising star in American politics, was elected to the Senate by an astounding margin for a first time candidate, and by the Iowa caucuses of 2008, he looked like the only chance of slaying the Clinton juggernaut. Meanwhile, Oklahomans generally thought of him as that black guy running for President. Or, if they were anything like my Grandpa, they thought he was Arab.
It seems like the state is coming around. (Not in time for our Super Tuesday primary, mind you, in which Hillary got something like 75% of the vote.) In the past few weeks, while Obama was dealing with Clinton’s “kitchen sink” strategy in the run up to the Pennsylvania primary, the news out of Oklahoma has been all good for him. Continue reading ‘Oklahoma is Having a Barack Attack’
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