It’s that time of year again when we all make a commitment for about a week to be better versions of ourselves. I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’ve spent a small fortune on a gym membership, Dave Ramsey’s books, and organizational accessories from Bed Bath and Beyond so you can be better in 2014 than you were in 2013. I’m sure there are people out there who have the willpower to actually keep the resolutions they make. If that’s you, congrats.
So here we are. The ball in downtown has been raised. (Why do we do that instead of dropping it?) As we head back to work and clean up the corks from the Andre bottles that are littering our backyards, Patrick and I thought we’d bring you a round-up of the resolutions most pertinent to Oklahomans today.
Devon Tower: Destroy all other tall buildings.
The Devon Tower has a bit of a complex. It’s been the top dog in town for a while, and just like the jocks at your high school, it feels entitled to that status. And even more so like the jocks from your high school, the Devon Tower intends to prevent any other buildings from getting too big for their britches. Whether it’s giving noogies to the Chase Tower, or spreading rumors that it got lucky with the Founder’s Tower, know that the Devon Tower has resolved to basically be the Biff Tannen of OKC architecture.
Jeremy Lamb: Wear a neck brace.
Come on, Gerry Giraffe. Put a brace on that thing before it snaps in two.
Well, it looks like we made it through the Christmas holiday, readers. Can I get an amen? If you’re lucky, you’re still not back to work yet and you won’t be until January 2. For the rest of us, I like to think that I’ve softened the blow of getting back in the office by bringing you some of the best tweets the past week had to offer. No, it won’t make up for the fact that you still haven’t firmed up your New Year’s Eve plans and will most likely spend the day drinking in the garage of your best friend. But I’m not a miracle worker. I only write semi-humorous, but mostly boring things on a blog. So, yeah. Anyway, check out this week’s tweets after the jump!
I won’t lie to you. Two things happened last week and they are the two things that make me want to delete all my social media. There was a winter icy storm situation, which I’m sure you experienced. And then, there was a person who said something in a very public forum that their company didn’t approve of and that person got suspended and a bunch of people were all up in arms and completely unaware about the particular freedom that the First Amendment guarantees. Basically, it was hellish because you couldn’t look at anything without being bombarded by political opinions, pictures of ice on patio furniture, and the occasional super creepy Elf on the Shelf thing. But I found all the other tweets. All of them! They’re here, as always, after the jump.
A fun fact about me is that I was raised on quotes from The Godfather I and II. Rather than rely on Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood to illustrate the important moral lessons, I was taught to never take sides against the family, and to leave the gun and take the cannolis. My parents also think it’s funny to address my Christmas gifts to “Fredo.” So, whether it’s The Godfather or Goodfellas or Boardwalk Empire–I love me some organized crime in my entertainment. Would I like to encounter organized crime in real life? No. Absolutely not. But that might be about to change.
From the most trusted name in news, Buzzfeed:
The weekend is over, and that can only mean one thing. It’s Monday. And instead of sitting at your desk nursing a Sunday fun day hangover, you should nurse a Sunday fun day hangover AND read some of the best tweets the past week had to offer. As always, I’ve got them right here for your, lovingly curated and with razor-sharp witty commentary. Seriously, the laughs ahead will make up for the fact that you squandered the past weekend and didn’t get any Christmas shopping done. Check them out after the jump!
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