Good morning and happy Monday, everyone. Can I just say that last week was pretty rough in terms of social media? First, the OK GOP posted something terrible and then gave us a flippant non-apology. Then, a brigade of toothless folks waved the Confederate flag at our president. Needless to say, I was trying to favorite tweets as fast as my little fingers could hit that star. But damn, y’all. I’m really looking forward to having a lackluster social media week next week. You know, maybe one where the bcoolest thing that happens is someone posting pics of their lunch. Let’s make that a priority, Oklahoma.
Anyway, as always, the best tweets from last week are after the jump.
I have a list of dream professions. If it weren’t in the cards for me to be grumpy writer on the internet, I would probably try my hand at the following careers: lounge singer, ethnobotanist, MMA fighter, and con artist. Sure, being a con artist may seem like a bad thing, but just think about how many of them don’t get caught. They say there’s nothing like a hard day’s work. But I would argue there’s nothing like tricking someone into giving you the rewards of their hard day’s work.
I’m not alone in this. Apparently the virtues of con artistry have made their way all the way Shawnee, America, and have been put into practice. Though, I have to say, this lady was a total amateur about it. According to KFOR:
So, it seems that everyone is on that Oklahoma lovin’ bandwagon these days. And sure, Oklahoma has come a long way since back in the day before we had an NBA team. We’ve got all sorts of cool things that we never had before, like hip kids in t-shirts with Oklahomas on them. That’s a pretty big deal, I guess.
But not all is well in the state of Oklahoma. There are a few things that we have let go on for too long. And for that, we need to really think about what want the rest of the country to think of when they think of us. It may just be time that we apologize for some of the things that we’ve brought upon the country. And with that, I give you 10 things Oklahoma should apologize for.
1. Parking meter
I guess if you’re the sort of evildoer who likes to profit from parking spaces, then the parking meter is a great invention. For the rest of us, though, it’s really a terrible creation that ruins our lives by causing us to get tickets because we aren’t quick enough to throw more dollars in the meter. These things, while they were conceived in Oklahoma, have spread all over the world and for that, we really should give everyone a big ol’ we’re sorry card.
2. Poisonous spiders
Sure, you can find poisonous spiders anywhere. But there isn’t a single person reading this that doesn’t currently have a black widow somewhere inside their home. You may think you’ve sprayed enough, or that your squash-to-kill policy when it comes to spiders is enough to keep you safe. It’s not. They are everywhere, especially after all this rain. So just think about that, as your toes graze the baseboard of your kitchen cabinets tonight while you’re making dinner. And because we don’t give out-of-towners enough warning about our creepy spider problem, we really should apologize.
3. Toby Keith
Seriously, if the man isn’t falling down drunk while he’s singing stupid songs, he’s writing xenophobic love ballads to jingoism. America, we’re sorry about him.
In case you missed it, Carrie Underwood, American Idol winner and probably the winner of the show’s official miss congeniality prize, locked her dogs and baby in the car on Saturday. I know what you’re thinking. If we’re to believe the articles that people post on Facebook with furious captions, this sort of action can only be done by sentient pile of Satan-worshiping garbage. But Carrie Underwood is a sweet angel who would never do anything wrong, right?
Well, let’s see. According to KFOR.com:
How are things? If your weekend was anything like mine, then you didn’t get half the things you needed to get done finished. But that’s generally the way the weekend is. Also, can I just say that Sundays are the worst day of the week? I believe that people get cases of the Mondays because they’ve experienced a Sunday full of chores and family and other obligations. Those are exhausting. Day of rest my ass.
Anyway, as always, I’ve collected all the best tweets from the past week and put them all right here for you. Check them out after the jump!
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