Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Marisa – Page 15

These car theft victims got a free crack pipe!

stolen car crack pipe

I have been told that there was once a time when automobiles symbolized freedom and the American way of life. And, I guess, if you look at the old American-made muscle cars, it makes sense. They were fast and tough-looking. But now, automobiles basically crumple on impact, are made of way too many parts that the NHTSA will make the manufacturers recall and aren’t really made to last. But, I guess we have to have them, even if they are basically overpriced pieces of garbage that we have to pay to insure.

And perhaps what’s worse is that some people steal these terrible cars we own. And then when they take them, the cops recover them and leave other stolen items inside. According to KFOR.com:

OKLAHOMA CITY — A stolen SUV is recovered in Oklahoma City. But the family’s relief was short lived, after they took a look inside.

Their family vehicle was filled with stolen property, drug paraphernalia, and a loaded gun.

“What are my kids gonna find, if they go crawling around in this vehicle,” said Ryan Wells.

Their Ford’s journey began during a quick Qdoba dinner break.

“(I was) eating with some family and friends,” Ryan explains. “I noticed that the window in my Chevy was busted out, and my wife screamed that her purse was gone.”

I think it should be noted that if you ever tell me a story of having something stolen from you, and the reason that thing was stolen is because you left your purse or your wallet in your car, I immediately lose any and all sympathy for you. That’s all on you. It sucks that people would steal something from you, but leaving a purse or wallet in plain view shows a kind of naïveté about humanity that I would associate with a person who was raised in a fairy tale forest by a troop of anthropomorphized animals…

Monday Morning Tweets: Memorial Marathon edition

How about the weather this weekend? I think my seasonal affective disorder is officially in remission…you know, provided that we don’t have too many rainy days in the future. Anyway, it sucks that it’s no longer Sunday because I’m not currently day drinking on a patio, which is pretty much the only reason I was put on this earth. But I guess you have to earn money to pay for you beer tab some time during the week. Lame.

Anyway, as always, I’ve gathered up some tweets for you to take a look at. As always, they’re right here after the jump.

Ziggyz was raided and no one should be surprised


There are a few rites of passage in the OKC Metro that not only signal one’s transition from childhood to adulthood, but are straight up silly. You know, like doing 21 shots on your birthday. There are bars that will say that they won’t serve you that many. But as a person who has been cut off twice in one visit at The Mont, I can say that you can totally get away with the 21 shots. Anyway, that’s not what I’m talking about today. Today I’m talking about my favorite rite of passage–the trip to Ziggyz when you turn 18.

What is it about dusty porn and glass blown pipes that are so damn cool? Who doesn’t love shelves and shelves of bongs that are for “tobacco use only?” Well, apparently a lot of government agencies don’t like them. According to KFOR.com:

The very worst intersections in the OKC Metro

Broadway and 33rd, Edmond

Back in the days when we did The Worst of OKC, we let the readers vote on many things about OKC that totally suck. Some of those things were intersections because we have a lot of really terrible intersections. We haven’t done that in a while, but I think it’s time to revisit it. Here’s why.

I stumbled across a post on KFOR.com the other day about construction at the 33rd and Broadway intersection in Edmond. According to KFOR.com:

EDMOND, Okla. — There’s about to be a massive headache for drivers along an already congested area.

Starting sometime this summer, drivers at 33rd and Broadway in Edmond will run into more delays due to a planned expansion project.

City officials in Edmond say it is the busiest intersection in town. While construction will never shut it down completely, lane closures could slow traffic down even more. But they say the construction is necessary in order to eventually ease the congestion.

Dora Stevens, at Freedom Cleaners, said, “This traffic right here at this intersection is absolutely horrible!”

As someone who used to get her oil changed at the Precision Auto Tune on that corner, I can totally commiserate with Dora Stevens. And yet, this terrible traffic jam is nothing in comparison to other problem intersections drivers in the metro face. That’s why I’ve made a list of all the worst traffic jams in the OKC metro.

Robinson and Crossroads Blvd., Norman

Robinson and Crossroads Blvd., Norman

If you take Robinson just west of the I-35 service road, there’s a little part of Norman that was completely unaffected by city planning. The only times you really encounter this intersection is if you’re going to the movie theater or one of the shops in Robinson Crossing. Some of the highlights of this intersection are waiting for assholes to turn left during rush hour traffic, honking at jerks who block the intersection by pulling into it when they have a red light, and screaming curse words at the top of your lungs because all the old rich Norman west siders are too damn old to be driving.

Penn and Memorial, OKC

Penn and Memorial, OKC

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in a post-apocalyptic dystopia brought on by consumerism? It’s a world where the masses rush to the commercial centers to buy tons of shit. It’s like Dawn of the Dead, only there are no zombies, only assholes who honk at panhandlers in their SUVs as they slowly creep through intersections on their way to take up more than one parking spot at the mall.

So that’s how you get rid of magazine salesmen…

Colin Maher naked

It would seem like once a week there’s a Norman teen trying to sell me a subscription to a local paper to get themselves some sort of scholarship or to pay for football camp. And, not that I’m trying to be a jerk, I just don’t buy the subscriptions. I hate having extra and unnecessary paper laying around, and, well, stuff is on the internet now. But don’t feel too bad for the kids. The last one that came through trying to get me to buy the Norman Transcript literally flipped me off when I said no.

Anyway, there’s not a lot to be done when people come to your door trying to sell you some sort of subscription other than open the door and tell them no. Unless you’re this resident of the Almonte Apartments. According to NewsOK.com: