I will openly admit that one of my goals when I was in college was to have an affair with a professor. I had thought long and hard about it, and decided that hooking up with someone with a Ph.D. was totally bucket list material. But when I got to college, it didn’t happen. In fact, the lack of action is completely consistent with my entire college experience. Instead, I got way into epic poetry and writing novellas about time travel. Where my nerds at?
Anyway, I relate this story to you so that you know that I’m human. I’m aware of human nature. I know the joys to be had from “relations.” But when it comes down to it, I think we can all agree that some relationships are inappropriate. Well, all of us except a specific teacher at Hefner Middle School.
At least once a day I am overcome with gratitude that I’m not a mom. Nothing against parents, but dang. It seems like a really tough job that is full of responsibilities and requires you to act in a non-selfish manner. It will surprise none of our long-time readers to know that I think this is completely beyond my grasp.
But another reason I’m glad I’m not a parent is because everything is so politicized and controversial–especially the basic elements of motherhood. From where you choose to give birth to whether or not you vaccinate your kids, every choice seems to be undergirded by a basic civil right that is somehow trampled upon when someone tells you a different way to do it. Every decision is an opportunity for a political discussion on Facebook that only ends when you’ve unfriended half the people you used to know. And while I don’t mind making controversy here, it just seems exhausting to have to use your child as a reason to start shit with people all the time.
And then, there are always the people who have no idea what they’re talking about. It looks like feeding babies is apparently a pretty controversial thing at the Glenpool Walmart. According to Consumerist.com:
Happy Monday and welcome to this week’s edition of Monday Morning Tweets! I have to admit that I’ve completely run out of ways to open this weekly column. I mean, I usually talk about hangovers or any huge events that have happened over the past week, but I’ve got nothing. A whole lot of nothing. Is it a sign that I no longer have anything of value to bring to the table? I mean, probably. But if you think about it, did I ever really have anything of value to offer? The answer is no.
Anyway, as always, I’ve selected the very best in tweets from the past week and have them all loaded up and ready to go. All you gotta do is click, and they’ll be right there after the jump.
Every once in a while, an image can give you a glimpse into an alternate reality—a world or universe of what things could be had, perhaps, one small event gone differently. Now, I don’t really believe in a lot of supernatural stuff (though I’d love to start a coven, so women who enjoyed the movie, The Craft, and want to play light as a feather, stiff as a board, get at me!) but sometimes something makes you aware of other forces at work in this world, and it gets a little scary.
You’re probably wondering what I’m talking about. And yeah, it’s a little out there. But I think once you hear all about this old Tyler Durden-looking freak show who thought it’d be cool to try to kill some folks with a chainsaw, you’ll totally understand.
Readers of this blog may find it hard to believe, but I’ve never found myself on the wrong side of the law. Sure, I’ve been given a speeding ticket, but I’m pretty proud to say that I’ve never been arrested. (This may seem like it’s not that big of a deal, but think about all the branches of your family tree, and know that there are cousins who hold you in really high regard for never going to jail or cooking meth.)
But I do like to dream of the day when I do get arrested. I want it to be for a super big deal thing. Like, I want it to be the type of thing that is so legendary that the tales of what I did grow larger with time. Also, if it could be absolutely ridiculous, that would be cool too. It’s just right for my particular idiom, you know?
However, it looks like two boneheads from Midwest City may have stolen my future thunder. According the NewsOK.com:
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