Back in the summer of 2010, I was basically a professional bridesmaid. If you’ve never purchased and paid for alterations for three formal dresses that you plan to never wear again, count yourself lucky. That was basically the summer that I decided my wedding would not include a wedding party, and would pretty much just be an open bar and me signing a marriage license while my very traditional family shakes their head at my non-white dress. I look forward to this day. Weddings are great.
And as I’m sure you know, same-sex marriage is now legal throughout these United States. And, while it has been legal in Oklahoma for a while now, the Supreme Court has upheld it, so get ready to attend a lot more weddings this year. And who doesn’t love attending a wedding? Seriously, between the open bars and getting to watch friends and acquaintances make asses of themselves on the dance floor, there is no good reason to not attend a wedding.
But since a lot of same-sex couples are probably planning weddings now, we decided to make it easier. So, we’ve compiled a list of all the best businesses to cater your same-sex wedding!
1. Little Mike’s
Little Mike’s is one of those restaurants that really loves America in a way that makes you think they actually hate America because all they do is complain about the way America actually is. But I’m sure these folks can take a few hours away from the time they spend printing off weird email forwards and taping them to the walls in order to cater a wedding. That is, if you like sub-par burgers.
We all have those little items that are special to us. I have a lucky pair of Converse shoes. The soles are worn thin, there are bleach spots on them from back in the day when I used to bar tend, and there are holes in the canvas. But I will never get rid of these shoes because I’m an incredibly superstitious person and to get rid of them would be akin to suicide in my book. Perhaps you have a pair of underwear, a keychain, or a blankie that is also imbued with similar power.
Kids have these things too, only their special things are dumb because they’re kids. And because they’re kids, they lose their stuff all the time. But that’s okay because some lady and Lance West don’t know that the children’s book, Corduroy, wasn’t real and that stuffed animals are maybe trying to escape instead of trying to get home. According to KFOR:
It may be a Monday, but chances are that you have a 3-day weekend on the horizon. And that weekend will be filled with sunshine, watermelon, and lighting things on fire in the name of freedom. I hope thoughts of these things can get you through this day. If not, know that you can always find a storage closet or an empty office to nap in until you get to go home. Do what you need to do to survive.
Anyway, I’ve gathered a lot of tweets from the past week for you to enjoy. As always, they’re after the jump.
Well, we are officially in summer now. And nothing says summer to me like swimming, snow cone stands and drinking on a patio somewhere while wearing ridiculously big sunglasses. Sure, it’s crazy hot and you can’t go outside without getting your blood sucked by no less than 50 mosquitoes, but that’s not going to stop anyone, is it?
Anyway, while wasting precious hours of my life on the internet yesterday, I stumbled across this post about 20 signs you learned to drink in Oklahoma. While some of them rang true, it didn’t really speak to me. What can I say? I grew up thinking Coors Light was fancy. I’ll straight up drink anything. And because of this, I’ve had, perhaps, a different experience with drinking in Oklahoma. And I have a feeling that a lot of you did too. So, without further ado, I give you 10 real signs you learned to drink in Oklahoma.
1. You don’t care what you’re drinking if it’s a game day.
That’s right. When you’re tailgating, you’re not picky. Let’s be honest, though. You aren’t really that picky anyway. The drinks that are generally the most accessible happen to be the worst. Because of this, on most game days you can be found standing near a grill while waiting on some brats, sipping on a tallboy of Natty. That, or someone is pouring shots of Everclear and they’ve convinced you to take one. It’s not like you can say no. It’s game day!
I’ve always thought that wearing a mask had two very disparate connotations. For example, a Mexican luchador with a mask is not only a cunning fighter, but a skilled acrobat. Those masks are awesome. It’s an honor and a privilege to wear those masks, and that’s why I attend the state fair–so I can purchase one along with a Baja pullover and candied pecans. However, there are other masks that just make a person look like a moron. Like, say, a KKK mask. Nothing says inbred, ignorant hillbilly who will lose all his teeth to meth quite like a grown ass man cavorting about town in a sheet.
Apparently, the Northeastern Oklahoma Klavern didn’t get the memo. According to the Pryor Times:
The Traditionalist American Knights of the Ku Klux Klan used recruitment flyers distributed on Father’s Day to urge the boycott of local businesses.
Many Pryor residents woke Sunday morning to find KKK literature had been left in their yard.
I don’t know what’s worse–that pamphlet, or the knowledge that the KKK was so close to your home. Oh, and it looks like they were just in time for the rest of the country to basically get rid of the Confederate flag. This group is nothing if not relevant.
The literature cites racial crime statistics before concluding by saying, “So, this Father’s Day weekend, be a man and take a stand for your God, family, race and country.”
Fifty Bible passages were cited in just one of two flyers included in the baggie.
The second flyer does not carry the name of the KKK, but states that “our community is being invaded” and that “God commands racial separation.”…
Unlike a flyer left by the same group on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, this one called specific businesses and agencies by name…
“Stop going to Maggie’s Mexican Kitchen…she thinks she can talk trash about white people in Spanish, thinking none of us will understand her anti-American, anti-white rhetoric,” it says. “Or, El Humilde Mexican Restaurant, which takes your money while employing illegals and sending our American currency back to their homeland.”
They just realized that employees at Mexican restaurants talk trash about people in Spanish? What else is new and why does it matter? Would you rather them speak English like the waiters at Chili’s. What would you do if someone baby in a highchair spilled chips, beans and fajita juice over the floor you just cleaned. At least they don’t print racist propaganda on their menu.
Look, I’m not ignorant. I know how prevalent the KKK has been in our state history. I know how much they controlled politics for a time. But it pisses me off that these guys are still around. And 50 Bible passages? That kind of seems excessive. It’s 2015, KKK. You gotta write clean, easy-to-read copy for your audience because they are used to BuzzFeed. Things like listicles.
On that note, here are five other organizations that I’d rather have leave flyers on my front porch, and I think the fine folks of Pryor might agree.
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