Admittedly, I’ve never been part of a heist. I have been a getaway driver though. When my friends in high school wanted to hold séances in the old Guthrie orphanage (that is now a place where you can get married), I would wait in the car and be the getaway driver. Mainly, I didn’t want to get caught trespassing because my parents are the type to let me spend time in police custody for making bad decisions, and I also didn’t want any vengeance ghosts following me around for the rest of my life. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that can totally happen.
Anyway, if you’re looking to get some getaway driving experience, or maybe you’re Nic Cage and your little brother is being held hostage and you have to steal 50 cars in one night, you should probably head out to Jones, Oklahoma. It’s the place to be:
According to KOCO.com:
Good morning and happy Monday, everyone. It’s time to welcome another week full of work and toil. But, at least it’s October and the weather is finally cooling down. Just kidding. The highs are still in the 80s. Fall can be a real pain sometimes. Between the sun that won’t go away and trying to avoid anyone who wants to invite me to a costume party for Halloween (I don’t wear costumes–stop making parties centered around them!), my October is pretty much just full of irritation. Luckily for me, I’ll always have Twitter.
As always, I’ve gathered up the very best in tweets from the week before, and I’ve put them all right here for you. Check them out after the jump!
Okay. So I know that not everyone who reads TLO is an OU fan. I’ve heard stories of another school that exists up north in Stillwater. It could be real. It could also be a fantasy. I’ve never seen it for myself, so for now I’ll give the Cowboys the benefit of the doubt. What I do know is this: my olive skin looks TERRIBLE in orange. So it’s not a preference for a particular school so much as a very subtle form of racism that has kept me away.
Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.
This weekend, many of you will be driving down south to Dallas. If you’re smart, you probably left this morning. If you couldn’t get off work and plan to make the drive tomorrow, I’m sorry. Because here’s the thing. Whether or not you plant to attend the OU-TX game, there’s one thing that all Oklahomans can agree on. Traffic on I-35 is ridiculous and impossible to predict.
So, what’s in store for you as you make your way south? Here are seven spots that will slow down your trip to Texas…
People trying to get a good picture of the Wayne Payne sign
There’s something about the Wayne Payne sign that just makes everyone happy. It’s as much a part of Oklahoma as Will Rogers, chicken fried steak, and legislators trying to pass unconstitutional anti-abortion legislation. But if you’ve ever driven by it, you know how hard it can be to snap a good picture with your phone. Mine are always blurry or I only get a portion of the sign. I’d bet money that there will be folks slowing down to take a picture of the Wayne Payne sign, which will cause a really silly traffic jam.
Overturned truckload of bugs
Just because a truckload of bees overturned on I-35 a little over a week ago doesn’t mean there isn’t someone trying to transport a truckload of black widow spiders or something equally terrifying. I imagine that would shut down the highway for a really long time. But, at least if they have to burn the spiders, you won’t feel so bad because who even cares if black widows go extinct?
It’s only been like 15 minutes since Governor Fallin did something that made me want to pack up and move to Denver, so I should’ve known that something was coming. I can almost feel it, like an old man can feel the oncoming storm in his bad hip. Only, unlike the old man and the storm, I can’t take a Celebrex and go about my day. There is no cure for the Fallin headache, just alcohol to numb your brain for a while.
In case you haven’t heard, there was a Ten Commandments monument on the grounds of the state capitol. Because that is a religious monument, of course the state supreme court found it unconstitutional. Several elected officials who apparently have no knowledge of the concept of freedom of religion fought to keep it on the capitol grounds. But, on Monday, it was moved. So, all is said and done, right?
Not if Mary Fallin has anything to say about it! According to KFOR.com:
Last April, I spent a whole weekend planting a garden. Dirt was delivered. Raised beds were created. Wheel barrels full of stuff were moved from one side of the house to the other. Seeds were planted. Everything was done just like Pinterest tells you too. By all rights, I should be swimming in a sea of homegrown veggies by now. But if you check my fridge, you will see that there is no homemade garden salsa. There is no pickled okra. Green beans? I have none. This first year of gardening was not what I would call a success.
Primarily, I have the torrential rains of the month of May to blame. Not only did they flood my garden for the better part of the spring, but I’m pretty sure they washed away all my seeds. This isn’t so bad, because I don’t really like eating vegetables. But what about the vegetables I do care about? KFOR has the story:
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