I’ve written about Edmond many a time here. Mostly, people agree with me. Sometimes, people lose their damn minds in the comments section. But today I’m writing about Edmond again because I think it’s a very interesting sort of place for out-of-the-ordinary sorts of vocations. Why do I think this? Well, read this from NewsOK.com:
EDMOND — Steve Spinharney has seen it all during the last two decades he has been protecting other people’s bronze artwork.
He believes he’s the only person in a five-state area who maintains outdoor bronze sculptures.
Spinharney, of Tulsa, has been working here since 2013 making sure Edmond’s 162 pieces of artwork look the best they can. His $10,000 maintenance contract has allowed him to refurbish about 80 statues.
I kind of wish I would’ve known that bronze statue maintenance was a viable career option. I may have changed my major. (Just kidding. I would’ve still majored in Creative Writing. I don’t have time to care about viable career options.)
Anyway, this got me to thinking. What about other occupations that are sorely needed in Edmond? Surely a bronze statue cleaner isn’t the only weird position the city needs to fill. That’s why I came up with this list of 7 weird jobs you can only have in Edmond!
Blue Hippo Bather
I don’t know much about this hippo, except that it’s been in Edmond my whole life. My mom claims that high school kids used to steal it back in the day. (It was probably those Ogles.) The hippo has been there so long that it’s basically a landmark. Doesn’t he deserve a specialist on the payroll who has been hired to scrub him down? Sure, he probably gets rained on and hosed down every now and again, but doesn’t the mascot of Broadway deserve a full-time bather?
I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my time on The Lost Ogle either preaching about how scared I am of White Water Bay, how ambivalent I am about growing up in Edmond, or about how people shouldn’t leave things in their automobiles because those things are going to get stolen. Seriously. It’s not like I want to write about these things. (Well, I have like 40 posts in my arsenal about White Water Bay, but Patrick won’t let me post my horror movie scripts here. His loss.)
But I digress. Some folks left a gun in the car, and then it was stolen out of the car. According to KFOR.com:
Good morning and happy Monday! If you’re a student in Oklahoma City Schools, I hope you had a good first week of school. And I hope your friends in other districts didn’t make fun of you too much for already being back in school. Also, if you currently attend a public school and are in grade K-12, please navigate away from this site. This content is not for you.
Anyway, if you’re of age, keep reading. I’ve gathered up the very best tweets from the week before and I’ve put them here for your reading pleasure. As always, they’re right here after the jump!
Sometimes I wonder what Thunder players do with their time off. When they aren’t on the court, do they just go around playing horse with their buddies, or are they helping short people get things off the top shelf? (That’s really something they should do, by the way. I think the players could make a killing during the off season if they contracted themselves out to short people who can’t reach things. Lots of money to be had there.) I guess some of them engage in business ventures. Like Kevin Durant. He’s got deals with Nike, Orange Leaf, Sprint, and Sonic, just to name a few.
But now, he’s finally doing something worthwhile with his off time. According to The New York Times:
I feel I need to begin this post by saying that I’m not a high maintenance bar patron. In fact, my ideal bar is a place where we can all just sit down in our jeans and dirty sneakers and sip 3.2 draft beer and bullshit about life. That’s all I want. I don’t need a fancy patio, a special whiskey menu, or any specialty cocktails that contain more than two ingredients. I really just need an air-conditioned space where I can sit with my friends and consume Coor’s Light. Also, I feel like right here is a good place to mention that Edmond’s finest establishment, The Wolftrap, followed me on Twitter this week. And now I can die happy.
But that’s not the point of this post. I’m writing to tell you about the ten OKC bars that terrify me, in no particular order, and for varying reasons. I have a lot of neuroses, and each of these bars tickles them in their very own way. Plus, when I think about consuming alcohol in an environment where I’m already freaking out…man. It’s just not good.
Anyway, here’s my comprehensive list of 10 OKC Metro bars we’re scared to enter…
1. Hilo Club
I bet you weren’t expecting this one? Well, this is a new addition to my list. I used to be fine with this establishment, as Miller High Life is my second beer of choice. Sure, the bathrooms are terrible, but that argument could be made for any public restroom. The reason this bar makes the list is because the last time I was there, a strange drunk man sat down with me and my friends, and wouldn’t stop trying to hold my hand. I don’t even give hugs to friends, so needless to say my non-touchy nature was supremely offended. We got up to pay our tabs, and then he sniffed my hair. So, sorry Hilo. I can only feel comfortable frequenting your establishment when in the company of several burly men.
By the name alone, I should love this place. I’m dying to go to a literature-themed bar, and make it my hang out place. (OKC investors: Hit me up if you’re interested in funding my chain of literary pubs. They’re going to be huge!) Unfortunately, this place has nothing to do with the famous detective and everything to do with cheap beer and a dance floor. If while reading this post you haven’t yet gotten the impression that I have social anxieties, let me just state outright that I do. (I write shit on the internet, you guys. How did you not know this?) I do not like to be anywhere where people might be dancing, or might attempt to persuade me to do the same. Also, can I just say that SW 3rd and MacArthur is not my favorite place?
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