Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Marisa – Page 18

Don’t hate the jewelry thief, hate the game…


The mall is the worst place on the planet. It doesn’t matter which one you happen to be in, but it’s full of crowds of people and unsupervised youths and people who aren’t making enough money to justify caring about what kind of black shoes you need to go with your job interview ensemble. And, if you happen to go to the mall on a weekend, you may as well black out a good four hours in your calendar just to purchase one damn thing because the metro area is a sea of humanity, and you totally shouldn’t leave your house on the weekends because there are too many people. (Yes. I know this is probably the sign of some sort of psychological problem, but the mall really sucks.)

Anyway, some people like the mall. Some people like to spend money on things that will distract them on their lifelong journey to the grave. And then, well, some people just like to get those distractions without spending the money.

According to News9.com:

OKLAHOMA CITY – Oklahoma City police said they need the public’s help identifying a bold robbery suspect.

About 11 a.m. Thursday, police said a black male about 5 feet, 5 inches tall in his 20’s walked into the Penn Square Mall and asked a Zales store clerk to see a few rings.

“She took them out of the case. She actually put them on her finger and held her hand out so that he could take a look at the rings,” Oklahoma City police Sgt. Jennifer Wardlow said.

And then police said he grabbed her wrist and yanked the rings right off her finger and made a run for it. Each of the diamond rings were worth $5,700.

He sold two rings?

You can probably assume he’s going to sell the rings on the black market, but that would be too easy. I think the number one way to catch a criminal is to establish a motive, and this dude clearly has two ladies that he wants to be engaged to. So, what officers of the law need to look for is a man who is trying to simultaneously start two families with some pretty expensive rings. (I mean, are we really spending that much on engagement rings these days? I know it’s supposed to be two-months salary, but the father of the bride is also supposed to give the groom’s family a dowry of goats and tracts of land, so let’s be real here.)

While the story laments that there isn’t good surveillance photos of the perpetrator, they don’t even show us pictures of what he stole. I mean, it’s not like it matters, really. But I think there are a lot of women in the metro who would like to know if they’re about to be engaged to a thief. That’s not a man you can bring home to dad.

Monday Morning Tweets

This past weekend, we learned of the passing of Bob Barry Jr. As we mentioned earlier today, our thoughts are with his family and the team at KFOR. If you’d like to check out some tributes to BBJ, KFOR has a post dedicated to the social media posts people have left in his memory. Not only is he well-remembered by his local fans, but by his colleagues in Oklahoma sports media, as well as all over the country.

I’ve gathered up some tweets from the previous week. As always, you can check them out after the jump.

Naked men can’t get a hot meal on Lakehurst Drive…

Lakehurst Drive

There are very few doors you can knock on and get a hot meal these days. I say this as a person who would willingly feed the hungry, unless they knocked on my door. That’s because unless I’ve ordered some Pizza Shuttle, I’m not going to answer my door. I live in a neighborhood full of kids between the ages of 8 and 15, and when they aren’t wandering around the neighborhood with hoodies on, they’re ding-dong ditching me. There’s only so many times you can scream at those damn kids to get off your lawn before you decide to just ignore them.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a free hot meal, your best bet is to hit up my parents’ house. They’re always ready to feed people. Just know that my dad won’t let you leave until you’ve had 16 Coor’s Lights and three plates of food. You will grow to regret sitting at his table. (Or, if you’re like me, you’ll just grow sideways.) Regardless of whether or not you choose to go to my parents’ house for a meal, just know that you better not go to Lakehurst Drive, naked, like the man above.

According to KFOR.com:

10 best places for a first date in OKC


I’m not a single lady. In fact, a lot of the folks here at TLO headquarters are shacked up and monogamous. It’s weird if you think about it. Shouldn’t we be alone in our parents’ basements writing terrible things about people? Well, turns out there’s someone for everyone. Anyway, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve gone on a first date. In fact, the last one was so long ago that I was wearing a denim mini skirt, and it wasn’t even out of style.

But I got to thinking this past week. There isn’t a definitive guide for first dates in the OKC area. What are you supposed to do to show someone that you like them while simultaneously testing them to see if they’re worth your affections? It’s really tough when you consider that the mini golf course where you used to have all your first dates in high school has probably closed. (R.I.P. Lion’s Fun Park.)

So I thought we needed a list of the 10 best places for a first date. Check them out after the jump!


Every relationship must eventually pass the Bricktown test. And that’s where you go to Bricktown and argue about where to park. So, why not put the relationship to the test early? If neither of you say that the other is an idiot for either paying $10 to park, or parking miles away to avoid paying $10, then you’ve passed the test.


H & 8th
H & 8th is a great event. Who doesn’t love live music, beer, and food trucks? But the thing that makes this a great first date activity is that you two will be waiting I. The longest food truck line ever before you order. Most dates allow you to make small talk while you eat as a distraction from the terrible small talk. But at H & 8th, you won’t get that food for a good hour at least. So don’t forget your snappy repartee.

You may have to wave goodbye to the Heartland Flyer…

heartland flyer

Admittedly, all I know about trains I learned from Ringo Starr and Georg Carlin on Shining Time Station. But I think this meager education, such as it is, is enough to allow me to expound upon the virtues of trains. Why? Well, when Horace Schemer set up some sort of plot to financially derail Shining Time Station, through teamwork and friendship the gang was always able to set things right. Perhaps all these references are a little too Gen Y for all our readers, but suffice it to say that if public television programming taught us anything, it’s that we’re all special and unique snowflakes and by embracing our differences, we’ll all profit in the end.

Unfortunately, I think I speak for the rest of Gen Y when I say that adulthood has been a crash course in why all that is crap. Which all is to say that there probably isn’t enough teamwork and friendship to save the Heartland Flyer. According to News9.com:

OKLAHOMA CITY – Oklahoma may be on the verge of losing the Heartland Flyer.

The passenger train runs every day between Oklahoma City and Fort Worth, Texas. The state has a contract with Amtrak to run the train service, but the rail company may now be asking for more money than the state’s willing to pay.

Supporters and state officials met downtown this weekend to talk about ways to offset the cost, including doubling the train’s frequency and expanding service to Kansas.

“This is all about economic development, and the more trains that we have running the more economic impact we’re going to have. And we’re going to see a lot of people, I think, embrace this service more than they have in the past,” said Evan Stair with Passenger Rail Oklahoma.

Right now, Oklahoma shares the cost with Texas, but Oklahoma does not appropriate enough money annually to cover its share.