Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Marisa – Page 19

Edmond teens are the worst teens

Valencia teens car break in edmond

Before I begin, I’d like to state that I am writing about Edmond. So, for those of you who enjoy when I, Marisa, a former resident of that fair city, write about Edmond, just sit back and relax. For those of you who do not like when someone has a negative opinion about Edmond (what I write here won’t bring down your property taxes so chill, bruh), please hear me out on this. I speak 100% from experience.

Edmond is a fine city. It meets all the requirements a community must meet in order to be a city. I will not take that away from it. However, Edmond teens are the worst. I know, I used to be one. Edmond is 80% sprawl, so if you’re still not old enough to drive, you’re stuck walking around your neighborhood or to the nearest 7-Eleven, if you happen to be blessed enough to be near one. Unfortunately, some of the newer neighborhoods out west are not close to anything. And poor Valencia is really only close to that weird Okie Express place that is basically a gas-selling shed that advertises hot food and bait on May. And that’s probably why the teens in Valencia are stealing crap out of cars. According to KFOR.com:

Monday Morning Tweets

Good morning and happy Monday, everyone. Guess what happens this week? That’s right. My birthday. Guess who will be eating cake all week to prepare for it? That’s right. It’s me. So, if you find yourself having a particularly terrible Monday, go ahead and get some cake on your lunch break. It’ll make you feel a little better, and you can pretend like you’re celebrating with me. It’ll be great. Just remember that my favorite cakes are red velvet and white cake with vanilla frosting. If you must eat a chocolate cake for my birthday, then it absolutely must be a dirt cake with crumbled Oreos and gummy worms on top. This is not negotiable.

Anyway, as always, I’ve prepared the best tweets from the week before and gathered them up all in one place. Check them out after the jump!

This snack-eating thief is living his best life

capri sun thief

Few things motivate me like food. I’ve always believed that if bosses want to have meetings, they should always provide food. And good food, okay? None of those nonsensical crispy garbage cookies you buy in bulk at Sam’s. I’m talking real, warm food items. And I don’t mean real food in the sense of greens and natural nonsense. I mean real as in something that I really want–like cheese fries or pizza or pretty much anything with melty cheese. But do bosses heed this advice? Rarely.

Anyway, I could probably commit a crime if the food motivating me to do so was good enough. And of course, there would be varying levels of crimes for food items–a simple act of burglary for a bacon cheeseburger, money laundering for a high-speed police chase, and maybe nachos for a Fast and the Furious-style crime escapade. But not everyone has this food-crime hierarchy. Like this Ryan Pangle character. According to KFOR.com:

Voting against Indigenous People’s Day is a sign of a bigger problem


Admittedly, I occupy a weird space here in Oklahoma. My dad is from Iran and my mother is Mexican and Native American. I’m also a Daughter of the American Revolution, for those of you keeping score at home. It may seem weird or out-of-place, but it’s a Gen Y thing. We’re more multiethnic than any previous generation, and we’re more likely to proudly claim those ethnicities than any other generation before. And while Oklahoma hasn’t quite reached melting pot status, you can’t deny that the ethnic make up of the younger generations of Oklahomans is changing. And as such, we may have different concerns that prior generations of Oklahomans don’t necessarily consider.

Have you been reading Brianna Bailey and Steve Lackmeyer’s tag team Help Wanted pieces this week? Are you super stressed out about the future of Oklahoma? No? Maybe you should be. Here’s the thing–even if we close the skills gap, fix our educational budget, and find enough skilled workers, Oklahoma isn’t exactly the nicest place to live.

Don’t get me wrong. Oklahoma is home. Sometimes I love Oklahoma so much it makes me cry. But lately, I’m pretty upset with the place as a whole. I feel like maybe we fixed up Downtown OKC, got a decent NBA team, and gentrified the Plaza District, and now we’re really content to rest on our laurels. But truth be told, the hard work isn’t in developing businesses or watching games at the Peake. We really need to focus on not being ignorant asses.

It’s easy for people to relate anecdotes about how “everyone thinks we live in teepees and ride horses to work.” But we all know those aren’t the stereotypes people have of Oklahomans. When the first African-American president comes to your state and he’s met with Confederate flags, it says something. When the governor doesn’t immediately condemn those actions as inappropriate, it says something. And when makes the national news, the rest of the country is hearing what this says about you.

For the record, it’s not saying good things. It’s making stereotypes.

So, when the Oklahoma City Council votes against adopting Indigenous People’s Day, it’s sending the same bad message–not just to the people who fought for it, but for the younger generations of multiethnic kids trying to find their place in the state. And before you take to the comments to let me know that Oklahoma City doesn’t celebrate Columbus Day, I know. So it’s puzzling to me that they couldn’t be bothered to make a symbolic gesture that would put them on the right side of history. And for the record, the city of Anadarko has adopted Indigenous People’s Day. Who thought they’d see the day that Anadarko acted more progressively than Oklahoma City?

Want to chill with a ghost? Stay at the Skirvin…

skirvin front desk

If you know one thing about me, know that I love ghost stories. My birthday is in late October, and as a kid, I always turned my birthday into a Halloween bash. There were costumes, there were walks through haunted houses, and there was a birthday cake my mom made to look like a graveyard. Bring me all the spooky stuff, because I love it.

And sure, you could argue that as an adult, there is quite a bit less indulgence in ghost stories. For one thing, most people don’t believe them or just aren’t scared by them the way they used to be. But I’ve got some first-person accounts of Effie, the Skirvin ghost that I think will change your mind.

So gather round and get ready to be spooked! Here are four stories about Effie, the Skirvin ghost…

bill simmons thunder

1. Bill Simmons and the crying baby

So, if you’ve heard the Skirvin story, then you know that Effie, a maid, became pregnant by W.B. Skirvin, who locked her in the tenth floor to hide her pregnancy and his illegitimate child. Effie became depressed, and even after the birth of her child, she was not let out of her room. She killed herself and the baby by jumping out of the tenth floor.

It’s definitely a sad and tragic story, and not hard to believe. I mean, a man like W.B. Skirvin could probably pay to keep a story like this hidden, and that’s why it doesn’t appear in any of the papers. However, years later, ESPN.com did post this story form Bill Simmons: