Sometimes I wonder what Thunder players do with their time off. When they aren’t on the court, do they just go around playing horse with their buddies, or are they helping short people get things off the top shelf? (That’s really something they should do, by the way. I think the players could make a killing during the off season if they contracted themselves out to short people who can’t reach things. Lots of money to be had there.) I guess some of them engage in business ventures. Like Kevin Durant. He’s got deals with Nike, Orange Leaf, Sprint, and Sonic, just to name a few.
But now, he’s finally doing something worthwhile with his off time. According to The New York Times:
I feel I need to begin this post by saying that I’m not a high maintenance bar patron. In fact, my ideal bar is a place where we can all just sit down in our jeans and dirty sneakers and sip 3.2 draft beer and bullshit about life. That’s all I want. I don’t need a fancy patio, a special whiskey menu, or any specialty cocktails that contain more than two ingredients. I really just need an air-conditioned space where I can sit with my friends and consume Coor’s Light. Also, I feel like right here is a good place to mention that Edmond’s finest establishment, The Wolftrap, followed me on Twitter this week. And now I can die happy.
But that’s not the point of this post. I’m writing to tell you about the ten OKC bars that terrify me, in no particular order, and for varying reasons. I have a lot of neuroses, and each of these bars tickles them in their very own way. Plus, when I think about consuming alcohol in an environment where I’m already freaking out…man. It’s just not good.
Anyway, here’s my comprehensive list of 10 OKC Metro bars we’re scared to enter…
1. Hilo Club
I bet you weren’t expecting this one? Well, this is a new addition to my list. I used to be fine with this establishment, as Miller High Life is my second beer of choice. Sure, the bathrooms are terrible, but that argument could be made for any public restroom. The reason this bar makes the list is because the last time I was there, a strange drunk man sat down with me and my friends, and wouldn’t stop trying to hold my hand. I don’t even give hugs to friends, so needless to say my non-touchy nature was supremely offended. We got up to pay our tabs, and then he sniffed my hair. So, sorry Hilo. I can only feel comfortable frequenting your establishment when in the company of several burly men.
By the name alone, I should love this place. I’m dying to go to a literature-themed bar, and make it my hang out place. (OKC investors: Hit me up if you’re interested in funding my chain of literary pubs. They’re going to be huge!) Unfortunately, this place has nothing to do with the famous detective and everything to do with cheap beer and a dance floor. If while reading this post you haven’t yet gotten the impression that I have social anxieties, let me just state outright that I do. (I write shit on the internet, you guys. How did you not know this?) I do not like to be anywhere where people might be dancing, or might attempt to persuade me to do the same. Also, can I just say that SW 3rd and MacArthur is not my favorite place?
There are parts of Norman that don’t feel like Norman. And by that I mean they don’t feel like Main Street on a Saturday night, when the air hangs thick with the smell of cheap beer and marijuana smoked in the recessed doorways of law offices and furniture stores. That is the Norman I believe everyone tends to think of, the Norman full of aging hippies who have been there forever, too young hipsters who party way too much and a lot of artists riding bicycles.
But then, there are the parts of Norman that are the opposite. Like the parts Toby Keith is trying to preserve. According to NewsOK.com:
Good morning and happy Monday, everybody. It’s finally August and we are so freakin’ close to college football season. This dark time of year without any football or basketball always gets to me. I mean, I watched part of a baseball game on Saturday. That’s how desperate it’s getting. I briefly considered watching more baseball games, but to be a baseball fan is to watch way too many games in one season. You spend so much time following a team that it’s basically a bigger commitment than marriage. I’m not down with that.
Anyway, as always, check out this week’s tweets after the jump.
One of my favorite things to do when I get with a group of people around my age or older is to count up all the things we did as kids that are now super illegal, or considered to be some form of child abuse. I’m not saying my parents did bad things. I’m just saying apparently you can’t let your kid ride their bike to the 7-Eleven these days without someone writing a 5,000 word think piece on the Huffington Post about the dangers of “free range parenting.” Oh, and when my parents weren’t home, me and a group of kids from the neighborhood used to swarm into my backyard to jump from the treehouse and onto the trampoline. Sometimes, you got enough air, you could almost jump back up to the treehouse. Almost. (Sorry Mom and Dad. But this is like one of the lesser things that you didn’t know about.)
Now as an adult, I can’t look at things like treehouses and trampolines, or even Turner Falls the same way. I care for my safety, have a rudimentary understanding of physics, know my insurance deductible, and am brutally aware of my own limitations when it comes to physical acts. However, not everyone is this way. In fact, more people than you’d guess seem to think they can successfully maneuver a rope swing. From KFOR.com:
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