Well, readers, it’s been a good week. I’ve learned many things, like the whooping cough epidemic is the highest it’s been in fifty years and your babies aren’t safe. I’m not going to site that fact because someone tweeted it, and that someone wasn’t a medical professional. But still, it’s probably a good idea to get your kid vaccinated. Unless you’re like Jenny McCarthy and don’t believe in vaccinations. Because blondes who did dating shows and advertisements for Candie’s Shoes in the nineties know things about medicine. Anyway, I don’t know why I started out with that one. Maybe it’s because I went to Red Prime last night and I’m still digesting all that red meat. It was delicious, but I definitely got a meat buzz that turned into a hangover.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Well, it’s that time of year again, readers. It’s that time when my mom DVRs every episode of American Idol and every time I go to my parents’ house, my Dad grumbles about having to watch it and my mom shows me all the highlights of the show. Though this is a harrowing time for me, it’s at least a little better than Dancing with the Stars season. And at least the first few episodes bring in delightful train wrecks like William Hung and Mary Roach/Gilbeaux.
If you have what it takes to win it all, or at least what it takes to be featured in one of the beginning episodes, or you’re so bad that you are guaranteed to get on the show with your ridiculousness, then you need to get in line at the Peake. Opportunity is knocking, and your chance to be featured in a reality TV show about singing may never come around again.
Every once in a while, people living in Oklahoma create art that is neither country music nor something that would be great for the talent portion of a pageant. Some of these people write books. One of these people is a former professor of mine, who didn’t fail me when every essay I wrote during my freshman year at OU used some variation of “society is the real monster” as the thesis. Allow me to take a moment to apologize to any teacher or professor who read any of my essays I wrote between the ages of 15 and 21, because I used the same thesis for everything. I still maintain that society is the real monster, but I no longer put it in essays because if you want an A, you need to talk about sociological factors and how the media is mostly to blame for everything.
Lou Berney is a novelist and a screenwriter who currently teaches at Oklahoma City University. Whiplash River, which was released on July 10, is a sequel to his first book, Gutshot Straight. The novels follow the character Charles “Shake” Bouchon, a professional wheelman with a heart of gold, or as gold as the heart of a wheelman can be. In Whiplash River, we find Shake has left his life behind the wheel for the life of a restaurateur. But rest assured, things go awry as no one wants to read a book about a man who checks inventory on Tuesday and runs the salmon as a lunch special on Wednesdays.
What’s up, readers? It’s everyone’s favorite time of year, which is to say that it’s Friday. If you’re like me, that means you’re going to start drinking right around lunch time and keep going until you pass out. But then again, if you’re like me, then you’re not really a functional human being. Anyway, I have made a list of things for you to do this weekend if you don’t plan to be wasted the whole time.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town!
I have to say that the majority of my knowledge of classic rock comes from playing Rock Band. Maybe I’m not so cultured, but if videogames can’t teach us things, then I don’t know what can teach us. Plus, I’m really good at singing “More Than a Feeling” on expert. I’m practically a member of the band.
If you too, are great at singing Boston songs on expert, then you probably need to head to the Lucky Star Casino. They probably won’t let you sing on stage, but you can totally be loudest singer in the crowd. And since Boston has been active as a band for almost forty years, you know that this is truly going to be a party.
I’ve seen the movie Wag the Dog and I got my master’s from a college of journalism and mass communication, so I’m well aware of the spin that the media can put on things. I know that we are constantly being lied to, and at any given time, the only people you can count on for truth are us humble writers here at TLO. Basically everyone else is serving various corporate interests, and since we’ve really already burned bridges with the corporate big dogs in Oklahoma, we are free to speak our minds.
So I have to wonder what is happening at Mitch Park in Edmond and what interests are being served with the seemingly disparate information we’re being given. By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the wildcat thing that was found by a jogger in the park. (This wildcat is not to be confused with someone from Piedmont where their mascot is the “wildcat,” though I know that an Edmondite finds someone from Piedmont equally abhorrent to deadly beasts.) I grew up less than a mile from that park and I remember seeing and hearing all manner of wildlife like coyotes and owls and chupacabras and whatnot. And as more and more construction and development occurs in that area, it looks like more and more of these creatures will be displaced to the wooded areas of the park.
But wild creatures aren’t the main concern here. I don’t know if you’ve all heard this, but apparently two of the disc golf baskets at the Tye F. Cunningham Memorial Disc Golf Course at Mitch Park have to be moved for “construction reasons.” The official statement on the books is that these baskets have to be moved to make room for the new Edmond Recreation and Aquatic Center. But doesn’t this seem a little odd to anyone else? On Monday a report of a wild creature terrorizing exercising Edmondites comes out, and the next day, Edmond is moving disc golf baskets for “construction reasons.” Something doesn’t add up here. This is where my wild speculation comes into play.
What’s up, readers? It’s that time of the week again, and I think you know what I’m about to tell you. So sit down and settle in. There are things happening this weekend. Though, if you’ve been off work since Wednesday, I imagine you’re probably still at some lake getting skin cancer and peeing in the water. And that’s fine. That’s totally a viable option. But if you aren’t using state parks as your restroom, pay attention.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Blackberries are my number one favorite berry. Raspberries are number two, snozzberries are number three (I don’t know what they are but I’ve heard that they taste like snozzberries) and then strawberries are number four. I don’t rank any berries beyond this. This berry hierarchy may seem absurd, but seriously, ask anyone who knows me. They’ve heard this ranking system before.
The people of McCloud must feel the same as I do about blackberries because they have a whole festival devoted to them. Either that or McCloud grows a lot of blackberries. They have a parade, a car show, a poker run, an amateur talent night, a baking contest, and a pageant. So if you like blackberries as much as me and McCloud, this is your weekend.
Thanks! Your message has been sent!