Because Hogwarts doesn’t accept FAFSA or tribal scholarships, most Oklahomans never make it to the acclaimed school of witchcraft and wizardry. Couple this with the fear mongering religious right’s belief that a fictional boy conquering evil is somehow un-Christian, and it’s easy to understand the lack of witchcraft and wizardry information available in our state. It’s a shame though, because where is a resident of Oklahoma City to get all the necessary information regarding potions, herbology, divination, transfiguration and charms?
How about our magical neighbors to the north, Tulsa?
According to News9.com:
Consider this post consolation for the fact that you’ve already given up on your resolutions and have gone back to eating gluten. I, myself, only made it 10 days without drinking. So, know that you aren’t alone in your failure. But you know what I didn’t give up on? Bringing you the tweets. I’ve got all the best ones from the past week right here ready and waiting for you. So pour yourself another cup of coffee and get cozy. The next 5 minutes should be fun reading. The tweets are after the jump.
From time to time, we here at The Lost Ogle like to make fun of different cities in Oklahoma. It’s fun. (You should hear what we have to say about Gotebo.) But this got us to thinking. Why not do a series about various stereotypes that we all associate with different cities in Oklahoma? Well, seeing as how I’m pretty much down for anything, I decided to take on this momentous task in a series of posts.
So, without further ado, I give you 7 stereotypes about Norman.
1. It’s the Portlandia of the OKC Metro.
Whether you’re into the dream of the 1990s or 1890s, Norman has you covered. You can raise chickens in your backyard, ride a huge Frankenstein bike made by welding several bike frames together, go slack lining between the trees on the South Oval, get some veggies at a community garden, attend a music festival, organize political protests with professors, get a locally-sourced meal, go to a casino, or get drunk and try to find the house that’s just a huge black cube. (It’s on Brooks, by the way.)
2. No one has a real job.
The whole college town thing has really infiltrated the whole Norman lifestyle, because it would appear that no one actually works there. Sure, there are service people working in the restaurants, and there are no shortage of officers of the law watching you. But go to the mall at 11 AM, a restaurant at 3 PM, or a gym at 10 AM, and it will be packed. Either everyone in the whole city has a super cool boss that allows them to have a flexible schedule, or they don’t actually work.
3. Doesn’t exist in the summer.
From the second weekend in May until about the third week in August, Norman actually doesn’t exist. If there aren’t tens of thousands of students crowding the town, there’s no reason for anyone else to be there either. This is most likely where we get the saying “If a drunken twenty-something passes out on Main Street, and it’s summer in Norman, does a cop even care?” It’s admittedly a terrible saying. But there’s too much weed in Norman for anyone to really step back and use their logic reasoning skills to fix it.
4. Everyone smokes weed there.
Everyone. The professors. The students. The townies. The urban chickens kept in backyards. Everyone smokes weed in Norman.
5. They live in terror of Edmond.
If there’s one thing that Norman doesn’t want, it’s for you to Edmond it. Maybe it’s that they really value the bike culture or the thriving downtown. Or maybe they just don’t ever want the gated communities to outnumber the bars. Whatever it is, the “Don’t Edmond my Norman” campaign is set in place to guard against a potential outbreak of high property taxes, golf courses, and old white ladies in Buick SUVs.
6. All of the money in Norman is on the west side.
People think of old houses and a whole bunch of twenty-somethings all living together and sharing one bathroom when they think of Norman. And this is pretty much true. Unless you go to the west side of I-35. There are huge, million-dollar houses that don’t look like any other residences in Norman. And some eccentric rich dude even built a hobbit hole around NW 48th and Tecumseh.
7. It’s guarded by an ancient indian spirit/burial ground.
Have you ever wondered why Norman has never been leveled by a tornado? When it comes to severe weather anomalies, you need to look to the ground instead of the sky. The spirits buried there are what protects the city.
Before you get all worked up, remember that I got my start on The Lost Ogle by making fun of my hometown. Know that I make fun of all Oklahoma equally.
Welcome to the first Monday of the first full work week of 2014. It’s going to suck. Because of this, I’ve collected some tweets to make your day a little better. I can’t guarantee that it will keep you awake during your day, or make the hours pass more quickly. But for like, maybe five whole minutes, the world won’t be such a terrible place. Well, it totally will be. But like, you won’t care because you’ll be reading this. And then you can go back to being miserable. Anyway, this week’s tweets are after the jump.
It’s that time of year again when we all make a commitment for about a week to be better versions of ourselves. I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’ve spent a small fortune on a gym membership, Dave Ramsey’s books, and organizational accessories from Bed Bath and Beyond so you can be better in 2014 than you were in 2013. I’m sure there are people out there who have the willpower to actually keep the resolutions they make. If that’s you, congrats.
So here we are. The ball in downtown has been raised. (Why do we do that instead of dropping it?) As we head back to work and clean up the corks from the Andre bottles that are littering our backyards, Patrick and I thought we’d bring you a round-up of the resolutions most pertinent to Oklahomans today.
Devon Tower: Destroy all other tall buildings.
The Devon Tower has a bit of a complex. It’s been the top dog in town for a while, and just like the jocks at your high school, it feels entitled to that status. And even more so like the jocks from your high school, the Devon Tower intends to prevent any other buildings from getting too big for their britches. Whether it’s giving noogies to the Chase Tower, or spreading rumors that it got lucky with the Founder’s Tower, know that the Devon Tower has resolved to basically be the Biff Tannen of OKC architecture.
Jeremy Lamb: Wear a neck brace.
Come on, Gerry Giraffe. Put a brace on that thing before it snaps in two.
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