In the novel, Great Expectations, Pip helps an escaped convict get away from the fuzz and in turn, that dude becomes his benefactor and pays for his schooling while Pip is tortured by Miss Havisham and Estella. Or something like that. Honestly, I haven’t read the book since freshman year of high school and I prefer Hard Times to any other work by Dickens. The point of all this is to say that students throughout history have needed help paying for their education, a need that is undoubtedly felt now that tuition rates have hiked after recent budget cuts.
By now, I’m sure you’ve seen the story by KFOR about college students looking for sugar daddies and sugar mamas. After all, we can’t all help out convicts to get our schooling paid for, though one would think that paying off student loans to Sallie Mae is roughly the same thing as helping criminals. But some people aren’t down with rich folks paying the tuition of students. According to the report:
What’s up, readers? And may I ask what’s up with all the people tweeting about the sunrise this morning? I mean, really? You’d think we had a bunch of early risers on our hands, but I know for a fact that’s not the case. Why? Because the sun didn’t rise until like 7:39 AM. So all you normal-time risers acted all superior because you caught a pic of the sun coming up on your way to get some Starbucks. Remember when I had to be at work at 7:00 AM and saw the sun rise every morning, sometimes after I’d already been at work for nearly an hour? No, you don’t remember that because I didn’t brag about it nor do I consider every day occurrences a staggering work of beauty. Call me when the Mona Lisa sprawls across the horizon.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
In the fifth grade, I won a contest by selling the most fundraiser items. My prize was to ride in a limo with all the winners from other grades. We got to go to Pizza Hut and eat from the lunch buffet. And then later, we got candy. And then, fast forward to a few years ago, I attended a bachelorette party in a limo, where the driver literally got stuck in the parking lot of The Mont in Norman. Needless to say, the vision I have of limos is pretty sad. Sure, they proclaim a certain status, but it’s the same sort of status proclaimed by terry cloth sweat suits and overly long fake French manicures.
But from the event description, perhaps I am intended to make a different assumption.
“This is OKC hottest new social business networking concept. We bring 24 socially enthuse [sic] business professionals together in one extra large luxury limo with champagne and wine. Your entire experience is unique and includes dinner, drinks, motivational and business guest speakers. It’s informative and fun and not your typical rigid social networking event.”
Yep. So basically, Jean-Ralphio organized this shindig. Don’t be surprised if the license plate on the limo says “Entertainment 720.”
Every once in a while I go to NewsOK.com and find a story that makes me proud of the human race. Now, don’t get me wrong. More often than not I find headlines that make me want to gargle broken glass or pour bleach into my eyes. If it’s not the terrible things happening that drive me to bash my skull against the bricks on the corner of my house, it’s the awful comments section that really does it to me.
So you can imagine my surprise when I chanced upon this little gem from yesterday:
Variety Care announced plans Tuesday to open a community health center on Capitol Hill High School’s campus.
The clinic will serve not only students but also their parents and the high school’s faculty and staff.
Variety Care CEO Lou Carmichael said in a news release that Variety Care has been working with the high school’s administrators for the past few years to try to develop the clinic.
Well, readers, we are way into the Thunder season, and there’s something that has been weighing pretty heavily on my heart. Every time there’s a game I find myself at a sports bar imbibing heavily and eating my body weight in cheese fries dipped in ranch dressing. And in order to support my boys, I feel it necessary to order whatever Thunder-themed drink is on the menu. Unfortunately, every stinking bar in the OKC Metro area does this awful thing where they put blue curacao in the drink to mimic that Thunder blue.
This is problematic for a number of reasons. Blue curacao is gross, it eats away at the lining of my stomach and gives me heartburn, and it’s fruity and lame which does nothing to highlight the athleticism and masculinity of our team. Bartenders, hear my cry! The Thunder is the one thing that brings us all together. Where college football tears us apart, basketball makes us one. And it’s a damn shame that the bars are serving the jankiest swill under the guise of team spirit that does nothing to honor the great men that represent our city on the court.
So, I’ve made a list of beverages that do not contain blue curacao. Take note, city bartenders.
My mom likes to call Thabo “Swiss Chocolate.” Sefolosha may be number 2 on the court, but this drink will be number 1 to your taste buds. Mix one part vanilla ice cream, one part Frangelico, and one part of your favorite Swiss chocolate almond liquer. Blend until smooth. Serve in a parfait glass.
Well, here we are in the first weekend of 2013. I’ve already broken that whole eat healthy resolution, mainly because there was leftover champagne on New Year’s Day, and how can I not turn that into a mimosa? Anyway, I fully believe that new beginnings take place on Mondays. So January 7 is a perfectly legitimate time to implement all your new goals and resolutions. Which also means you have one more weekend of debauchery before you go back on the wagon of not drinking alcohol before noon or sign up for a gym. I’m truly looking out for you readers, you know. Enjoy three more days of irresponsibility.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Eagles are creatures that could best be described as “majestic”, but also “dangerous” and “downright mean.” Sure, they’re beautiful and a symbol of our country, but when they aren’t saving wizards and hobbits in a feat of Deus ex machina, they’re being jerks and swooping up rodents and goats and such to eat. Also, they’re bald. And I think I speak for all my hairless friends out there when I say that if we are going to celebrate bird baldness, we need to celebrate it in all creatures.
Anyway, if you like birds and aren’t creeped out by their raptory-sort of feet, then by all means, get yourself to Arcadia Lake. They suggest you dress warmly and bring your binoculars. Bonus points if you wear full camo so those eagle eyes can’t spot you. Lake staff will be on hand to help you out (“There’s an eagle!”) and you can visit a raptor wingspan display at the park office. Also, you can think about how all the ENHS popular junior girls will be initiated in WUWUS this weekend by the popular senior girls. I believe this is the weekend that they all jump into the lake naked. Or so was the folklore at my high school 9 years ago.
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