Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick

Hot Girl Friday: Sally Kern


She’s baaaaaaaaack

In case you missed, it was reported yesterday that the leading troll of the anti-gay movement, Sally Kern – the woman who deemed gays a bigger threat to society than terrorists and still gets her hair cut by the blind woman at church – introduced three absolutely insane anti-gay bills in the Oklahoma legislature that would make every member of the Nazi Party of Ku Klux Klan very proud.

Via The Tulsa World, they are….

House Bill 1599 says that no taxpayer funds or governmental salaries can be used for the licensing or support of same-sex marriage.

“No employee of this state and no employee of any local governmental entity shall officially recognize, grant or enforce a same-sex marriage license and continue to receive a salary, pension or other employee benefit at the expense of taxpayers of this state,” the measure says. “No taxes or public funds of this state shall be spent enforcing any court order requiring the issuance or recognition of a same-sex marriage license.”

The measure directs state courts to dismiss any challenge to the measure and award costs and attorney fees to the defendant. A judge who violates the act shall be removed from office, according to the bill…

That’s fair. Just be sure to have the same rules for heterosexual marriage.

Kern’s House Bill 1598 would allow parents to seek counseling and therapy to change a gay child’s sexual orientation without interference from the state.

“The people of this state have the right to seek and obtain counseling or conversion therapy from a mental health provider in order to control or end any unwanted sexual attraction, and no state agency shall infringe upon that right,” the bill says. “Parents may obtain such counseling or therapy for their children under eighteen (18) years of age without interference by the state.”…

That’s cool, but what should we do about those “straight” people who are obviously gay? Can they get conversion therapy, too?

Kern also filed House Bill 1597, which would allow businesses to refuse service “to any lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person, group or association,” and be immune from civil liability.

That’s hardcore. Hopefully someone will add an amendment that gives gay people their own water fountains.

What else is there to say about Sally Kern that hasn’t been said over the years? She’s a troll who sits around a campfire boiling gay billy-goat hate stew. In a weird way, her anti-gay agenda has helped advance the “gay agenda” more than anything else. When she opens her mouth and says the things she says, how can a normal person not want to actively support the LGBT movement and make sure all lesbians and homosexuals have equal protections under the law?

So instead of criticizing Sally Kern, I’m going to say “Thank You! Where have you been?”

Seriously, Sally’s kept kind of quiet ever since she got in trouble for calling black people lazy, only popping up that one time when she wanted to preserve a kids right to pretend to shoot a classmate with a food item. It’s kind of good to know she’s back at it and letting her true feelings shine through. All of sudden, our Sally Kern jokes and digs seem fresh and topical again.

Anyway, as a tribute to Sally Kern, and voters in Bethany who continue to overwhelmingly reelect a bigot to the legislature, I thought we’d pay a photo tribute to her. She’s our Hot Girl Friday:

The Oklahoman also removed some lighthearted death penalty clickbait…

oklahoman dark tower

Award-winning sports columnist Berry Tramel isn’t the only Oklahoman writer who’s had deal with “link” problems. In fact, “The State’s Most Trusted News” has a solid history of quickly removing or retracting content that was once published.

If you remember correctly, the paper retracted a front page piece in 2013 after they outed some county officials for taking advantage of very legal, yet somewhat unethical, real estate tax loopholes. Apparently, the article upset the local political power structure, which is a no-no for the paper that loves nothing more than to cater to it.

Then on December 12th, 2014, Jenni Carlson penned a typical Jenni Carlson column about the domestic violence charges filed against Oklahoma State’s Tyreke Hill. I’m not sure how or why we forgot to mention this when it happened, but the paper removed the column and then replaced it later in the day with something totally different. Here are the screenshots of the column as it was originally published (1 & 2). Old Tony said it’s one of the worst things he’s ever read. Here’s a link to the updated piece. They’re totally different, but on a positive note, at least NewsOK.com finally removed something written by Jenni Carlson.

I bring up all these past examples because The Oklahoman pulled another article from its website over this past weekend. This time, the victim of “link problems” was a light-hearted, casual and so very clickable slideshow that took a look at the “interesting” last meals convicted murderers in Oklahoma scarfed down before being executed by a state government.

Here’s a screenshot of the write up:

This Derplahoman wants to eliminate marriage licenses in Oklahoma…

Todd Russ

We’re only a few weeks away from the start of the 2014 2015 legislative session, and already some of the crazy is starting to sweep down the plains.

Yesterday, NewsOK.com reported that Oklahoma State Rep. Todd Russ, pictured above in his 2014 “Funeral Home Operator” Halloween costume, wants to eliminate marriage licenses. Obviously, he feels this way because the government shouldn’t have anything to do with something personal like marriage, unless of course, it can restrict who gets married.

From NewsOK.com:

Shannon Miller’s ex-husband was arrested for liking dangerous chemicals…


And you thought your ex was crazy…

Yesterday, weird news surfaced that Shannon Miller’s ex-husband was arrested in Canada after being linked to a large batch of dangerous chemicals, which probably means he was just a fledgling black market fracking fluid salesman.

From NewsOK.com via the AP:

The Oklahoman has proven that bigger isn’t always better…

Yesterday afternoon, the day after their sports department was widely criticized around the country for how they handled Berry Tramel’s edited, link-troubled column about Russell Westbrook’s “I don’t like you” dig, NewsOK.com plastered the following ad for their sports department all over the site. I’m sure it was just a coincidence, and had nothing to do with crisis management:

newsok ad

As a bad Seinfeld impersonator would say, who’s the ad genius that came up with that one?

I guess the message they’re trying to convey is The Oklahoman’s local sports coverage is the best because they have the biggest sports team in the state. As a guy who gets most of his Thunder news from DailyThunder.com, I would totally agree. As I tell my lovers, bigger is alway better. It’s why McDonald’s cooks the best hamburgers, Walmart sells the best groceries, and the Blue Whale is everyone’s favorite animal.

I also like how the OPUBCO copywriters brag about how the sports department delivers “more stories, more content and more insight” than anyone else. Yeah, isn’t that the truth. Who doesn’t read a Jenni Carlson column in the morning and scream “Wow. What amazing insight?!” before taking their pills and masturbating to anime porn. Seriously, insight in The Oklahoman? That would be like us saying we provide more courteous, thoughtful and respectful commentary than anyone.

Anyway, this gave me an idea. We should have one of those Photoshop contest things where we create our own fake ads for the The Oklahoman sports department.

Here are a few examples I rushed out