Earlier this week, Twitter was attacked by a strange hashtag called #OklahomaFolllowTrain. According to this website, the phrase was tweeted about 70,000 times on Sunday and Monday. That number will continue to climb as the hashtag was still trending worldwide as of this morning. If none of that makes any sense, here’s an unrelated and random WTF tweet from Channel 5 to keep you entertained:
Celebrities who are gay http://t.co/KZpVm0BELS
— KOCO-5 Oklahoma City (@koconews) December 2, 2013
The purpose and origin of the #OklahomaFolllowTrain is about as clear as a Jenni Carlson column. More than likely, it was spawned by bored Oklahoma teenagers, college students and /or Abigail Ogle as a way to get new Twitter followers without spending any cash. It could also have been created by Oklahoma State School Superintendent Janet Barresi. That would explain the three Ls in “Folllow.”
Since we’re allegedly the best “person” to follow on social media in Oklahoma City, I decided to get to the “botttom” of this train (heh). So far, I’ve failed miserably. I have no clue what it is or why it’s trending. This is probably because I’m a grown up. After going through awful tweet after awful tweet, this was the only interesting thing I could find:
In Sunday’s Oklahoman, the state’s most trusted newspaper published a sloppy and misinformed expose about how much time state employees spend surfing the internet while at work. The semi-promotional article seemed more like an advertorial paid for by a small government conservative group than an objective and informed news piece written by a respected news organization. Basically, it was typical Oklahoman filler.
State employees really, really like Facebook.
They like Twitter and YouTube, too.
We know because little brother is watching.
Oklahoma’s Cyber Command Security Operations Center’s main job is to protect the state’s computer system from cyber attacks, but security personnel track website visits by employees on the state computer network, as well.
Real quick, can someone inform The Oklahoman that almost every large employer tracks employee web traffic? It’s not a new technology or anything.
Anyway, I already get where this is going. State employees spend too much time on the internet, are generally lazy, waste taxpayers dollars, blah blah blah. That would be news if was just limited to state workers. At last check, employees at every company spend too many unproductive hours on the internet. Hell, you’re probably reading this at work right now instead of answering emails or updating spreadsheets. I guess that’s okay if you work in the private sector.
So, which websites are these lazy state employees visiting? I’m sure it mirrors the Alexa top 10. Google, YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia, etc:
If I had to rank my favorite things in this world, there’s a good chance that lesbians, marijuana and nunchucks would all make the top 100. That means I have a lot in common with both you and Lisa Arlene Ward (pictured above). Lisa was sent to jail after she attacked her girlfriend’s “friend” with nunchucks.
An Oklahoma City woman was being held in the Oklahoma County jail Monday after being accused of attacking another woman with nunchucks, police reported.
Lisa Arlene Ward, 47, was arrested Sunday on complaints of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was also arrested on a Cleveland County warrant of failure to appear.
So, how did all this happen? Did the other woman use a Bo staff as self-defense? Were Chinese stars involved? Did they hug it out and eat some pizza with a gigantic mutant rat afterwards?
Here are the details:
Maggie Stokes, the cheery face of the KOCO Channel 5 morning show and 9th hottest woman in the Oklahoma City news media, worked her last day on Friday. She is moving to Florida to swim with dolphins, eat oranges and post annoying Facebook statuses about nice weather. She’s also marrying some dude. Good luck to her.
Maggie’s departure means we’ve now lost four ladies from our 2013 list of the 20 Hottest Women in the Oklahoma City News Media. That thing is crumbling apart worse than our state capitol. At this rate, Van Shea Iven may make our 2014 list, and this time around, it will be for real.
Anyway, I thought I’d use Maggie’s departure as an excuse to take a look back at the 2013 rankings. Here we go:
Earlier this week, The Video Vigilante took a break from eating BBQ and published an expose on a Chickasha “happiness consultant” who posed for nude pics and allegedly had sex inside a UPS truck in Oklahoma City (pic above):
A Oklahoma prostitute apparently had a ‘date’ with a United Parcel Service (UPS) driver and just couldn’t wait to post the resulting photographs online.
We’ve all heard the marketing slogan, “What can brown do for you?” – well, apparently they can have sex in a truck full of your holiday gift giving…..
Yesterday morning a woman, who identifies herself as ‘Mary Ann,’ posted a bear-chested selfie in a UPS shirt in the back of a UPS delivery truck with the following caption…
Because here at JohnTV our sources, snitches, moles and R&D are on alert 24/7 we can, with a reasonable amount of certainty, say we have identified ‘Mary Ann’ as a previously charged (and still on probation) prostitute named Tiffany Fay(e) Hawkins, 38, of Chickasha.
Wait a second. The Video Vigilante described his informants as “moles?” I know we didn’t invent the term, but haven’t we earned a local trademark on it by now? The Video Vigilante needs to get his own word for the hookers, street pimps, attorneys, hustlers and enemies of Wes Lane that feed him with inside information. I’d suggest “Junior Vigilantes,” “Bate’s Boys” or “Campfields.”
For some reason, Mr. Vigilante’s expose got the attention of News 9. They “investigated” the news like it mattered:
A UPS spokesperson said the company is outraged after a photo surfaced revealing one of its metro drivers had a sexual encounter in the back of a delivery truck.
A woman posted the racy picture online.
News 9 spoke with Susan Rosenberg, a spokesperson at the UPS corporate office, who said this is grounds for termination and the company wants to track down the driver immediately.
The picture showed a bare-chested woman in a UPS shirt and it was posted last week on a personal website by an Oklahoma City area woman who calls herself Mary Ann, a happiness consultant.
The caption says, “Look at my naughty time from yesterday.”
“What really shocked me is that a driver would put himself in this position, no pun intended, and then allow the pictures to be posted publicly,” said Brian Bates, founder of JohnTV.com.
Bates got a hold of the pictures and wrote about them on his website, which exposes prostitution in OKC.
The picture had already been removed from the website at the time of this article.
First of all, who cares if a UPS driver had sex with a “happiness consultant” in the back of his truck. If News 9 really wanted to serve their viewers, they’d investigate why UPS drivers are such assholes. Just because you drive an ugly brown truck doesn’t mean you own the road and can double park anywhere you want. Also, what’s up with ringing my doorbell and then running away as quickly as possible? Are you so busy that you can’t wait 5-seconds for me to open the door and say “Hey, my Zappos shoes have arrived! Thanks!”
Know what else is kind of irritating? We post pictures of scantily clad girls all the time and Channel 9 never gives us an ounce of credit. Then the Video Vigilante finds a picture of a topless prostitute in a UPS uniform and they send the entire newsroom out on the trail. Hello! We’re here, too. Just look at all these other pictures we found of hot UPS girls in uniform:
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