Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Spence

8 ways to improve Street Outlaws…

Street Outlaws Racing

Union City isn’t the only Podunk Oklahoma town catering to the street closing demands of Street Outlaws. It turns out, Tulsa does it, too:

From NewsOn6.com:

Police have shut down a Tulsa street as reality show “Street Outlaws” sets up to shoot an episode called “Illegal Street Racing” in the Tulsa area.

Police say spectators are not welcome, and if anyone tries to stop and watch or take photos, they will be told to move along. Generally, you want to avoid driving between Sheridan and Mingo.

Westbound lanes will be closed when the races are going on. Ten police officers, a fire truck and paramedic are all on standby during the filming of the episode.

“Street Outlaws” is a Discovery Channel show in its third season. The City Council voted Thursday night to allow the show’s producers to close the road for the street races.

Port Road is expected to reopen at 5 a.m. Sunday. The special Events permit shows the production crew is responsible for trash cleanup.

Well, at least the show’s crew will have to clean up the trash afterward. But it would be better if they didn’t lay that trash on Oklahoma in the first place. Cleaning up the trash is probably the most real thing that will happen during filming. And nothing says, “Illegal Street Racing,” like getting the city council to vote on it, and having emergency services on stand-by. I always thought if you were doing something illegal, you wouldn’t want the police there.

As Patrick mentioned last week, we get a lot of traffic from people looking for information about this show. That means the more popular Street Outlaws becomes, the more traffic we get. Since that’s the case, here are some ways to make Street Outlaws even better:

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streetoutlaws

1. Hire attractive people

One reason we all watch television is because it usually shows attractive people. This sure isn’t the case with Street Outlaws. The people on the show look like they should be contestants on Survivor: Talladega. The fact that this show is successful and it only films ugly people is miraculous.

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hamm-sue

2. Get The Hamm’s involved

Reality Shows need soap style drama controversy and drama, and nothing is more salacious in OKC than the Hamm’s divorce battle. We’re assuming this because a judge has sealed their divorce proceedings, and as we learned from Ed Shadid, that must mean it’s juicy. It also means we don’t know if, or how often, they visit Oklahoma City’s swinger clubs.

 

The 5 Best Lakes in Oklahoma

oklahoma lakes

I hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July. I spent mine making sure my 3-week old baby stayed alive. If you weren’t watching an infant, I hope you made your way to one of Oklahoma’s awesome lakes. Oklahoma has some great lakes to visit, all of them created with the help of dams. Oklahoma has over 200 “lakes.” Most of them are shit, like, Holdenville Lake or Shawnee Lake. Those aren’t party lakes. You only go to those lakes if you’re current on your TB shots and lost your will to live.

So I decided to rank Oklahoma’s lakes, and let you know what is good, and not so good about them.

For the record, this is a completely comprehensive list. I have accounted for every possible factor. This post has been peer-reviewed by the brilliant scientist at New Dominion.

So here we go:

7 Oklahomans who may also be genetically engineered robots…

If you haven’t heard, one of our elected officials is a genetically engineered robot. This got us thinking. What if there are more Oklahoma robots out there???

Here are seven people who may also be robots:

7. Terrell’s Roofing Guy

Why he’s a robot: Because someone has plugged Fox News talking points into his hard drive and he’s regurgitating them during his commercials for aluminium siding.

Why he isn’t a robot: Because if regurgitating what you heard on conservative talk radio/tv made you a robot, 90% of Oklahoma would be robots.

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amanda taylor excited 2

6. Amanda Taylor

Why she’s a robot: Her interviews with “Oklahoma Country Music Legends” and “Rising Nashville Stars” are robot caliber.

Why she isn’t a robot: She didn’t short circuit when she saved that baby from drowning in the Northpark mall fountain.

About that $1,000 bullet proof tornado blanket…

body guard blanket

Steve Walker, a podiatrist in Edmond with the best possible name for a foot doctor, has come up with an invention to save the lives of Oklahoma school children. His invention is an orange bulletproof blanket that terrified kids will have to carry with them if they’re targets of a tornado or school shooting.

After last year’s tornadoes, he decided children without access to tornado shelters needed some kind of protection.

From NewsOK.com:

A orange bulletproof blanket could come between a child and tornadic debris or a 9 mm bullet, forging a better “opportunity to survive.”

The Bodyguard Blanket, made by ProTecht, is a bulletproof pad designed to protect students during disasters at school. The 5/16-inch thick rectangle features backpack-like straps that allow users to don it, and then duck and cover.

“We’re trying to stop that blunt-force trauma when that rubble is falling down on a child, for instance,” said Steve Walker, who developed the idea.

Tragedies are awful – especially when they hurt kids – but I don’t think “rubble” falling down killed anyone, unless this blanket can somehow magically withstand entire buildings falling on it without crushing what’s underneath.

Here’s a better idea:

Invention Idea #1 – A blanket that can withstand buildings falling on it. It will be made of concrete and bricks and be underground.

Here’s more on the super blanket from NewsOK.com:

KOCO wants to know if you speak Oklahoman

Last week, the folks at Channel 5 got a little bored and decided to break state law and ask if their readers speak Oklahoman. In case you’re not familiar, Oklahoman is the ebonics for conservative Christians.

Do You Talk Oklahoman

If you literally have nothing to do and want to burn your eyes, hop over to Facebook and check out the 1,705 comments. You’ll see the same crap being posted over and over again by people who think they are clever sharing their Oklahoma’isms. While it’s nice to see words that are distinct to Oklahoma and the region, regular words don’t mean the same thing in Oklahoma as they do in the rest of the country. Many seemingly straight-forward words have a completely different meaning in Oklahoma.

For example: