Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

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Ogle Madness VIII: Play-In Games


Hi all, welcome to Ogle Madness!

So, we decided that with the NCAA tournament starting up next week, this would be a nice and quiet week and that it would be a good time to start Ogle Madness. And then some colossal pieces of absolute human garbage in Norman ruined all that, sending everyone in this state into a frenzy and leaving no one to care about our little celebrity contest.

But we’re nothing if not persistent, so today we tip off, rich racist pricks be damned. Here are today’s play-in games…

• Rit Mathis vs. Scott from Scott’s Motor Cars
KFOR Social Media Bandit vs. Richard ViralNovaBuzzfeedHall
Discriminated White Girl From Ada vs. Katie from Edmond
Mary Fallin’s Okie vs. Emily Sutton’s Okie

If you haven’t seen the bracket yet, be sure to check it out here. Now go vote…

Here’s your Ogle Madness VIII Bracket!


It’s that time of year again! The snow is melting, storm chasers are putting new tires on their Dominators, and we’re unveiling the eighth edition of Ogle Madness. Since no one in Oklahoma cares about the real March Madness anymore, this year’s Ogle Madness should prove even more popular than usual.

Ogle Madness VIII will be similar to the previous tournaments. We take 68 local celebrities, seeded them, and, placed them in a bracket. It’s just like the NCAA Tournament, except you don’t have to listen to Dick Vitale scream at you about Duke and Kentucky.

Each day, starting with the play-in games this Wednesday, we’ll post matchups on the site. You’ll vote for your favorites, and the winner will advance. Eventually our champion will be crowned. Last year Lacey Swope swept through the field and has spent the last year walking around, beating her chest, and screaming “No one respected me!!” to anyone within earshot.

And now that that boring stuff is out of the way, let’s take a look at each region in this year’s bracket:

Oklahoma Indian Casino cancels Bill Cosby show. Derplahomans are outraged.

The Oklahoma rape culture is going strong.

This morning, Norman High School students are protesting the way school officials have dealt with a series of sexual assaults, including one on campus, which led to victims being bullied, ridiculed and mocked by their fellow classmates. Thumbs up to these students and their parents for supporting the victims, doing what’s right, and drawing attention to another sad example of the rape culture in this state.

Unfortunately, Norman High students aren’t the only ones letting their opinion be heard. The Derplahomans have thoughts on sexual assault victims, too.

Not sure if everyone has heard about this or not, but Bill Cosby has been in the news a little bit lately. What seems like half of the women in North America have accused him of drugging and raping them, and it’s becoming clearer and clearer that he is (allegedly) a monster and a serial rapist.

Apparently Cosby was supposed to perform at the Choctaw Casino Resort in Durant in January, and the casino, being run by people with a functioning brain, made the obvious decision to cancel the performance. Since this is the internet, and everyone on the internet loves lists, let me present to you a list.

The Top Two Signs Your Career Is In Trouble

2. You’re performing at an Indian Casino in Oklahoma
1. An Indian Casino in Oklahoma Cancels Your performance

Apparently whenever Channel 4 puts anything on their Facebook page, it’s like the Derplahoman equivalent of the Bat Signal, because when they posted the Cosby story, a tsunami of them showed up. I’ll go ahead and put a possible trigger warning here, and a definite prepare-for-needing-to-take-a-shower warning.

Buckle up.

derplahoman maria k

derplahoman rhonda a

derplahoman martha m

derplahoman brenda t

derplahoman elaine m

derplahoman ashley d

derplahoman susan w

Why didn’t they say anything at the time? Uhm, I don’t know. Maybe they didn’t want to be bullied and mocked like the sexual assault victims at Norman High School?! Because there are hundreds of idiots like the people above that would have called them liars as soon as it happened???

Those are two good places to start. Here are some more.

Derplahomans are upset with marriage equality…

Yesterday morning, the Supreme Court refused to take on the case of two Tulsa women who challenged Oklahoma’s gay marriage ban, effectively legalizing same-sex marriage in Oklahoma. The first same-sex marriage licenses were issued Monday, and somehow the world is still standing. It’s kind of crazy — what seemed completely impossible just ten years ago became something that was so inevitable that when it really happened yesterday it almost seemed understated: NewsOK actually ran the news below a story about Durant’s water supply.

While most of us were some combination of elated and relieved for our gay brothers and sisters, and excited to be watching history unfold, there were some who weren’t so happy. You know the kind. Yes, the Derplahomans took to the internet comments section to do what they do best: make really cogent and persuasive arguments against same-sex marriage. A roundup of them follows. I hope you have a shower nearby.

A lot of people expressed a common theme:

derplahoman guest

derplahoman rick

derplahoman martin

derplahoman chad

derplahoman joe

derplahoman don

OK, clearly none of these people has even a basic understanding of the concept of consent, but beyond that it’s always kind of amazing how many people suddenly express an interest in marrying their pets whenever this subject comes up.

Others went right for the hellfire and brimstone:

Remember when? Looking back at the “Best of OKC” winners from the 1980s

best of okc

As Patrick posted last week, we’re in the final voting stage of this year’s Best Of OKC. Yes, it’s that time of year when we all wait with bated breath to find out who finished second to Ted’s in the Best Local Mexican Food Restaurant category.

Inspired by the Best of OKC competition, I thought it would be fun to go back and look at some of the early years of the competition. It started way back in 1985, or at least that’s the first year the archives of it are online. A lot has changed over the years, but three things stay basically the same from the very beginning all the way until now: Johnnie’s wins Best Local Hamburger, Byron’s wins Best Liquor Store, and Gazette readers hate the Oklahoman.

The categories that first year were a lot more varied and interesting than they have now. In 1985 you could vote for the Best Stripper (Morganna the Kissing Bandit), Best Adult Make-Out Bar (Confetti (?)) and Best Strip Bar (the Red Dog). I think the voters confused the Strip Bar category for “Best Place To Catch An STD Just By Walking In The Door”)

After the jump, some of the other winners from the first five years of the Gazette’s Best of OKC contest.