Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Tony

Oklahoma Indian Casino cancels Bill Cosby show. Derplahomans are outraged.

The Oklahoma rape culture is going strong.

This morning, Norman High School students are protesting the way school officials have dealt with a series of sexual assaults, including one on campus, which led to victims being bullied, ridiculed and mocked by their fellow classmates. Thumbs up to these students and their parents for supporting the victims, doing what’s right, and drawing attention to another sad example of the rape culture in this state.

Unfortunately, Norman High students aren’t the only ones letting their opinion be heard. The Derplahomans have thoughts on sexual assault victims, too.

Not sure if everyone has heard about this or not, but Bill Cosby has been in the news a little bit lately. What seems like half of the women in North America have accused him of drugging and raping them, and it’s becoming clearer and clearer that he is (allegedly) a monster and a serial rapist.

Apparently Cosby was supposed to perform at the Choctaw Casino Resort in Durant in January, and the casino, being run by people with a functioning brain, made the obvious decision to cancel the performance. Since this is the internet, and everyone on the internet loves lists, let me present to you a list.

The Top Two Signs Your Career Is In Trouble

2. You’re performing at an Indian Casino in Oklahoma
1. An Indian Casino in Oklahoma Cancels Your performance

Apparently whenever Channel 4 puts anything on their Facebook page, it’s like the Derplahoman equivalent of the Bat Signal, because when they posted the Cosby story, a tsunami of them showed up. I’ll go ahead and put a possible trigger warning here, and a definite prepare-for-needing-to-take-a-shower warning.

Buckle up.

derplahoman maria k

derplahoman rhonda a

derplahoman martha m

derplahoman brenda t

derplahoman elaine m

derplahoman ashley d

derplahoman susan w

Why didn’t they say anything at the time? Uhm, I don’t know. Maybe they didn’t want to be bullied and mocked like the sexual assault victims at Norman High School?! Because there are hundreds of idiots like the people above that would have called them liars as soon as it happened???

Those are two good places to start. Here are some more.

Derplahomans are upset with marriage equality…

Yesterday morning, the Supreme Court refused to take on the case of two Tulsa women who challenged Oklahoma’s gay marriage ban, effectively legalizing same-sex marriage in Oklahoma. The first same-sex marriage licenses were issued Monday, and somehow the world is still standing. It’s kind of crazy — what seemed completely impossible just ten years ago became something that was so inevitable that when it really happened yesterday it almost seemed understated: NewsOK actually ran the news below a story about Durant’s water supply.

While most of us were some combination of elated and relieved for our gay brothers and sisters, and excited to be watching history unfold, there were some who weren’t so happy. You know the kind. Yes, the Derplahomans took to the internet comments section to do what they do best: make really cogent and persuasive arguments against same-sex marriage. A roundup of them follows. I hope you have a shower nearby.

A lot of people expressed a common theme:

derplahoman guest

derplahoman rick

derplahoman martin

derplahoman chad

derplahoman joe

derplahoman don

OK, clearly none of these people has even a basic understanding of the concept of consent, but beyond that it’s always kind of amazing how many people suddenly express an interest in marrying their pets whenever this subject comes up.

Others went right for the hellfire and brimstone:

Remember when? Looking back at the “Best of OKC” winners from the 1980s

best of okc

As Patrick posted last week, we’re in the final voting stage of this year’s Best Of OKC. Yes, it’s that time of year when we all wait with bated breath to find out who finished second to Ted’s in the Best Local Mexican Food Restaurant category.

Inspired by the Best of OKC competition, I thought it would be fun to go back and look at some of the early years of the competition. It started way back in 1985, or at least that’s the first year the archives of it are online. A lot has changed over the years, but three things stay basically the same from the very beginning all the way until now: Johnnie’s wins Best Local Hamburger, Byron’s wins Best Liquor Store, and Gazette readers hate the Oklahoman.

The categories that first year were a lot more varied and interesting than they have now. In 1985 you could vote for the Best Stripper (Morganna the Kissing Bandit), Best Adult Make-Out Bar (Confetti (?)) and Best Strip Bar (the Red Dog). I think the voters confused the Strip Bar category for “Best Place To Catch An STD Just By Walking In The Door”)

After the jump, some of the other winners from the first five years of the Gazette’s Best of OKC contest.

Berry Tramel is the king of travel bloggers…

berry tramel mountaineer

Berry “Boomer” Tramel has been my favorite writer at The Oklahoman for a long time, and might be my favorite writer in the whole state, but now that Tramel has the freedom to post basically whatever he wants whenever he wants on his NewsOK blog, his posts have gotten a little… strange?

I’m speaking in particular of what has become a recurring segment on NewsOK: Tramel’s Travelblog. Traveling the country over the course of the last few months during the OU football season and the Thunder basketball season, Tramel has used his Travelblog to write about his favorite subjects: traffic, nicknaming people, traffic, food, and traffic. Seriously, the man does not like traffic.

The most recent Travel Blog was about his trip to San Antonio for game 5 with Jenni Carlson and photographer Sarah Phipps. The entire thing ostensibly focused on an Italian meal they were all going to have in Temple, Texas, to celebrate Phipps’ birthday. Tramel spends a full 16 paragraphs detailing all the minutiae of their trip — how they decide who’s driving, how Tramel paid for a Route 44 root beer from Sonic but only got a large, and when they took their bathroom break (I’m not kidding) — before he finally gets to the meal at the Italian restaurant.

When describing the restaurant, he touches on the service (“excellent”), the menu (“interesting”) and how affordable it is (“Nothing too overpriced, though you could order buffalo tenderloin for $55. I’ve never had buffalo tenderloin, but I’m not in the habit of ordering $55 dinners”).

Tramel also makes sure to tell what everyone had to eat. Berry had a pasta dish with chicken, sausage, and shrimp. And how was it? “It was good.” If you think that’s a not-really-all-that-informative description of a meal, you should see how he describes Phipps’ butternut squash ravioli:

Having fun with Google Autocomplete…

mathis brothers

A couple weeks ago I was working on something else when, while googling the Mathis Brothers, the above auto-complete appeared in my browser. People of Oklahoma have been telling the same stories about the Mathis Brothers for years, and now it’s part of Google’s search algorithm, almost like something in a high-tech Richard Gere movie.

So, why does Mathis Brothers Gerbil come up for me when I’m really searching for Mathis Brothers Hamster? We’ll let Google explain:

The search queries that you see as part of Autocomplete are a reflection of the search activity of users and the content of web pages indexed by Google. In addition to these queries, you may also see predictions from:

  • Relevant searches you’ve done in the past (if you’re signed in and have Web History turned on)
  • Google+ profiles that match the name of a person you’re searching for

Apart from the Google+ profiles that may appear, all of the predicted queries that are shown in the drop-down list have been typed previously by Google users or appear on the web.

Anyway, it gave me the idea to see what else people are googling about people from Oklahoma. I messed around with it for awhile, putting in people’s names or adding a word like “is” before their names. The results are after the jump.