Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

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The Oklahoman Reacts To KD Leaving By Lecturing Fans On Sports Etiquette

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Everyone has an opinion about Kevin Durant leaving. Some people think he should do what makes him happy. Other people say they’re never watching an NBA game again. How about the two lead columnists for the state’s largest newspaper?

Let’s check out their first reaction to the news:

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Instead of talking about what this means for the future, or how sad they were to see him leave or how they felt betrayed, Jenni Carlson and Berry Tramel‘s first reaction was instead to lecture the public on how to react to yesterday’s news. This is the most predictable and most boring possible reaction to huge sports news you could possibly have.

Being a sports fan is a completely irrational thing. It is of course ludicrous to become emotionally invested in people playing a game. We love sports for a variety of reasons — they’re fun, they’re an escape, they’re a way for groups of people to bond — but none of them are rational. So it is completely and utterly insane to ask that fans react to sports in the same way they’d react to a local doctor moving to Kansas City.

People are invested in the Thunder. We’ve been told over and over again how important fans are to the team. Constantly, fans are told: “We Are Thunder.” I know, because it’s on an official OKC Thunder t-shirt I paid for:

Gary England is your Ogle Madness VIII Champion…

They said he was too old. They said he was past his prime. They said he re-tweeted way too many people complimenting him on Twitter. But in the end Gary had the last laugh. He’s your Ogle Madness VIII Champion!

Earlier this week, his holiness defeated Russell Westbrook by the razor-thin margin of 495 votes to 471 votes (51%-49%). The two percentage point spread is the second-closest in Ogle Madness history. Way back in Ogle Madness I, Lauren Richardson, whoever that is, beat Amy McRee by just two votes.

Our sideline reporter Cardboard Jim Traber got Lord England’s reaction after the matchup: “Jump back! This one goes out to Rip, Tootie, and Loretta back in Seiling!” he said. “And man-made climate change doesn’t exist.”

Here’s the path Lord England took to secure his first title…

Kern, Sally

Round One: Defeated Sally Kern 431-53

The first round demolition of noxious bigot Sally Kern was so overwhelming, it actually broke our poll counter:

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Ogle Madness VIII: The Final Four

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After 61 matchups over three weeks, welcome to Ogle Madness VIII Final Four. What an interesting one it is. Here are the games:

Game 1: (2) Gary England vs. (3) Olivia Munn
Game 2: (1) Joleen Chaney vs. (2) Russell Westbrook 

The winner of these two battles will face off in the Ogle Madness VIII Championship Game on Monday. Voting is open through tomorrow night. Before we get to the voting, let’s recap an Elite 8 that saw three 1-seeds go down:

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Northeast: (2) Gary England defeated (1) Emily Sutton 416-347

Everyone wondered what would happen the first time these two local behemoths matched up. Would the grizzled veteran have enough left in the tank or would the young upstart topple a king? It turns out that Lord England isn’t quite ready to go away just yet. Jump back!

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Midwest: (3) Olivia Munn defeated (1) Kevin Durant 375-332

It’s been a rough year for Kevin Durant. You wouldn’t think the a Jones fracture would affect him in an online celebrity tournament, but how else do you explain this? Maybe there’s just a lot of Newsroom fans in OKC.

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Southeast: (1) Joleen Chaney defeated (6) Lake Hefner Goats 430 – 418

And the clock struck midnight…

After trailing most of the day, Joleen Chaney made an amazing comeback and squeaked by the Lake Hefner Goats. The victory was helped by some timely campaigning. You still have to give it up to The Goats. They battled Joleen Chaney to the end, and also took down Bob Stoops and the buzzsaw that was the Red Dog Cafe Chef.

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West: (2) Russell Westbrook defeated (1) Lacey Swope 351 – 263

This year, Lacey Swope just never could quite recapture the lightning in a bottle that led to her storybook championship run last year. After barely squeaking out a win over Steven Adams, Russell Westbrook went to coast to coast on her like she was the 76ers. It was never really all that close. What a year Russell is having. MVP! MVP! MVP!

It’s time to vote!

Ogle Madness VIII: Elite Eight, West Region

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This afternoon’s game has the potential to be an instant classic. The defending Ogle Madness champion, Lacey Swope, fresh off a nail-biter of a win over Steven Adams, is taking on 2-seed and one-man-wrecking-ball Russell Westbrook. This game seems almost impossible to predict; Russell Westbrook is maybe loved more ferociously than anyone in OKC right now, and Swope barely eeked out a win over Russ’ teammate Adams, but would anyone here actually bet against Lacey Swope?

Vote for this matchup after the jump. The winner will take on either Joleen Chaney or the Lake Hefner Goats in the tomorrow’s Final 4.

Ogle Madness VIII: Elite Eight, Southeast Region

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We had a pair of close and surprising games yesterday. Lord Gary England made his first Ogle Madness Final Four after defeating two-time champ and 1-seed Emily Sutton by a count of 372 to 315. He will face off against 3-seed Olivia Munn in the Final 4. The movie, TV and cosplay star defeating a struggling Kevin Durant by a score of 361 – 320.

With both 1-seeds down, Joleen Chaney can’t get comfortable. This morning, she’s taking on the surprising Lake Hefner Goats. While Joleen is an Ogle Madness mainstay, the six-seeded goats are newcomers to both OKC and the Ogle Madness tourney. If the Lake Hefner Goats make the Final Four, it will be the greatest feat for an animal in Oklahoma since Bonkers the chimpanzee captured headlines at the Oklahoma City Zoo by teaching her zookeeper trigonometry in the 1970s.

Vote now! The winner takes on the victor from today’s afternoon matchup between Lacey Swope and Russell Westbrook.