In Sunday’s Oklahoman, the state’s most trusted newspaper published a sloppy and misinformed expose about how much time state employees spend surfing the internet while at work. The semi-promotional article seemed more like an advertorial paid for by a small government conservative group than an objective and informed news piece written by a respected news organization. Basically, it was typical Oklahoman filler.
State employees really, really like Facebook.
They like Twitter and YouTube, too.
We know because little brother is watching.
Oklahoma’s Cyber Command Security Operations Center’s main job is to protect the state’s computer system from cyber attacks, but security personnel track website visits by employees on the state computer network, as well.
Real quick, can someone inform The Oklahoman that almost every large employer tracks employee web traffic? It’s not a new technology or anything.
Anyway, I already get where this is going. State employees spend too much time on the internet, are generally lazy, waste taxpayers dollars, blah blah blah. That would be news if was just limited to state workers. At last check, employees at every company spend too many unproductive hours on the internet. Hell, you’re probably reading this at work right now instead of answering emails or updating spreadsheets. I guess that’s okay if you work in the private sector.
So, which websites are these lazy state employees visiting? I’m sure it mirrors the Alexa top 10. Google, YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia, etc:
Earlier this week, The Video Vigilante took a break from eating BBQ and published an expose on a Chickasha “happiness consultant” who posed for nude pics and allegedly had sex inside a UPS truck in Oklahoma City (pic above):
A Oklahoma prostitute apparently had a ‘date’ with a United Parcel Service (UPS) driver and just couldn’t wait to post the resulting photographs online.
We’ve all heard the marketing slogan, “What can brown do for you?” – well, apparently they can have sex in a truck full of your holiday gift giving…..
Yesterday morning a woman, who identifies herself as ‘Mary Ann,’ posted a bear-chested selfie in a UPS shirt in the back of a UPS delivery truck with the following caption…
Because here at JohnTV our sources, snitches, moles and R&D are on alert 24/7 we can, with a reasonable amount of certainty, say we have identified ‘Mary Ann’ as a previously charged (and still on probation) prostitute named Tiffany Fay(e) Hawkins, 38, of Chickasha.
Wait a second. The Video Vigilante described his informants as “moles?” I know we didn’t invent the term, but haven’t we earned a local trademark on it by now? The Video Vigilante needs to get his own word for the hookers, street pimps, attorneys, hustlers and enemies of Wes Lane that feed him with inside information. I’d suggest “Junior Vigilantes,” “Bate’s Boys” or “Campfields.”
For some reason, Mr. Vigilante’s expose got the attention of News 9. They “investigated” the news like it mattered:
A UPS spokesperson said the company is outraged after a photo surfaced revealing one of its metro drivers had a sexual encounter in the back of a delivery truck.
A woman posted the racy picture online.
News 9 spoke with Susan Rosenberg, a spokesperson at the UPS corporate office, who said this is grounds for termination and the company wants to track down the driver immediately.
The picture showed a bare-chested woman in a UPS shirt and it was posted last week on a personal website by an Oklahoma City area woman who calls herself Mary Ann, a happiness consultant.
The caption says, “Look at my naughty time from yesterday.”
“What really shocked me is that a driver would put himself in this position, no pun intended, and then allow the pictures to be posted publicly,” said Brian Bates, founder of JohnTV.com.
Bates got a hold of the pictures and wrote about them on his website, which exposes prostitution in OKC.
The picture had already been removed from the website at the time of this article.
First of all, who cares if a UPS driver had sex with a “happiness consultant” in the back of his truck. If News 9 really wanted to serve their viewers, they’d investigate why UPS drivers are such assholes. Just because you drive an ugly brown truck doesn’t mean you own the road and can double park anywhere you want. Also, what’s up with ringing my doorbell and then running away as quickly as possible? Are you so busy that you can’t wait 5-seconds for me to open the door and say “Hey, my Zappos shoes have arrived! Thanks!”
Know what else is kind of irritating? We post pictures of scantily clad girls all the time and Channel 9 never gives us an ounce of credit. Then the Video Vigilante finds a picture of a topless prostitute in a UPS uniform and they send the entire newsroom out on the trail. Hello! We’re here, too. Just look at all these other pictures we found of hot UPS girls in uniform:
It looks like we found the perfect gag gift for Mike Morgan’s Christmas Jubilee. And no, it’s not this album or animal feed for a petting a zoo.
Over the weekend, Marisa alerted me to an Etsy mom who is selling a Gary England Drinking Game gift set online. It’s basically a laminated list of the game’s rule complete with a set of red plastic “Friday Night in the Big Town” cups.
Here’s an image and description:
If you share a secret on a news channel, is it really a secret?
I ask because Linda Cavanaugh and Mike Morgan recently shared their secrets to a successful marriage on KFOR. They are experts in the field because they haven’t divorced yet and Channel 4 needed a self-promotional sweeps story to pander to conservative married baby boomers from Edmond.
Here’s the video:
By now, you’ve probably seen the pic above of the innocent little puppy that was stuffed inside a freezer bag by a mother and son from New Mexico. You’ve seen the story because it involves idiots and animal cruelty, two subjects that I think account for 25% of all pageviews on the Internet. The other 75% go to porn.
KOKH Channel 25 got all aboard the pageview train. Here’s their story:
New Mexico woman and son arrested for putting puppy in plastic bag
If a picture is worth a thousand words, this one is worth a lot more money as an Albuquerque woman and her son allegedly post a disturbing photo of a puppy on Facebook.
Mary Snell and her son James Engel were arrested Saturday on a charge of animal cruelty after they posted the photo to Facebook.
Investigators say Snell wanted to show how small the 8-week old puppy is so she put it in the open Ziploc bag and took a picture. She then posted the picture to Engel’s Facebook page. When authorities got wind of it, they arrived at the home and arrested both.
Neighbors say they treat their animals well but the County Sheriff says that doesn’t matter, in this case.
“A young puppy doesn’t have the ability to move its head to a fresh supply of oxygen,” Sgt. Aaron Williamson with the Bernalillo County Sheriff’s Office said.
The puppy, named “Baby”, is okay but the two now face felony charges for the photo.
First of all, congrats to the KOKH Channel 25 headline writer for resisting the urge to go with “Nobody puts Baby in a bag” and ”Baby got bag!” in the headline. Those are way too easy and tacky.
Not to be left out of the pageview generator, KFOR Channel 4 tasked their third grade social media intern to write a story about the news and post it to Facebook. What could go wrong with that?
Check it out:
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