Sports editors must like one sentence paragraphs and bad sports columns.
Yesterday, the Associated Press Sports Editors announced their 2013 award winners.
The Oklahoman’s Jenni Carlson won the “Columns” category
And no, we’re not referring to the 1990s Sega video game that combined the joys of Tetris with the sadness of Dr. Mario.
They actually recognized Jenni for her sports columns.
Yes, her columns.
The same ones you click on at NewsOK.com after seeing an interesting headline, notice it’s a Jenni Carlson column, and then promptly hit the back button.
Once again, we call that being “Carlsoned.”
Here are the details of her award:
That sound you just heard was Mike Gundy puking.
Suck it, Beat Baldwin.
I know what you’re thinking: “How could Jenni Carlson win an excellence in sports writing award?!?”
Well, I think we have your answer:
Earlier this week, “Dancing with the Stars” announced it was replacing co-host Brooke Burke with sports reporter Erin Andrews. According to US Weekly, producers made the switch to bring a “young male following” to the show. That makes a lot of sense. If there’s one thing that will get young male viewers to watch the same dated reality program as their mom, defeated father and grandparents, it’s an attractive reporter who lost most of her relevance when she jumped to Fox Sports.
The announcement got the attention of KOCO’s Abigail Ogle. She sent the following tweet to Erin Andrews:
Last night, I sent Tony a link to an absurd story on KFOR. He then responded with a link to the Wikipedia entry for something called the Betteridge’s law of headlines. If you’re like me and have no clue what that means, here’s the description:
Betteridge’s law of headlines is an adage that states: “Any headline which ends in a question mark can be answered by the word no.” It is named after Ian Betteridge, a British technology journalist…
Betteridge explained the concept in a February 2009 article, regarding a TechCrunch article with the headline “Did Last.fm Just Hand Over User Listening Data To the RIAA?”:
“This story is a great demonstration of my maxim that any headline which ends in a question mark can be answered by the word “no”. The reason why journalists use that style of headline is that they know the story is probably bullshit, and don’t actually have the sources and facts to back it up, but still want to run it.”…
Betteridge has admitted violating his own law (writing a question headline with the answer “yes”) in an article published at his own site.
Holy crap, that total describes the writing style of the KFOR Social Media Bandit. Almost every headline he / she writes on Channel 4′s website or Facebook page is in the form a question. Did this sex offender live in your neighborhood? Doubt it. Is this medical breakthrough the cure for cancer? Probably not. Is Emily Sutton in love with her serious boyfriend. Uhm.
Anyway, there’s really no point to making fake KFOR headlines and bullshit stories because they do a good enough job on their own. Check out this desperate sweeps story from yesterday’s 6:00pm news broadcast. It’s the perfect example of Betteridge’s law or headlines:
During last November’s sweeps, News 9′s Alex Cameron told us about a funny theory tying Oklahoma’s earthquake outbreak to the water levels at Lake Arcadia.
Well, with another sweeps period upon us, I guess it’s time for Alex to tell us about another “new” theory. Who’s the culprit this time? The wave pool at White Water?
From News 9:
A New Theory About What’s Causing Oklahoma’s Earthquakes
Seismologists have been studying the quakes and have offered differing theories about what’s happening. There does seem to be general consensus that oil and gas activity is playing a role in the increased seismicity, but no one can say just how big a role.
One researcher, a Tulsa geologist, is now suggesting something else may be at work — the weather and aquifers.
That’s funny. I can imagine Alex Cameron pitching this story idea in the News 9 production office:
“Yeah, the general consensus is oil and natural gas extraction is playing a role in the increased seismicity in Oklahoma, but let’s ignore that for a second and give attention to a theory that claims the weather is responsible! I doubt the theory has been peer reviewed, published in any journal, and it may be far-fetched, but Oklahomans love weather. Plus, it doesn’t blame oil and natural gas drilling for the problem. That will be great for sweeps!”
Anyway, here’s the theory. It’s basically the opposite of anything you’d see on NOVA:
It looks like we’re not the only ones who are distraught that Emily Sutton has a serious boyfriend.
Last night, an Ogle Mole sent us a screenshot of Reed Timmer’s Tinder profile. Try saying that three times real fast. I guess he’s looking for a quick pick me up, rebound or wanting to make Abigail Ogle jealous.
In case you’re in a relationship, anti-technology or have a legitimate social life, Tinder is the hottest new online dating app. As opposed to dating sites that force you to lie about things on personality tests, Tinder is based more on first-impressions and where you’re located. You scroll through photos and swipe right on the ones you like, and left on the ones you don’t like. If two people mutually swipe right on each other, they’re connected, probably meet up for drinks at the Mule or Louie’s, and then have sex. At least I think that’s how it works. Ever since that bad experience I had on Adult Friend Finder, I stay away from online dating.
Here’s a screenshot of Reed’s profile:
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