Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Archive for Oklahoma City Media

You won’t believe the mutant weather powers this stolen nuclear gauge can give to a meth head..

gary england painting

If shady hotels, horse show attendees and elderly drivers trying to find the Cracker Barrel wasn’t a good enough excuse to avoid the I-40 and Meridian area, here’s a better one.

On Tuesday, a gauge containing radioactive material was stolen from a hotel parking lot.

The KFOR Social Media Bandit has all the details:

The Oklahoma Department of Environmental Quality is asking for help locating a gauge that was stolen from a parking lot in Oklahoma City.

Authorities say the gauge contains radioactive material and was stolen from the parking lot of an Oklahoma City hotel, located near I-40 and Meridian.

The gauge was inside a construction trailer, which was also stolen.

The trailer has Kentucky license plate “624-274.”

The Humboldt Scientific 5001 EZ is used to measure physical properties of materials.

Organizers say it is a low threat of exposure as long as the gauge is not unlocked.

If it is unlocked, it could pose a risk to human health.

The owner is offering a $500 reward for the gauge’s return.

Uhm, doesn’t this sound a little too much like the plot to a really awesome Oklahoma comic book movie? I know I’d watch it. Here’s how it would work…

Some toothless meth addict–we’ll name him Darryl–steals a trailer containing nuclear meters, and while trying to unlock one of the devices in the his mobile home outside Mustang, an EF3 debarker tornado touches down and gobbles everything up. While under the high pressure and violent wind speeds of the tornado, the meters explode and contaminate Darryl, giving him superhuman strength and the ability to turn into a tornado.

After spending time in Little Sahara mastering his tornado skills, Darryl works with Mike Morgan to kidnap all the city’s TV meteorologists and storm chasers (except for the ones at Channel 25. They don’t matter). They promptly hide them deep inside Robber’s Cave. With the weather defenders captured, Darryl then begins to follow through with his plans to turn into an EF4 grinder, destroy our major cities and rule our state as Lord Commander. For his help and cooperation, he promises to name Mike Morgan the chief meteorologist of all Oklahoma TV stations.

Fortunately, while locked inside the cave, Val Caster and Damon Lane build a rudimentary Gentner out of Lacey Swopes’ hunting gear and contact Gary England. Gary then frees the meteorologists and storm chasers, and flies to Downtown Oklahoma City where he and Darryl have an epic battle atop the Devon Tower.

The Oklahoman is rushing to the defense of Scott Pruitt…

scott pruitt

It’s probably not a surprise to the people who read this website that The Oklahoman is probably the most biased newspaper in America. Through reporting and unattributed editorials, they love nothing more than to advance their agenda, protect their friends and attack their enemies. It’s a big reason why the Columbia Journalism Review named The Oklahoman the “Worst Newspaper in America” in 1999, and why so many locals simply refer to it as The Jokelahoman or Daily Disappointment or That Thing Grandpa Reads While On The Toilet.

Things haven’t really changed that much at The Oklahoman since 1999. Although the paper is a little better than the Gaylord glory days – for example, they’ll now publish photos of minorities – they still like to do what they always do when it comes to politically biased, hatchet job reporting. If you need some recent proof, just give good old Ed Shadid a phone call and ask about his marijuana or porn addiction, or go read that story where they had to issue a retraction for exposing the shady dealings of local politicians.

If that seems like too much work, you can always check out The Oklahoman’s reporting of the New York Times report on Scott Pruitt and compare it to that of the Tulsa World. After a few paragraphs, it’s pretty easy to figure out which newspaper is owned by Philip Anschutz, the guy who made his fortune in the energy industry, and which one is owned by… uhm… uh… Biker Fox? Sorry, when I think of Tulsa, he’s always the first thing that comes to mind. That and women’s basketball. Great city, huh?

The Oklahoman followed their report of the Times story with an editorial on Wednesday that defended Scott Pruitt with the intensity of a pre-2003 Mike Stoops defense. It’s so fair and balanced that it reads like Devon Energy wrote it for Scott Pruitt, who then sent it to The Oklahoman for publication, who then actually published it because that’s what the paper does for their cronies and BFFs.

Like most Oklahoman editorials, it reeks of hypocrisy, contains fallacious arguments and jumps to insane conclusions. Just check out the first paragraph:

Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt and other Republican AGs are working together, and with private industry experts, to combat federal overreach in state affairs. Officials at The New York Times apparently think this is shocking, leading to an “expose” that’s a case study in media bias and unthinking analysis.

Yes, everyone, on December 10th, 2014, The Oklahoman referred to a detailed, thorough, meticulous, well-researched, informed, eye-opening New York Times expose on the partnership between powerful corporations and our state’s attorney general and called it a “case study in media bias and unthinking analysis.”

Thanks for that, Newspaper That Literally Could Be A Case Study In Media Bias And Unthinking Analysis. Could they be more hypocritical? This would be like Berry Tramel complaining about Jenni Carlson’s voice, or Mel Bracht telling Nolan Clay that he looks like a creeper.

The madness continues. Seriously, this editorial is insane.

Slice magazine needs a new copy editor…

Out of all the fancy, glossy, advertorial-style magazines in Oklahoma, I’d say my favorite one is Slice. This is for several reasons, but primarily because I like to flip through the “Mingling” section and play a game of “Guess Who Had Plastic Surgery.” It’s pretty fun. It’s kind of like finding hidden objects in that picture puzzle from Highlights for Children, only you don’t have to go the dentist’s office.

If that sounds dumb, give it a shot. How many examples of plastic surgery can you find in this section from the OKCMOA Renaissance Ball?

okcmoa

First of all, kudos to the fisherman who removed the hook from Tom Love’s mouth. That was nice.

I only spotted three examples of plastic surgery on that spread. That’s actually kind of low. The game really gets fun when they profile a Junior League event. You’ll spot forms of plastic surgery that you never even knew existed.

Plastic surgery hell isn’t the only reason I like Slice. I also enjoy the magazine’s award-winning, poignant profiles on extremely important, intelligent, and handsome Oklahomans you should know about and probably worship. Also, the magazine is good for an unintentional laugh. For example, take this “Christmas By The Numbers” spread…

The Oklahoma Gazette is desperate and thankful…

wayne coyne gazette

Back in October, we called out the Oklahoma Gazette for thinking Wayne Coyne is still cool and respected and for putting him on their front cover.

Here’s how I closed the post:

Is anyone else getting concerned about the Gazette? It used to be one of my favorite things to read, but over the past few years it’s really gone downhill. It’s totally lost its edge. It reminds of that cool older cousin we all had as kids. You know, the graphic designer who worked for an ad agency, lived downtown and had the awesome CD collection, but then went out and grew up, got married, had kids and is now so out of touch with the music scene that he or she thinks Wayne Coyne is still cool.

The Gazette took the jab pretty well. If anything, I bet they appreciated the heads up. “Wayne Coyne isn’t cool anymore? Who knew?!” They sent me this funny pic as a response, and then about a week later, the weekly’s staff writer, Ben Felder, sent me the following request:

I have been tasked with the cover for Thanksgiving. I am trying to avoid the standard “Thankful for OKC” stuff and have put together a small group of OKC residents who are each giving me a reason they are thankful to call Oklahoma City home, but the answers are meant to be more creative and quirky than the typical “I’m thankful for good people and cheap gas.” In fact, some of the answers are kind of backhanded complements to the city. I’d like to have you be one of the people we use in the story.
If you are open to it, here are two things we would need….
1) At some point I would interview you about your reason(s) you are thankful for OKC. Remember, anything goes and it would be expected that you are in full Lost Ogle form.
2) We are getting a photo of each person with something related to thanksgiving. I have a person eating a turkey leg, an artist with a crappy turkey painting, etc… For you, I’d like for you to wear a turkey costume we have, standing there with a deadpan look. If you’re game, that would be our cover. I think it would be funny and would help us tap into Thanksgiving without being too cliche. We have the costume and would shoot it here at our studio.

Yes, the Gazette wanted to run a non-cliché Thanksgiving story by having people share the reasons they are thankful to live in Oklahoma City. No cliché there! It’s about as original as a “Best Of” or “40 Under 40″ feature. Maybe in December they’ll have a few residents share their Christmas wishes for the city.

Actually, I was flattered by the Gazette’s request. It’s an honor that the local alternative weekly – in a sly, passive aggressive attempt to get even with me for my digs and criticism – wanted to dress me up in a turkey costume and make me look like a fool on their front cover. I agreed to participate and wear the costume, but on one table-turning condition…

I’ll do it… but only if I get to wear the Wayne Coyne Halloween Mask…

Here’s the deal. I’m a control freak, asshole, and protective of our weird little brand. If you’re going to make me the butt of a joke on your cover, you’re going to be part of it. I thought wearing the ridiculously out-of-touch mask would be a good, semi-funny comprise, and make light of the frenemy relationship / sibling rivalry with have the Gazette.

Surprisingly, Ben agreed:

Wearing the Coyne mask would actually be pretty funny. Do you have any time to come by the office Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning?

In all honesty, I was shocked. The Gazette really agreed to something like that? I thought they lost their sense of humor years ago. What’s next? Funny, snarky opinion columns? Food reviews that are actually critical? Bringing back the angry old man who wrote the movie reviews? Maybe times are changing.

The following Monday, I stopped by the Gazette offices on 36th and Shartel for the photoshoot. Ben Felder and the paper’s photographer, Mark Hancock, took me to a back room where a huge turkey costume was waiting. I looked around and didn’t notice the Wayne Coyne mask anywhere, so I asked:

“Did you all cut out a Wayne Coyne mask?”

There were a few seconds of awkward silence. Mark, the photographer, then nervously spoke up and said something like “Haha, yeah, we’ll have to do a couple of shots with that. That will be funny.”

I then replied with a “Well, I hope so, because I’m only doing this if I get to wear the Wayne Coyne Halloween mask.”

At that point, the look on Ben’s face kind of mimicked Munch’s Scream. He explained that he thought I was joking. He and Mark then spent a couple of minutes trying to convince me that appearing on the cover of a fledgling alternative weekly dressed up in a turkey costume would be funny and great publicity for the website. I wasn’t having any of it.I shook their hands, half apologized for the “mix-up,” and went home.

I’m telling you this drawn out, boring story because the Gazette’s “Non-Cliche” Thanksgiving issue came out today. Let’s see who they duped into dressing up in a turkey costume for the front cover. I bet it was either Wayne Coyne, Hipster Boo Boo or a ginger. Those people will do anything for attention and have no self-awareness.

10 Oklahoman Reporters, Now and Then…

grumpy catgrumpy cat

The buzzfeedification of NewsOK.com is not slowing down.

Over the weekend, the website published a list of “10 Famous Oklahomans, Then and Now.” Just like other recent clickbait attempts, such as the sappy “5 Things Only Oklahomans Would Understand” and incredibly boring “10 Facts About Oklahoma You Might Not Have Known,” the article has been plastered all over NewsOK.com and has received 40,000 views in the last 24 hours.

Since we also want to get a lot of page views, we decided to come up with a list of “10 Oklahoma Reporters, Now and Then.” It’s LOL adorable.

The post is part of our renewed commitment to ridicule and mock the The Oklahoman whenever possible. I think we’re going to do something like this as a response to all their awful clickbait, so next week when you see a post on here titled “10 Oklahoma Country Musicians Who Don’t Look Like Cats” or “You Won’t Believe What Happens When This Dog Reads a Jenni Carlson Column,” you’ll understand why.

Anyway, to the post. Here are 10 Oklahoman Reporters, Now and Then…

berry tramel before and after

10. Boomer (Berry) Tramel

According to sources, Boomer Tramel didn’t smoke a lot of pot in college. He’s just one of those guys who permanently looks, acts, thinks, and speaks like he just rolled a joint in a gas station bathroom.