Joleen Chaney found a little horse…

Early today, we took a break from complaining about Oklahoma politics and shared photos of Emily Sutton’s voyage to Australia. We did this in an effort to restore sanity.

Well, it looks like our Severe Weather Princess isn’t my only KFOR co-worker who’s collecting new animals for her she-shed. Joleen Chaney is apparently getting a little horsie!

That’s cute! I don’t know if you guys know this or not, but I actually rescue miniature horses from abusive homes and set them free in the wild. It’s just one of the many ways I like to give back to rural Oklahoma.

In addition to horses wearing tap dancing shoes, JoJo also found a bear:

Emily Sutton found a koala…

I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of burned out on Oklahoma politics at the moment. Every article feels the same – Crazy Politician Introduces Crazy Bill That Makes Non-Crazy People To Want To Leave The State.

Instead of venturing into that dark, depressing wormhole, let’s start Friday on a positive note and look at Emily Sutton rescuing a koala instead…

Isn’t that sweet? I guess this explains why Lacey Swope posted a pic of a platypus with an arrow through its heart on Facebook yesterday.

Seriously, though, doesn’t that make you feel good? It’s even better when you have one of Scott Hines’ warm no-bake cookies in your mouth. He brings them every Friday.

Anyway, every time Emily Sutton goes on vacation she always brings back some exotic animal to live in the backyard of her she-shed here at the KFOR campus. I’ll bet two Pay It 4words that what’s going on here. That koala will get along great with Parker the Panda and Manny the Manatee.

Then again, she could also bring back a baby kangaroo….

Koala? Kangaroo? I guess we won’t know officially until Bob Moore Chopper Four brings them all back to Oklahoma safely. They let her use the chopper during slow weather months.

Yes, in case it’s not obvious, Emily Sutton is on vacation in Australia. Based on her Instagram page, she’s been enjoying herself. Here’s a photo of her swimming the wrong way in a lap pool:

Friday Night in the Big Town: Spelling Bee(r), Cowtown Roots and Cornhole

A love note to the Oklahoma pollen count.

First of all, I lied. This is not a love note. Don’t look surprised. Many of us humans harbor a love/hate relationship with you. We understand pollen is an important part of the reproduction cycle of plant life. Without you, the Earth would be a dull, Mars-like planet where most, if not all, of humankind would be dead. Hell, we may have never existed.

So yes, I am appreciative of you. However, you’re also two-faced jerk. Instead of being the all-around good guy, you abuse the relationship by attempting to ruin every day, summer or winter, through one of your plant or tree henchman.

I’m looking at you cedar trees. You know most plants and trees release pollen during the warmer months, wreaking havoc on allergy sufferers day and night. You Cedar trees, you have other ideas. You pollinate beginning in September, and damn have you made your presence noticed in the last two days.

I’m injected with two allergy shots every week . I have done so for years. You do not care. You must find it funny. The only way it could be worse is if pollen was transported by cockroaches. Not only would that be disgusting, but I am highly allergic to cockroaches, as when tested, my reaction to them was rated nine out of ten.

Why am I giving you ideas? You know what? I’m done talking to you, pollen. You don’t care and never listen. Just leave us alone.

Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town….

TLO Restaurant Review: Little Mike’s Hamburgers (revisited)

“Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted…he lived happily ever after…” – Willie Wonka, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

In 2013, TLO head-honcho Patrick introduced us to the right-wing wonderland that is Little Mike’s Hamburgers – a small-time burger joint with a big time hate-on for Barack Obama and uber fascination with alternative facts. As wizened white folks munched on onion burgers and onions rings, Fox News was running invariably in the background and the walls were practically a museum, archive and living memorial to the eight years of absolute intolerance our President went through, all in the form of memes reproduced on a home-printer and taped to the wall all hurdy-gurdy like.

2013:

And, if that wasn’t enough, Patrick claimed the hamburger itself was “tasteless” and “lacked flavor,” while the onion rings were “not as good as Johnnie’s, but they sure beat Sonic’s onion rings.” Declaring Little Mike’s nothing more than “Glenn Beck’s masturbation chamber,” he rated the overall experience a 2 out of 10 and, in the end, gave Mike’s mad props for their ability to create controversy and a money-making atmosphere based around it, with little or no food to show for it.

Well, it’s five years later and the world has changed. And it got me to wondering…has Little Mike’s changed? How has Mike adapted in a world where all of his Conservative dreams have come true? Are the walls still lined with anti-Obama scrawls, like a testament to a simpler time when that was all the enemy they needed, a Muslim boogeyman in control of the button, back when fake news was confined to links posted from the Onion and the term “cuck” was something that was still relegated to the more expensive specialty section of any random Texas porno barn?

2017:

10 Dumbest Pics from the 2017 OKC Addy Awards

In case you didn’t know, the Oklahoma City Ad Club held its annual Addy Awards this past Saturday in Bricktown. It’s the local ad industry’s big awards show – a glitzy, Warby Parker-sponsored affair where the metro’s brightest, creative, and most pretentious minds who secretly despise each other gather to kiss ass, feel important and look pretty.

For this year’s event, organizer’s invited the SNL Photo Booth – a local photography business that I assumed is owned and operated by Lorne Michaels – to document everything. They ended up taking about 2.5 million photos of drunken agency employees living life in the fastline of our trophy culture and posted them on Facebook. Since I don’t feel like our local advertising industry gets enough TLO love and attention these days, I thought it would be fun to highlight the 10 dumbest photos from the event and make fun of them with the help of Spencer Hicks.

And yes, I acknowledge that poking fun of the local advertising seem like a bad idea for any fledgling publication, but I’m not worried about it. For one, ad agencies don’t book anything with us. They’d rather spend ad dollars on expensive glitzy, Addy-caliber mediums like newspapers, television and Thunder games. Also, it gives us a good opportunity to promote our award-winning media kit to all the agency folks who are going to read this post.

With that out-of-the-way, here are the 10 dumbest photos from the SNL photo booth at the 2017 OKC Addy Awards:

Hey look! It’s discount brand Jon Snow and pre-diabetes Wilford Brimley!

Actually, these guys are representatives of the local boutique ad agency Try and Too Hard. You can find them speaking in English accents at any local haberdashery.

If their goal is to look like a Mormon rock band, I agree 100%. They are totally slayin. They should also be fired for their use of white space and font choice.