8 People You Meet in Oklahoma Heaven

Happy Monday, you pretty little TLO readers! I hope you each had a wonderful time at Sunday service yesterday morning. If there is one thing I know about those who read TLO, it’s that every single one of them is constantly preparing their souls for the hereafter by refraining from liquor, reading the New Testament daily, and going to the Sunday gospel meet-up that doesn’t take place at the gay bar. We all know where we want our souls to end up! Last summer, I brought you a list of hell bound heathens in my article the 10 people you meet in Oklahoma Hell. Today, I am providing you the guest list of honor for those Oklahomans who did the Lord’s work. Needless to say, this guest list is shorter than that of Hell.  So without further adieu, here are the 8 people you meet in Oklahoma Heaven!

TLO Lifestyles: How to dress for Redneck Yacht Club

A common characteristic of the glossy, perfume sample-laden drug store magazines that line the shelves of checkout are the recurring Lifestyle guides that inform readers of the latest fashion, the hottest trends, or whether gauchos have finally made a comeback in women’s fashion.

News flash: they haven’t.

Lifestyle guides aim to instruct readers on how to make small changes in their routines, wardrobe, and social circle in order to live their #BestLife, or at least look good on social media. However, a lot of the articles are often written to appeal to the mainstream’s idea of what is hip and cool.  It’s about time we had a lifestyle guide written for the average TLO reader. Because let’s face it: we TLO people are more likely to wear a layer of Cheetos dust on our sweatpants than Chanel No 5 Eau De Parfum. So to help you start living your best life, here is your first TLO Lifestyle Guide: dressing in proper Redneck Yacht Club attire.

Monday Morning Tweets

Howdy, pardners! After a weekend in Beaver’s Bend, and another week avoiding getting struck by lightning while walking in my neighborhood, I’m back. We all need the tweets, especially the good tweets. I’m not too good at actually finding them, but I’ve still spent a good amount of time compiling some of the stories you may have missed over the weekend:

Edmond gym now trains people for America Ninja Warrior…

Like puberty and wearing jean jackets pinned with 1980s hair metal band patches, everybody goes through a phase sometime between the ages of 8 and 13 where they want to grow up to be a ninja. I was not exempt from this. I spent 7 months in Tae Kwon Do as an 11-year-old before I found out that I was in the wrong martial arts course to be a ninja and that my steady diet of Cheetos and Dr. Pepper would not make me sneaky. But unlike puberty and an affinity for jean jackets, some people never grow out of the awkward ninja-wannabe stage.

Via KFOR…

EDMOND, Okla. – ‘American Ninja Warrior’ brings out the best athletes in the world. But, until recently – there wasn’t really a place for Oklahoma hopefuls to train.

John Snethen makes prosthetics for a living. But, he’s always been fascinated with that giant obstacle course.

“I watch the show and was big into the show, and there was no place to really go and learn it,” Snethen said. “That looks like the show.”

He hired a company to build Defy, a new Edmond gym…

It’s got all the challenges you see on the show but on a slightly smaller scale.

I shouldn’t be surprised that this was some Edmond guy’s idea. The suburb already has a bakery for dogs and a reiki energy healing center. The well-to-do have to get creative if they are going to out affluence each other.

Here’s more…

FNITBT: Notorious RBG, Lawnmower Races and TLO Trivia

May is almost over, thanks to Marisa, the mediocrity of dating options has been established and it’s the weekend. So, get out of your comfort zone, and find something non-mediocre to do this weekend. In keeping with the theme this week (sorry Patrick, this is what happens when you procreate, women take over your blog) let’s look at some interesting dating options for the weekend.