30. Force all Hobby Lobby employees to go to church on Sunday.
A few weeks ago I went to Hobby Lobby on a Sunday.* They were closed so that their employees could enjoy a day of rest or faith or something with their family. Whatever, I bet that a bunch of Hobby Lobby employees-especially those from the frame department-were getting drunk and stoned on Saturday night. If these employees are going to get a free pass on Sunday, they should at least go to church.
* Despite going to Hobby Lobby on a Sunday, I am still proudly a heterosexual.
29. Build a security wall and moat around Gaillardia.
You may not know it, but the three of us here at The Lost Ogle are die hard Republicans. That’s why we think we need to protect our rich and powerful from all the commoners in the world. We also think the government should pay for the protection. Or at least provide a tax write-off.
28. Declare war on other state capitols”“begin with Austin.
Now that you know that we are die hard Republicans, you shouldn’t be surprised to learn that we think it would be fun to pointlessly attack and wage war upon other state capitols.
27. Require the all Sports Animal hosts do some research on the NBA, including actually watching a game.
If we capture any Texans in our battle against Austin, we should force all prisoners to listen to Jim and Al talk about the NBA. These guys know nothing about it. It hurts the ears.
26. Send Jim Traber on location for the WNBA finals.
Wouldn’t his WNBA Finals updates be great radio? It’s hard to beat the entertainment value of an annoyed, angry and bitter Jim Traber.
25. Mandate that the Mathis Brothers spread the wealth and advertise on fledgling Oklahoma City websites.
So far, we’ve averaging about $2 day from people clicking our silly sponsored search ads. Hooray! Maybe the Mathis Brothers would pay us more. Please.
24. Never let Joey from Wild 104.9 do television.
Joey is the Joey from the “wildly” popular Joey and Heather in the Morning Show. Like most morning radio people, he’s kind of irritating, but since we don’t have to listen to him, he doesn’t really bother us. However, we are kind of getting worried that he may start selling cars or cell phones on TV commercials like other morning deejays. We occasionally watch TV. We kind of like TV. We don’t want Joey on TV.
23. Rename the Kilpatrick Turnpike the Kilclarkmatthews Turnpike.
For obvious reasons, I’ve always hated the name of the North OKC turnpike. But I’ve always thought that there would be some amazing irony if I were to get killed in a car wreck on the turnpike. I’ve also thought it would be funny watching Kelly Ogle read the story of my death while trying to keep a straight face. Since it’s kind of weird to think about a news anchor reporting your death, we should change the name so I no longer have these thoughts.
22. Remodel Edna’s: Replace the $1 bills stuck on the wall with $5 bills.
Since they created and marketed the Lunch Box, Edna’s has become pretty much the best bar in Oklahoma City. Now that the bar is more popular, it needs to be remodeled. An easy way to do this (while keeping it’s divy charm) is to replace all the decorated George Washingtons with Abe Lincolns
21. More Lauren Richardson.
For your viewing pleasure:
That’s it until next week. To view all of our published ideas, click here.